Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Through the closed door, Harry could hear a commotion on the other side as soon as he rang the bell at Ellie's and knocked on the door. "HARRY!" Noah screamed, throwing the door open and barreling into Harry who had thankfully braced himself. The kid was wearing his Blackpink shirt again, and Harry wondered how much longer they could preserve the autographs from the performers considering how frequently the shirt was in rotation. On the other hand, it helped with Gemma's sustainable fashion message so it wasn't exactly a bad thing to continue wearing it.

"We're having a school program on Friday! You gotta come! My class is singing five songs, and one of them is --" Clamping his hands over his mouth, Noah widened his eyes. "I'm not gonna tell you. Cause you gotta come hear us. Please?! Aunt Ellie and Gma and Mama will all be there."

"And your father," Ellie added, holding out Noah's knapsack with one finger. Hearing the edge in the woman's voice raised an internal eyebrow for Harry although he schooled his features to remain placid.

"Oh, yeah. Him too, but sometimes he doesn't come to school stuff." The boy shuffled his feet, glancing at the ground before looking up at Harry. "He forgets."

The disappointment in Noah's voice was apparent to Harry. Shaking his head, Harry recalled the number of times his own father had skipped out on school plays and band shows. After a while, it became the norm to not expect him. It broke Harry's heart to see how much Duane's actions hurt Noah.

Would it be that big of a deal to attend the kid's show? But Harry knew exactly what damage the innocent action could cause. On the other hand, fuck. He wanted to go so badly. Mentally, Harry scrolled through his schedule for the week, and just as he started to reply in the affirmative to Noah, a thought popped into his head. Fuck. Nataley deserved input. This wasn't a simple decision. No plans could be made on his own where Noah was concerned. Likely not ever again if he wanted to keep Nataley and Noah in his life -- which he'd recently realized was his deepest desire.

"Come on, mate. Let's get home so Chuck can have some play time." Twisting to Ellie as Noah plodded to the Range Rover, Harry felt a rush of gratitude for Nat's sister. She really did step in to help with her nephew. "Thanks, Ellie."

She squinted at him. "You're screwed, you know. On the one hand, you absolutely cannot miss his performance. But on the other hand, you absolutely cannot attend." Resting her hip against the doorframe, she smiled at him in a way that didn't reach her eyes, only curving her lips slightly. "I feel for you, H." She glanced at Noah as he climbed into the front seat of the SUV before returning her attention to the man in front of her. "And for Noah and Nat. There's so much love between the three of you, and yet nothing is ever normal where you're concerned, is it?"

As the air escaped him at the metaphorical punch to his solar plexus, he felt a chill over his body in the warm California spring sun.

"Thanks for watching Noah." His words felt wooden and forced, although that wasn't at all how he intended them. The reality of his fame and its relation to Noah and Nataley hit him hard. With a polite nod, he escaped from her kind, understanding gaze to the relative safety of the Range Rover.

"I've got a solo too," Noah bragged, and that cemented Harry's resolve to attend the damn performance -- even if he had to go in disguise.

Arriving at Nataley's condo, Harry parked and together they advanced on the front door. "I'll grab his lead while he's getting his scratches," Harry planned as he twisted the key in the lock, waiting until the cavachon bounced outside and plopped over on his back to expose his tummy to Noah who gleefully knelt down to rub at the belly presented to him.

Harry's hand snaked around the corner to snag the leash before he closed and relocked the door. Clipping the lead on the dog's collar, he passed it off to Noah who rose with a grin on his face. "He's going to love this! Come on, Chuck!" The boy encouraged the cavachon to jump into the backseat of the car, but the dog didn't make the leap. Instead, Chuck began panting and pacing until Harry lifted the pup into the backseat alongside Noah.

"Calm down, dude! We're not going to the V-E-T." He spelled it carefully because the dog knew the actual word. It had always made Harry chuckle when Noah and Nat spelled words for the benefit of the four-legged creature until the day he found himself spelling the word 'bath'.

Five minutes later, Harry parked at the Sepulveda Basin Off-Leash dog park. Chuck barked twice in what Harry assumed was excitement. Opening the door, Noah couldn't even exit the car before the dog jumped over him, landing on the pavement and dancing around Harry's legs. As the lead wove its way around Harry's legs and he could predict what would happen in the next few moments, he called to Noah, "Drop the lead before he takes me out!"

