Author: SuVida777

Book: Komoreby

Genre: Sci-Fi

Chapters Read: Prologue - Chapter 10

Kat Tails: 9

Thank you for your patience as I worked on this review! I read 10 chapters since I'd previously read and judged the first five for awards (but I did go back and re-read to check out that new beginning and may have instead ended up re-reading ... all of it xD)
Please note that this review contains spoilers for the chapters read!

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Cover: 5/5

You're so talented! Like wow, I love how the colors pop on this cover. The detailed sunshine on the Evanna's face and hair while the rest is in shadow is beautiful and the genre is clear thanks to the little lights that look like electrons swirling around the nucleus of an atom (I'm sorry if that's completely incorrect. I was never fond of or good at science xD) Overall, this is an aesthetically appealing cover that gives the perfect vibe of teen fic/sci-fi. I'm not usually a fan of model-based covers, but this one I'd pick up in a heartbeat.

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Title: 5/5

I think I'm partial to one-word titles even if I never use them myself. It's unique, but familiar enough to me personally that it caught my interest far before I ever interacted with you. As I found out in your intro, it's based on the word "komorebi" and I caught the connection right away! The emotion the title evokes matches the cover and the combination of the two sold me. I would absolutely pick this book up off the shelf if I saw this title on the spine.

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Blurb: 4/5

Superb character introduction and perfect length! I think you've struck the balance of giving away neither too much nor too little and your word choice has been stream-lined for maximum effect. My only reservation is the last paragraph. I think you set up character and conflict well, but I'm left wondering what the stakes are. I can guess that if she fails, Evanna won't find her way home, but what else? An extra sentence toward the end about what the risk is and what Evanna stands to lose specifically could make your already strong hook even stronger.

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Writer Interaction: 5/5

Disclaimer: This category does not reflect on a writer's skill at all. It is merely given points as it shows the writer is invested in their readers' opinions and suggestions and can be used to project future growth. (Also, Miya is using her judging rubric and doesn't want to change it because it totals to a neat 100 points as is XD)

Writer is highly invested in their readers' interactions and responds positively to constructive comments. Critique is well-received to the point that the writer has made alterations.

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Plot/Pacing: 9/10

I think the fact that I didn't want to put this book down when I got to chapter 10 says everything! I'm whole-heartedly invested in Evie's predicament. It's unique, it's relatable, and the fact that this new universe is both worse and better than the old one in different ways ... well, that's going to be a hard choice on whether she'll want to go back if she gets the chance.

You're so skilled at throwing little questions and twists that keep us on our toes, like "what role does Alcina play in all this?" "is Ookie actually nicer in this reality?" "what kind of powers does Evie have now?? O.O". They're all fantastic little hooks that keep me thinking and reading.

While I can't pretend to understand all the physics, I do enjoy the slow reveals such as the talk with Inoue and the revelation on the call with Ed Morken about the collider not being completed for another year in the Alternate Universe. It's like putting together a puzzle piece by piece, but not knowing what the end result will look like from a box. The mental puzzle/science + anime vibes of this story reminds me of one of my favorite anime "Seishun Buta Yarou". Evie might even have a prolonged case of Adolescence Syndrome :O If you haven't watched it, I think you'd really like it!

As for pacing, I think you do a great job keeping a steady rate of escalation in events, with bursts of conflict and well-placed cliffhangers. It doesn't exactly slow at certain points and it's not drastic, but I believe there is a stylistic choice which is consistently causing the pace to lag. It's more noticeable due to its cumulative effect and I have a tip for how to remedy it if you decide that my analysis is correct. (I'll address this in Style/Formatting).

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Description: 9/10

I'm taking notes on how to describe architecture from you, because my gosh do you describe buildings and landscape beautifully. You lay out Evie's surroundings clearly and employ an extensive vocabulary while doing so. The character descriptions are a bit densely packed for my taste, since you'll often describe their outfit and appearance in a single paragraph instead of spacing it out, but they're no less fitting and accomplish their purpose of adding insight to the different characters.

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Characters: 10/10

I love Evie. 

Like, really love her. She's an amazingly relatable main character, with very realistic struggles for a high-school student trying to fit in. She's not perfect; she has embarrassing moments and makes mistakes, but she's doing her best! I can already see her growth, like when she helps Genelle instead of turning the blind eye a second time. Evie is so kawaii, but she's also strong and I love seeing her take action to try and figure out and fix her situation. She rambles when she's nervous and loves plushie pandas (Same! I still love my plushies too!) and all her little quirks are endearing and make me forget she's a fictional character and not a living, breathing person.

You also really know how to let each side character's personality shine! Inoue is probably my fav, but then again I really like Shane and Marilda too ... reader struggles ;-; I'm analyzing just about everyone, especially since their Alternate personalities are different. You've even made me sympathize with Alcina at times and I find myself really curious as to what her perspective is and how she's been handling things. (Like what the heck did she do to Armel??)

I think the variety in the cast makes me really excited to see more of each one, especially considering some of them take leave of absence over more than one chapter *glances at Shane*. I can't tell what they're going to do next and the mystery has me wanting to binge-read the whole book!

