chapter 8: dear friend: the song that's never for me
"The saddest thing is to be a minute to someone, when you've made them your eternity."
— Unknown
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It took me a year to write this song.
Not because I didn't know how to write.
But because, for the first time...
I didn't know who I was writing for.
I've written so many songs.
About people who made my heart race.
People who made me laugh, made me cry —
then made me write love songs.
But with you —
I didn't know where to begin.
Because you weren't like anyone else.
You didn't love me with an "I love you."
You loved me by letting me be myself,
even when I never gave your love a name.
⸻
I reread your notebook.
Thin pages. Trembling pen strokes.
There was a line you wrote:
"You did nothing wrong."
I cried all night because of that line.
Not because I felt guilty.
But because, for the first time,
I realized love could be that quiet.
To love without needing it returned.
To love without needing to be loved.
To love...
just so the one you love could live as they wished.
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I never loved you.
I don't think I could.
But if there's anyone I owe a song to —
it's you.
Not because you ever asked for it.
But because...
I wanted to leave something behind.
Something to fill the empty space
where you once sat.
Third row. Left side.
Always empty on show nights now.
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This song has no chorus.
Just piano —
soft as all the words left unsaid.
I didn't sing it loud.
I only whispered it —
the way you used to be beside me.
Quiet. Always there.
[Final lyric – "Dear Friend"]
You were always there,
So I forgot how to see you.
You were never mine,
So I forgot how to lose you.
This song is too late,
Too quiet,
Too full of you.
But still...
Let me sing it, dear friend.
Even if you never get to hear it.
⸻
I couldn't love you.
But I couldn't forget you either.
Some people don't enter your life with noise —
they arrive as quiet companionship.
And when they leave,
you realize they've taken with them
some of the liveliness you thought was your own.
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Tonight, I stood on stage again.
Looked out over the empty seats.
No spotlight.
No camera.
No new single.
I just wanted to believe —
somewhere, within the lights,
you were sitting there.
Still quietly listening to me,
like you always did.
And this time —
this song...
is yours.
⸻
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