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KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter ninety, soft. quiet. peaceful. angry. solemn. revenge)

johanna mason's cabin, 76 ADD.

THERE HAD BEEN MANY moments within Johanna Mason and Juniper Hale's lives where they had both dropped the rage-filled, murderous, revengeful personas they were forced to take upon. There had been many moments between the two that were soft, quiet, peaceful, where the world seemed to collapse on itself and all it left was them. Those moments were rare, but seemed to have an imprint on Juniper's mind. However, as the days passed, the sweet, warming moments were becoming more common with Johanna and the Hale woman couldn't explain it. She couldn't explain it because whilst it felt that Johanna was opening a section of her heart to her, it was also like she was closing herself off as well. 

The photograph on the mantle hadn't been spoken about since that day in the kitchen, but the five people within the frame seemed to loom over their conversations, grasping them by the throat as if they wished to be spoken about. It was like the father was shouting at them, barking orders. It was like the mother was snapping at the two women. It was like the brothers were shaking their heads, whispering things amongst each other. And it was like the little girl was just staring at Juniper and Johanna, eyes squinted. It was like their ghosts harboured everything within the cabin as well as the Mason woman's soul. 

Whenever Juniper turned the corner into the kitchen or living room, she always found Johanna staring at something in the distance. Whatever she was holding, her knuckles would turn white from grasping at it tightly. It was like she was in a trance and was only returned to reality by Juniper clearing her throat. Or whenever the two women were midst a conversation, Johanna's eyes would wander over to the frame as despair filled her. 

However, despite this, Juniper never pressed Johanna about the frame or even about her family. It wasn't rocket science to know that Johanna was the little girl in the photo, or that the two boys were her brothers, or that the older couple were her parents. It was obvious, but Juniper never asked since the day in the kitchen. It must have been a sore topic for the woman, just like Orion was a tough spot for Juniper. 

("But you need it." Orion gasped for air. "You need help. You're not well. You're alone and you're upset... it's understandable—")

But one night when Juniper's restless bones kept her up and she wandered down to the living room to see Johanna Mason's silhouette sitting in a chair, it was difficult not to bring up the five people in the frame, which was held firmly in the other Victor's hands.

"Are you ever going to tell me about them?" Juniper muttered, soft footsteps echoing around as she made her way over to the chair opposite of Johanna. "About the people in the photograph?" 

"I didn't need clarification on who you're talking about, Hale..." Johanna muttered. She seemed to brush her thumb over the glass.

As Juniper swallowed a lump in her throat, she couldn't help but take in the sight of Johanna. The fireplace was firmly lit and so, she was cascaded in a glow of gold and orange. Her growing curls were unkept and a mess, though it had Juniper mesmerised. Her legs were tucked underneath her body with one hand holding the frame and the other supporting her head. 

Soft. Pretty. Solemn. 

"You know... Everdeen has never done what she's been told to do..." Johanna muttered. Juniper felt her insides twist at the name. "But this time... I really hoped she'd just followed orders." 

Juniper didn't need any clarification. She didn't need to ask what event Johanna was speaking about because the woman already knew. Katniss shooting Coin instead of Snow. Katniss ridding them of closure. Such events had been playing on repeat in Juniper's mind. But she had never heard Johanna speak of it before. 

"All she had to do was kill him..." Johanna nearly scoffed. "But she couldn't even do that... not that I'm surprised." 

A silence enveloped them as Johanna's heavy breaths bounced off of the walls and as Juniper's anticipation drowned them. 

"I was ten when this was taken," the woman said, but not directly at Juniper, more at the air. "My father scraped up about enough money for all of us to go into town and have it taken... it's the only photo of us."

"Are they your brothers?" 

Johanna nodded. "Heath. He was my oldest brother... and then the other one was Kai... Heath was sixteen and Kai was fourteen when this was taken..." 

"You were the youngest?" 

"Yeah." Johanna nodded. Her voice was faint and distant as she continued staring. "Not that it matters here in Seven... if you're able-bodied, you're required to do work when you start talking... that's probably why our tributes had such an advantage in the Games."