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Vocabulary/Syntax: 9/10

Your word choices are suitable and carefully chosen. I can tell you've put a lot of effort into your descriptions and even the explanations for scientific concepts are well-crafted with that touch of beautiful language. I think you've changed my perception on the subject that I've always thought of as rather dry XD 

A small nitpick that I have is the heavy use of filler words in dialogue, such as: Yeah, Uh, Um, Oh, OK, Ah. These are handy to give a feeling of the way people speak in real life, but you also don't want to exactly mimic the way people talk in real life when writing. It's realistic, but can become repetitive, lessening the memorability of the line and the impact of what's said before and after. Use of body language description and action beats can be helpful to offset this.

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Grammar/Punctuation: 10/10

Very, very few mistakes found and the typos I did happen to notice, you've already fixed! XD

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Style/Formatting: 8/10

Okay, this is going to be probably the most constructive section and it's not because I don't like your style (because I love it), but because I really want to help Komoreby reach its full potential. You are more than welcome to disagree with this advice since it's not about technicalities, it's about style, and style is something the author should have complete control over with the last say in the matter. Now, with that note, let's get right into this!

I believe what's causing the hitch in pacing is a very subtle form of telling vs. showing: a pesky little word called "was". Every word has its place and purpose, so I'm not advising you to go into your document and axe every single instance of this word. I would, however, recommend using a search function and looking at where this word pops up and ask yourself if it's accomplishing a necessary purpose there, or if the sentence could be reworded without it to be stronger. "Was" clocks in at about 50-80 times in each of your chapters. Other similar filler words are "were" and "had", but to a lesser extent.

Here are a couple examples and how I would suggest a re-wording would work:

Original (Chapter 8): Inoue sank into her chair, which was a charcoal grey upholstered affair that matched the classroom's monochrome aesthetic.

Suggestion: Inoue sank into her chair, a charcoal grey upholstered affair that matched the classroom's monochrome aesthetic.

Original (Chapter 2): She was dressed in a puff-sleeved top paired with a metallic mini skirt, and her feet were encased in peep-toe wedges. Across the room, leaning against the window wall overlooking the impressive city landscape was Evanna, lost in a daydream with earphones stuck in her ears.

Suggestion: She was dressed in a puff-sleeved top paired with a metallic mini skirt, and peep-toe wedges encased her feet. Across the room, Evanna leaned against the window wall overlooking the impressive city landscape, lost in a daydream with earphones stuck in her ears.

Original (Chapter 6): There was a rustle of paper as people started opening their anthology of poems.

Suggestion: Paper rustled as people started opening their anthology of poems.
Or even: Paper rustled as people opened their anthologies of poems.

Original (Chapter 6): Her split lip was spouting an alarming amount of blood, which she was trying to contain with her hand—but it had already dripped onto the white collar of her shirt.

Suggestion: Her split lip spouted an alarming amount of blood which she tried to contain with her hand—but it had already dripped onto the white collar of her shirt.

Very subtle and hardly noticeable until I was able to put my finger down on the pattern. "Was" creates distance from the story because it narrates what's happening to the reader instead of letting them experience it directly. It also bumps up your word count a few ticks each time, which isn't much until you realize this may be adding around 50-100 words to your chapters.

The only other thing I noticed is the abundance of ellipses and I would suggest also running a search function on them to make sure they're needed. They can add a dramatic or foreboding pause, but repetition lessens the effect and soon disrupts the flow.

An example of one I'd question having is:

"Unfortunately, we don't qualify as a school," he said and added with a knowing look," but you're welcome to do that when your exams draw near..."

Unless, of course, this guy is an evil mastermind with a plan revolving around capitalizing off of desperate students during exam season and this is brilliant foreshadowing *cackles evilly as lightning flashes in the background*

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World-building/Concept Originality: 9/10

I. Love. The. House. Names. (and animals) One might argue that with the prefects and the houses, this is like Harry Potter, but I don't think they're awfully similar and there really only seemed to be two houses at Hogwarts sometimes so ... *tones down my saltiness by adding potatoes* While I wish I could be an Obsidian Unicorn, I have an inkling that I'd end up as a Ivory Gryphon ... I think a little more houses material and I'll be in full-blown obsession zone.

You've put a fantastic spin and so much detail into the concept of alternate realities and the particle collider, I love the video game you've created, the kabe-don had my heart fluttering—

Basically, you're pulling on a lot of tropes, but they're all absolutely amazing tropes and you've made them your own. Super great tool since you can appeal to multiple specific audiences.

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Personal Enjoyment: 10/10

Moaaaaaaar! I need all the Komoreby! I'm so happy it's complete so I can binge the rest xD

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Total: 93/100

Congratulations, eminent one! You've obtained the rank of a nine-tailed kat.
Besides all the powers of the tails that came before, the ninth tail grants the ability to grow to giant kat form. So crush your enemies beneath your mighty paws as the mortals bask in your legendary presence and tremble!

Thank you for applying for a review! I enjoyed your book so much and as a nine-tailed kat, you are welcome to apply for a full book review <3