Have you ever been in love? I’m not sure if I ever have been, but sometimes I think I was.  It wasn’t something stupid and easy either, it was hard and difficult to manage plus it hurt a lot.  It also taught me good lessons and it also taught me what I want. Love is dangerous but once you have it your never able to get enough no matter what.

            Now I can’t mention his name so, for now we’ll just call him Casper.  Casper was tall and incredibly cute with buzzed blonde hair and eyes so blue you’d think Jack Frost had hand-crafted them just for him. He had an amazing body to match with coiled muscles as hard boulders in his arms and shoulders. However it wasn’t just about his looks for me, it was his smile or his laugh for maybe even his deep honey voice flavored with a hint of a southern accent that drew me in and surrounded me instantly. The words that left his plump lips weren’t always good, but they were always thought out and well connected. His manners on the other hand weren’t either of those.  He was reckless and made lots of stupid mistakes, but he was never afraid to admit it he knew he wasn’t perfect and it didn’t bother him. He was bold, and he knew what he wanted in life.

            What he wanted, though, he didn’t always get, and well he didn’t like that. He actually had a very long list of things he didn’t like: he hated liars, cheaters, rip-offs, and any person who dared hurt his family. He was very picky with the people he let into his life. It took him along to even accept me; he tried to push me away more than once. Even though he hated to admit it; he loved me and told me every day. His likes, however, were limited, unlike his dislikes; they included only a few select things such as: music, muscle cars, being bad, and well me. Although he’s still young he has a few amazing accomplishments, He graduated one year early with a 4.0 GPA and was able to join the army and begin boot camp. That Dream was short lived.

            Growing up in a bad home really screws us kids in them up. Not all of us are able to become nerds and become rich. Some of us try hard to be something in life, and like him get pushed down to many times and give up. During boot camp in his second year; he was discharged, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so deep in agony. It was like watching a human being get dragged into a black pit by a big dark monster with red fiery eyes.  His only dreams were to being in them army, to be a hero. He wanted to have kids and lead a life better than the one his parents had created.  After trying for so long he just gave up. Last year after he turned 20; he was diagnosed with lung cancer and now he’s faced with a grim reality, one that he’s not willing to change.

            As much as I’d love to say he tried to fix it all he didn’t. He shut down and shut me out of his life. I tried so hard to keep that fire inside him burning, to keep the guy I fell for alive, the guy who made me laugh uncontrollably and let me cry to him at 2am when I needed. I wish I could say that he’s with me but I can’t. In the end; I was too late to save him. Having that bad boy or bad girl life that some people dream about is nothing compared to how it really is. In all reality they’re the ones living the fairytale.