Saturday, September 17, 2022

She hasn't spoken, and Harry isn't sure his heart can take the silence much longer. The Ferris Wheel lowers one spot as the operator loads another pair of passengers, and his eyes can't leave her face until she responds. The sun is setting, and soon the ride will be over. Why isn't she speaking?

Fuck.

When she gently places her hand over his where he's holding the ring on its chain, he wants to cry. Rejection. She's going to reject him.

Fuck.

"Harry -" her voice catches, and his fear rises. "You're proposing marriage?"

"Yes." Unshed tears deepen his voice.

"You want to marry me?"

"Yes. I've carried the ring for three years now." His palms are growing sweaty, and his spirits have sunk lower than the bottom of the ocean. Once she says no, how will he save face? Could he stay with her after this final no? Should they remain together? Would he need to move out? Send her back to Gabe's house or her own condo?

Fuck.

"We've only been back together for a week."

"I know, love. I said that." Depression settles over him. Why isn't she beaming and putting the ring on her finger? Why hasn't she said yes?

The Ferris Wheel moves down one more spot, and his stomach contracts. He's going to throw up. A fucking proposal. He's waited so long. Had he waited too long?

"Say something, Nataley."

"I don't know what to say."

"'Yes, I'll marry you, Harry. I want to spend my life with you.' Something along those lines would be perfect." Seriously, if she was going to devastate him and say no, could she just get it the fuck over with?

Her eyes roam to the ring for the first time, and he holds it out on the chain as though it were a trash bag of vomit needing disposal. She takes the chain with the ring on it into her hand. Examining the ring as though she's a jeweler checking for clarity, cut, and color, she turns it over in her hands multiple times.

"It's vintage," he prompts.

"Three years?" The wonder in her voice gives him what he prays isn't false hope.

"Bought it after our first real fight."

"The night you came home drunk?"

"Yeah. After that." Fuck. Why was she talking as though this is a mundane discussion? He'd asked her to marry him.

The Ferris Wheel ratchets down one more bucket, and they're almost halfway to the bottom.

"Harry..." she breathes in, and he holds the air in his lungs. "I..." Fuck. She really is going to reject him, isn't she? No. No. No. Please no. Harry's eyes slam to her face, zeroing in on the tears there. Fuck. She's really going to say no. He bites his lip, the tears he's holding back blocking his nose so that he has to sniff.

Swallowing, he waits. Nothing else he can do.

"I love you," she continues, but he still doesn't let oxygen into his airway. The other shoe hasn't dropped. "And I know you want an answer right now."

He struggles to keep his face placid like the water in Lake Hayden at the Azoff's Coeur d'Alene vacation home. Ultimately, he knows he's failing.

Placing a hand on his as the Ferris Wheel moves them one spot closer to the bottom, she makes eye contact. "It's not a no, Harry."

"It's not?" He blinks in joy, but then realises the rest of the sentence. "But it's not a yes either."

Tears are streaming down her face. "It's a lot to process. Can I please have some time? A few days?" Without waiting for his answer, she slips the chain over her head. "Or do you want to take back the proposal?"

"No." Clearing his throat from the unshed tears, he starts again, "No. I want to marry you. I want to experience all the big milestones with you. A 50th anniversary celebration with our children and grandchildren. Award ceremonies and movie premieres. But I also want to live the day to day with you. Grocery shopping. Cooking side by side. Playing video games. Reading the news in our jammies in bed." He allows himself to breathe. "All of it, Nataley. I want it all, and I want it forever." His tears blur his vision as they break free from their prison. "If it takes you a day or a week or a month or a year to say yes, I'll be here waiting."

With a nod, she presses a hand to his cheek, leaning in to kiss him as the Ferris Wheel arrives one notch from the bottom. "I love you, Harry. Truly." Wiping a hand over her eyes, she pats the ring as it dangles on the necklace -- like his emotions. "I'm going to wear this right here by my heart for the moment if that's okay?"

As the ride lands at the bottom and the attendant removes the bar, he swipes at his eyes, rising and holding out his hand to her. Taking it, she rises, and they exit together.

He wants to feel relief that she hasn't said no, but fuck. He wanted a triumphant 'yes' to end this powerful day where his woman -- his partner -- conquered and vanquished her nemesis. Like how brilliant is Nataley?

Fuck. At the thought of what she had been through today, and indeed the last several days as she planned this, he wants to smack himself. Of course she couldn't think about marrying him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck. This had been the perfect proposal. The sunset. The Ferris Wheel. But the wrong time. Mentally kicking himself, he gently places his hand on the small of her back.

