July 9, 2018

Standing under the spray of the shower, Harry rested his hand against the wall as he closed his eyes and allowed the water to wash over his hair and bowed face as a few tears escaped. Fuck. He couldn't tell which felt worse: emotionally cheating on Camille or hurting Nataley by telling her.

It hadn't been his intention to say anything to Nat. She didn't deserve to be in pain over his breakup. On the other hand, he'd lied. It had partially been Nataley's fault. Why hadn't she known about this emotional cheating thing? Why hadn't she steered him back towards Camille when he called her with issues about Camille?

Why hadn't he talked to his girlfriend about things that mattered?

The last question was a doozy. What was wrong with Harry that he kept sabotaging his relationships with women? Fuck. Camille had been the best thing to ever happen to him. Not that it mattered now since she was already with Theo, the rich cunt.

Maybe it had been a mistake to invite Nataley and Noah to Sacramento, but he'd missed them both so much. The hugs alone had been worth their visit, and Noah continued to amaze and amuse Harry.

Could he forgive Nataley?

Could he forgive himself?

This was all bollocks. Rinsing off his body wash, Harry stepped from the shower, grabbing a towel to dry off. Best to project his happiness at seeing two of his favourite people. Grabbing the casual clothes he'd laid out, he pulled them on over his still-damp body.

Perk up, H! Tour was almost over, and then the wallowing could start in earnest.

Sliding his feet into his yellow Vans trainers, he exited the bathroom to be attacked by a tiny body slamming into his.

"Harry? I'm hungry!" Noah whined.

"Really? Cause I'm hungry too, but I was thinking I might want a little boy for lunch." Using grabby hands, he started to chase after the squealing child who ran around the dressing room while Aunt Ellie and Nataley sat on the couch, the latter so serene that he wouldn't have known she'd just finished crying if he hadn't experienced the soaking of his shirt. Except the way her brows drew together when she looked at him wrinkled her forehead, making her appear... worried. Had revealing his secret killed their friendship?

"Chase me, Harry," the boy complained when Harry stopped running. The reminder that this precious human was even now in front of him and deserved all of his attention snapped Harry back to the present.

"I'll chase you, alright," the musician teased, "all the way to Sarah's Kitchen where she'll cook you up into a tasty Noah Pie."

Noah placed his hands on his hips and stared at Harry. "Who's Sarah?"

"She's our chef," Harry explained, opening the door to the dressing room and gesturing down the wide hallway.

"Like on break-off?"

Confused, Harry glanced at the child jumping from tile to tile with both feet. "Break-off?"

"He means 'The Great British Bake-Off'," came Nat's voice from behind him, and he was relieved that she was still speaking to him. "His Gma likes to watch it."

"And his Aunt Ellie!" chimed in the voice of the very same. "Every time we watch it with Noah, though, he cries. He says it's not fair for those people to sound like Harry and not actually be Harry."

"Ouch," Harry proclaimed, holding his chest as though stabbed with a knife. "He must miss me as much as I miss him."

"Seems to," Ellie continued. "You're his favorite person."

"Which pisses off his dad, I'm sure," Harry added.

"You know it," Nat smiled, and Harry imagined he could see a tinge of sadness underneath. "Which is why I encourage him to talk about you all the time."

While her laugh didn't sound bitter or upset, he found he couldn't read her. Having spent the previous three years learning all of her moods and expressions, this left him bereft. Had he lost both of the women in his life who meant the world to him?

"Harry! What can we get?" Having located the space for Sarah's Kitchen, Noah was staring at the variety, his eyes wide. A long table had several food items on it, but there were also dishes being prepared by a group of cooks.

"What do you want, little man?" Harry asked, placing his hand on Noah's shoulder.

"HOT DOG!" the little boy yelled, and Harry's heart hurt with how much this kid had grown since they'd last been together. Noah's face crumbled, and tears welled up, "But they don't have hot dogs."

"Are you sure?" Harry wondered. Guiding the boy to one of the workers, Harry politely asked, "This child says he would like a hot dog. Is that possible?"

"Of course!" Smiled the woman. "Do you want a bun with it?"

