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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter fifty-six, the evilness of darkness)

the cells / the lab, 75 ADD.

(tw: mentions & attempts of suicide)

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IT WAS LIKE PRESIDENT Snow was in the cell. The poisonous stench of his white roses wafted around. His venomous eyes seemed to be watching her through the security camera. It was like he was in the cell, standing and waiting. But what was he waiting for?

Juniper Hale didn't know as she jolted up suddenly. There was a pain that caressed every part of her being. Her ribs were roaring with agony as new, splotchy bruises were painted on her skin. Her limbs were trembling as slight tremors ran through. Blood was dried up in her hair and was splattered on some parts of her skin. Juniper was sure some of her teeth were cracked. But other than the physical injuries that were present, Juniper could feel her head pounding with one name. Cashmere Nicholo.

She had dreamt of Cashmere Nicholo. She had dreamt of the last time she was with a customer. Why had she dreamt of Cashmere Nicholo? Juniper felt responsible for her death, she knew that already, so why had she dreamt of her? The Hale woman groaned slightly as she laid on the tiles. Every emotion, every memory that involved Cashmere Nicholo came flashing past and Juniper remembered a saying she had told herself. 

They were two sides of a coin. Together, but never facing each other. They couldn't face each other. How the two women were in undesirable conditions, which brought them together. How if Juniper didn't have strong, brick walls protecting her heart, Cashmere Nicholo would have meant the world to her. 

And the Hale woman could feel those walls tumbling ever so slightly. She could feel her defences being ripped down strategically, the chest in her heart spilling open. And she didn't know why. She didn't want them to, but they were. And now, even the mention or thought of Cashmere Nicholo, the girl that was dead, threatened to prick tears into Juniper's eyes. There wasn't going to be another Cashmere Nicholo. But she didn't want another version of Cashmere Nicholo. Juniper just wanted her. 

But she was dead. 

The Hale woman, gritting her teeth at the extreme flashes of pain that ran through her, sat up and leaned against the wall of her cell. She looked around to see Annie Cresta curled up in a ball, muttering something to herself. The girl from Four looked petrified as her eyes were wide, hands covered over her ears. She looked skinnier than she did before. Juniper thought Johanna said food was coming back.

Shaking her head, the Hale woman looked over to the cell next to her to find it empty. Johanna was gone. It had to be morning then. Juniper clenched her jaw as she could hear faint gurgles coming past the metal door. But then, looking over at Peeta, she found him to be pacing up and down his cell. His head was in his hands and his legs trembled. Even he looked skinnier and the Hale woman was sure there were more vicious bruises on his dirty, yellow skin. What had happened? 

The Hale woman closed her eyes momentarily to gather her thoughts when suddenly, she heard a timid yet rough voice speak out, "Juniper..." 

Looking to her right, Juniper saw Peeta staring at her. His eyes were filled with terror and sorrow. Something had happened, the Hale woman was sure of it. But what? Had the rebels finally done something? Was the Capitol failing at whatever they were attempting? 

"Yeah?" Juniper asked. And normally, annoyance would fill her tone whenever talking to Peeta Mellark, but she couldn't bring herself to do such a thing. It was hard to stay mad at someone who looked to have a war raging in his head. "What is it?" 

"I've done something bad... real bad." 

And suddenly, looking into those blue eyes, the Hale woman saw a flash of the old Peeta Mellark. Not the one who hit himself repeatedly, who cursed profanities into the sky, who was slowly losing his sanity. In those eyes, in that moment, Juniper saw the boy who muttered a prayer with her for Cashmere Nicholo. She saw the boy who tried to talk to her at training. She saw the ghost of that lopsided grin that used to belong to someone else.

"What did you do?" Juniper questioned slowly. She, with trembling legs, stood up and had to hold her ribs softly as she clamped one hand around the bars of her cell. 

"I didn't want to do it..." Peeta told her. His voice was shaking and he looked like the scared boy who got Reaped for the Seventy-Fourth. "But they made me, Juniper... I swear they made me do it—" 

"Peeta, what did you do?" 

