Chapter Four
Author's Note: Thanks so much for the votes and the comments. Here's a longer chapter.

Someone closed the door behind me and I could have sworn I heard chuckling. I tried the handle and found that there was none. Don’t tell me this door only opens from the outside. The light, a blue blub, flickered off and on with a ten to twenty seconds interval and it was a little difficult to see. I felt P’Arthit come near me; his milky scent filled my nose. The space wasn’t small but filled with as it was with goods it seemed so.
“What’s wrong? Did the door close?”
The light flickered on and once again I could clearly see the handless door. Damn P’Bright and P’Pem. Those two were quickly losing my respect, I swear.
“What’s wrong?”
“We are locked in,” I said angrily and felt him stare at me. I met his gaze and tried to hold onto my anger but with his purpling nose and wide eyed innocence I lost. I sighed and said, “We are going to have to call for help.”

“Right, I’ll call Nott.” He brought out his phone and started dialing the number. It rang for a long time but Nott didn’t pick up. I knew P’bright and P’Pem have probably made sure we couldn’t reach our friends easily. My own phone, I remembered Prae asking me to lend it to her so she could go to the bathroom. She never did bring it back. Were my whole friends really that sick enough to plan a whole trip just to get us together? I wondered what P’Arthit would think when he finds out.

I let him call two others while  I took a circle around and discovered  that this was a store room.  Good thing it was not very cold now but something told me that it would later in the night. By then P’Pem and P’Bright would be back to let us out. Still, I didn’t know what they thought they were doing. Like a few hours in a locked space was all we needed to sort out things between us. To be perfectly honest I was really okay where I stood with P’Arthit, any more would be too much and bound to come with pain.
“No one is answering Kongpob.”

I turned and regarded him silently for a moment. He looked serious and ready to solve our present predicament. “No one at all? Isn’t that strange?” I was half hoping to make him think about possible explanations why that is.

“Very. What’s weirder is why someone locked us here in the first place.”

I froze. I hadn’t said that someone locked us, how did P’Arthit know already. “Why do you think that?”

“What else could have happened, did you plan to lock us in here?”

“No, “I said defensively, “why would I? It could have been a mistake though, why didn’t you think of that?”

“Cause I saw someone in here with us”
I stepped closer surprised,”P’Bright?”

P’Arthit blinked. “No. I don’t know. I didn’t see their face very clearly. Why do you think it was Ai’Bright?”

Here was a good time to tell him that I thought his friends, well apparently my friends too, were insane and this was all a plot to get us back together. Picturing P’Arthit’s angry expression I added: break us. Maybe they wanted us to either get back together or break up for good. That was funny because then it sounded like I had been trying to stay faithful to P’Arthit all these years somehow hoping he’d wake up and realize that I was the love of his life as he was mine.

I shook my head, “I don’t know. You know how he is, he is the most likely person I can think of that would do this to us.”

“Him and Ai”Tota. You’ve got a point.”
He turned, walked back to the door and started to hammer it with his fist and call for help. The door wasn’t very strong, it was made of wood and I could break it if I wanted. It wouldn’t be easy but it was possible and then I could pay for it later. I wasn’t the wealthiest man in the world but I had money, more than enough of it. Paying for the damage and some wouldn’t make a dice in my bank account. But I didn’t do it.
“If someone had heard you they’d be here by now P’Arthit.”

He turned to look at me then slowly removed his fist from the door. “Why are you so calm?”

I shrugged, “there’s nothing to worry about. Sooner or later someone is going to come looking for us. We are not in any danger.” The light flickered briefly and I noticed a small window at the top where the moon was shining under.

“You were always the optimistic one,”

P’Arthit said and I turned to see him rubbing at his bruised nose. How I had reacted so defensively and hurt him I didn’t know. I noticed I was still clutching the bottle of soft drink which was the only frozen thing I could find. “Here, use this.”

I passed it to him and he collected it with a grateful look, or what I thought was a grateful look cause who knows, he might not think he needed to be grateful seeing as it was my fault he got injured.
“Thanks.”

“Sorry again, I didn’t know you were behind me.”

“it’s alright, I shouldn’t have come up behind you like that.”

“What did you want to tell me?” I asked, now curious about why he had approached me in the first place.

He got all flustered quickly and started fumbling with the bottle almost dropping it. That was interesting. I smiled and took the bottle from him. “Let me do it.”