Noah's head bobbed up and down.

"Ketchup?"

Another affirmative response.

"Mustard?"

Now the head swiveled side to side.

"Crisps or Chips?"

"Huh?"

Nataley stepped forward, placing her hands on Noah's shoulders. "She wants to know if you want chips, which are French fries, or crisps, which are potato chips."

"Ohhhhhhhhh," Noah drew out the single syllable. "Why don't they just call it that?"

Laughter burst from Harry at the innocent question. "They're called different things in different places. That's all."

"Okay," the boy nonchalantly accepted the explanation. Directing his attention to the cook, he politely said, "I want chips please. With extra ketchup."

"You got it, little man," the woman smiled.

Noah placed his hands on his hips. "How did she know you call me that, Harry?"

How did this child continually leave Harry awestruck and delighted? "Probably just a lucky guess."

As Noah's hot dog and chips were passed off to him, Harry accepted a plate of vegetarian cheese rigatoni with a smile and a word of gratitude. Strands of the conversation between Nataley and her sister reached his ears where he was filling a cup with water.

"Holy shit! This is an amazing selection." Ellie's surprised and somewhat sarcastic excitement brought a smile to Harry's face.

"I'll have the halibut," Nataley commented as Ellie ordered the pork. "Hush, Ellie. They feed a lot of people on tour. Did you see how many crew members are wandering the place?"

"Oh. True. I hadn't thought of that."

"Of course not. You're starstruck. Harry isn't your average celebrity. He takes good care of his people, and that includes his crew and their dining habits."

"Yeah, yeah. Got it. You're saying that he's kind. Big deal. He's also rich and hot and talented. Nat -- he broke up with his girlfriend. Are you going to make a move now?"

Despite his best efforts, Harry couldn't turn his attention away from the question and Nat's potential response, and they didn't seem aware that he could hear them. Pouring the water from the cup, he started to refill it. The long pause after Ellie's question peaked his interest -- What would Nat say?

"Ellie June!" came the rebuke, and Harry grinned at the tone of her voice. "I love that man like a brother, and he's so good to Noah. But do I want to date him? Geez. Just cause he's male, single, and has a pulse, you think that means I should be interested in climbing him like a tree. We're friends, he adores my kid -- and vice versa -- and he just now is coming off the most important relationship of his life. Where the hell is your head?"

Nataley grabbed her plate and stomped away to the table where Noah was seated. Undecided as to whether he should celebrate or mourn Nat's response, Harry moved to join them at the table, nearly missing Ellie's muttered, "Can't believe you friendzoned THAT."

As they dined, Harry observed Nataley through a different lens as she poured more ketchup on her child's plate near the chips. He'd had a crush on her early on, but she kept brushing him off. Some people were simply meant to be friends -- like Helene. Or Molly. Or Chloe. Not everyone had chemistry or should even consider dating.

When he pictured the women that had been in his life the last few years, Nataley was at the top of the list alongside his mum and sister. Consistently. In fact, Nat had overtaken Alexa as his favourite female friend. Her ongoing presence in his life made everything bearable. She was a steadfast confidante who never treated him differently due to his celebrity. He always knew where to find her, and her responses were predictable.

Nataley was his comfort person.

"So Harry, any plans for after the tour?" Ellie wondered aloud as she joined them.

"Well," Harry examined his pasta. "I'm heading to Italy for Google Camp."

Ellie choked, grasping her napkin as water rushed through her nose.

Ignoring her, Nataley turned to Harry. "You need to go to a camp to learn to use Google? I can teach you."

"Nataley!" Ellie croaked, still coughing a bit, "It's not...Harry, you better tell her what Google Camp is."

Patiently, Nat waited for his response, and Harry opened and closed his mouth several times before landing on an explanation of sorts. "Um...a bunch of people get together and discuss topics like human trafficking and global warming."

"'A bunch of people'?" Ellie mocked. "Like only the biggest celebrities!"

"I wanna go to camp," Noah pouted.