Mellark looked scared as he stared into Juniper's eyes, but with a deep breath, he muttered, "The interview... they made me do it when I first got here... with Caesar...."

"What did you say in the interview?" Juniper asked. 

"I called for a cease-fire." 

Juniper faltered slightly and took a while to readjust her state. If Peeta Mellark called for a cease-fire in whatever battles were raging outside of the cell and the Capitol aired that interview, it would most likely have Peeta look like he's on their side, which would be the intended effect. A cease-fire could only result in a return to their previous state. Or worse. Juniper didn't know what was going on outside of their cells, but she knew it must be bad if it had Peeta shaken up.

"Peeta... that's okay," Juniper lied. It might have been, but it most likely wasn't. They had waited seventy-five-years for a rebellion and to have a boy, who should have been part of it, call for a cease-fire would cause havoc within the rebels. They would hate him for it. But Peeta was saying they made him do it. "That's not a bad thing—" 

"I called for a cease-fire!" Peeta cried. "They'll all hate me... but Snow made me do it. He said something bad will happen to you all if I don't... I'm losing my mind, Juniper." 

Sincere vulnerability was shown in that moment and it made the Hale woman's heart twinge. The boy was losing his mind. He was fighting two sides of himself. One that hated Katniss Everdeen and one that loved her. What was Snow doing to him? It was like the old man was ripping away Peeta's soul. It was like, in that moment, that was the only humanity left in him. 

"Peeta..." Juniper said softly. "What are they doing to you?" 

The boy dropped down to the tiles and cradled his head as he said, "I don't know... I really don't know, Juniper. I just know that I'm fighting two sides of myself and I don't know how to stop it. I'm not myself. It's like something is pulling me into the darkness and I don't know what."

Juniper furrowed her brows as she too sat slowly onto the floor before asking, "The interview... did they air it?" 

"Yes." Peeta nodded. "Yes, they did. Yesterday. Snow made me watch it. He's talking about making me do another one... but I've heard things, Juniper. In the mansion. Rumours about the rebels."

"What rumours—?" 

Before Juniper could ask her question, the metal doors blew open and a Peacekeeper entered, carrying the limp body of Johanna Mason. She was soaked in water and was twitching relentlessly. She too looked more skinnier than usual and there were more bruises and oozing scabs on her. Juniper nearly puked as she watched the soldier throw the woman into her cell, who was slowly regaining consciousness. And with that, Peeta returned to his insane state as he began to mutter something to himself. Mutt. 

Juniper shook her head as she went to lean back on the wall of her cell. If the Capitol released that interview with Peeta calling for a cease-fire, it would have the rebels in chaos. It would rile them up and they would have to do something to show they weren't backing down anytime soon. But then, as Juniper thought this, she remembered Katniss. 

("She is the face of the rebellion," Plutarch answered simply. "She is The Mockingjay.")

Was Katniss Everdeen The Mockingjay? Had she agreed to such a role? Had she been out fighting with her bow and arrows? Juniper scrunched her nose up at the idea. She had no idea if she even agreed to being The Mockingjay. Maybe the girl was rotting in the rebellion headquarters, filled with regret and sorrow. And at the thought of it, Juniper felt rage fill her up. If Katniss hadn't agreed to be The Mockingjay, then why had all those people died in the arena? People sacrificed themselves for Katniss to be The Mockingjay and yet she may have rejected the idea? 

When there was a groan coming from Johanna Mason's cell, Juniper snapped her head to the side to look at her. The woman had regained consciousness and was slowly lifting herself up from the floor, but tremors flushed through her and she dropped to the floor again. She didn't know why, but she felt an ache in her chest that wasn't caused by her ribs. She knew Johanna Mason was strong and filled with fire and even if Juniper didn't like her, it still had her worried that the Capitol could force such a person to their knees. 

