Banks stood on the other side of the door, staring at me wide eyed without saying anything. He opened his mouth a couple of times to try but no sound came out.

I wished I could be more patient but frustration was starting to crash over me. "Did you seriously just knock on my door so that you could give me more silent treatment?"

The tears threatening to spill over were about to do just that and I really didn't want him to see me cry over this. But when I tried to shut the door between us to save what tiny shred of dignity I had left, Banks flattened his palm against the wood to stop it from shutting in his face.

"What was that this morning?" he finally asked at the threshold of my bedroom, his voice tight and nervous.

I blinked at him a few times. "I, uh... figured the reason you weren't talking to me was because you were embarrassed about what happened, so I evened the playing field so that there would be nothing to be embarrassed about."

His jaw twitched. "What I did and what you did were two completely different things."

"Well, I didn't know what else to do! You've been ignoring me all week," I reminded him, stepping away from the door so that he could pass the threshold and shut it behind him.

"I know," he sighed, looking ashamed as his eyes skittered away from me to stare at the back wall of my tiny room. "I know, that wasn't my best laid plan. I just needed time to prepare for this conversation."

Banks looked like he was preparing for me to punch him in the face. My heart pounded hard in my chest. "What conversation is this?"

"The one where you tell me I fucked things up and you don't want to be friends anymore and probably aren't even comfortable living in the same house as me, so one of us will probably have to move out for next semester And I'm the one that fucked things up, so it's going to have to be me."

His face was screwed tight, like he was trying hard not to cry. I tilted my head at him. "How many times have you had that conversation?"

He shrugged, looking down at the floor. "Enough times to recognize the pattern. I mean, it's not like I go around kissing straight guys without their consent all the time. It's usually just them thinking that I was checking them out when I wasn't, or something stupid like that."

"But I've been trying to talk to you this entire time. The texts and voicemails practically begging you to talk to me. Even after that, you still think I want you gone?"

"I figured you just wanted to get it over with," he said, his voice fracturing on the last word. He looked so dejected, so afraid. It was painful to watch. "But I wasn't ready to not be your friend anymore."

I wanted to reach for him the same way I did in the alley that morning after I punched the guy in the street. Wanted to help him feel safe, wanted to hold him together until he wasn't afraid anymore. But after what happened, I wasn't sure if that was allowed.

"I'm really sorry, Liam."

"For what, exactly?"

"You really need me to say it?" For the first time in this entire conversation, he tilted his chin up to look at me. His eyes were wet and I had to cross my arms over my chest to stop myself from reaching for him to offer comfort.

"If you're apologizing for kissing me, I'm not interested. I kissed you too, so we're even anyway." Somehow, my voice sounded a lot more calm than the swirling hurricane of emotions tumbling through my insides. "But if you're apologizing for shutting me out afterward, I'm all ears."

He tilted his head at me, like he was unsure of how to process what I'd said. Eventually, he said, "I'm sorry for that too. I wasn't trying to worry you. I've just been so in my head about what happened. And I shouldn't have kissed you either, obviously."

I let the apology settle in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time before asking, "Why did you do it?"

"Why did I... kiss you?" He seemed confused by the question.

I nodded, urging him to answer. When I sensed his hesitation to answer, I tried to reassure him by adding, "Nothing you could say is going to make me not want to be your friend, Banks. Nothing."

This seemed to ease his barriers enough to start talking but he still seemed nervous. "I don't know, I was caught up in the moment," he said with a shrug, his eyes dropping from mine again to look around the room, at the wall behind my shoulder. His neck and ears were going pink.

"What about the moment, specifically?" I asked. I wasn't trying to embarrass him, but I needed more. My chest was getting tight, my pulse pressing into my ears.

"Jesus, Liam, you are persistent," he said in a grumble as he continued to fidget, now running his fingers through his hair. His blush was a blazing red now I felt bad for making him squirm. "Fuck, I don't know. It was the way we were sitting and you were in all of my senses and it was so much. And then you said something about my tattoos and then so much became too much and I... I know I shouldn't have done it."

I leaned back against my desk, taking in his words and trying to process them. Trying to process the fact that he was in all of my senses too.

I could feel his knees knocking against my legs. I could hear his easy laugh directly in my ear. I could see his thumb grazing over the snake on his arm like he was petting it and the pulse of his heartbeat in his throat. I could smell that watermelon lime gum he was chewing. And then for the briefest of seconds, I could taste him too. Watermelon. Lime. Banks.

"I get it," I finally said, my voice softer now and quiet, my throat choking on every single word.

Finally, he stilled and looked at me. "You get it? What does that mean?"

It was my turn to break our eye contact, my head tilting down until I was staring at my socked feet. My face was getting hot and I knew maybe I shouldn't say these next words because they would change everything, but they were falling out of my mouth like bricks before I could stop it. "You were in my senses too, Banks."