With a twist of her head, she smiles at him. "Thank you," she whispers, and he wonders if she means to express gratitude for the proposal, the ring, the time to process, or merely the guiding hand on her back.

"Mama! Papa!" Noah runs to them as Cindy and Hal keep their eyes swiveling around the crowd. "I know what I want for dinner!"

"Cool," Nat replies as she gathers her son to her chest, hugging him while running her fingers through his hair. The boy wriggles out of her grasp, turning to Harry.

"Homemade pizza. Please? We did it before. Made our own personal pizzas. It was so much fun. I wanna do it again."

Of all of the meals the boy could have picked, including eating out at any restaurant of his choice, this is what he's chosen. A night at home with his... parents.

Harry trades glances with Nataley who shrugs. "Cool, Little Man. We should head home then. You and I can go to the store while Mama has a relaxing bath." Nataley's eyes catch his, and tears well up again as she lowers her head in what he perceives as gratitude.

Noah practically runs circles around the group in his excitement. "I want taco pizza. No, pepperoni. No. Just cheese. Oh, wait! I could have that fancy one with the prosecutor."

Harry shakes his head in surprise at the word. "Ummm... I think you mean prosciutto?"

"Yeah. Yeah. That. Except no. I want sausage and pepperoni and... what's the vegetable I like, Papa?"

"Broccoli?" Harry posed.

"No!" Noah giggled, and it sounded so wonderful to Harry's ears that he tried other vegetables to hear that sound more.

"Cauliflower?"

"NO!"

Arriving at the bicycles, they unlock them, returning the locks to Harry's backpack as Hal and Cindy move to the front and back of the small group. No. Fuck that. Family.

"Asparagus?"

"Nooooooo," the child laughs, and Harry's heart soars.

"Cucumbers?"

"Ewwwww... you know I hate those."

"Ummmm...." Harry has to consider all the veg that won't go on pizza. "I know! It's brussel sprouts!"

Noah's squeal of delight at another incorrect guess reminds Harry that he isn't just wanting to marry Nataley, and he vows to figure out the appropriate engagement gift for his future son. Suddenly certain that Nataley is going to say yes, he makes a mental note to do some shopping in the next few days. No telling when Nat might give in, and it's better to be prepared. It never crosses his mind that Noah might make him wait like the boy's mama.

"How about we take a tour of the veg aisle at the store when we go? Then you can pick out exactly which one you want."

"Okay, Papa. But you know which ones I like already." The assertion is 100% true, and Harry feels a warmth in the vicinity of his heart.

As they dismount from the bicycles, Harry moves all five bikes into the backyard, locking them to a fence post until the rental place can pick them up in the morning as promised.

While Noah runs inside to let Chuck out, Harry moves back to the alleyway, approaching the trio still standing huddled together. Placing his arm around Nat's waist, he simply rests his palm on her shirt, the claim on her real to anyone who might witness it.

"So Monday we'll get started on our lessons?" Cindy inquired.

"Yes, please. Tell me what you're picturing. Like do we need to carve out an hour or something?"

"No, ma'am. On the job training is much more impactful, so I would really like to shadow you next week and give you tips as you go about your normal business. The only thing we might add to your routine is a workout and some self-defense training."

"Wow. This sounds intense."

"You somehow thought a two month program to prepare you to be your own bodyguard would be easy?" Cindy laughs.

Straightening her shoulders, Nat faces the woman. "You're right, of course. There won't be any shortcuts to making me feel like I can keep myself and my family safe." Harry smooths his palm over her shoulder blades at the words. "Oh, and I'm supposed to ask if you can make time to also train my son?"

Cindy's expression is one of surprise. "You're okay with that? Most celebs don't want their kids to even know about security, much less train them in how to take part in their protection."

Speaking up, Harry clarifies, "We don't keep secrets from Noah. He's a smart young man, and he deserves to be treated with all the respect we can muster." As Cindy starts to protest, Harry holds up his hand to stop her. "I don't mean that you're not treating him with respect. Just that we've decided to be open with him. It helps his anxiety to know what's going on, and it will help him even more if he can be prepared to deal with some of what comes from his parents having a more public relationship."

He bites his lip. Had he taken on too much responsibility for a child that's not his own? When Nataley leans into him, he breathes a sigh of relief. "We've tried keeping him in the dark," Nat reveals, "and that was unsuccessful. He's protective of me, and he's especially protective of Harry. So if we can give him some skills to keep himself safe, that's one less burden for us."

"Got it," Cindy gave a thumbs up. "I'll see you here Monday morning as you take him to school. And --" she pauses, glancing at Harry, "Harry to work?"