He met my eyes and then looked away before nodding so imperceptibly I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t standing close. I gently placed the bottle on the purpling spot and told myself not to get too comfortable.

“Kongpob. “When he said nothing else I made a sound to show I was listening.
“Four years ago,” I tensed a bit. “If I had been—if I had not –“the words seemed so hard for him to say. I wished he’d finish it.

“What?” I asked.

“If I had been braver what do you think would have happened?”

We wouldn’t be having this conversation locked up in this room as we were. That was a bit spiteful and bitter but I guess I was a little bitter, more than I would ever let myself show.
“I don’t think that’s the point.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s not about  being brave. It’s about how you felt”

“How I felt?”

I sighed. Don’t tell me he wanted me to spell it out to him. “About me. You didn’t feel as strongly for me as I felt for you.”

“What?” he took my hands away from his face and stared at me. “Do you really believe that?”

Yeah, actually, I did. I didn’t want to but I understood I was in denial. I was always the one chasing after P’Arthit. Always the one taking the initiative whereas with him there was always a line I couldn’t cross. He kept me feeling like I overstep whenever I try to do things for him. What else does that say but that P’Arthit didn’t love me like I loved him? I wanted to be with him all the time but I was more of something he had to tolerate. What else could I think?

“P’Arthit, it’s in the past let’s just forget about it.”

He said nothing which honestly was just like him. I walked away from him a little upset and stared up at the moon under the window.

When it came to analyzing my feelings I admit I’m a bit slower than others. Well Kongpob was a lot faster than most. He knew what he wanted and went after it with a single minded devotion. I am not the same, I have to think. I need time to process, I need time to adapt. Maybe that was the problem. I took too long to make up my mind about these things when Kongpob had already come to a conclusion. I didn’t understand completely what Kongpob meant that it was how I felt. It sounded like he thought I didn’t love him.

I almost laughed. If I didn’t love him then why is it that every time he moves away from me I feel like I’m dying? I don’t want to go back to yesterday when Kongpob and I were so far from each other. Not with this kind of misunderstanding between us, but how do I tell him. I’m not good with words like Kongpob.

I leaned against the wall and watched his profile. Kongpob had really grown into himself. His shoulders had broadened even more so than before, his chin more squared and he really had become a man. He was a man there was no doubt about it and I loved him. I knew that as surely as I knew I would take the next breath.

“Kong, “I started just as the door scrapped opened. A stranger peeked in.

“What the hell,” he stared at us. I spotted Bright and Pem peeking over his shoulders. Kongpob walked past me and I reached out to stop him. I didn’t want him walking away without at least knowing how I really felt but I couldn’t grab hold of those hands. I kept hesitating.

“Arthit, do you plan on staying in there forever?”

“He must have really liked it in there. I wonder what they were doing” he said it so suggestively anyone with ears could have guessed what he was implying. I ignored both of them and went after Kongpob.
He walked fast. I was nearly running after him and the sand of the beach covered my feet and I kept stumbling as I scanned the semi darkness for him. Did he disappear? I returned to our table not because I planned to but when I looked up I was apparently heading that way.

“Have you  seen Kongpob ?” I asked May and Prae who were the only two still left sitting at the table.

“P’Arthit? Are you alright, we’ve been looking for you,” May said.

“We’ve also been looking for Kongpob, did the two of you go somewhere together.”

I took a moment to catch my breath and scanned around the place. Tota and Oak were on the floor with their partners dancing. Nott was approaching the palour with his wife. I started to move towards them but stopped.
“Where’s Aim?”

“Aim?” the two girls looked around. “Was he not just here a moment ago”

“Who are you looking for?” Nott asked from beside me now. I turned to him, “have you seen Aim?”

“Yeah. At the beach, I just saw him talking with Kongpob. Any problem?”

I shook my head and walked past him heading for the beach. Somehow I had just known Kongpob would be with Aim. When I got down to the beach I looked around and saw a few guests walking around. It was still a little too dark but I guess it was supposed to set the mood or something. I didn’t like walking on sand with my slippers on and when I couldn’t very well see where I was stepping. Well everywhere was pretty much going to sink and delay my movement.

I didn’t see Kongpob but I heard his voice. He wasn’t talking very loud but he sounded pissed. “I don’t need anyone, Aim. I just want to get over everything and just move on with my life. Can I do that?”

