I sat at my computer screen, tapping my keyboard and yawning. I was kicking myself for being awake at 12AM checking my emails when suddenly a message on the dating app I'd been using called Mtch popped up. I jumped off my chair and started pacing like a jerk for no reason other than I hadn't had any matches for 10 months since I had started using the thing, and I was desperate.

1 new match for you, Matt!

Yes! Thank God this came in when my parents can't see me. The problem is this; they barely understand me as a 22-year-old, yet alone that I'm trans. And it's hard enough to be dating when you live with a world and family like that. But if they knew that the reason I had my dating app under the "math folder" was because I had set my preferences to guys? They'd probably delete my profile and existence. Don't get me wrong, I liked girls too. But I figured why not stretch my legs a little and try something new. My parents wouldn't understand, though. That's why I was the only one who knew I was bi, and I wanted to keep it that way for a little while.

"Matt?" My little sister, Gabbie, knocked on my door, startling me and nearly making me drop my phone.

"Jesus, Gab, what have I told you about scaring me like that!" I yelped, reaffirming my grip on the precious device.

"Sorry," She mumbled, staring at the ground and rocking back and forth awkwardly.

"Nevermind. What is it?" I walked up to her and knelt down.

Ever since our parents had found out I was 'not like other girls', they had pestered Gabbie to be what they considered normal. I could tell it was having a toll on her, but what was worse was that she was only ten years old. She didn't deserve to face the awful narrative painted by the world so young. It wasn't fair.

"Mom and Grandma were fighting again, did you hear?" She asked quietly.

"If it was about me, no. I choose to ignore that." I said. "But, yeah, I heard. They seemed pretty heated."

Gabbie nodded and looked up to me, her small eyes shining from the light of my computer screen. She had been crying again, and it broke my heart. I patted her head gently, placing my other hand on her shoulder in the best big brother fashion I could.

"Don't worry," I assured her calmly. "It'll be fine. Just go to sleep, everything will be better in the morning."

She gave me a tight bear hug, the soft cushion of her stuffed teddy bear almost making me feel better. This is why I do it. Why I put up with them. I pulled away and watched her, making sure she was OK.

"Off to bed, alright?" I instructed, standing up and walking her to my bedroom door.

"Matty?" She turned and looked up at me, her eyebrows furrowed.

"What is it?" I asked.

"When you go back, will you promise to not be so busy? Last year was so boring without you." She whined slightly.

She was going on again about when I went back to college, which was adorable, really. I tried my best to muster the strength to tell her I would try, but I hated letting her down. Especially when I had made a promise. I put my hands in my sweatpant pockets and smiled. "We'll see."

"Oh, ok." She pouted, turning around and walking out the door.

"Gab," I followed her out into the hallway and sighed. "Listen, one day when you grow up, it'll make sense. Just... enjoy your time for right now. Don't worry about the grown up things."

"I just want you to make play dough with me." She grumbled carelessly as she huffed off to her room.

Good. You just worry about the kid stuff. I walked back into my room and closed the door, putting my attention back on my phone. The unread message on Mtch was still there, taunting me. I opened the app, and was floored. My stomach dropped about ten miles, my temperature rose like ten degrees, and my heart pounded around ten beats faster.

Kye Meyers: Holy shit

I beg the douchey smile to fall off my face. Shit, you're still there? Kye Meyers, oh would a million words never describe what I would say to Kye Meyers. Hottest dude, ever. No, that's weird. Don't say that. I sat on my bed and stared at my phone screen as if the whole night was just a drug induced dream. Didn't we kiss? Oh, right, that was in that dream... FUCK. Daydreaming again, ok. Get it together, Matt. Just because you haven't heard from him since tenth grade doesn't mean anything.

Me: Yo! Haha. Dang, this is awkward

I once again want to know who let me make the decision to send that. I waited as I saw him read the message, and my heart started pounding.

Kye Meyers: Hey haha yeah man. Weird, isn't it? How have you been! It feels like it's been ages.