The two were laughing so hard at Harry's predicament that a snort escaped Noah while Harry's high pitched giggle floated on the air. Quickly Harry unwound the cable from his legs just as Chuck reached the end of his lead and sat at Harry's feet, his bottom wiggling like the tornado in The Wizard of Oz.

"You got his toys?" Harry questioned, and Noah nodded, holding up a canvas bag that remained permanently stashed in the Range Rover. Between Chuck, the Azoffs' dogs, as well as the ones belonging to the Gerbers', Harry never knew when he might need dog toys. "Cool! Let's go!"

At the first gate, Harry reined in the dog's lead until Chuck sat at his feet, allowing Noah to close the first gate and open the second one. The instant Harry released the lead, Chuck took off like he was still a puppy. Harry coiled the leash, dropping it into the bag Noah carried.

"How long do you think he'll run around before he comes back to us?" the boy wondered, and Harry heard curiosity rather than fear in Noah's voice.

"Soon enough he'll trot back to us." Together, they wandered to a picnic table. Harry sat with his back against the table, elbows propped on either side, one foot propped on the opposite knee. When Noah mimicked the pose, Harry smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. Fuck, he loved this kid.

"He's having so much fun," Noah commented, and Harry watched the child's face light up as Noah observed the puppy running to his heart's content.

"Yep."

Silence fell between them, but it didn't last long before Noah bit his lip and blurted, "You're going to release music soon, aren't you?" Harry noticed that the boy didn't look his way after the question.

"Yes. In December, but there will be other stuff first." No reason to keep him in the dark.

"You'll leave again?"

"Yes." Harry sighed. "I have to promote the album and the tour, plus then I'll actually go on tour. It's part of my job."

"I know." The words were softly spoken, and a sadness swept through Harry at the sound.

"Doesn't mean I don't love you."

"I know that too, H." Quiet descended again, and Harry waited for whatever might come next as he observed Chuck sniffing at a tiny dachshund.

"Can you imagine if that's how humans greeted each other?" Harry asked, indicating the dogs with their noses buried in each other's tails.

Noah started giggling and held his stomach as he uncrossed his legs and laughed out loud. "Yeah. That would be silly."

"Agreed."

Chuck bounded to them, and Noah withdrew a rubber ball from the canvas bag. "Want to get the ball, Chuck?"

Dancing at the boy's feet, the cavachon's answer was clearly 'hell yes', and when Noah launched the ball over the dog's head, the puppy turned around like lightning and raced for it. He practically tripped over his own feet when he arrived at the ball and overshot the landing. Scrambling back to the round red rubber object, he scooped it in his mouth and trotted back to his family.

Holding out his hand, Noah waited for the dog to release the object, but Chuck tiptoed away backwards. The laughter that escaped Noah made Harry's heart happy. "Oh you wanna play, huh?" Reaching in the bag, the boy withdrew a tug of war rope, holding out one end to the dog who dropped the ball to grasp the ragged edge in his mouth, shaking his head back and forth before he started backing up and yanking at the rope in Noah's hand. Together, the two engaged in the battle until another dog approached, causing the cavachon to drop his end of the game.

"I want to go with you," Noah quietly stated, and Harry felt his heart clutch at the words.

"Mate, I wish you could --"

"I know, H. Just felt like I had to say it even though I know I can't."

The knife in Harry's chest twisted deeper.

"Please come to my thing on Friday, Harry."

Later, he would tell Nataley that he couldn't have said no in that moment if the boy had requested a billion dollars.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

==========

Friday, May 17, 2019

"We're going to be late," Harry pouted, his keys jangling in his hand while he bounced on the balls of his feet.

"That's the point, silly," Nat chastised.

Rolling his eyes, Harry stuffed a treat inside Chuck's toy and underhanded it towards Noah's bedroom as he and Nataley escaped through the front door.

"I want to sneak in the back -- not miss the performance completely," Harry complained.

"We're not that late, H. I promise you won't miss Noah's songs."

Chewing his lip, Harry rushed her into the Range Rover, buckling quickly and barely waiting for Nat's seatbelt to click before taking off in the direction of Noah's school.

"Maybe I should have invited Ben to film it."

"Oh, sure. That wouldn't have attracted too much attention." Nat laughed.

"Fine. But I could have had Hélène take pictures." His hands tightened around the steering wheel. How could Nataley not understand how important this was? When she didn't reply to his comment about his tour photographer, Harry continued talking. "Do you think he's nervous? Fuck. I bet he's freaking out. We should have called and given him a pep talk this morning."

Gently, Nataley placed her hand on Harry's arm. "Hey. He's going to be amazing, and he will be so excited that you are there that he won't care if something goes wrong."

