Ever since I was a little boy, I have always tried to understand everything and everyone around me. To understand why some people are like this and others like that. But I never found the answer. To this day, I wonder why there are people who can't just be nice to others.

I read this one saying over and over again and internalized it for myself, " What you don't want done to you, that don't you do to others." That's exactly what I had wanted to say to my mother when I met her. And because only afterwards all my questions, all my hatred, all my blame against her, came back to me, I wrote her a long letter, in which I spoke for the first time, of my feelings and how I had suffered all these years under her and Dad.

And indeed, only 4 days later I received a reply from her. I guess I can consider myself lucky for that, even if it wasn't a long answer. She wrote:

"Dear Yibo,

did you know that I insisted on this name because I loved it so much? I had many discussions with your dad about it, but eventually he gave in. It was never that I didn't love you and your brother. I just didn't know how to show you because I didn't learn any other way myself.

Yes of course when I was a kid I always said when I grew up I would do everything differently. But when I became a mother for the first time, I was completely overwhelmed. Your dad then lovingly took care of Hai Kuan.

I'm afraid I can't explain to you why I was or am like that. I guess it's my nature. The person I just am. A woman who finds it difficult to show feelings, to love and to accept love. A woman who finds it even harder to ask for help or admit that I can't do something and have faults.

From a young age I learned to surround myself only with people who could be useful to me. "Always think about tomorrow." Had my father always told me. That's why I married Henry. Yes, I loved him. But, my heart still always belonged to your dad, the man who was always by my side all these years. I know it's unimaginable to love two people, but that's the way it was.

I couldn't lose your dad or Henry. Sorry if I don't call Henry your dad, it's still hard for me. My heart belonged to both men for a long time until I realized I loved your dad more. However, I couldn't give up Henry because I needed him too. Yes, I know I am disgusting and you are right. But that's how I saw it at that time.

If I didn't love your brother and you, even if I could never show it to you, I would never have confessed the truth to Henry. But after your dad died, and I just couldn't be there for you, I knew you would need someone to love you for who you are and welcome you with open arms.

I knew Henry would love you guys right away. I also knew that you Yibo, of all people, would form a special relationship with him. Because even though he looks like your brother on the outside, he is completely like you in character. And how much Henry already loves you, I could see when you were here in my apartment.

Much sooner I should have brought you and him together. Yes, I should have told the truth then, and let you grow up with him. Because then you would have had a wonderful childhood, like you deserved. But then I would have had to confess to your dad that he is not your father, that I was officially married to Henry and that we would never have gotten along without his financial support. I'm not trying to talk my way out of this, I'm just trying to explain to you how I thought at the time.

Today I regret that at least you didn't grow up with Henry. For you and for Henry, that would have been good. I hope that it is not too late for you now and that you will still have many beautiful years together.

In closing, I want to tell you I think it's great what a great young man you have become. I realize that I have your brother to thank for this, but also, your fiancé. I know that your fiancé's love has made you blossom like this. And I wish for you that the two of you will have a loving and harmonious marriage and that he will continue to be as good to you as he is now.

Your mom."

I don't know what to make of this letter from her. On one hand I want to understand her, on the other hand I just want to grab her, shake her, and ask her if she even knows what love is. But, somehow, I don't care now. Because I have people around me who love me for who I am and show it to me.

Whenever I was with Henry in the last three weeks, I talked to him about Zhan and his parents. I even asked him to help me look for them. I believed a man like him, with so much influence and money, might be more likely to find Zhan's parents.

But so far, he has not found them either. Instead, however, he found out that the two of them were convicted at the time for their debts and various small crimes, but never for trying to sell Zhan as a three-year-old little boy.

Henry said that since this is a serious crime, they would definitely have been convicted of it. However, the fact that there was no mention of this in their court verdict could only mean one thing. Zhan does not know the full truth, and so Zhan's grandparents may never have known what really happened back then.

So it seems all the more important now, even to me, to find his parents so that he can ask them about it. The only problem here is that after they were released from prison, Zhan's parents got divorced. They got new names and left town. Where they went is still completely unclear. Because the names they got are heaps in this country.

Henry suggested to use some connections to at least find out where they went. Because the relatives don't know anything, because the two of them never contacted their families again.

I was kind of hoping we would find Zhan's parents before our wedding. But now that our wedding is only a week away, that hope is fading with each passing day. At the same time, I wished I could surprise Zhan by finding his parents.

To thank him in this way for staying by my side through all this chaotic time, continuing to encourage me, build me up, and always telling and showing me that no matter what happens, he will stay by my side.

This morning, Zhan drove me to work because we wanted to drive to the tailor shop together after work to pick up our wedding suits. Driving two cars would have been total nonsense, so Zhan drove me. It was nice again to be taken to work by my Hubby.

Since I got the new car, he didn't have to do that anymore and I kind of missed it when we'd say goodbye to each other in the parking lot in the morning and he'd look after me until I went to the hardware store, or I'd wave at him until he turned the corner.

This morning I stopped and watched until Zhan was gone. I then went to the hardware store afterwards, where my boss first, once again confirmed my vacation. Zhan and I want to spend our honeymoon in Paradise Island, the Bahamas, after our wedding. We will stay there for two weeks and I am really looking forward to it.

When Seungyoun arrived, he immediately looked annoyed again. We have two new employees and Seungyoun has to train one of them. And unfortunately, he is not doing very well at work. Last week, Friday, the two had to work two hours longer, because this new employee, despite clear instructions and demonstration of Seungyoun, had made a total mess.

First, he drew wrong prices on the new expensive flowing wallpaper. By pricing them over twice cheaper and then he accidentally rolled up one of the carpet rolls completely. A 200 meter long carpet, lay folded like an accordion on the floor. Four of them then had to start rolling up this 200 meter long and 6 meter wide carpet again in the late shift, shortly before closing time.

The other new one, on the other hand, is very skillful and is instructed and trained by our senior on duty. I was glad to be spared, after my experience with this, with Wei Yin. The latter still works in the pet shop and is even popular among his colleagues. He told me some time ago that it was because no one there was as cute as me either. I would have liked to spit at him when he said that.

So when Zhan picked me up from work, we went to the tailor shop together and tried on our wedding suits. We are going to look great at our wedding. We then also got matching shoes right away, which also finally arrived from Italy. Henry, my daddy, insisted that everything must be of the finest.

After that Zhan and I went out for dinner. Now everything is ready for our wedding and we can relax the last days until it is time. Well, after work.

Back at home, we went to take a shower together and then I called Cheng. I finally read his book to the end and I really liked it, as Zhan already expected. Cheng was happy that I gave him a positive feedback on his book. My brother had long read the book and recommended it to all his colleagues.

Oh yes, my brother will start working in our father Henry's company next month. He will first get to know the entire company by working everywhere for some time and eventually he will work alongside our father. Maybe he will become the new future CEO when our father retires.

When my brother asked me why I wouldn't want to take this opportunity, also because the salary would be much higher, I told him, "I love working at the hardware store. And one day Zhan and I also want to have one or two children. I don't want to sit in the office and work until late at night. I want to be a daddy who has time for his children and does a lot with them."

In response, my brother said, "Well, you can do that on the weekends, too."

I shook my head, "No, I don't want to be that kind of daddy. I want to be there for my kids every day and eat with them every day, put them to bed, read to them and wish them a good night. I want to pick them up from kindergarten or school and spontaneously visit the zoo with them or just go out for ice cream. And my Hubby feels the same way."

I don't want to be one of those people who just say they do everything differently from when they were kids. I will do everything differently and be a loving, attentive daddy.