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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter eighty, who will dry your eyes when it falls apart?)

hospital ward / finnick and annie's compartment, 75 ADD.

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HOLLOW.

THAT WAS THE only word that came to Juniper Hale's mind. Hollow. Her heart had been ripped out of her chest, shattered on the tiled floor. Her mind had been torn out of her head, squeezed and pulverised until it no longer existed. It was like her tongue had been cut off as punishment for her sins. Her ears acted as if they were no longer working, as if they were blocked. 

People were speaking. Some looked into Juniper Hale's face, squinting their eyes as if they expected some sort of reaction. They laid hands on her shoulder or on her cheek. She supposed they were saying some sort of apologies or condolences.

"We know you two were very close." 

"When we win the war, his sacrifice will have been worth it." 

Sacrifice. 

("I know you are," Juniper replied, voice muffled. "Just don't be you, Finn. Don't be heroic.")

Hadn't she told him to not be heroic? To not be himself? Hadn't Juniper told him that or was she imagining things? Why did it fall on deaf ears? Why did he not listen?

Why was Finnick dead? 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Juniper clenched her jaw as the statement rolled around in her hollow head like a mantra. A sick, twisted mantra. A mantra that caused great damage that even the Hale woman didn't know herself if it could be fixed. 

"How is she not reacting?"  

A paunchy man was sitting in the chair opposite of the hospital bed, arms crossed. Plutarch.

"Because they sedated her, idiot." 

Someone was standing up with his hands on his hips, beard and hair scruffy as his grey eyes bore into Juniper's soul. Haymitch. 

"Maybe she doesn't know how to react..." 

A woman was sitting on the edge of the bed to Juniper's right, red hair flowing with freckles dotted against her cheeks. Lucy. 

"Why don't we all just stop talking for a moment?" 

A doctor was standing close to her, an ID card attached to his breast pocket. Dr. Aurelius. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

Juniper didn't want to believe it. She wasn't going to believe it. Finnick Odair couldn't possibly be dead. He couldn't have possibly sacrificed himself. Juniper had told him not to. She had made him say that he wouldn't be himself, that he wouldn't be the saviour, that he wouldn't be heroic. 

Why didn't he listen? 

Why was Finnick Odair dead? 

Plutarch had told her it had happened early hours in the morning. He said it was because of mutts, something they hadn't expected. They were underground. Katniss had killed him out of mercy. So, whilst Juniper Hale and Johanna Mason were begging everyone to let them go outside to get some fresh air, Finnick Odair's exploded body was rotting down in a sewer in the Capitol. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

"This is ridiculous!" Plutarch snapped, though his voice was muffled. "She's just been staring off into the distance for a good hour now. They sedated her ages ago. She woke up ages ago." 

"Give her time, Mr. Heavensbee..." Aurelius suggested. "We don't know what's going on in her head right now..." 

"Aren't you her head doctor? Shouldn't you know—?"

"Arguing about stupid things isn't going to fix this!" Haymitch swiftly interrupted Plutarch. "Leave her be." 

The Heavensbee man was grumbling in his seat, but remained quiet as they all focused on Juniper. She hadn't blinked in a while. Her lips were parted, dry and cracked. The clock on the wall stated it was four in the morning, which seemed to be the only thing she could read at the moment. 

"Right. Well," Plutarch began to say as he stood up. "I have to get back to Command. Some enterprising commander has come up with a plan. I need to oversee it with Coin and Orion... tell me when she's gotten out of this stupor." 

No-one objected to his leaving and no-one said goodbye. Juniper could feel her smashed heart aching at the mention of her father, but not more so than at the words of the mantra echoing around in her hollow head. She was sure the betrayal of her father was nothing compared to this.

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

Juniper wasn't going to believe it. She couldn't. Maybe they were mistaken. They had to be mistaken. Finnick Odair couldn't actually be dead. The rebels must have made a mistake. Or they faked his death for something else. Maybe Plutarch came up with a fake story.