Are we not going to talk about the fact that we just matched on a dating app? I typed as my fingers were shaking and tried not to allow myself to peek at his profile. What am I supposed to say? I didn't want to type out a long how are you, so I tried to be honest. At the end of it, I ended up erasing the same message about five times before sending it.

Me: I mean, yeah, I've been good. Just hanging in there. Hbu?

I'd like to introduce why I'm single; the fuck is that? I rolled my eyes at the cringe response I'd sent and tried to ignore the pain as he typed back.

Kye Meyers: Yeah, same tbh. I mean, sorry if this is weird. I know it's strange for me. We haven't spoken since who knows when. And, I haven't been the best at keeping in touch. Sorry. I've just had a lot happening. Life and everything.

Me: oh. No worries. I'm not worried. I hope it didn't seem like I was worried. Cause I'm not. You know, worried. Anyway

Kye Meyers: LOL. I've missed you, though! So really, how've you been?

My heartbeat spiked when I read that. He'd missed me? I tossed aside my previous resentment and ranted away, talking about how I missed him and our friends, how I wanted to move back so bad. Even how I remembered his birthday every year somehow made it in. I checked the time after I hit send, realizing it was close to half past 1AM.

I put my phone down, trying to be responsible and go to bed. However, each time I thought of him my heart fluttered. I was so excited to read his next message that I could barely sleep. Needless to say, it led to a long night.

When I woke up the next morning, my phone had over five new messages from Kye on Mtch, and I almost immediately croaked. I thought last night had been a dream? Dashing to get my morning testosterone shot and make sure my other to-do's were complete, I nearly tripped over my little sister in the hallway.

"Hey, watch where you're going, peabrain!" She shouted, sticking her tongue out jokingly and putting her hands on her waist.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going, tiny." I shot back with a smirk.

"Mom! Matty is calling me small again!" She yelled as she ran to the kitchen.

If it meant she could have fun when she tattled on me, I let her. But for some reason my father was in a bad mood that day and decided he had it out for me.

"Why do you do that to your sister? Don't you have any respect for the other people in this house? Watch where you're going, please. And don't make fun of her." He scolded as he marched down the stairs to head to work. "Goodbye, everyone. I'll be back before dinner. And Matthew, don't forget to drop off your sister at practice when she comes home from school. Your mom will be working."

"Yeah, sure." I muttered, trying to avoid the bad taste in my mouth.

"What was that?" He stared at me from the front door, almost glaring.

"Yes, sir." I played it off smoothly.

"I'm getting too old to hear you kids," He grumbled as he walked out the door.

After I finished my morning routine and everyone had left, I ran to my phone and read Kye's messages. Considering the morning I'd had, it was the least I'd earned.

Kye Meyers: Yeah, so about that. Whatever happened to you and your transition? Oh, sorry I don't mean to sound weird. Just wondering. I know that might seem rude, but I swear I'm not.

Kye Meyers: Actually, what're you doing tomorrow?

Kye Meyers: We should hang!

Kye Meyers: Matt?

Kye Meyers: You fell asleep on me '-'

Kye Meyers: Listen, read these when you wake up and get back to me, ok? Would love to hang out with you via video chat

I sat on the living room couch and laid down comfortably, trying to play it cool. When I pressed the call button on Mtch however, I was dying. It's cool, man. Just act natural. You got this.

"Hello?" Kye's voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Hey," I replied.

"Oh, shit! Matty? What's up!" He beamed as he turned on his camera.

I freaked out, not able to show him my face. He hadn't seen me since I'd first begun to transition, so I had no idea how he would react should he see me.

"Not much," I said nervously, biting my nails. "Just chilling."

"Neat," He smiled and nodded.

"Sorry. I'm making this cringe, aren't I?" I choked on my spit, coughing loudly as Kye laughed on the other end.

"Not at all. It's nice to hear your voice."

I stopped reaching for my water when he spoke, and for the first time I was brought back to eighth grade prom when he'd almost asked me to dance.

"Kye, honey, what have I told you about leaving your dirty laundry in the living room?" A woman's voice asked.

"Mom, sheejus, I'm on the phone with Matt!" He exclaimed sheepishly. "Anyway, forget you heard that, please."

I laughed, forgetting to contain my childish giggle. "No way."