"Oh... you're awake." Johanna coughed as she looked at the side, seeing Juniper leaning against the wall of her cell. 

"How long was I out?" Juniper asked. 

Johanna winced and groaned as she clambered her way slowly to the wall of her own cell, trying to lean against it as she responded, "A day... and what a day it was."

"I know the interview got released," the Hale woman said, staring at Peeta. "Mellark told me." 

"He told you?" Johanna managed to croak out as she tried to massage her fingertips to stop shaking. "He told you they released the interview?"

"Yeah." Juniper sighed. "He acted normal... but he was scared. Like proper terrified." 

"Did he tell you he called for a cease-fire?" 

"Said Snow forced him," said Juniper. "And he said they're talking about making another one... and when I asked him what they were doing to him, he said he had no idea except it was like something was pulling him into the darkness. That he's fighting two sides of himself." 

"Well, you're lucky you've seen the normal side of him," Johanna muttered. Water droplets ran down her yellow flesh. "All I've witnessed is the crazy side... talking about crazy, how's Annie?" 

"Still hasn't said a word," Juniper told her and when she saw Johanna roll her jaw, wiping off any water that was on her, she added, "Mason... what's happened?" 

"What?" Johanna snapped too harshly. 

"Something has happened," Juniper said. "You're all skinnier than before and no food is coming even though you said there was. And Mellark looks more beaten up and you—" 

"Everdeen has decided to become The Mockingjay." 

Juniper froze as rage filled her up. 

So Katniss Everdeen was sulking around the rebel headquarters. It had taken her this long to decide to become the face of the rebellion. Maybe if she had become The Mockingjay weeks ago, Juniper and the others could have gotten out quicker. The rebels would be trying harder. Katniss Everdeen wouldn't have thought about the people who died for her as she moped around their headquarters, wherever that was. She should have become The Mockingjay if she knew what was at stake. Juniper had to clench her jaw to stop the anger from bubbling up too much.

"Unbelievable..." Juniper shook her head as she bit her lip. 

"I know, right?" Johanna scoffed before letting out a hacking cough. Juniper winced. "All these people died for her just for her to mope around for a month." 

Juniper snapped her head to the side. "What?" 

"What what?" Johanna asked. 

"You said a month. What do you mean by that?" 

"I mean — it's been a month, Hale." Johanna looked at her like she was crazy. "Did you not know that?" 

Juniper didn't respond as she stared down at the floor. A month. How could she have been in there for a month? It had only been four weeks and a few days. But then it struck Juniper. If Johanna was right in that she was out for a day, Juniper would have been in the Capitol for five weeks. That was over a month. Juniper and the others had been in the Capitol for a month and yet, there was no rescue, no attempt from the rebels. 

Were they really that useless to the rebellion? 

The Hale woman could feel any lingering hope slip away completely as hours passed, Peeta being taken by the Peacekeepers'. His screams echoed around a little bit after that, but they were more louder, more filled with pain. It caused Annie to clamp hands over her ears and even Juniper itched to do so. But she also noticed Johanna was wincing. The woman from Seven was wincing as she leaned against the wall. Juniper was desperate to cover her ears to block out Peeta Mellark's screams. The Hale woman could feel herself slipping away. 

Juniper could feel her heartstrings tug and tug as she tried to curl into a ball on the tiled floor. Despite the days filled with her sleeping, she was utterly exhausted. Her bones were aching and sore. Her limbs were throbbing and her muscles screamed with torture. She just wanted to go home. She needed to go home. But a month. Juniper feared that she may never be able to. If time flew by that quickly, she could be dead soon. Or Annie. Or Peeta. Or even Johanna. They could all be dead by next week and by the sounds of their stomachs grumbling, it could well happen. 

When Peeta came back, Juniper could see no trace of the boy she had spoken to hours before. This one was trying to smash his head into the Peacekeepers' as they dragged him into his cell. He smacked his face. He bashed his skull into the bars. He was shouting insults to a very specific person called Katniss Everdeen. And as Juniper watched him, she felt every single happy memory deflate as she realised that Peeta Mellark was gone. 

