Chapter 6
Cole Font was born into the world in the middle of the night as the fattest baby Sans had ever seen in his life. His cheeks, a stark white skin tone, were plump and very pinchable. Perfectly suited for Sans, who squished his cheeks together and cooed over his new child.
And damn, was the kid a crier.
It wasn't hard to announce to the whole damn house a new kid was born when he was wailing loud enough to wake the entire damn neighborhood. The mood from earlier completely melted away in favor of a new, ecstatic mood that swept over the house.
Jane and Sans cart themselves off to the hospital early in the morning to get Cole all sorted out. Some health checks to make sure he was born okay, getting his birth certificate signed, and things like that. It's a long and tedious process neither had enough sleep to deal with, especially with how Cole wails through the entire night and morning.
And Sans swears he's going to kill Ben. He and Jane look away for one second from the birth certificate, and Ben fucking writes down his name. They almost signed off on it, too, since they were both trying to rile down Cole a bit.
Sometimes, Sans forgot that he was extremely lucky with Bean as a firstborn. A skeleton baby who doesn't cry. They didn't have to worry about a lot of things with her. She was a tutorial for the real thing. And that real thing was Cole Font, a small, fat baby who cried more than Sans has in his entire life. Then he conked out for fourteen hours, like some madman.
They're prepared, thankfully. Diapers, bottles, formula. Clothes to swaddle him with, along with a onesie of a shark they were absolutely going to force him to wear. He didn't get a choice. Cole weighed like, eight pounds. It's not like he can fight back.
And he does.
As they learn, Cole likes to swat and slap away anyone who comes into his personal space and moves him in ways he did not move. It's a cute attempt since he's a little nugget with stubby, fat fingers. And who was just born. He has no muscle. The most he can do is squirm and whine while they tug on a diaper (which he should be grateful for, Sans points out).
With Cole officially born, Sans has to implement new rules.
Now, officially, all weapons have to be completely stored away. Blood has to be cleaned, and cleaning products have to be on high shelves. Which, well, sucks considering the top shelves are both inaccessible to little babies and Sans, but he would suck it up. For the greater good. Bean didn't have a threat from chemicals, but Cole did.
It's very different, caring for them. A striking contrast, in every way possible. Humans, compared to skeletons, are so much more fragile. Every second with Cole is like holding a little fragile vase, ready to break at a moment's notice.
They both practice holding Cole, making sure to cup his head gently. Cole, though, apparently has a habit of kicking up his feet a bit when he's held. He'll jerk them up twice as if trying to fight his way out to freedom until he yawns and his little hands paw up at his chubby cheeks. It's precious, and Sans is in love all over again.
Feeding Cole is... a struggle. He refuses to latch onto the rubber nipple of his bottle, slapping it away with a fierce determination not suited for a baby born less than a day ago. Then, he dares to clamp down on Sans' finger and try to drink from that. He's a skeleton, he isn't producing shit in the milk field. Especially not from his fingers.
They warm the bottle under warm water and check the temperature by Ben daring Jeff to drink it straight from the bottle. He does, because of course he does, and they have to fish out a new bottle and do the process all over again. This time Jane checking the warmth on the back of her hand. She shoots Jeff a heavy glare as she does so. Does he realize just how damn difficult it is to sanitize the damn things?
Sans is in the kitchen, grabbing Bean from Laughing Jack, who just fed her some Twizzlers and chocolate chips, while Jane tries to feed Cole again. He knows a newborn is going to drain away more of his and Jane's time, but he knows he can't set aside Bean. It wouldn't be fair, and frankly, he had a feeling she'd make sure he regretted it.
"No, no, that does not make milk right now don't fucking bite it!" Jane hisses from the living room, which brings out a chuckle from Sans.
"He tried to bite it?" Sans calls out to her as he rocks Bean, running a hand through her glowing hair. She babbles excitedly and tugs on his nose socket.
"Through my fucking shirt."
He laughs again, and Laughing Jack tugs on his shirt for attention because he's clingy. It takes several kisses and head pats to calm him down. The whole time, Bean grumbles and taps her feet against his ribcage to try and reclaim his attention.
Like Father, like daughter.
Adjusting to Cole - and a house where everyone was acutely aware of resets and the trauma behind them - was odd. Even though a new addition was thrust upon their home, the others simply didn't forget what happened. Sometimes Sans would catch them staring, would catch them doing small favors in an attempt to ease his stress. He found it nice.
But, at the same time, he knew Laughing Jack and Sally were plotting.
They kept whispering to one another. And Sans was too busy doting on the newborn with Jane to really figure out what they were going on about. Sally and Laughing Jack were, honestly, completely toxic to one another. Enablers. They pushed their odd obsessions to horrid levels. And for some goddamn reason, Jeff was talking to them. Jeff.
Why would those three be conversing, if not plotting something impulsive and probably blood-filled? Sans didn't really care about murder, he's long since stopped giving a shit. That much was evident by the people he's chosen to let flock to his home. But they were whispering and avoiding the topic around him. So it's probably something he doesn't approve of.
But he can't do anything, because he's got a newborn to take care of, who clearly isn't a full human.
Cole Font is short, fat, chubby, and has the most high-pitched scream Sans has ever heard. He also has a full head of pure white hair and pure white skin. Sans isn't a Doctor, but he knows humans aren't supposed to be born with that. Especially since, when Cole opens his eyes, they're a dark black, with wide white pupils staring up in wonder, confusion, and hunger at his parents.
