Hey

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Kenji has been in his room, he doesn't want to go anywhere, but we have to move out. We can't stay here; it's dangerous here, and it makes it worse that we're moving farther away from Eva. I feel so bad. He really liked Eva more than he liked Lila; in fact, he didn't want to talk to her.

He's so angry, and yet he can't do anything, and neither can I or Izzie. We can't force another person to do what they don't want–well, I can't, but Izzie might be able to, but he doesn't, and he probably won't.

"Kenji, mi corazon, mi amour. Stop crying, you'll make new friends." (My heart, my love) I said with enthusiasm.

We're driving to our new house/hideout, and Kenji's been silently crying the whole way. I don't know how to get him to stop. This isn't good for his growth, and Izzie knows that, but we have no choice. He's doing what's best for his son....our son.

And that's for him to stay alive......god, I've grown attached to another person's child. I think I'm beyond down bad.

I sighed. "Izzie, can we talk to Eva's mother?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?!" I exclaim quietly. "Your son is crying over his only friend."

"What about the bitch's daughter, Lila?"

"Kenji and Lila just met. He met Eva when he first arrived here."

"No, it's better this way; all he needs to know is that Eva's alive and safe. If she's not dead, he's fine."

"Is that your logic with me? Because it's not working."

Izzie scoffed. "Not everything is about you; get over yourself."

I rolled my eyes and looked away. "If I'm going to be part of this shit, I want you to teach me how to fight, how to shoot."

Izzie scoffed. "No, what do you think this is?"

"The mafia, where I could fucking die! Where Kenji and I could fucking die! Damsels in distress always die if I wasn't equipped enough–if this were to be my first time, all of us would have died, Izzie!" I yelled. Kenji was crying louder, and Izzie cursed under his breath.

"I don't want you involved; what don't you understand?"

"Well, I am involved, so teach me how to deal with it."

"You're so dumb," Izzie snarled. "You're so fucking dumb!" He yelled, banging his fist against the wheel, startling both Kenji and me.

He sighed. "Fuck, Renata, this never would've happened if you had just found a Spaniard man to bother; look at our situation."

"Well, at least be fucking grateful, I don't have to do this, but I've grown so attached to him, I actually think he's my child."

"And he is, but you are not my lover, and you will never be. I won't fall in love just to be hurt. It's a waste of time."

"It wouldn't hurt to have someone by your side."

"No. It's a fucking hassle to love someone. Do you know how I felt when Ivan told me you were in the middle of a shootout with two kids?"

"So you do love me," I whispered, tears clogging my eyes.

"No, I like you," he admitted. "I find you attractive, and yes, I want to fuck you sometimes, and I respect you as the mother of my child, so I guess you could say that I care about you, but it'll never get any farther than that."

"So why can't you just–"

"I won't do that again. I won't try to feel 'happy' with someone. Love is meaningless."

"Your parents are in love."

"Yea, and when mom thought dad had died, she had broken down crying every day on her bed for years. She was in mental and physical pain, and she had to conceal it to make us feel better, but we all saw how broken she was. Adele tortured me every single day of our relationship, and just when I thought I could get rid of her, she got pregnant. Love has been nothing but a bitch to me, and you're not going to be the one to change that. Get your head out of your ass."

"It won't always be like that–"

"Renata, this conversation is over."

"Izzie–"

"Renata, I said fucking stop." He said sternly.

I turned around, facing the window.

I guess this is it....

༺♥༻

I had finally finished unpacking, and I was in the dining room, just spacing out. Izzie was in the kitchen on his phone, probably accepting another murder, when Kenji came up and stood in between the kitchen and dining room.

"Dad, are you and mo–m still together? Pl–please still be together. I-I promise I'll be good."

"Don't worry, kid. It has nothing to do with you."

Kenji nodded. "B–but please just–just stay together–are you toge–gether?"

Izzie and I looked at each other and then back at him. "Mi corazon, I'm sorry, but we've never been together. We're not together or married."

Kenji's eyes filled with tears. "First E–Eva!" Kenji exclaimed with a shaky tone that broke my heart. "Now, you–you–you–"

"Kenji, please calm down; I beg of you."

"No!" He yelled.

Izzie's eyes widened. "Kenji, we're still with you." He assured.

Kenji sobbed. "B–but, y–you're not together! W–we–we're not a real family! I want a real f–fa–family."

"We are one, corazon." (heart).

"Kenji, you have a mom and a dad," Izzie said.

Kenji shook his head, crying uncontrollably. "W–why can't a–anything b–be normal for m–me?!

"Mi amour, you are perfect." (My love) I assured.

Kenji still shook his head. "N–n–n–n–" Kenji's eyes rolled back, and he fell back, but Izzie caught him. Kenji started shaking violently.

Kenji was having a seizure...again.

"Izzie, call an ambulance now!" I yelled, unbuttoning Kenji's pants and putting him on his side. I put a cloth in his mouth to keep him from biting himself.

"M–mommy, d–daddy," he groaned, almost incoherently.

"Fuck," Izzie cursed under his breath as he dialed an ambulance.

Tears streamed from my eyes as I watched Kenji shake uncontrollably, foaming at the mouth through the cloth. "You're going to be ok," I sobbed. "You're going to be fine."

Sigh.