"I'll never live this down, will I?" He lamented with a chuckle.

"Not as long as you talk to me," I remarked.

"So..."

"Yep..."

We sat in an uncomfortable yet familiar moment for a few minutes until finally one of us decided to break the silence.

"Watched any good movies lately?" I asked awkwardly.

"Just that one, I forget who was in it. You?"

"Not really."

"Did you... want to hear something crazy?" Kye asked suddenly.

I blinked three times before nodding instinctively and blanking on the fact that I hadn't turned my camera on. "Uh- Yeah. Alright."

"My friend, actually one of my best friends, is graduating university next week. He gave me two tickets but I can't find anyone here to give the extra one. You want an excuse to come back, right?" He suggested casually.

"I- I don't know, Kye." I admitted. "That's nice, but you know that town. Nobody there likes me. And it would be strange coming back."

"Times have changed, Matty. Besides, you said it yourself. We need to hang out again."

His words had me reeling, both from fear and elation. On the one hand, I desperately wanted to go back. It would be so nice to see him again. On the other hand, I had a huge problem; half of our hometown thought I was a not so nice word. You're an idiot. Ah. Not far off from the truth.

"Matt?"

"Sorry, my mind checked out." I laughed, but on the inside I was sad. I couldn't go back. No way.

"Please say you'll be there." Kye begged softly.

"Man... I don't know." I sighed.

"Kye, kitchen, please." His mom called for him.

"Yeah, sure thing! Listen, Matt, I gotta go. Think about what I said?"

I felt the tears clog my eyes before I took a deep breath and wiped them away. "Alright. Bye."

He hung up the phone, leaving me feeling like I'd been told I had failed a class. I hated that half of me was anxious while the rest told me to never speak to him again. Cautiously, I let the thought rest in my head. Going back to Mellow Brook. Something I never thought I'd think or do.

The front door unlocked then, and I saw Gabbie walk in from school. The great thing about our neighborhood was that a teacher lived right next door that was willing to homeschool her at a cheap enough cost for us to afford. Convenient for our parents, safer for her.

"Hey, tiny, how was school?" I teased her with a grin as she set her bag down.

"I'm telling mom what you said," She smiled back while pretending to be mad.

"Ready for choir practice?"

"Ready to stop being a jerk?"

"Oh, touche," I chuckled.

She made odd faces for a few seconds before running upstairs to grab her choir book. When she came back, I was already up and waiting outside the door. Don't think about him. Do not think about him. STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. Fuck.

"Why are you making that face?" Gabbie asked, watching me intently.

"What? What face?"

She mimicked what looked like a lunatic that was trying not to explode. Well that explains it.

"I was thinking about some stuff." I shrugged her off while walking to my car.

"You left these," She held up my car keys, giving me the cutest attempt at sass I'd ever witnessed.

"Thanks."

When an hour had passed after taking Gabbie to her lesson, I felt my eyes glued to my phone screen. Kye had messaged me again, and it took every ounce of my sanity not to immediately message him back.

Kye Meyers: Will you be there? I just had another friend ask for the ticket, but I would rather give it to you

I tapped the top of my knee, willing it to give me an answer. Based on his text, he was going to milk a yes out of me whether I wanted to or not. My sister walked out of the church just then, as if a force from beyond was telling me the answer.

"My teacher liked my singing today," She announced proudly as she got in the car.

"That's great, sis," I started the ignition, avoiding my phone as it buzzed.

"Oooh, who's Kyyye?" Gabbie made my heart jump into my throat.

"Give me that!" I gagged, grabbing my phone from her grip. "He's just a friend, and don't tell mom and dad."

"Why?"

"Because," I said sternly.

"Why?"

I sighed, clutching my fingers to my nose ridge. "Look, just don't. Please?"

"But whyy?"

"Gabbie!" I turned to look at her, almost laughing as she wore the most annoyed face she could. "I tell you what; I'll handle telling mom and dad, you just worry about yourself."

I waited for her nod of approval, and as she did I smiled and pulled out of the churches parking lot. How the hell am I supposed to talk to my parents about this? Shit.