I

Another sleepless night.

Hey darling, how have you been doing?

Look at me the pathetic fool, who still misses the lingering feeling of your caressing touches on my forehead, on my body or anywhere else. Believe me, you're always on my mind, either day or night.

I remember vividly, those star-bright eyes that used to look at me so endearingly, those delicate warm lips that used to give me numerous of passionate kisses. Not to mention your alluring voice tone, took me to the magnificent wonderland. I wasn't willing to return to the brutal reality, you know? Everything about you, seemed so enrapturing.

Habits certainly are hard to give up. I would unconsciously order two cups of latte, one lessened sugar. How could I drink that much amount of coffee, without you anyway. Silly me, aren't I darling? Two proportions of Panda Express, again I have to store it for the next day.

II

Our house is now filled with paintings of you. An angel who fell from heaven, just to be held by the arms of Jung Hoseok me. Uncontrollably visualize, uncontrollably reminisce. They say that I have turned into a mad artist. What do they even know? No ordinary portrait, can picturesquely depict your heavenly gloriousness.

I lost count of time. Since when, I no longer comprehend such issue. Sometimes I will starve myself, as I can't afford to take any break. A devoted artist has to put all of his effort, even blood and tears to accomplish his masterpiece, right?

Having pictured, having sketched, having thrown away. Frustration is devouring me.

"Your paintings are mercilessly realistic."

"The echoing scream of a devastated soul hidden underneath the conventional fake smile, how absurd."

"Deception, misconception. Such irony when a person being known for giving others hope, would hold on to such an unbearable melancholy."

"You certainly have my respect, mister Jung Hoseok."

Your compliments, are more worthy than that of any other art critic. Nobody understood the delivered message, except for you darling. We stood there in front of my display of portraits, silently enjoyed the tranquil atmosphere. Little did I know, that was the beginning of the destruction of Jung Hoseok.

The main theme of the exhibition, "rewind to the renaissance era".

III

Tormented, I mess up bitterly while thinking about our past. Shit, I have just scratched my precious canvas. An irritating line. It has been impeccably flawless, up until that moment. Furiously, I tear everything apart. My creation, my ideal imagination, nothing can bear imperfection, or even a slightest fault. An agonizing cry was let out, how miserable.

Have I failed, as an artist?

"Why did you come to me, giving me this enchanting love then snatching it away?"

I wake up in the next morning. Darling, my eyes are swollen to the point I don't dare to look at myself in the mirror. The prodigious painter Jung Hoseok, never have he shed a tear for anybody. But he cried out loud, because of a boy whom he is deeply, madly in love.

Fall gradually arrives, when the wind starts to get cooler.

There are times when I rethink about "Renaissance". I was profoundly drawn into it, as it soon became the fundament of my inspiration for creating art. Oh Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo, illustrated them "never-before-seen" enthralling aesthetics of the remarkable modern age. How I wish myself could be divine like them.

Others told that I was gifted. Destined to unravel distressing manipulations, to make mankind feel the always throbbing beat in their fragile hearts. Never had it been easy, or to where near that extent. With you casually stepping into my life, it became more venomous. A love maze, the term that I would call.

IV

"J'aime beaucoup l'école d'Athènes, et tu?"

You would speak in French sometimes and I found it surprisingly adorable. We shared the same perspective in art, in philosophy or even in moral interpretations. If I put it as an intertwinement of two frantic souls, you will surely say that I'm such a cheesy idiot. But, how I miss hearing that.

My darling you left me, quicker than a blink of an eye.

"J'attendrai pour ton chef-d'œuvre. Deux ans et je retournerai."

A masterwork in two years' time until you return.

Why must you challenge me such an excruciating task?

Ever since that day, I have been neglecting my own well-being so as to surpass the given deadline. Failures stack up, burying me deep down. I can't breathe. The burning throat, the drying tears on my cheek, the growling sound coming from my stomach. Despair is succumbing this Jung Hoseok.

There are times when I hear a knock. Once or twice. At the front door, in my mischievous mind, either is fine. Not that I care, as I'm too busy trying to get everything together. Sitting down facing another white canvas, I let out a deep sigh.

A "Park Jimin" portrait, that was what I envisaged.

Starting back at rock bottom, aren't we?

V

My rational inner voice warns me about the upcoming day as I'm running out of time and the painting, is nowhere near finished.

"Darling, I'm deeply drowned in my self-deprecation."

"My horrendous madness, must have been the reason for your leaving me."

Frequently, I will contemplate life in the pitch-black darkness or drink some glasses of red wine while stare blankly at the "soon to be a grand masterpiece". My continuous stream of thoughts, can't be stopped by any means. The generalized perception about this vast universe, the principal development of humans' evolution. Oh Lord, how delirious!

At one single moment, I could embrace it. Those overflowing sensations intricately enlacing with each other, are rushing through every vein of my body. They scream for a phenomenon waiting to be born, they scream for finesse waiting to be portrayed.

The ethereal portrait of Park Jimin, will soon become reality.

-

This is madness, this is insanity. Have my fingers been burnt in the scorching hot fire? I know no more. My body surely is desperately yelling for rehabilitation as all of my strength, is drained at an alarming rate. Until there is nothing left.

Hey darling, do you believe me when I said I could sacrifice this pathetic life just to dedicate to you my "all time chef-d'œuvre"?

I would do anything for you, Jimin darling.

Salvation, I think I've passed it long ago. Maybe I did sell my soul to the demon at the intersection as I no longer can maintain rationality? Poor me, poor me.

Finally, it's done. The mesmerizing portrait called "Park Jimin" that has consumed this Jung Hoseok. Perfectly splendid, perfectly illustrated from the bottom of this lunatic artist's heart and soul. A huge smirk, appears on my face.

"Look darling, isn't it divinely captivating?"

There, I soon collapse to the cold hard ground after losing the strength at my feet. No, this can't be happening. I have to show my work to Jimin! I try to crawl with all my might but every single part of this useless body, decides to give up on functioning. Hopeless. My eyes, are starting to become heavier and heavier by every minute.

Am I losing myself at this point?

Footsteps. I hear footsteps coming near. Somebody is looking at the painting but the blurry fog in front of my view stops me from recognizing who that person is.

Is it you, my darling Jimin?

"Dear, my Hoseok, you have overdone yourself this time. Maybe, too excessive."

"A masterpiece indeed, considering you're paying it with your life as the price."

"It truly made my heart ached, made my tears fell longingly since the very beginning."

"And you shall be remembered, as the pioneer of the new era of art."

"You have my love till time ceases, mister Jung Hoseok."

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Fin.