Hello, Lovelies,

Thank you for joining me and reading my Nanowrimo project, Jaded.  I am over 21,000 words in!  I can't believe I did that in nine days.  Thank you for supporting me!  It means so much to me.  I truly hope you are enjoying the story.  Please let me know if you do.  I appreciate everyone who does.  

Warning: There will be sex in this chapter.  If this disturbs you, please skip this chapter.  

-XXX Amanda

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February 6, 1981

Carol sat at the table with her hands folded in front of her, gripping them so tight that her knuckles were white. My heart picked up speed as fear slid through me as every scenario played out in my head before settling on the worst one. Were they taking me away from her?

My stomach churned, hoping I was wrong and nothing bad was going to happen but I had known Carol for two years and I knew the signs and they were all in front of me. I tensed, waiting for her to speak, each second stretching out my torture.

"You know I love you, Liza," she said, her first sentence not lessening my anxiety. Her voice trembled as her eyes shined with tears, "But since Megan turned eighteen and has phased out of foster care, the powers that be have decided I'm too old...Too frail to be a foster mother."

I glanced at Megan who sat beside me. Her hand tightened on mine as we waited for Carol to speak again. Tears made a trail down her cheeks as as she took a shallow breath.

"The truth is they are right," she sighed, her shoulders drooping forward as she closed her eyes.

I tilted my head, sensing there was something else she hadn't told us, "What do you mean?" I asked pushing the words over the lump in my throat.

She met my gaze, "Baby, I'm dying," she said, spitting the words from between her lips quickly and causing me to flinch.

I took in her words, blinking before shaking my head, "No," I whispered, gripping Megan's hand tighter.

"Gail has been kind enough to keep my illness a secret for as long as possible. Megan you'll need to find somewhere to live and make sure Liza knows where to find you because you know how the system is," she whispered, her voice broken, "There is no telling where she'll end up after she leaves me."

Megan began to cry but lifted her chin, "I have a job but the most I could afford is a motel room."

"That will have to do," she said, closing her eyes as two more tears fell, "You've written your friend in L.A.?"

"Micah and yes, I've written him," she said, her lip trembling, "He has a place for us when Liza phases out of the foster system."

"I'll make sure to leave you both enough money to get there," Carol said and then, gazed into my eyes, "Liza, I know how afraid you are but find Megan the day you turn eighteen. Go with her to L.A. Have a life. Make me proud."

I nodded but my heart crumbled as I stared at the only true mother I had knowing that even in that moment, she was slipping away.

**********

June 9, 1982

We stumbled into the house at three in the morning. Tommy's arm was around my waist, pulling me close as if afraid I would slip away from him. Maybe I was stupid for believing him...Maybe I was stupid period after my life had proven repeatedly that anything good would end but I wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to believe him.

When we reached my bedroom door, his eyes found mine, darkening as he reached forward and cupped my cheek, "Do you want me to chase your nightmares away tonight?"

My lips twitched as my heart did somersaults in my chest. I took a deep breath pushing away all of my fears.

"If you want to," I whispered as a smile spread across his face.

"Liza, I will always want to be where you are," he said, his thumb moving over my cheek.

I reached behind me and turned the knob to my room and pushed the door open as he kissed me. I encircled his neck, my hands burying in his hair as we backed into the room. Tommy kicked the door closed with the heel of his foot before pulling me closer, savoring the kiss with slow strokes of his tongue before pulling away from me with his eyes dark with lust though he made no move to undress me.

My hands moved from his neck down his chest to the hem of his shirt before reaching beneath it to trace my hands over his muscled abdomen. His breath hitched as his fingertips traced up and down my back as his lips met mine again.

"We should stop," he whispered against my lips, his voice husky as I pulled back to stare into his face.

It was obvious he was trying to stop for me...Because he cared about me. His body was shaking with restraint. I swallowed realizing that his sexual needs had been taken care of the moment he had wanted them to be since his band had become popular. The fact he was willing to wait told me I was more important than those other girls had been.

I bit my bottom lip, knowing it was too soon after meeting him, I couldn't stop the need pulsing through me to be with him.

"No, we shouldn't," I whispered, pressing my body against his, causing him to groan.

"But I don't want you to think-"

"That you want me?" I asked as my from under his shirt as his body trembled giving me power that I had never possessed and with it a boldness that I hoped wouldn't bite me in the ass later as I gripped the proof of his desire for me as I leaned closer and whispered in his ear, "It's okay. I want you too."

