〖 chapter nine ⋆ stay a little longer (nervous) 〗

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         Peter stayed for a couple more hours until nine turned to eleven and he slowly lessened his grip on the boy. He knew what that meant but he didn't want it to happen, he wanted Peter to stay forever because it felt so nice to stay there in his arms and be himself – be whoever Garrett Lockwood really was – and no one else. But the boy couldn't stay forever, they couldn't just stay in the moment forever.

It seemed so nice, creating this world where Peter would stay forever and it was just them, isolated from all else. A little island in his mind where, while he was crying and the pressure was releasing and his muscles were relaxing because he finally could just relieve the tension, he was happy. He was with Peter, the only person who made him feel like maybe he was himself and they were there forever. No one would ruin it, eleven wouldn't come and his dad didn't decide everything and soccer wasn't his concern – pretending wasn't his concern.

But all good things came to an end and Peter was releasing his grip on Garrett, still pressing a kiss to his head before opening his mouth to give a low whisper of, "I'm sorry – I need to go."

He knew he swallowed down all of the complaints, the pleads for Peter to stay forever. They didn't have to leave his room or, better yet, they could just run away and be together and alone forever. It would be great, a true dream...and dreams didn't cross over to real life.

So he nodded and detached himself from Peter, seeing the concerned look on his face. "Will you be okay?" Peter asked.

He wanted to scream and laugh. He was never okay, that was his thing; pretending. Pretending his was fine and nothing bothered him and he wasn't in this constant pain of pretending and acting as if everything was fine and dandy in Garrett Lockwood Land when it never was. He was to scream his head off to release all the thoughts inside his head, all the screaming his kept looked away. He wanted to tell Peter the truth, be so selfish still, and tell him that no – he was never okay and he never would be. That was his curse.

He wanted to tell Peter everything, absolutely everything. More than he had two hours ago when the boy crept in through his window to see his crying, more than he had never thought about telling anyone else. He wanted to say that he never felt right, the 'again' from before was lie because he couldn't remember a time when that was the truth – when 'I'm fine' was the truth.

But that would be selfish and Peter had to get home. His aunt was probably worrying about him if she knew he went out and he couldn't keep Peter with him for the night or for forever. He had to let go and he alone again, he was used to it – he would be okay.

"Yeah," his voice was scratchy and cracked, "I'll – I'll be okay."

But he didn't want that. He wanted Peter to stay forever, or at least a little longer. Stay a little longer please, he wanted to tell him but that was too selfish. Peter had to go.

Peter moved from his bed and to the window, sparing him one last look to which he smiled at to confirm that he was okay, and then he left. And he was alone again.

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Garrett stood outside of the Parker household. He had only been there once before, when he had kissed Peter before running off out of fear and now he was back. He breathed in and out, debating whether or not this was a good idea and if he should knock at the door and apologize.

He wanted to; he wanted to tell Peter that he was scared and he meant to kiss him but he didn't, it was an accident. It was disgusting of him, it was dishonoring everything but he wanted to do it again. He wanted to kiss Peter again and he wanted to keep kissing him. He didn't want to stop, to say goodbye.

One last exhale and he was moving forward, going to the porch and knocking on the door. His leg was shaking and his hands were in his pockets to keep from playing with him, nervousness written all over him. He heard faint moving from behind the door and a sleepy looking Peter opened the door while rubbing his eyes, stopping when he saw that it was Garrett there.

"What – What are you doing here?" Peter asked, stumbling a bit on his words. There was no malicious intent in his tone, no spite or hatred at the sight of him; just confusion.

Garrett blew out and he wished he had his pack so he could take a smoke, but sadly he left that at home. He looked around briefly before turning his gaze back to Peter but not making eye contact. "Can I come in?" he asked, timid as if expecting rejection.

To his surprise, Peter swung open the door more for him so that he could enter and he gladly took the entrance. His muscles were still tight, still tense, not releasing even though he was let inside so that he could explain himself.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing out of his mouth as Peter looked at him expectantly. The Parker boy looked stun at the apology so he continued, "I – I kissed you and then I ran off and I told you it was a mistake and everything and I'm...I'm sorry."

"For what? Kissing me? We're well past that now," Peter said and Garrett winced lightly but the other boy noticed it.

"Uh – yeah. And for telling you it didn't mean anything," Garrett started, "Look, I...I like you and I'm not good at feelings and it's just – it's hard for me to even say this to you and everything, so I'm sorry."

Peter looked at him softly, pity mixing in, "You can take all the time you need."

And how true that statement become. How patient he was, how terribly patient when he should just leave and say goodbye. Garrett felt terrible but swallowed and nodded.

"I just, I wanted to kiss you and it scared me so much and I wasn't thinking and I did and then I-I just scared and ran," Garrett shuffled uncomfortably, "And I – I regretted it."

He hated that he said the last part when Peter looked down. Guilt pooled in his gut and he wanted to take it all back, say that was lie but it was truth and he couldn't take it back.

"Look, my dad has this whole plan for me. Go to Columbia, meet some nice girl there and marry her, be a lawyer or something like that and live exactly like him. This...it was breaking from the plan and I can't, I don't want him to be disappointed in me," Garrett explained, for the first time sharing this with someone.

"He'd be disappointed in you for not following his dreams?" Peter asked, "For being what he imagines you as?"

Garrett nodded. That was what his dad wanted, what Greg Lockwood had dreamed about since he was a young boy still dreaming of the stars. But while he dreamed of the stars and being an astronaut, Greg had planned out his whole life to a tee and didn't want any break in it.

"Seems...I don't know, harsh?" Peter said, questioning the last part and looking at Garrett to see if he had taken it too far.

But, to his surprise, Garrett agreed, "It's a lot, yeah. But I wanna make him proud. He's my dad and everything. And I just – there's a lot with my family and I just thought it was best if I lied and everything but I don't wanna lie."

Wants, wishes, desires...they meant nothing. Because the truth was that he was lying to everything and he would always lie, he would continue to live one because lying meant making his dad proud – meant being the perfect boy, not the disappointment. Not the resentment. All those hours dreaming of his future, planning it out perfectly, implanting them in his son's brain would go to waste because Garrett Lockwood didn't want that. And that would be the end of their relationship, that would be the end of Greg proudly clasping a hand on his shoulder and exclaiming for the whole world "THIS IS MY SON!" and "I'M SO PROUD OF HIM!"

"So...you do wanna kiss me?" Peter asked, taking a step forward, "And you wanna be with me?"

Garrett nodded.

"Even though it's not what your dad wants?" Peter continued and Garrett nodded again.

"I just want my own happiness," he confessed and while that was so true, he wanted this happiness, it would never last. He would never gain it fully, he would always be clouded in sadness and disappointment – not happiness.

But Peter was smiling at him and for a moment he felt that ray of happiness beam inside him. Something so nice, a change from his dreary world. And Peter was in front of him, so close, and he asked, "So it would be okay if I kissed you?"

"More than okay," Garrett agreed.

"Good," and Peter closed the gap between them. This time, Garrett didn't run away. This was more than okay.