The darkness had taken him. 

And she feared the darkness would take her. Juniper didn't want the darkness to take her. She didn't want to end up insane. She didn't want to end up like Peeta. But the Hale woman could feel herself slipping. Whether it was the correlation of it being over a month, or of Peeta's innocence being ripped from him, or because of the many thoughts that consumed her head, Juniper felt herself tugging away. 

Why was she tugging away?

More hours passed and Annie had fallen asleep in her cell, Peeta was still trying to smash his head into the tiles, and Johanna had closed her eyes. Juniper knew she wasn't sleeping by the way she was still panting for breath and how she furrowed her brows whenever Peeta let out a groan. It must have been evening because the metal doors soon opened and two Peacekeepers' arrived. 

No-one noticed when they opened Juniper's cell door, grasping her by the biceps, and lifting her up. Johanna didn't open an eye. Annie didn't wake up. Peeta didn't stop trying to break his skull. No-one realised the Hale woman had left the room, even when the metal doors slammed shut behind her. 

But Juniper didn't struggle, even as the Peacekeepers' dragged her into the lab. There were more doctors at the stations. Some were refilling vials. Others were jotting down notes. The Hale woman felt her heart seize as a sudden wave of exhaustion washed over her. Her eyelids were drooping and she felt useless. Even more so when she saw Dr. Clampitt walking over to her. 

"Ah, Miss Hale," she murmured. 

The Peacekeepers' pushed her down into a plastic chair that sat atop of the drain and Juniper winced at the sudden pressure thudding in her ribs. And then she felt herself blanch at the sight of the water bucket that they poured on Johanna. The Hale woman wanted to puke. 

"You look worse," Clampitt said as she stood in-front of Juniper. She didn't look any different except the bruising on her neck had gone down. 

"Thank you," she mumbled as she tried to keep her eyes open. She was sick of it all. She just wanted to go home. 

"Have you missed me?" Clampitt asked. "I do apologise for not being here the other day. I had a meeting." 

Juniper didn't answer and paid more attention to a Peacekeeper who came rolling the trolley with the modernised television over. He stopped in-front of the woman and she felt her heart leap. She couldn't bear another tape. She didn't want the darkness to take ahold of her. 

"How are you, Miss Hale?" Clampitt questioned, but by the look in her eyes, she knew Juniper wasn't going to answer. And at this, she smiled. "You know, many things have been happening whilst you were out. Many things for just one day and a bit."

"I know about Everdeen," Juniper whispered softly. The pain in her body was coming back harsher now. "Johanna told me." 

"Mm, yes." Clampitt nodded. "It was about time. It's been a month since the Quarter Quell... do you also know about Mellark's interview and his call for a cease-fire?"

"It's not like he wanted to say it." Juniper scoffed both at the doctor and at herself. Why was she defending Peeta? "Snow made him." 

"Yes, perhaps," Clampitt said. "But just know the rebels aren't going to be happy. They'll probably think he's a traitor." 

"But he was forced—" 

"They don't know that." Clampitt shook her head. "The rebels know nothing about what happens in the Capitol. They don't even know what's happening to you, or Miss Mason, or Miss Cresta, or Mr. Mellark. And after a month, you would think they would attempt to rescue you." 

Juniper stayed quiet. 

"But I'm not going to tell you something you already know." Clampitt grinned a sickening smile as she picked up the remote on the trolley. "I'm going to show you a clip." 

And whilst the Hale woman had seen many clips with the doctor now, there was always a sense of horrid anticipation of what scene Clampitt would show Juniper. But not then. Not in that moment because the minute the dark-haired woman picked up the remote and clicked a button, the television came to life and instantly showed a clip of the swamp that was filled with darkness. Juniper could vaguely see two figures. One was standing up with a dagger and sword in hand. And the other was floating in the murky, swampy river, face down. 

