thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed this short story.

now, for the explanations:

s t o r y | p l o t.

the story's about yoongi's struggles as a song-writer, rapper and producer. he finds it difficult to choose between the content that he wants to put out there and the content that people want to see him make.

now, let me break down some chapters for you:

"the farther i go, the more i wanna die."
ᅳ the more he gets famous, the more people want from him, the more he feels suffocated.

"i'm too deep in my own mind that's filled with agony and all the lies."
ᅳ he knows he shouldn't listen to the haters, but he continues to do so because he's only human and most of us tend to listen to negativity more than the good feedback. twenty people could tell you you're looking great today, but if one person tells you you look like absolute shit, you'll be thinking about this one absurd comment rather than the twenty others. but at the end of the day, it still depends on you. if you're a seokjin type of person, then you wouldn't really pay attention to those things. sadly, yoongi in this story, isn't.

"and beneath is cold so i'm trying to catch my breath, though i know you won't forget everything i said. maybe i'm too afraid to make a mistake and let them see all my colours."
ᅳ he also finds it difficult that as a celebrity, he has to be careful about what he says and what he does because even the smallest things can disappoint some people since most of us forget that celebrities are humans too. they're not at all perfect as they appear to be.

"but i don't want you to go. i'm sorry, i'm just so scared. i hope you know you're the only one that takes me away from death."
ᅳ due to extreme criticism from others and having mental illness such as depression and anxiety since he was young, yoongi even considers suicide sometimes, thinking there's no point in life if he also fails music like he thinks he fails everything else. and as much as people might've thought he was talking about a girlfriend / boyfriend here, he wasn't.

"i feel you'll leave just like everybody did. i have a tendency to destroy everything and everyone that makes me happy."
ᅳ his attitude and personality tends to drive those he loves away, so he doesn't want his fans to leave him too.

"you're the one who knows me  best and i've waited so long for you to come in my life."
ᅳ whoever listens to his music knows him very well since the best way to get to know someone is through their art, as it speaks the person's heart.

"but now i'm pushing you right into the dive and i watch you drown, oh, i watch you bleed from your mouth."
ᅳ yoongi finally makes mistakes in public and his loyal fans try to defend him even though he thinks it's a losing battle.

"it must be love, it must be you, it must be what you love to do 'cause you'd rather see the smile on my face than the thorns and steel that come out of my brain."
ᅳ he continues to talk about how his real fans only want his happiness.

"this music ain't the same but how's it supposed to end? if you're standing in front the finish line and you want to go and begin all the way from where you started?"
ᅳ he unfortunately starts to make the music that people want, disregarding his own feelings and he regrets it. he wants to go back to his debut days when everything was calm because he was just a newbie and people don't expect too much from newbies as they do with pros.

"why are you crying? why do you care what they say? you knew how it was gonna be, yet you didn't stay away. you asked for this."
ᅳ here he talks to himself, clearly recalling that he knew the harsh realities of pursuing his dream before he even became famous.

t h e | e n d i n g

once yoongi started writing what he loved again, he becomes happy. it sounds way simpler than it actually is. takes a lot of courage and self-confidence to go against everyone else's wishes.

m y | i n s p i r a t i o n

the neighbourhood's ａｆｒａｉｄ and ｓｔｕｃｋ ｗｉｔｈ ｍｅ.

also the fact that i've been on a huge writer's block for the past few months but this story helped me somehow.