"Yes." Harry firmly closes the door on the discussion. No more riding with Ben. He's staking a claim on his family, and they're going to be prepared for whatever fallout that brings.

"Cool." Shaking hands all around, Cindy and Hal climb into their vehicle and take off.

"Mate!" Harry calls to Noah who is playing tug of war with Chuck in the backyard. "Let's go!" Facing Nataley, he places both hands on her waist. "Go take a nice, warm bath, love. We'll be back soon. Anything in particular you want on your pizza?"

"Mmmmm... Noah reminded me of that fig and prosciutto pizza I had that one time. The one with arugula?"

"Rocket you mean?"

"Silly. You won't find it called 'rocket' here. You're in LA remember?" She brushes her lips to his, and his heart feels light again. If she wasn't ever going to wear the ring on her finger, she would have put him out of his misery by now. Right? "Also, I'm planning to wait for you to take that bath," she whispers, tickling the hairs at the base of his neck.

Even to himself he's not going to lie about the arousal her words bring.

"So I'll just meditate for a few minutes and play through your concert setlist again as I consider the aesthetic I would create with the lighting."

"Fuck. I love you." His volume is low, but loud enough for Noah to hear him as the boy enters the alley.

"Stay there, Chuck," he admonishes the dog. "Papa, language."

The smartass remark draws a smile from Harry, and he reaches out to ruffle the boy's hair. "Come on, mate. Guess we have to take your mum's car."

As he and Noah climb into the wreck of a Toyota, Harry dreams for just a moment of buying her a new car once they're married. Country music blares as soon as he cranks the engine, and Noah twists the knob savagely.

"Something on your mind, mate?" Harry asks, having never seen the boy opposed to country music. Especially not from Keith Urban.

"Papa -- how did my mama get my father to agree to only one weekend a month?"

Shit. Not even remotely an easy topic. "She asked."

"Don't lie to me, Harry."

Fuck. He'd gone back to being 'Harry'. Not good.

"Your mama loves you very much. She's been trying to get full custody of you for years. Your father has been a bit... reticent."

"What does that mean? Ret-a-sent?"

"It means your father didn't want your mama to get more time with you."

"What changed?"

Harry is reticent himself. Does he sell out the boy's father? Share that Duane had been willing to accept money to never see him again? Nope. Definitely not. That's a Nataley question. "You'll need to ask your mama for the details. What I know for sure is that your mama would have done anything and given anything to get full custody of you. She loves you an awful lot."

"Like you do?" Noah asks.

"Yep. Although your mama was here first, and she's loved you since before you were born, I got here as soon as I could."

"Awwww... Papa. You're gonna make me cry. I love you so much."

"And I adore you! Now what kind of veg did you say you wanted on your pizza? Pickles?"

"Yuck! On pizza? Besides, that's not even a -- veg?" It's clear to Harry that Noah's trying out the shortened British form of the word.

Parking in the lot at Whole Foods, Harry exits the car, waiting for Noah to join him as they enter the store. In the produce section, he finds the figs Nataley wants, adding them to the basket Noah carries.

"Hmmmm," Harry teases. "I think this might be what you like!" Holding up a bell pepper, he laughs out loud when Noah nods.

"That's it! What's it called again?" Reading the sign, the boy laughs. "Oh yeah, 'bell pepper'. I guess it kind of looks like a bell."

"Just a bit," Harry chimes in, placing a green one and a red one in the basket before moving on.

It's in the prepared food section where Harry is grabbing a container of uncooked pizza dough that he hears the voice.

"Harry? Can we have a photo?"

Twisting, he examines the two girls. One of them is someone he's taken pictures with multiple times. As confident as he is with faces, he can't recall if he's met the other one previously.

"Mate?" Harry asks Noah. "You okay if I take a couple of selfies with these ladies?"

Wide-eyed, Noah nods.

"Cool. Hold the basket for us, would you, Little Man?"

"That's soooo cute," the repeat fan says. "That's Nataley's kid, right? You two staying at her place?"

Harry's antenna rise at her question, and he steps towards the new girl as she holds her phone up for a selfie. Her hand is shaking uncontrollably. "Let me help," he quietly states as he grasps the phone, taking the photograph of them on her behalf.

"Thanks, H. I'm a huge fan," the young woman breathes. "Never thought I'd actually get to meet you."

After taking the second photo, he and Noah check out at the register. Moving towards the car, Harry keeps his head swiveling, aware that it's safest for him to make sure they aren't followed. That one familiar woman might not be a problem, but he's not willing to risk it. The entire route back to Gabe's house, he keeps an eye on the rearview mirror, taking unnecessary turns to ensure they aren't followed.

What a life he lives. No wonder Nataley needs time to think.