Mood: swipe left and tap the media box above to listen to Midnight Train by Sam Smith.

Lydia

Summer was over, and we began our fourth and final year of university with the stress of finding a future ahead of us. We needed to graduate and start career planning.

Jake and I reconciled for a short period, but early in semester one of our final year, we decided that we needed a pause from the relationship. Before that, I noticed that he was indifferent and withdrawn. He blamed it on stress.

"There's a lot going on. I'm under a lot of pressure," he let out a big sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Frankly, I am confused. I'm really sorry, Missy. I need time."

He genuinely looked sad, worn out, and burdened with the expectations of graduating, finding a job, and winning swim races. A relationship was the last thing he needed.

After that, I tried to remain on friendly terms, but it was hard seeing him talk to another girl, knowing that I had lost him. I was hurting and couldn't bear the thought of seeing him with someone else. If I could describe Jake in one word: heartbreaker.

Speaking of 'someone else,' he and Tiara managed to keep in contact. As their friendship blossomed, Jake developed feelings for her, which resulted in her visiting him halfway through semester one. As Zane said, he and Tiara had an open relationship. Each to their own, and I respected other people's choices, but this was something I could personally never do with Jake.

Before Tiara visited Jake, he asked if I was okay with the possibility of him having sex with her. I told him he was a free man and he could do whatever he wanted. I felt defeated because he was already at the point of wanting to sleep with her. I was not his keeper. I was his ex-girlfriend.

After she left, I met up with him at a cafe on campus and asked if they slept together.

"Lydia, I don't want to lie to you and say we didn't," Jake told me.

"Oh."

"There's a lot of chemistry, but it's not love. It was just sex. Not like the love we had, Missy."

He looked amazing, with his ruffled hair, tan skin, and Colgate-white teeth. He wore a light-gray Henley shirt and a pair of jeans. He smelled great, like the cool ocean breeze.

I wanted him more than ever but felt as if a sharp rapier had sliced my heart, which bled with uncontrollable pain. It hurt so much to hear that he slept with someone else when the only one I wanted was him. Worse, he showed no signs of wanting to be with me. He hid something behind the mask of friendliness.

"No need to explain, Jake. It's like Elsie all over again. I believed that we had forever, but I guess I was wrong." I exhaled a mixture of pain and confusion before the tears started falling.

Jake looked away from me. It was as if he was ashamed of what he did. He was lost, but I was the one who lost out. I felt hollow. Empty. Kicked in the guts. My honeymoon with Jake was over. I still loved him, and you know what? It hurt like hell.

We tried hanging out at social events, but the pain of being around him was unbearable, so I spent less time in his social circle and generally kept a low profile. After graduation, I could travel the world and see places like London and Paris. I always wanted to visit London. I had never been there.

---

Carrie and Johan also broke up, so she and I were two single girls who picked each other up. Lindy was dating, but there wasn't anything serious coming her way, so the three of us studied hard together, and we partied hard together.

I tried dating other people, but it was not the same as being with Jake. I ran into Marc at a club once and was tempted to go home with him that night when he offered his place to stay. I chose to say no. I didn't want a hookup. Plus, I was done with settling for less than best.

I decided to be celibate for the rest of my college days. I deliberately spent less time with Jake to avoid temptation.

It helped that he had a busy schedule. He worked part-time at a local TV news station, which worked well with his journalism course. All in all, I needed 'me' time. No men. No relationship. No drama. No sex. It was time to put myself first.

"You WHAT?" Carrie shrieked.

"I've decided to go off the pill. I'm celibate," I repeated.

"Dang, girl! You're going to make a lot of guys sad," Kath said, putting her index fingers next to each corner of her mouth to pull a sad face.

I giggled at her. It was cute. She and Kessler were going strong, and his family adored her, which was a good sign. I had a feeling they would be one of the few couples whose relationship would survive college. Kessler came around frequently to visit Kath, and we would always have a good chat.

"You hear from Jake lately?" Kessler asked.

"Sometimes. I try to keep out of his way, but we may send the occasional text message," I said.

"I haven't seen you at any of our parties or the usual circuit," Kessler said.

"Nah. I've changed my party scene. I've been checking out this cute bartender at the Arena," I replied.

"Oh, Lydia's got a new man?"

"Nope. I'm done with relationships."

"Sure, you are. A woman as wonderful as you shouldn't be holding back. I'm in love with Kath, so I'm saying that as a friend, right?"