"Not the same kind of camp, little man," Harry tweaked the boy's nose. "It's no big deal," he told Nataley, his gaze shifting to Ellie whose eyes were larger than an owl's.

"No big deal? Holy shi -- cow, Harry! Like only the biggest get invited!" Aunt Ellie continued to gush, and Harry felt her fascination with his celebrity to be typical, but rude. Very unlike her sister who couldn't care less that Harry hung out with other celebrities.

Sheepish, he shrugged. "Some of my friends like James and Ben go every year, so I said yes."

"You've been holding out on me, Harry!" Nat grinned, "Congratulations! You deserve a seat at that table. Teach them what being kind is really all about."

"Nat...it's not like that. I'm a nobody."

Gently placing her hand on his cheek, she smiled as she stroked his skin softly. "Liar." The genuine smile on her face was a reward for Harry, and her softly spoken "I'm proud of you" swelled his heart.

"Can I go to camp?" Noah whined, "I wanna go to sleepaway camp, but Mama said I'm too little. But I'm not a baby, Harry. Can I go to camp with you?"

Reaching over the table, Harry ruffled the boy's hair. "Not this year, little man, but maybe one day."

Tilting his head, Noah examined Harry. "You telling me the truth, Harry?"

"One of these days, Noah, I promise to take you to a camp." His tone must have conveyed sincerity because the boy clapped his hands and returned to eating his chips.

"When do you start writing the new album?" Ellie wondered, and Harry considered hiding the answer from her. The questions she asked were too much like those of a fan, and Harry found he preferred the easy conversation he usually had with Nat to these invasive questions.

"Already writing it. Nat's heard a couple of possible songs already."

"WHAT?" Ellie's screech confirmed what Nataley had stated earlier. The woman, while polite, was definitely starstruck.

He shrugged. "We talk on the phone and sometimes I play her snippets of a song. No big deal."

"You've heard unpublished music?" Ellie turned to her sister accusingly, "And you've told me nothing about this? Or let me listen? What kind of sister are you?"

"Ellie," Nataley's voice was the calming tone she typically used when Noah was flipping out. "It's not a big deal. Besides, I don't record it. Typically it's just a fragment of music when he's practicing. You share your creative side with me too sometimes. "

"Yeah, but I'm not Harry freaking Styles."

"He's not Harry freaking Styles," Noah blurted, "He's just Harry, Aunt Ellie."

"Exactly," Nataley said to her sister before grasping a napkin and wiping Noah's face of the sticky red condiment while the boy squirmed. "Change of subject please. How are your mom and sister?"

Ah yes. Neutral territory that didn't have anything to do with his fame. Grateful for Nataley's tact, he sat up in his chair, not having realised he'd slouched with what felt like an attack from Nat's sister. Leaning forward, Harry placed both elbows on the table. "Gems is getting ready to launch a series of sunnies."

"No way!" Nat punched his arm. "Why didn't you tell me? I'll have to order one of each style!"

His giggle bubbled up until it released into the open air of the impromptu restaurant, "She'll be thrilled, but you really only need to buy one pair. Pick your favourite, and I'll get you a pair. Or I'll get you one of each."

"Don't be silly, H. I want to support her."

Noah chose that moment to let out a loud yawn. "I'm tired, Mama."

"Of course you are! You woke me before the sun was even up!"

"Wanna go to the hotel and take a nap?" Ellie asked the child who nodded immediately and vigorously.

Dammit. Harry had been looking forward to more time with Noah and Nat before the show. Crushed, he started to clear the plates away when Ellie stood and held out her hand. "Give me the keys, sis. I'll take him to the hotel. We'll be back before the show."

One raised eyebrow was the only indication of Nat's surprise. "You're okay with taking him alone?"

"Duh. You stay here and catch up." She gestured, seemingly suggestively, at Harry. "Come on, Noah. Let's cruise."

"I'm coming back?" the boy asked.

"Of course, little man! You've got a front row spot for tonight's show! You're a VIP!"

"What's a VIP, H?"

"You're a very important person," Harry revealed.

"Cool, but what does VIP mean?"

With a laugh, Harry drew the boy in for a hug. "That's what it means, N. It means that you're a Very -- V -- Important -- I -- Person -- P."

