It isn't until the flight takes off that she finally lets herself let out a pained sigh. Tears cloud her eyes and she lets them flow silently in the darkness of the flight during take off. Parting wishes and goodbyes and blessings, all of them are supposed to be melancholic, more so if they are permanent. Not the barrage of cruel words and ripping off of barely sticking bandages over howling wounds sanitized under the saline liquid pain of her tears! Not the barked phrases of misplaced anger she has been wilting under for years!

She sighs again, the pain a familiar constant and rests her head against the window, wrapping all of her wounds in entirety by a numbing fog of nothingness.
Closing her eyes, she wipes away the tears and slowly slips into slumber.
_

To the rise of dawn in a new place, the ode is of a new beginning. A fresh beginning realizing the one phrase she has whispered to herself as a solace - 'away, far away'. She breathes in the fresh air and feels the freedom, true freedom, one that is not from the gashes and the frozen rivulets of pain harbored in them but from the whip. 

The drive to her place fills her with the thoughts of how she acquired it on a visit which was supposed to be just that - a visit. Life really does work in incomprehensible ways. It began when her high school teacher with whom she had kept contact and who was her favorite teacher, a person she looked up to, had surprised her when she arrived at her doorstep with an opportunity that she just couldn't refute. And that opportunity paved way to a moment in a park surrounded by nothing but snow covered trees, where seated alone on a bench, cold air caressing the contours of her reddened face like a tender kiss of assurance, she arrived at a decision she had never dared to in all these years, even after having her own job and salary unmonitored. It was there that she decided she needed to be away, away from the one person she loved the most, who she was sure loved her too, just not enough to counter the mirages of mind to let that love emerge. 

It was a profound moment, a pivotal moment, a moment that had the warped demons of guilt and depreciation unleashing a tempest to conquer the spark of hope, all of it surrounded by neutral smog clouds of agony. Not this time though! She hadn't let the spark of hope that revived her left behind dream die like she did every day. Fueled anew, she had walked back to the hotel she had been put up in and opened her laptop, not emerging till early dawn by which she had all the needed information, timelines noted and a plan formed. 

The sound of the taxi stopping snaps her out of her recollection. She pays the amount and deboards the taxi, pulling her luggage along to the flat that would be her home from then on.

_

With the melodious backdrop of Ajeeb Daastan Hain Yeh playing from the radio, another morning commences. She moves about, humming along as she fixes herself  a simple breakfast of dosa- chutney and a strong cup of coffee.

It has been 3 years since she has settled down in her new flat and it has been a less upscaling journey than her entire life so far so while she wouldn't call it a walk in the park, it still isn't a mountain to scale. The autonomy of her choices and decisions for this house makes her feel more confident and brings about a shade of optimism that somehow had started fading at the edges of her being.

Settling on the carpeted ground by the sofa, she relishes her breakfast while going through the latest updates of her latest manuscript sent in for publishing.
_

Naina began writing when she was a ninth grader and her first written piece was a poem she cherishes till date and which she always will. It wasn't until college that she began venturing into prose, strongly driven by need of distraction and another outlet to vent after which it began to embody more of her new voice. Her venture into poetry remained constant but her foray into prose remained equally beside.

Moving away from her hometown after taking a major decision also came with another prominent decision in tow. With a collection of written work she has always wanted to publish, she began the arduous job of compilation and editing while working part time. The first one of her works that was published was a short poetry collection filled with her musings of teen and young adult years. It was the first step taken towards where she now stands and it brought about her partnership with the publishing house that has promised her quality and adherence to her requirements while going reasonable on the fee.

The phone chimes and the message brings a smile to her face. Just some more time and her first collection of themed poetry will be out. A sense of accomplishment and gratitude fills her heart. She can finally say things are going much better than she's ever dreamed about!

Winding up, she moves to her desk to work on the novella she has begun, the first one and a personal one in the way that she feels will finally bring in some sort of catharsis.

What she doesn't know is that this novella would change so much for her! Because it will not be catharsis but a memoir!

____________________________________

Love,
Pratyusha