"No, no, no. Nat, you don't get it at all. The fact that I'll be there will make him think he has to be perfect, and I never told him that it's okay if something goes wrong -- that I'll love him no matter what happens." Crushed that he hadn't already shared this important insight with Noah, Harry pondered how he could get in touch with Noah before the boy went on stage.

"H -- you'll tell him afterwards," Nat crooned. "I love that you want the world for him, and that you want him to know that it doesn't matter if he's perfect --"

"No, Nataley. I just need him to believe that I love him no matter what happens on stage." The urgency in his voice must have finally sunk in as his girlfriend paused. When he glanced at her, she was blinking quite a bit, and Harry focused on the road again.

"He knows, Harry. I swear he knows." Her voice was emphatic.

"But what if he doesn't? I never told him."

"Then you'll tell him today."

Stomach churning, Harry pulled into the parking lot, steering into the first open spot which seemed like it was a mile from the school entrance. Another family had exited their own vehicle just moments before, and Harry winced as he spied the bright, colourful balloons the mom carried.

"Shit. We didn't get him balloons."

"Of course not, H. The goal is for you to see him, but not for anyone else to see you. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah." He mumbled, stuffing one hand in his pocket. Holding the door for Nat, he swallowed as they entered the building with its musty-smelling halls. Odd how the scents of primary school seemed the same internationally.

Pulling his beanie more tightly over his hair, he drew a pair of clear sunnies over his eyes, hunching his back in an attempt to look less like himself. He shuffled his feet, knowing that sometimes his stature itself gave him away to fans. The tattoos had been fully covered by long sleeves, although there wasn't anything he could do about the cross on his hand. He hadn't shaved since Tuesday morning, although the scruff wasn't very full yet.

Briefly, he considered keeping the facial hair as long as possible, knowing he didn't have promo right away. Nat didn't let him go down on her when he wasn't clean-shaven. Said it itched too much. So he would shave it the next morning.

Cautiously, they entered the gymnatorium (which apparently refers to a gymnasium combined with a stage) and planted themselves in the standing room at the back as the lead teacher spoke. Oh, no. American schools don't have lead teachers. They have principals. Anyway, this bloke was talking about how proud he was of the students, and the only thought that kept running through Harry's head was, 'Get on with it, mate. I want to see my kid.'

Nataley was stood next to him, and he could tell that her eyes were roaming the audience more than anything else until the children started walking into the room from a side door. They positioned themselves on the risers, and when Nataley gripped his hand, he followed her line of sight to where Noah was standing in the line. Harry rubbed at his chest with his other hand, afraid that his heart would burst right out of his chest.

Engrossed, Harry found he couldn't take his eyes off the boy as pride swelled inside him. Fuck. He suspected this was how Nataley felt all the time about Noah, and probably how Anne felt about Harry.

The music teacher, a young woman, stepped in front of the group of students, holding her hands up. Music started playing, and Harry recognized the beginning strains of 'Yellow Submarine' by the Beatles as the kids started swaying and singing. Noah's face was focused on the crowd rather than the music teacher, and Harry saw recognition when Noah first noticed his Aunt Ellie and Gma in the audience. When the boy spotted his mum and Harry, his body visibly relaxed.

"Today, we thought we would showcase some of the popular boy bands of the last few decades," said the music teacher into the microphone at the end of the song, and Harry cringed. Shit. "For our next song, we'll perform 'It's So Hard to Say Goodbye To Yesterday' from Boyz II Men."

With that, the children shifted their positions slightly so that Harry could tell they were divided into four part harmonies for the song, and tears welled up as he frantically tried to blink them away as Noah sang with the tenors. From the end of the song to when the kids segued into 'Hangin' Tough' by New Kids on the Block, Harry was breathless. But when the music shifted into 'What Makes You Beautiful', Harry narrowed his focus to Noah as the boy stepped to the floor and took the microphone for a solo. Shit. Shit. Shit. Harry knew he would never be able to hold it together as his favorite kid sang his favorite song.

Thankfully after the first verse, Noah returned to his spot, his face beaming as he watched Harry and Nataley, giving them a thumbs up with a giant grin.

"Shit," Nataley whispered.

"I know. That was the best surprise."

"No, I mean...fuck. Yes. It was an amazing solo, but shit. My ex-husband just looked back at us."

Fuck. Danger. Danger. Danger. Exit quickly or wait until the show ended? Harry froze, unsure how to respond to the threat of recognition.