“Look, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help. “

“Yeah I know. I’m saying stop helping. P’Arthit and I over, we are never getting back together that’s the end of it. No more plots, got it?”

It was like something exploded in my head and I could hear nothing but a dead line humming away in my head. Kongpob looked like he was going to turn and so I ducked out of sight. I kept very still hoping to fade into the darkness and not be seen. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I had to speak with him right at that moment. I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face; I wouldn’t be able to keep myself unaffected. But he was bound to see me and so I took off running.
I thought I saw P”Arthit running off when I decided to leave Aim alone. I was very disappointed with him and it was as I guessed; everyone excluding those people we didn’t go to school with was in on this plan of getting me and P’Arthit together. Besides locking us up which looked like it failed I didn’t care to think about what other plans they had up their sleeves so I immediately went to set things straight with Aim. He needed to know that I did not appreciate his interfering.

When I got back to the hotel room I did not see P’Arthit. I took a hot bath. The bathroom was wider than the ones I used at school and had a nice bathtub with a blue curtain. I sat down thinking of P’Arthit’s expression when I had said that I didn’t believe he had even loved me. Back then I wasn’t quite this manly. My abs was six packed hard muscle and my arms were a lot more muscled than he would be used to. I screamed male in every way. I think P’Arthit knew this very well considering all we’ve done while we were dating and accepted it, at least to some extent but it was not enough. And it never will be.

Why was I doing this to myself? Fed up with my thoughts I decided to get drunk to drown out these damnable thoughts. I don’t do very well with drinks but this day called for an exception. I stood up from the bathtub and dragged the towel around me. I stepped off and smiled as I pictured P’Arthit’s shocked expression if I were to step out in just this towel and nothing else. How he would flush. I was tempted but I still changed into my clothes and came out of the bathroom but I shouldn’t have bothered, P’Arthit wasn’t there.

I knew something was wrong immediately and so I went and started searching for him. I searched the lobby, then I went back to that service building, then the parlor we had been using. It was completely deserted and no P’Arthit anywhere. I walked down to the beach and searched— it was brighter now— but he wasn’t there. I took out my phone and called P’Bright starting to feel worried.
Just as the call went through I saw him sitting on the floor of the beach. His back hunched and his head resting on his knees. He looked asleep. It was damn cold, what was he thinking sleeping out there? I got to him and reached up to shake him awake but  stopped with my hand half way to his shoulder. I haven’t had the chance to really look at him. I was always trying not to look for too long and to control the desire. I don’t think I did very well but now I could stare my full without anyone saying anything and most of all without having to worry about what P’Arthit was thinking.

I slowly knelt next to him and watched the handsome smooth features of his face. He lost weight, his face not quite as round as they used to be but still handsome. I traced his eyebrow, he had picked back that hairstyle from his university days and his skin was still as white as I remembered. Still as soft. Yes I was touching him, just his forehead, and then his cheek. I pulled my hands back as he began to stir. He sniffed but didn’t wake up.

I stared at his mouth and told myself not to do it. Really I shouldn’t, yet I was leaning forward. I’ll just blame it on the alcohol. Oh wait, I didn’t take any. I pulled myself from taking advantage of him and shook him awake. “P’Arthit.”

He blinked adorably and I couldn’t help smiling. “Kongpob? What are you doing here?”

“Where do you think here is?” I asked back. He looked around and I could see him recollect something then his face turned guarded.

“Why are you here, Kongpob?”

“I came looking for my wife, why do you think?”

He stared at me with such profound confusion that I almost laughed. “P’Arthit, you were sleeping out here in the cold. You are going to get sick you know."

“What’s it to you” he said bitingly.

I stared at him silently. He sighed. “Look Kongpob, I’m not like you. I can’t hold things in and pretend to be fine. I’m impatient, prone to impulsive reactions and I don’t come through for those who need me. I’m not brave, I’m not strong, and I can’t handle all the things that you can. As a boyfriend I know I failed you.  “

He paused and I didn’t try to interrupt him. “When I was coming here I thought it wouldn’t be too bad to see you again. I didn’t know it then but I was hoping to see you because I thought somehow we’d be okay and we’d go back to how it was before. I know I’m stupid for thinking that. You don’t feel anything for me, not anymore so can I just ask you to stop—being nice to me?” he met my gaze and then he looked away. “I can’t handle it as well as you do. And I don’t  want to be confused anymore.”