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

The Hale woman tried to shake the mantra out of her head, but it rattled amongst the walls. Finnick Odair couldn't have been dead. There was no possible reality where Finnick Odair was dead. There was no future without Finnick Odair in it. The man had embedded himself deep in the being of Juniper Hale that with him being ripped out of her suddenly, it caused her to unravel with the threads fraying within every passing minute.

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

"Juniper, do you want anything to eat?" Lucy asked, hand placed gently on her shoulder. "Anything to drink?" 

"She's not going to respond, Luce..." Haymitch told her sadly. "Like Plutarch said... she's in a stupor." 

"Most likely because of the shock," Aurelius commented, nodding. "Or the deniability. It's normal. This... has happened suddenly and it'll take her a while to come to terms with it." 

"Will she ever come to terms with it?" 

"Miss Stevens, this is grief," the head doctor said. "There is no time limit on grief." 

Lucy let out a sigh before running a hand down her face, excusing herself from the room, Haymitch following. It was just Aurelius and Juniper. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

"Miss Hale..." Aurelius murmured as he bent closer to Juniper. "No apologies could ever fix this. Nothing can fix this... but I am so, so sorry." 

With a comforting hand on her shoulder, he too left the hospital room, leaving Juniper alone as she sat upright. She could hear his footsteps, his mumbling to the nurses, and the door closing shut, but none of it mattered. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

But was he? There was no possible way Finnick Odair was dead. The man had gone through plenty in his life and yet, he was still here. He was still living. He was still running through life with his head held high, chin up. He couldn't be dead. Juniper didn't believe it and wasn't going to. 

But then what if he was? If Finnick was truly dead, what would Juniper do? What if Finnick Odair really was dead? What if she was going through denial? That thought seemed to make her hollow head throb. It made her shattered heart splinter into more tiny pieces. But it also made her eyes blink as her muscles began to move. 

She swung her legs over the bed, feet landing on the tiled floor as she stood up. She was slightly dizzy and grabbed onto the side table for a moment before clenching her jaw, beginning to walk. If there was anyone who could confirm the death of Finnick Odair, it was his wife. 

And so, Juniper took deep breaths as she exited the private hospital room, opening the door to the long hallway. The chaos that had ensued the day before had died down and the ward was nearly empty. All emergency supplies, nurses, and doctors were shipped to the Capitol to help fight the last leg of the war. Including Prim. 

Juniper tried to shake thoughts of Primrose Everdeen out of her head as she made her way down to the circular reception. She could see the lab coat of Dr. Aurelius swishing its way out of the ward, into the main part of District Thirteen and the Hale woman waited for a moment to listen to his disappearing footsteps before moving. 

She figured she'd know exactly where Annie Cresta would be. If Finnick was really dead, which Juniper found hard to believe, she would want to be alone. She would be in their compartment, a number in which Juniper had memorised ever since their wedding. But if Finnick was truly dead...

But he wasn't so Annie wouldn't want to be alone. 

The Hale woman was sure to keep out of anyone's way as she walked down the grey corridors. Soldiers who were not chosen to go to the Capitol lingered, guarding with their guns in their grasp, but they paid no attention to the wandering Victor. And then there was barely anyone awake in the compartments, for it was still early in the morning. 

But Juniper didn't care, especially when she walked past her and Johanna's compartment. It was empty with both beds made neatly. She looked to the one across the hall to see a middle-aged woman sleeping beneath the sheets. Katniss and Prim's mother. 

The woman was all alone now. Both of her daughters were sent off to war. Both of her daughters had a good chance of dying. However, Juniper shook that thought out of her head as she carried down the hallway, turning a right before stopping outside of a compartment. 

All of the lights were off due to it being too early in the morning, but Juniper could see the faint silhouette of someone sitting on the edge of the bed. The Hale woman could hear muffled sobs and she clenched her jaw as she heard horrid thoughts rattle around her hollow head. It was Annie. It had to be. The compartment number was her and Finnick's. So, sliding back the door, Juniper entered the area and immediately took in the state of the poor Cresta woman. 