"It's possible he has the liquid hatred like me," Jane muttered, running her thumb over his cheek. Cole stutters on a sneeze, before whining loudly and trying to roll over away from it. When that doesn't work, he scrunches his face up and clenches his tiny fists, as if shaking from anger. It's fucking adorable.
"Should we expect anything from that?" Sans asks her. Her lips, free of her usual lipstick for once, press into a thin line.
Bean crawls across the floor and paws at Sans' leg. He swings his legs over to create a mini little cage for her, and she happily plops down with a small clank of bones and starts butting a headless stuffed animal against the back of Sans' knees. While the mini attack happens on Sans' defenseless legs, Jane boops Cole's nose as she cradles him close to her chest.
"Hm... well, all it does is enhance my abilities, really," Jane says. Cole sneezes again. "Just general strength and speed enhancement. It could explain why he's been able to move around more than a newborn should be able to."
That was something he noticed too. Sans blinked, staring at Cole as he whacked away Jane's incoming hand to boop his nose again, somehow scrunching his face up further away from her invading hand. He wiggled about, with honestly more body strength and flexibility than a newborn should have, and babbled loudly.
"Nothing crazy strong, right?" Sans asks her.
Jane chuckles. "If he's not stronger than me, no. I don't think he'll get insanely strong either. It'll probably just be plain strength enhancement. No car lifting."
"Oh, damn. Fucking sucks then, what's the point of having a baby if they can't lift a car right after birth?" Sans narrows his eye sockets as he sarcastically speaks, and Cole stares, wide-eyed at his father. "See. Look at you. What a lil nugget. Useless. Floppy fish ass baby."
"Talking to a mirror there?" Jane retorts.
He smacks her arm lightly. Bean babbles as she continues her teddy bear assault.
The neighbors are, of course, pests. Sans knows that. And he watches, with a grimace, as Toby carries in the basket of goods a neighbor had left them. Full of baby things. The man placed it on the table, a twitch running through one of his arms as he read out the small note.
"Another invitation?" Sans groans out.
"Yep." Toby pops the 'p', looking over with a wince. "Should we go or... or cancel?"
"Let's go to the big party, 4th of July one," Sans says. He leans down and snags Bean, who lightly wiggles before she latches onto his arm with both of her grubby hands. Soon, she's sitting on his lap, and Toby is situated to Sans' left. "More of a crowd, and we'll have the carnival and parade excuses to leave early if we need to."
"We'll need to," Jane replies confidently.
"I think - whoop - we shouldn't all go, I mean... polyamorous relationships in this neighborhood, and after all of the stress of the last one?" Toby quietly mutters, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Honestly, it'd be easier to just go with the truth, ya know?" Sans asks Toby, nudging his shoulder gently. "I'm a catch - as catchy as a fish in a fishnet, yeah - okay that was bad -" He scratches the side of his cheekbone sheepishly. "But until I can snag a new house to move to, we need to pass by here. And I can't have a bunch of random people interacting with my kids without much of an explanation. And hey, it might freak them out enough to stay away, right?"
"Do you want me to beat the shit out of them if they bully you?" Jane asks Sans.
"Yes." Sans plops Bean down onto Toby's lap, who quickly - and nervously - wraps his arms around her. "And if this is gonna be like a whole official thing, ain't it best if you get some bonding time with my kids for holidays as well? They'll be your kids one day."
Toby's face flushed a bright, colorful red at that mention. "Yeah, I - I suppose so."
Bean babbled, and Cole sneezed again.
Sans did feel bad about how the date went. They didn't have much time until he was in the midst of a Frisk-induced panic attack, and had to run home with his tail between his legs. Toby didn't deserve that, especially since Sans' time was split even more with the newborn in the house.
At least they developed a decent game plan going forward. Toby and Sans, as of that morning, had a date night every Sunday. Sans has one with Laughing Jack on Friday, and Jane was Saturday. And, of course, Jane had her dates with Clockwork and Zero on Monday. Whatever parents weren't scheduled would have to care for the kids. So that way they could get in bonding time and date time respectively. Especially Toby, who needed some parental bonding time to catch up on Bean in comparison to Jane and Laughing Jack.
Bean babbled again, reaching an arm out towards Cole. Her eye sockets gleamed with mischief as she whined, trying to get closer to him.
"No," Sans tsks, pushing her away softly.
"Didn't she... she bonk him last time she got close?" Toby asks.
"Right against the forehead." Jane lefts Cole up and gently presses her fingers against the baby's forehead. He wiggles, slightly, but other than that he seemed tuckered out after several intense minutes of swatting and sneezing. "We thought it'd be a cute bonding moment - and in-fucking-stead Bean decided to attack him with her skull. Thankfully she's got the strength of a twig and her hair actually cushioned it."
"Didn't Ben take a photo right as it happened as well?" Sans snorts.
"Yep!" Ben calls out from the TV, his voice distant.
"Send it to me, making that my background now," Sans snorts.
___
When the doorbell rings, it's two days later, and Jane managed to tire out Cole to officially put him to bed for the night. The air is a bit drafty as Sans tugs open the front door, formula milk staining the sleeves of his hoodie as he gazes out.
And there, on his porch, is a woman. Short, plump, with mascara and a light, breezy shirt on in the summer heat. In her hands, outstretched, is a badge.
"Hello, I'm Detective Harles," She says, her badge gleaming under the fluorescent light flooding out from behind Sans. "Are you Comic Sans?"
No.
"Yes?" Sans replies hesitantly. "May I ask why you're here?"
"I just need to ask a few questions. Can I come in?"
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