I needed you there mom. I probably do, all my life but during my entire journey.. You've been busy and I can't blame you. You have patients who need you and a family to support but mom, I need you too and we both know support shouldn't only come in the form of money or any financial ones.

When you read this, I'm probably six-feet under but I don't want you to blame yourself because let's face it, I was alone and a naive teen who got depressed, that is there to it. I thought about it...several times actually. Would this make things right? No. Would this end the suffering? I don't know.

It'll be hard for you when people look at you and they'll think, what kind of a psychologist wasn't able to help her son? And I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry I needed you and that I got lost along the way and I let loneliness strangle me. I'm sorry if I bothered you a couple of times while you're at your clinic too.

But mom, was it hard to ask how I am? Have you ever stopped, in the middle of your day and wondered 'how is my son doing?' because no one asked mom, it's just not you, that's why I was convinced that maybe I'm not worthy of anyone's time. I felt alone and lonely, I felt worthless and it was shitty. Most of all, I miss you. I miss you so much and I didn't know what else to do or who else I could call and ask them how they are doing when they don't ask me the same.

I was dying mom and in order not to bother any of you again, I have to go. I'm sorry. Love you.

~ Lester