I laughed.

"Jake misses you," Kessler said.

"Really?" I was surprised to hear that.

"Yeah. You should give him a call."

---

Christmas came and went. It was rather uneventful, so I spent time re-reading my poetry books. I delved into the world of Plath, Wordsworth, and Yeats. My favorite poem was Yeats' When You Are Old. It was Jake's favorite poem too. He once gave me a Valentine's card in high school, quoting parts of the poem. It read:

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

I still kept the card in the second drawer of my writing desk in my old room.

Jake decided to go snowboarding up the slopes with a bunch of friends instead of coming home for Christmas. So I didn't see him then. My heart felt empty, despite Mom and Dad trying to cheer me up. Dad felt sorry for me and agreed that Mom was probably right. I felt better when Mom kicked me out of the house and told me to catch up with some friends.

Carrie and I went out one night and made out with some cute guys who fit into the stereotypical bad boy image. We didn't want to be played, so nothing was ever serious. However, what was serious was our friendship, our pain, our memories, our bonding, and the good times we had together.

"We don't need men to rule our lives. We rule the world." We clinked our drinks.

It was good to see Carrie. I could trust her to put a parachute on my back if I had to jump off a plane.

---

After Christmas break, I dived into the final semester of my last year of college. Earlier in the year, I had a few Skype sessions with Dr. Sykes, who talked to me about battling my inner demons. I usually felt better after talking to her, as if the prickly and painful thorns were removed from my heart.

I still worked in the library with Saph, and Professor Richland came to pick her up after her shifts. Some things never changed, and these feel-good moments were precious.

"Jake came in for you the other day," Saph said one afternoon.

"He did?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Yes. He did. In fact, he's coming tonight to drop by and talk to you," Saph replied.

"Oh." I was quite surprised.

We went on with our work for the next minute before Saph called my name again.

"Lydia?"

"Yes?"

"Jake is still in love with you."

I laughed.

"It's written in his face," she said.

"I doubt it," I replied.

"Lydia, I doubted Julian's love for me for years."

"Years?"

"Yes. Years. When we finally got together, I felt that I didn't deserve this. This love of his. It wasn't perfect. He was not innocent and pure. He was far from it. He broke my heart once before we finally felt this relationship was worth holding on to," she said.

"Julian is so in love with you," I said. "You're the most perfect couple I've met."

Saph laughed. Then there was a glint of sadness in her eyes, but that passed quickly.

"Lydia, have you seen Jake's new tattoo?"

"WHAT? Get out! Does he have a tattoo? When? How?" I was flustered.

"Shhh, it's a library, you know," Saph teased. "I saw it when he came in looking for you. It looked new."

"Oh. I'm sure it's something really cool. Typical Jake," I retorted.

Saph smiled. She was years ahead of me with her experience of life and love.

Just as we were closing, I sensed a figure coming up to the library desk. I thought it was Professor Richland. Jake wasn't coming, I thought.

Wait...

"Jake?"

My heart skipped a beat as soon as I saw him. His sexy stare broke into a big grin. Those familiar violet-blue eyes. That golden-brown hair. I just wanted to run my hands through his hair. His gorgeous shoulders. His tall frame. Shit, I was still in love with him. Heaven, please help me!

"Hey, Missy, missing something?" Jake asked, still smiling.

I caught his scent. Boy, did he smell good, like the fresh aquatic sea breeze!

"I don't think so. Why?"

"You left this the last time we saw each other."

Jake held my promise ring.

"Oh, no, you can keep it. I don't need it anymore." There was no promise left.

"Are you sure?" Jake raised his left eyebrow.

"I'm sure," I sighed.

"Lydia. Missy, I'm going to London to complete an internship," Jake announced.

"What? London? That's fantastic!" I placed both hands over my mouth to contain my excitement.

"Want to grab a coffee? Talk about it? I wanted you to hear the news," he said.

"Sure," I responded.

What was I doing? London was calling for Jake. What if he decided to stay permanently? I could lose him forever.

What if I already have lost him forever? Maybe that was why he wanted to talk. To say goodbye. My heart raced, and my adrenaline kicked in.

---

A/N: Should Lydia listen to Sapphire and give Jake a chance? Or, should she call it a day and settle on a platonic friendship? What does Jake really want from her?

Please vote and/or comment if you like this chapter. ⭐️