Even though the words and the intention behind them were true, it still felt almost wrong to say it out loud. Like I was betraying everything I ever thought I knew about myself.

He jolted back a step like I'd electrocuted him. "Like, because I was forcing myself into your space?"

"No." I let my eyes raise to the Chelsea poster over Banks's shoulder so that I didn't have to look directly at him. It was hard to say these things out loud when I'd barely even admitted them to myself. "You weren't forcing yourself anywhere. I invited you there. I... I wanted you there."

In my peripheral vision, I could see his disbelief furrowing in his brow. He rolled my words through his head for a long time, processing them, understanding them the best he could, before he finally said, "You're straight, Liam."

"Historically, yes."

"I mean, I asked Ollie the day you moved in and he said you were as straight as they come. Those were his exact words," he explained, like he was too afraid to believe what I'd said. I could hardly believe them myself, because it didn't make any sense. But hearing myself say it out loud, I could feel how true it was.

I nodded. "That's what my track record would show. But... sometimes sexuality doesn't fit into neat little boxes, you know? I don't want to let a stupid label stop me from enjoying a kiss."

Quinn was going to be thrilled that I was quoting her. She loved being right all the time.

"Did you?" he prodded, his voice breathy and his blush so heavy now that his entire neck and face were a tomato shade of red. "Enjoy it?"

"It happened so fast, I wasn't sure. That was why... this morning..."

"You said you did that to even the score."

I shrugged. "I had multiple motives."

Banks's eyes widened slightly before reducing to their normal size again, his breathing picking up pace slightly according to the way his shoulders moved with his breaths. Could he see the way I was blushing? Or how all of my insides were twisting into knots? I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out... maybe both.

He let out what I could only describe as an incredulous laugh, running his fingers through his hair again. I decided that if we did kiss again, I was going to try that, to feel those curls through my fingers. "Are you fucking with me right now, Liam? Because if you are, it's seriously messed up."

"No, I'm not fucking with you," I said, flinching at the accusation, that he actually thought I would try to trick him. I never realized how much he assumed the worst in people when he was feeling vulnerable. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about that kiss all break. I hadn't planned on kissing you in the kitchen but when I saw you there... I don't know, I felt like I had to try it again to figure out how I felt about it."

"So?" he prodded carefully. "Now that you've collected your data, have you decided how you feel about it?"

I forced myself to find his eyes with mine and then I took too breaths and then jumped off the edge of a cliff. "I'd like to do it again."

His eyes widened slightly but he still refused to process what I was saying. "As, like, another experiment?"

"No," I said, my breaths coming out shaky as my eyes involuntarily dropped to his lips, round and soft and nervous. "Just because I want to."

Banks was silent for a long time and I was realizing that this conversation wasn't only about what I wanted. Just because he kissed me once didn't mean he'd want to do it again.

"Of course, if you don't want to... that's fine. Your friendship is the most important thing, I just don't want to lose that."

Banks finally started to look like he was relaxing. "Couldn't even if you tried," he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper, cracking between words.

I felt myself sigh with relief. That Banks was talking to me again, that he did still want to be my friend and that I got my truth off of my chest. It felt like now that it was out in the universe, it wasn't something so heavy that I had to carry around with me like I had been for all of break.

The fact that he didn't confirm or deny if he'd want to kiss again left me standing sort of clueless in front of him, not sure where to go from here.

"And obviously, yes, I want to," he finally said, raking his eyes down my face and back up to mine.

I blinked at him. "It wasn't obvious." I took a few tentative steps closer to him and watched him suck in a sharp breath. So I took another step until we were almost chest to chest and I could smell his sharp deodorant. He was back in all my senses, right where I wanted him to be.

"It was," Banks argued, his voice barely a whisper. "I swear to god, Liam, I've never met anybody as hot and oblivious as you. It's got to be a world record or something."

"I've heard it's part of my charm," I offered. My hand was shaking but I managed to fight through the nerves as I reached for him, resting my palm lightly on is shoulder. "You sure this is okay?"

He nodded, waiting patiently for me to test the feel of his shirt under my fingers, soft and tight on the vague muscles of his shoulder. Banks watched me carefully as I slid my hand along the curve of his neck, like he was trying to gage my reaction, waiting for me to change my mind. If he could hear how fast the blood was rushing in my ears, he wouldn't have been so concerned.

I cupped the back of his clammy neck, feeling soft baby hairs brush against my thumb as I brought us together. There was no part of me that felt like it was weird, holding his chest against mine as my other hand found his waist. No part of me was confused.

I held us there for a long second, gaining my bearings again the best I could before I ducked my mouth the slightest bit until our lips connected for the third time.