"Liza," he said as a tremble worked through him.

"Please, Tommy," I pleaded, needing him more and more as each second passed, "I've never wanted to do this before but I want to...With you."

His breath hissed from between his teeth as he gripped my shirt and pulled it over my body before he completely gave in and slammed his mouth into mine in a bruising kiss.

**********

His lips seared mine as he continued to kiss me, causing me to tremble as he unbuttoned my skirt and let it drop to the floor. I toed out of my shoes and pulled off my socks, rising as I fought the need to cover my body. Color rose to my face as I felt his gaze touch me, the intensity as strong as if he were running his hands over my body.

"Don't look down," he said, his voice husky as I raised my eyes to his, taking in his heated gaze, "You're so fucking beautiful it hurts."

His lips met mine again as he gently pushed me toward the bed, laying me upon it before lifting from me to reach behind him to pull the shirt over his head. My eyes widened as I took in his muscled abdomen, moving lower where his shaking hands fumbled over his pants and underwear, pulling them down his long, toned legs. My eyes widened as I moved to the part of him that would join us jutting long and proud from him.

He toed out of his boots and socks before putting his knee on the bed. His tongue moved over his bottom lip, causing my heart to jump. My stomach clenched deliciously as he grabbed my leg and kissed it just below the curve of my knee before licking up my thigh with the tip of his tongue. My body trembled as he reached my panties. His hands moved up my outer thighs to my hips before gripping the sides of my panties and pulling them down my legs.

Fear slid through me as I lay there exposed to him but the moment my gaze slid over his face twisted in desire, it faded and I knew Tommy wouldn't hurt me. He glanced up at me and grinned before leaning forward and licking me in the very place where I craved his touch the most. My breath hitched as stars exploded behind my closed eyes. My legs shook as his tongue circled my most sensitive spot causing my muscles to clench as I reached my climax. I moaned his name as he continued to lick and suck every last drop, savoring it...Savoring me.

He moved up my body, licking around my belly button and nicking my ribs with his teeth and causing me to hiss with the sting before he kissed it away. He reached my breasts reaching behind me and unhooked my bra, sliding it down my arms and throwing it across the room. I sucked a breath between my teeth as he took one rosy peak between his lips, swirling his tongue around it before doing the same to the other. Then, his mouth met mine, kissing me in a way that was gentle, treating me as if I were precious before moving away to rest his forehead against mine to stare into my eyes.

"I forgot a condom," he whispered on a groan.

I shook my head, "I'm on birth control." I didn't tell him I started taking it after being raped. I shook the thought away not wanting to ruin this moment.

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes darkening, "Are you sure you want to do this without...I mean...Are you sure?"

I smiled as he stumbled over his words and nodded before he groaned, pulling me against him, "I want you to trust me...I don't want you to think I did that on purpose...I've never had sex without-"

I kissed him stopping his babbling before pulling back and caressing his cheek, "I do trust you."

He inhaled calming, his body still before pressing his lips against mine. I could feel him at my entrance before pushing forward agonizingly slow. He groaned into my mouth as he finally settled within me.

He pulled away from the kiss, his eyes finding mine as a frown settled over his brow. His eyes darkened as he stared into my eyes, "You're mine, right?" He asked, "Please say you're mine."

My heart clenched as I realized he was just as afraid as I was that this would end, "I'm yours," I whispered, knowing it was the truth.

He pulled out the muscles quivering in his back as I embraced him before entering me again slowly. My breath rushed from me as I absorbed the feel of him, clenching around his length.

"Say it again, Liza," he said pulling from me again to move back into me with more force causing me to gasp.

"I'm yours, Tommy," I gasped as his mouth slammed into mine as he thrust into me again and again. My body tensed once more, heating as my climax hit causing me to cry out his name as my nails raked down his back. His groan followed as the heat of his release filled me and he fell onto my chest.

My heart thudded in my chest as he pulled away to lay back on my bed, before tugging me against him. He took my hand placing it on his chest. I could feel it against my fingertips as he whispered.

"You're mine but I'm yours too," he said, taking a deep breath as he pulled me closer so my head rested on his chest. His heart beat against my ear, becoming my favorite lullaby as I fell into a deep sleep.