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

"What happened to them?" Juniper questioned and was almost scared to.

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

"What do you think, Hale?" Johanna scoffed as she set the photograph down on the coffee table. "Snow killed them... and my parents... after I won my Games." 

Juniper realised, in that moment, that Johanna Mason was in a vulnerable state and suddenly, she felt like Aurelius. She didn't want to spook the woman or press her too hard, but she yearned to know more because she knew it could end quickly and she would close herself off. Was this how Dr. Aurelius felt?

("You told me about someone called Clampitt..." Aurelius whispered, caution set in his eyes as if one wrong word could set her off. "Before we got interrupted by Miss Mason.")

(Something flickered in Aurelius's eyes, something bordering caution and softness as he began to speak slowly, asking, "Who is Clampitt?")

"It was just before the Seventy-Second... just before your Games," Johanna continued to speak. "Snow visited me. He said I was of age now and that since he's done so much for me, I had to return the favour... if you get what I mean and I know you do." 

Of course Juniper Hale knew what Johanna Mason was speaking about, what the meaning was behind her words. Any idiot couldn't miss it and the woman certainly wasn't one. But she never realised that Snow had asked Johanna to become a prostitute. In fact, the thought had never crossed Juniper's mind. 

"But you said no... didn't you?" 

"Of course I did." Johanna shook her head. "I said no and he just nodded. That bastard just nodded and left... next day, I went out to the market and when I came home, their bodies were on the porch out front..." 

Juniper swallowed a lump in her throat. 

"Kai and my mother both had single gunshots in the head," the woman carried on. Juniper swore she saw tears glistening her green eyes. "But my father and Heath... they both put up a fight. Gunshots to the legs, to the back. Arms, even... they died fighting, probably saw my mother and Kai die, so..." 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

"That's why I wanted Everdeen to kill Snow." Johanna sighed as she leaned further back in her seat. "I wanted her to kill him because if anyone could have avenged them, it should have been her... but she didn't. She killed Coin instead." 

Juniper didn't know what to say, but figured that she shouldn't say anything at all. Johanna Mason was not the type of person to yearn for sympathies, to take apologies lightly. She didn't want Juniper's pity. 

"Did you really want another Hunger Games?" Juniper asked instead.

Johanna looked at her. "I wanted revenge. I was angry. I am angry... so yeah, I'd say I did. It was only fair and Enobaria had a point. Isn't it right for them to have a taste of their own medicine...? But not many people understand that reasoning, so..." 

"I understand it..." Juniper whispered. "I understand that reasoning." 

"Yeah, I forgot you voted yes." Johanna managed to cough out a laugh. "What about you, Hale? Did you really want another Hunger Games?" 

"Of course I did. I'm not going to deny that," Juniper replied perhaps too quickly. "The Capitol placed us in those arenas. They forced us to have the mentality of a killer. Shouldn't they have consequences for that? I'd say another Hunger Games was a good punishment." 

"And yet, no-one understands that reasoning." Johanna stretched out her arms. "To others, we are bad people for that. To others, we may as well be the true villains." 

"It's all about perspective."

"And ain't it a killer...?" Johanna hummed before she tucked herself back into the form she was in prior. "So... I told you my sob story. Now tell me yours." 

"You already know my sob story. It's been publicised ever since I was seventeen." 

"Not that sob story," she said. "Tell me something deeper, something I don't know... Hale, if we're going to live with each other, I'm going to need to know all your deepest, darkest secrets." 

The look on Johanna's face made Juniper smirk and she couldn't help but laugh out loud. The sound of the Hale woman laughing made Johanna smile and all tears in her green eyes evaporated. But, as the moment passed, Juniper went silent. 

"My deepest, darkest secrets..." Juniper repeated in a whisper as she stared at Johanna's narrow, pale face. "I can't think of any... not any that you don't know about." 

"I can think of one that you can tell me about..." Johanna leaned forwards in her chair. "Why were you so scared of the dark in Thirteen?" 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

"What?" 

