1.

It all started with a letter. Josh had written it and given to me. I had expected something stupid. I had expected an inappropriate drawing that would have gotten me in trouble with my parents if they had found it. I was expecting some weird poem. I was expecting lots of things.

Not this.

Not him talking about this.

I thought we were both ignoring that night. I thought we'd both decided it was wiser to just act like it had never happened.

Apparently, Josh hadn't gotten the memo.

And then he had to add even more stuff.

Stuff I didn't want to read. Stuff I didn't want him to talk about.

Stuff I had sometimes thought I could feel around him, but had immediately shut down, because he was my best friend and I was an idiot for thinking about our relationship being anything more than friendship.

It was because he was always there, and we got along so well, and because I was just a hormonal teenager. It did not mean anything else.

But now I had all of his feeling written down and making my life complicated.

I'd read the letter too many times. I'd actually thought about burning it like he was telling me.

And then I'd picked up a piece of paper and started to write.

Hey Josh.

I didn't burn the letter.

And I did lie. I do remember.

I know. I think I've known for a while. But it's been easier to ignore your feelings. To ignore mine. Because the opposite is too frightening to me.

I stopped writing and scribbled always the last part of it. I couldn't admit to any of this. I couldn't.

This wasn't right.

I had a girlfriend.

I had Kendall.

I knew I saw myself with her in the future. I knew this. But why did it not feel exactly right sometimes? Why was it that some part of me was sometime annoyed at the thought?

Kendall had a special ability to get on my nerves in a very specific way sometimes. Because she knew me so well, I told myself. Because she knew what to do push my buttons.

But now I was thinking about what Josh had written and the way he hated her.

Was he right? Was I using Kendall to convince myself that I didn't love anyone else?

So, I was a mess for a good two weeks, just thinking about the letter all the time and about Josh.

Today I was supposed to see Kendall.

Blake wanted to go to an exhibition I had already seen and left leaflets for him to find so he would go see it.

I had planned on having dinner with Kendall.

But today, for some reason, I felt like cancelling my plans.

So I picked up the phone and called her.

Her mother answered and passed the phone to her daughter.

"Hey Ken," I greeted her, loving to annoy her slightly with the nickname.

"Hello darling," she replied, unbothered.

"I'm sorry, I think I kinda have to stay with my family today, so we won't be able to hang out and have dinner together finally. But we can always see each other tomorrow," I said.

"I am quite disappointed with you Jayden Eaton. Do you love your brother more than you love me?"

"Hey, I have to be a good son," I simply replied, a little ticked off with the question.

"But you said we could hang out," she said, slightly whining.

"We'll see each other tomorrow, okay?"

She let out a loud breath. "Fine. You're lucky I love you so much."

I smiled. "The luckiest."

"Alright, have fun at the museum. I hope you miss me tremendously."

"I'm sure I will. Every single second."

"Great."

"Bye!"

I hung up.

This was fine. This was okay.

So, I went to dinner with my family, my parents ecstatic that we were all together.

And then we went to the exhibit.

I did a quick tour and then sat on one of the couches and let Blake look at everything in more detail.

"Thanks for coming with us today. I know you had plans with Kendall," my mother said, sitting beside me. We both stared at the same painting.

I turned my head to look at her and smiled. "It's fine. I hang out with her all the time. And I know this makes Blake happy."

I looked over at him saying this. He was staring at one of the sculptures, analyzing every little detail. He had the biggest grin.

It warmed my heart instantly.

"But does it make you happy?" Mom asked, bringing my attention back to her.

"Of course," I replied automatically.

"You don't have to think about how everyone feels around you all the time. You're allowed to be selfish you know," she told me softly.

I laughed. "Words no parents have ever said to their children before."

She chuckled too. "Because no one had you as their child before."

"Stop it, it's all going to go to my head," I said, knocking my shoulder softly with hers.

We were almost the same height now. It felt kinda of wild to me.

My parents had always been this unreachable goal, bigger than life to me. Suddenly being almost their height made them seem... more human somehow.

It was a weird feeling.

"I just want you happy. And I know you often put the happiness of others before your own. You do it with your brother, you do it with us, you do it with Kendall. You don't have to make everyone happy all the time. It's not your job."

I stared at my shoes. This was not a conversation I wanted to have right now. Not with everything else I had in my head. "I'm happy when everyone around me is happy."

And... I never did this with Josh. I was always selfish when it came to Josh. I didn't dare to mention it though.

"Even if you stop yourself from doing things you like so you can please someone else?"

I sighed, leaning back a little, staring at the ceiling now. "What is this exactly? An intervention? You know, this is very mean to have such a conversation in public. Do you want everyone to see your son cry?"

She placed a comforting hand in my back. My father was looking our way now, like he knew exactly what we were talking about. "I just think we needed to talk about this."

"I'm really happy, Mom. I promise. You don't have to worry about me," I told her.

She patted my back, looking at me softly. "My sweet, sweet boy."

I shoved her shoulder with my own again. "Cut it out."

She laughed at me. I smiled at her.

Sometimes I worried about what she actually knew.

Could she read my mind? Did she know? Everything? Could she see it in my eyes?

I sighed again, and stared at the painting some more.

Tomorrow I would burn the letter.

Yes. I would burn it and forget all about it.  

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Hello everyone! It's my Wattpad Birthday! I've been here for 14 year now. 0_0
So, as a little thank you for sticking around this long, I decided to share with you a little something I've been working on. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
I will not be uploading anything from this story on Wattpad again, until I have everything written down for it. This was just a fun sneak peek. If you do want to read more though, you can head on to my Patreon (patreon.com/kariannegiard and you can access it through the first tier at $1 USD). I'll be uploading the rest there for now.
Otherwise, if you're patient (as I know you are because you follow me) I shall upload everything here. Kinda like I did for Together in Berlin. :D
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D Thank you so much for sticking around for all these years. I have exciting stuff planned for these next few weeks, so I hope we'll have lots of fun together! <3