Except this one was intentional on both sides. We knew it was coming, we were prepared. Upon the soft impact, I felt Banks's sharp inhale before his mouth relaxed against mine. That near-painful shock lit up my stomach, slithering all the way down my spine again. It wasn't shock, it was white hot need.

Once we got comfortable against each other, my upper lip molding into the crevice of his mouth, I felt Banks grip the front of my shirt to pull me with him toward the wall where we'd have something to lean against. I didn't have enough time to realize which direction we were going until it was too late.

"Ow fuck!" Banks yelped after I heard the all-too familiar thud of a head hitting the tapered ceiling on the right side of the room. When my eyes flung open, he had one palm clutching at the back side of his head. "What the fuck was that?"

"My own personal hell," I said, laughing and pointing up to the ceiling. I instinctively moved my hand from his neck into those soft curls to hold the wounded part of his head. His skin was hot under the tips of my trembling fingers. "Usually doesn't leave a bump, you'll survive."

His eyes refocused on me and I suddenly felt like I was standing on the sun. "That wasn't exactly what I was going for."

"No?" I laughed out the rest of my nerves and decided to floor it. I pulled him away from the offending ceiling and pivoted him to the full length wall beside it, pinning him there with my broad chest and the hand I still had gripping his waist. "Was it something like this?"

He made some sort of affirmative noise in the back of his throat like an 'mhmm'.

Kissing Banks obviously felt different than kissing women. The most noticeable difference being the five o'clock shadow that prickled against my chin. I didn't have to duck down as much, since he was barely an inch shorter than me. He smelled like that mahogany cologne that I'd come to associate with him.

I liked this.

I really liked this. And I wanted more. I wanted anything Banks was willing to give me.

When I was done familiarizing myself with his lips, I started to ask for all of it.

I slowly parted my lips until I could ease my tongue out to allow for a timid taste of his bottom lip. It tasted like soy sauce and Banks.

He groaned into my mouth, gripping the collar of my shirt to pull me closer to deepen the kiss and then his tongue was brushing quickly passed my lips.

That was when I lost my absolute motherfucking mind. Something needy came alive in my stomach, clawing at me for more more more.

Needed his mouth on mine. Needed his lip between my teeth. Needed his body pressed tight against me. Needed Banks. Needed everything about him.

I could tell by the way he kissed me that he was still afraid I'd change my mind about wanting to kiss him. He waited for me to take the lead in all fronts, only deepening his kiss when I opened my mouth for it. I pulled my lips from his only long enough to catch a breath and then I kissed him hard, trying my best to prove to him that I wanted this.

His hand fell to my chest, right against my heart. Or at least, where my heart used to be before it exploded about seven minutes ago. When his teeth grazed gently against my lip as he sucked it into his mouth, that white hot need surged inside me again in a way I'd never felt before. It was dizzying and hot and so fucking good.

And then I was realizing another difference between kissing Banks and the other kisses I'd had in my life time. When my erection started pressing against his hip, there was something poking back in response. I didn't have time to process this new sensation before it was interrupted.

"Liam, is Banks still in there with you?" Ollie called through the door, causing us to jump, placing a couple of inches between us.

My forehead fell to Banks's heaving shoulder as I answered, "Yes, he is."

"Everything going okay?" he wondered warily. "Haven't heard any talking in a while."

"Don't you think that means you shouldn't interrupt, Oliver?" Banks snapped at his cousin, his voice gritty with frustration and something else.

"Oh, well I was just worried that-" Ollie stopped talking, seemingly now understanding what Banks was hinting at. "Ohhh. Sorry. I'm going. My bad. Carry on."

I stepped away from Banks as Ollie's footsteps were heard tapping down the stairs.

He leaned back against the wall, rolling his eyes. "Idiot." Banks looked absolutely wrecked. His usually neat curls were all over the place, dazed eyes, pink skin, wet swollen lips. I couldn't stop staring at him.

"He means well," I said with a laugh.

Banks returned my smile before it soon faded and he went back to looking as worried as he did when he first walked into my room. "You know, Liam. I know that sexuality is a tricky thing and it can get overwhelming to be questioning things. I just... I want to keep kissing you because fucking obviously but you'll tell me if you change your mind, right? Because it's totally fine to try something out and then decide it's not for you. No hard feelings or anything, I just need you to be honest."

"I will," I promised him, even though I could never imagine not wanting to kiss him. Now that I've had just a little taste, I was fully addicted.

"I just don't want you to ever feel uncomfortable, or like you feel obligated to do anything," he explained, re-situating his shirt from where I'd pulled it up his body a little bit.

I stepped forward and thought about kissing him one last time, quickly to say goodbye for the night, but knew that I might get carried away if I tried. "I don't see that ever happening but I promise, I'll let you know."

He nodded, seemingly at ease with that answer. "Okay. I'll see you in the morning?"

"See you in the morning, Banks."