"I can spell some words, H, but not those. They're too big."

"Yes. Of course. Sorry, mate. It just means that you're special tonight. See you after your nap."

"Okay."

"Bye, Mama!" Waving, the child exited with his aunt, and Harry felt relief flood his body.

But then he met Nat's concerned and intense eye contact, and he wondered if he had fallen into the fire from the frying pan.

"How can I help you prepare?" she demanded.

"Huh?"

"I'm here, and I have time, and I'll do anything other than connecting expensive equipment. Use me as you need me, H."

"Don't be daft, Nat. You're my guest."

Tilting her head, she winked at him. "Nope. I'm your friend, and friends pitch in and help with whatever. How might I help?"

"Honestly?"

"Yep. Anything. I mean it, H. How might I support you?"

"You're not going to press about Camille and the cheating thing?" Harry was as shocked as Nataley appeared to be at his question.

She covered his hand with hers. "Harry, I care about you. You're my closest friend outside of Bethany, and honestly sometimes even Bethany takes a backseat to you. If you want to talk about Camille, I'm here. If you want to yell at me for causing your breakup, I'll take that. I deserve it. But if you want me to string your guitar or listen to your awful jokes, I'm down for that too."

"Awful jokes? What are you on about?" As they both rose, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in to kiss the top of her head.

"Puulllllleeasssee. Noah and I have watched your shows. The jokes have been ridiculous. You're such a dork on stage."

"Mhm." He's more pleased than he can say at the fact that she'd watched him perform on stage. And Noah of course.

"What are you wearing tonight?"

"Is that meant to be a suggestive question?" Harry waggled his eyebrows in the same way he used to signal Camille that he wanted sex. Immediately, his hand flew to his eyebrow to hold it still. Why would his face act of its own accord like that?

Wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked, she leaned into him. "Nope! That's a sincere question from the person who has anxiously watched that screen rise more times than I can count -- just to see what fashion choice you've made."

"Oh." Slight disappointment flooded his emotional center. "Wait until you see it. It's a Charles Jeffrey jumpsuit."

"Ummmmm...interesting?"

"Like the one I wore on Late Late that time?"

"The green one?" Her excitement was obvious.

"Yep. Same designer."

"Cool. I liked that one."

Nat watched from across the room as he met the girl and her mother from the charity, taking pictures and awkwardly chatting with them.

"Why does it make you so uncomfortable talking to fans?" Nat pressed after the girl had been escorted out to a dinner before the performance, and Harry squirmed.

Clearing his throat, he shuffled his feet. "Let me put on the jumpsuit! Just a minute." Escaping into the bathroom with the bundle of grey material, he pulled it on and buttoned it up before exiting, arms wide.

Nataley dissolved into laughter.

"What?" he wondered, curiously looking at the jumpsuit. "Does it have fuzz on it? Did I put it on backwards? What's wrong -- oh." Stepping in front of the mirror, he watched as his cock bounced with his movement. "Well, shit. That's fairly obvious."

"Indeed it is. Wow, Harry. If I'd known you were so well endowed..."

Quirking his eyebrow, he approached her in the manner of a tiger stalking its prey, "You would have what?"

Nat's giggles filled the room, "I would have kept Noah away from seeing your full glory. Damn. My kid will forever think he's inadequate."

"Mhm. Joke all you want."

"Good. What do you call an endowed puppet?"

Rolling his eyes, Harry moved closer to her. "I don't know, but I'm guessing it's not funny."

"Well strung," Nat laughed.

"Nat..." Harry warned, attempting to keep his grin hidden.

"Hey, Harry. It's okay. It's not the size of the cock that matters, it's that you understand the beginning of this sentence wasn't true."

His belly shook as he fought to remain straight-faced, approaching her steadily until he was standing in front of her.

"I mean, I'd tell you a penis joke, but I don't want to come across as cocky." Her final jab had Harry bent over, his high-pitched laughter emerging like a tornado tearing through a midwest town at full F4 speed.

"I love you," slipped out before he could even think about the words.