Her hair was dishevelled, knotted within the middle whilst the bottom was decorated with split ends. Annie's eyes were bloodshot, glassy as tears covered them. Her face was pale. Her hand was clutching her stomach, the other her mouth as she tried to muffle her terrible cries. 

"Juniper?" Annie questioned as she hiccuped, nearly choking on thin air. The Hale woman hadn't heard her speak in a long time. "Oh, Juniper, do you know? Did you know? He's dead." 

The Victor from Ten's lips parted slightly as she stood before the woman. 

"Finnick is dead." Annie clasped her hand over her mouth as she let out a horrible howl. "How could he be dead? He promised me he would be safe, that he would come back! Why isn't he coming back?" 

Juniper could feel her bottom lip tremble. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

"He's dead!" Annie weeped. "Finn is dead!" 

He was dead. Finnick Odair was dead. He was actually dead. Juniper could feel herself becoming lightheaded. He was really dead. Finnick Odair was dead. 

"Why isn't he coming back, Juniper?" Annie cried. "Why did he have to die? He should be here right now! He never should have left!" 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

"I... Juniper, I can't do this by myself!" Annie blubbered. "I can't... why did he have to die? I can't raise a kid by myself!" 

A kid. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

("I can't... why did he have to die? I can't raise a kid by myself!")

"What?" Juniper managed to squeak out. A kid?

"I'm pregnant," Annie said in-between her sniffling. "I found out a couple weeks after the wedding... I'm pregnant and Finn is dead!" 

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

Juniper had to swallow the lump that became stuck in her throat as Annie went back to weeping. A kid. Annie was pregnant. And Finnick was dead. Annie Cresta was pregnant and Finnick Odair was dead. He could have been a father. His wife was carrying his child. And he was dead. 

Annie Cresta was pregnant and Finnick Odair was dead. 

Suddenly feeling like she was about to faint, Juniper had to quickly leave the sobbing Annie as she exited the compartment. She could feel vomit filling up her throat, but she swiftly tried to swallow it down as she began to walk slowly back through the hallway. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. 

And suddenly, as the statements flew around Juniper's head, reality crashed into her like a freight train. Finnick was really dead. He was never coming back. And Annie was pregnant. She was going to have to raise her child on her own. 

Finnick Odair was dead and he was never coming back. He was dead. He had died. He greeted death. Finnick was gone and he wasn't coming back. 

Juniper finally, inevitably, and lastly flew into tears, strangled sobs clawing out of her mouth as she dropped down the wall of the hallway. Tears flew viciously down her cheeks as tremors ripped through her body. Juniper's hands found their way into her hair, grasping at the strands atop her head as she wailed. 

Finnick was dead. 

In. In. 

In. In. 

In. In. 

There was no out. Not in breathing, not in anything. Finnick being dead had finally crashed down onto her like a wave, rolling her around and around until her body was battered. And it felt like she was suffocating. Finnick was dead. Finnick. Finnick. Finnick. 

It wasn't long until someone found Juniper's sobbing and shaking state and whoever it was, they immediately swept her up in their thin, bony arms as they began to try and shush her, whispering things in her ear that despite the intimate proximity, she couldn't hear. 

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. 

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. 

A cold sweat washed over her body as chills sprinted up and down her spine. The person was beginning to shout, though it was muffled. Juniper's ears began to ring loudly, making her clamp her eyes shut as the figure holding her began to rock her, trying to still shush her. Who was holding her?

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

Suddenly, there was a sound of rapid footsteps that were stomping their way to the duo on the floor. Juniper could hear more muffled speaking, but suddenly, the person holding her let go, a needle jabbing into her neck. 

In. In. 

In. In. 

In. In. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

It was like Juniper had been placed in a dreamless sleep. It was like her eyes had been snapped shut and no-one was letting her open them. Why couldn't she open her eyes? Everything was numbed, even her hollow head and her shattered mind. But she wasn't at ease. She wasn't at peace. She was in agony.

Mentally. 