The Capitol seal was protected high in the sky as the trumpets of the anthem began to play and with the shining of the stars, Juniper could see her seventeen-year-old self, who was covered in blood, mud, and sweat. This was just after she had killed Leona. Juniper could see the alligator mutt in the river as well. Her heart squeezed and squeezed. 

The first person to show up in the sky was Satin from One, whose obnoxious smile was on display. And then Leona. The boy from Three. Wing and Hermes. Cedar and Ash. And then Justice. Justice with his childish, naive grin. Both Junipers's felt their heart drops as the one on the screen began to stalk away towards where Leona had directed. The one watching tried to close her eyes, but with every time prior, she just couldn't. And it was possibly because she knew what she was thinking back then. 

She was thinking of Justice's giddy personality, his warmness, his brightness. And that all of it was gone. That Leona had stabbed it out of him. That Juniper slit it out of him. That Wing and Hermes made it inevitable for him to die. That Cedar and Ash just watched. All of those things were running through seventeen-year-old Juniper's head as she walked through the dark swamp. There was a war raging in her mind. Much like what was happening to Peeta. The darkness had taken her. 

And suddenly, she let out a strangled sob as the camera zoomed in on how she took out the dagger she had pocketed. She was holding it so the blade was facing her, the hilt away. District Ten tributes always died together. Twins always stuck together. And as realisation settled into twenty-year-old Juniper, she could feel tears pricking into her eyes. But she couldn't close them. 

"Come on, June..." Juniper had mumbled as the camera highlighted how her hands began to shake, the blade moving closer to her heart. "Come on, June... it's just one move... one motion, come on." 

Juniper, watching, realised that Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith's commentary was muted, but if it weren't, they would be having a field trip with such footage. It would cause Capitol citizens to bite their perfectly manicured nails. It would cause the district people to furrow their brows. 

"Come on. What's wrong with you?" Juniper started to lean her head against the bark of a tree, tears rolling down her cheeks. The dagger was slipping from her grasp. "Just do it... just do it, June... please." 

The Hale woman watched as her younger self moved the blade close to her chest, making it so it was digging into her muddy tank top, but not with enough pressure to pierce her skin. And it was because she didn't want to kill herself. She had said that. She needed Wing and Hermes to kill her. But they were dead. Twenty-year-old Juniper felt herself become faint as she watched the dagger drop from her hands, toppling onto the muddy ground. 

"Damn you, Just... you idiot... you goddamn idiot... why?" 

As more tears ran down her cheeks, whatever feelings were being experienced in that moment disappeared as she heard rustling behind her. And so, gathering up the dagger and sword, she ran off into the collection of shrubs. The television turned off the minute Rayon, Jagger, and Dallas entered the shot. 

"So..." Clampitt drawled as a Peacekeeper rolled the trolley away. "Why didn't you do it?" 

Juniper didn't answer. Her gaze was fixated on the spot where the television had been. 

"It would have been easier," Clampitt said. "You wouldn't have to have won the Hunger Games. And if you didn't win the Seventy-Second, you never would have been chosen for the Quell. And if you were never chosen for the Quell, you wouldn't be here... and if you had pushed that blade harder, so many people could be alive today." 

Juniper couldn't help but nod because it was true. If she had just buried that blade into her heart and caused a cannon to go off, it would have saved her so much pain. It would have saved so many others of pain. All the people she had killed during the Quell, whether it was accidental or on purpose, would have been alive. Cashmere Nicholo. Gloss. Blight. The Hale woman should have just done it and she knew it as she felt tears roll down her cheeks. And Clampitt knew that she knew, bending down in-front of her with a wicked smile. 

"You should have done it, Miss Hale," she whispered softly. "It would have saved a lot of people pain... you should have done it. It would have saved you from becoming the murderous monster that you are... it would have prevented you from being the bad person that you are." 

She should have done it. 

⇢ ˗ˏˋ matz 🎧 !

— i giggled my ass off to this and idk why. stan annie