"Don't what me, Hale." Johanna rolled her eyes. "Everyone in Thirteen knew you were scared of the dark. It was all the nurses could talk about. It was all Fi— it was all everyone talked about... so why were you so scared?"

"You'll laugh at me..." 

"Not at you..." Johanna clenched her jaw. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

In. In. Out. Out. 

(The darkness was pinching her, punching her, poking at her. Juniper tried to clutch the weapon, hands wrapped so tightly that she could feel her nails digging into her palms)

(Darkness)

("I think... you've associated darkness with the Capitol," the man told her. Juniper shifted in her bed. "Or a person... or a thing. Whatever it is, you have this idea that the dark or darkness revolves around your time in the Capitol.")

"Aurelius had a theory for it... he said I associated darkness with the Capitol, or a person, or a thing... he said whatever it is, I had this idea that the dark or darkness revolved around my time in the Capitol." 

"And was he right?"

"Of course he was, he's Aurelius." Juniper forced herself to chuckle. "I think what I associated darkness with was Peeta..." 

"Mellark?" 

"Back in the cells, I watched him fight a war in his head. It was like he was fighting the light and the dark... and eventually, he let the dark win. He got hijacked," Juniper tried to explain. "I think I was so scared of ending up like Peeta, losing myself, that I got afraid of the dark... it's stupid—" 

"It's not." Johanna shook her head. "It's really not. I understand... before you came into the cells and before Annie did, it was just me and Peeta. I watched him change and it was scary. He had the most purest heart out of everyone I had ever met and all he strived to do was help people. He was, perhaps, the strongest out of all of us. And yet, Snow still managed to beat him to a pulp. That just shows how powerful the old guy was." 

Juniper took a breath and focused her eyes on the flickering fireplace. "Peeta reminded me of my brother... he was so much like my brother." 

Johanna stared at the woman without saying anything, but Juniper didn't want her to. Over the years, if people were brave enough, they would mutter their apologies and condolences about Justice and not only would it make Juniper angry, it would cause her to cry herself to sleep that night. She didn't want anyone to apologise because at the end of the day, it was hers and Orion's fault and no-one else's. 

"Right, well.. tell me one of your deepest, darkest secrets." 

"That's not how this works, Hale." 

"I think it is." 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

(Juniper smiled softly at the sound of Cashmere's voice and turned around to see the classically beautiful woman walk over to her, her blonde hair flowing as much as it could in its ponytail)

(Juniper knew exactly what Cashmere was going through and Cashmere knew that she knew)

(They were two sides of a coin. Together, but never facing each other. They couldn't face each other)

(And there had been many times where the two women had finished with their respective customers, bumping into each other in the halls of whatever hotel they were in, their hair a mess with their makeup running down their cheeks, and have held each other. No words were exchanged. They just held each other until they couldn't no longer)

(She gave her a sympathetic smile and was about to walk down the hall when suddenly, Cashmere's hand wrapped around Juniper's bicep)

"Why did you kill Cashmere Nicholo?" 

"Why did you kill Cedar? It was the Hunger Games, Hale." Johanna shrugged, but when she saw the look on the woman's face, she sighed and added, "I didn't mean to... it was impulsive. I saw her rushing through and I swung my axe... I nearly wished it didn't hit her, but it did." 

"Why did you wish it didn't?" 

"When it happened, I wished it hit her. But now, I wish it didn't." Johanna shrugged again as if it was the most simplest thing. 

"Why?" 

"Because now I know how much she meant to you," she replied. "You loved her." 

Juniper couldn't help but let out a loud laugh at Johanna's words. "Loved? I never loved Cashmere Nicholo. That would be wrong morally and socially. She was much older than me, it would be strange." 

"Love is love." Johanna shrugged, which seemed to be a repeated action of hers. "Fine, you may not have loved Cashmere, but something was there. I'm not sure what it was... but it was there with Cedar as well." 

(She had killed Cedar. She had destroyed her beautiful face. Juniper always loved her face, even when she first saw at the Reaping recaps. She always loved Cedar)

(And, yes, she was glad when she found those honey eyes looking directly back into hers, when she saw the brown hair done into a gentle bun, when she caught a glimpse of the freckled face that belonged to Cedar, District Seven)

"Cedar..." Juniper whispered. 