But after a moment, whoever was holding her hostage finally allowed her to open her eyes, blinding her from the brightness of the white walls of a hospital room. There was a heart-rate monitor that beeped in her ear. Her throat was itchy. Her mouth was dry. Someone was sitting beside her. 

"Oh... you're awake." 

Juniper blinked once to see the figure of Johanna Mason sitting on the edge of the bed, a tired smile on her lips with her bloodshot eyes staring into her. Her nose was red. It looked as if she had been crying.

Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead. Finnick was dead.

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

"Johanna?" Juniper croaked out. The woman didn't seem fazed at the use of her first name. "What are you doing here? What am I doing here?" 

"You were having a slight panic attack in the hallway." Johanna tried to give her a lopsided grin, but the thought of happiness or smirking quickly disappeared as she sighed. "I found you and the soldiers on duty sedated you... idiots, they should never have let you visit Annie." 

"Annie..." Juniper felt trails of moisture go down her cheeks. "She's... she's pregnant." 

Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant. Annie was pregnant.

"Yeah." Johanna nodded. "I don't know how long for now... I found out yesterday." 

"And... F... Fi... Finnick is dead?" 

There was a moment of silence as Juniper waited for Johanna's answer. Annie's reaction and words only confirmed it, but the Hale woman needed the Victor from Seven's answer. She needed Johanna to say the words. She needed Johanna to confirm it. Or maybe she didn't because if the Mason woman did, then it was true. 

"Yeah." A tear went down Johanna's cheek as she sniffled. "Finnick is dead... I'd say sacrifice, but that's not what happened..." 

"What do you mean?" Juniper questioned as a slow, steady stream of tears went down her flesh. 

"It wasn't sacrifice. Finnick wasn't being a hero." Johanna scoffed as she started crying, though her shaky hand tried to wipe the tears away. "He just got unlucky. The idiot got unlucky and Everdeen mercy-killed him." 

("I know you are," Juniper replied, voice muffled. "Just don't be you, Finn. Don't be heroic.")

As Johanna started to sob, putting her head in her hands, Juniper looked up at the ceiling as she let it sink in more calmly. Finnick was dead. Finnick Odair was dead and he was never coming back. He was gone. He had been killed in the Capitol, of all places. 

("Why isn't he coming back, Juniper?" Annie cried. "Why did he have to die? He should be here right now! He never should have left!")

In one swift motion, Juniper sat upright and bundled Johanna into an embrace, who wrapped her arms around the woman just as tightly. And they cried together. They sobbed as their tears mingled into one.

Finnick was dead. Finnick Odair, the man from Four, the fourteen-year-old Victor of the Sixty-Fifth, was dead. He wasn't coming back. And as Johanna Mason and Juniper Hale formed into an inseparable ball, reality crashed down onto them.

Finnick was dead. 

("You're funny, June." Juniper smiled faintly at the distant sound of Finnick Odair. "I'm just checking up on a friend.")

("Dickhead," Finnick spat. "If I weren't such a civil man, I'd kill him.")

(Finnick was in the Games. He was a tribute)

("Fuck, you punched him proper good, June," Finnick said, forgetting about the conversation they were having moments ago. "I thought it was just the television that made it look bad, but damn.")

("Are you terrorising the lad?")

(And suddenly, when their bodies clashed into each other, arms wrapping quickly around, Juniper smiled tiredly)

("It could be true. I don't know..." he replied. "Could they do that, Beetee? Take someone's regular voice and make it...?")

(And so, with that, Juniper took one more look at Finnick before her and the other two went down the slope, disappearing through the foliage)

("... okay, look... I'm only going to tell you this because I trust you, but you can't tell anyone. If the Capitol finds out—")

("I asked Annie to marry me," Finnick repeated. "And she said yes.")

("I'm always on your side, June," Finnick said, clutching her hand tighter. "Always.")

("I will." Finnick smiled softly before kissing her right cheek, her left cheek, and her forehead. "I love you. I love you. I love you.")

⇢ ˗ˏˋ matz 🎧 !

— the words dead and finnick have been used 83 and 89 times respectively (counting this a/n)  💗💗