"Yeah. Cedar," Johanna repeated. "Juniper, you may call yourself a killer, a cold, heartless woman, a monster... but you have perhaps the biggest heart there is. You love and when you love, it can be deadly. You would kill for the people you love. You would do anything for the people you love." 

"Not enough, obviously." Juniper scoffed. "Okay, tell me another one of your secrets." 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

In. Out. 

"Isn't it your turn?" Johanna asked, shifting in her seat slightly as if she was uncomfortable. 

"Perhaps." Juniper shrugged. "But your last one didn't appeal to me and we got sidetracked... go on, shoot." 

"I can't possibly think of any more secrets that are deep and dark." 

Trying to rid any thoughts of Cashmere Nicholo and Cedar, Juniper leaned forwards in her chair, elbows on knees as she said, "I can think of one..." 

"Oh, can you?" 

"What did you realise?" Juniper asked. "The other day, you said you realised something... what was it?" 

(Johanna merely shrugged. "I realised something.")

The other woman blinked once and then twice before understanding what Juniper was speaking about. And even then, did she reply with, "Now that is something for me to know and for you to never know." 

"Never know?"  Juniper repeated. "... I still can't understand what you possibly could have realised from that conversation." 

"I've realised a lot of things from our conversations." 

Juniper looked at Johanna and Johanna looked at Juniper. For a moment, everything was soft, quiet, and peaceful. The silhouettes of the golden flames licked at Johanna's skin, illuminating her. Her growing curls bounced with every subtle movement. Her green eyes were slightly widened and not narrowed or squinted like they usually were. 

Soft. Pretty. Solemn. 

"I should go back to bed..." Juniper whispered, but she couldn't seem to snatch her eyes away from the other woman. "It is the middle of the night." 

"Right... of course..." Johanna nodded.

Both of the Victors' got up from their respective seats, fingertips fidgety and tremors slightly rippling through their bodies. It was like neither one of them wanted to leave the room because Juniper and Johanna didn't take any steps towards the stairs.

But suddenly, it seemed like Johanna was becoming closer, and closer, and closer to Juniper, so much so that she could feel her warm yet chilly breath fanning onto her cheek. And then suddenly, without warning, Johanna's lips seemed to latch onto Juniper's. 

The Hale woman's gasp was quick, sharp, and somehow heavy, but was swiftly forgotten about once Johanna moved her palm to cradle her cheek, still not removing herself. The movement of her lips on Juniper's had her melting at the knees and turned her brain to slush, so much that she couldn't even compute that Johanna Mason was kissing her. All she could focus on was the softness of Johanna's lips, the way she gripped her cheeks and the back of her neck, and how the older woman's mere actions caused her to become like jelly, a ferocious heat building up inside her. 

After a moment, Johanna finally let go and Juniper nearly groaned at the sudden loss of contact. However, the Mason woman's thumb brushed over her cheek, panting slightly. Her green eyes seemed to bore into Juniper's brown ones as if they were waiting for an answer. 

When she didn't get one, Johanna merely muttered, "That's what I realised." 

With that, Johanna dropped her hand and detached herself before walking past the woman and up the stairs without another word, leaving Juniper by herself. And even with the sudden disappearance of her lips, the sudden loss of her palm on her cheek and neck, Juniper still couldn't fathom that Johanna Mason had just kissed her. Or had done something to her, not like her brain had been caught up to speed yet. 

But even as Juniper stood in the middle of the living room, thumb and index finger raised to touch her lips, all she could think about was what Aurelius had said the day she left him at the train station in the Capitol.

("No." Aurelius shook his head as he dropped his hand. "Live freely. Live contentedly. And live peacefully... that's all I ask of you... happiness is something you must find yourself. Something I mustn't ask of you. Something you must ask and find.") 

⇢ ˗ˏˋ matz 🎧 !

— AFTER 90 FUCKING CHAPTERS