CHAPTER FOUR
▬ And All That Remains

━━━━

      THERE WAS A REASON WHY LIAN NEVER wanted a family. She wasn't tethered to responsibilities, she didn't have to rely on others to protect her nor did she have to think beyond what was already in motion because she had to protect someone else. But now her mind felt as though it was running for miles on end, trying to think of ways to succeed to win this fight. Every time she thought she made process, every time she thought she had a solid idea, there was a new factor she had to consider because she wasn't alone. She hasn't been alone for a while, no, she has a family now. It's because of her attachment to them that it makes it so much harder for her to just run off to save herself. Lian wants to be selfish and just leave, to fight another day when she has the upper hand. But just when she thinks that it's okay for her to leave a new reason on why she should stay comes to mind.

      Lian wasn't oblivious to the fact that she was nothing like the others. She didn't want to be a hero, she just opposed everything the Fire Nation did for personal reasons. While the others had bigger goals of saving the world, to stop the Fire Nation from taking away more lives and end this streak of violence, Lian's reason was far from theirs. She wanted to strike pain on those who ruined her life, the people who made her life a living Hell because things could've been different if her father was never alive. Her friends would argue that she wouldn't be alive, but would that be such a terrible thing? To Lian, she would rather not be alive than continue living in a world where all that exists is pain and disappointment. She couldn't see Aang's vision of a better world, not when that chance is so skewed. After all, they have an entire army and they're just kids who don't know any better.

      For years, there was only one goal in mind. To Hell with saving the world, she wanted to destroy the world of the one man who ruined hers. She wanted nothing more than to confront her father, to kill him, and scorn him for his selfishness of bringing her into this world where she's only loathed and looked down upon.

      She nearly missed Azula's fire, but as hot flames singed her clothes she couldn't help but grit her teeth in pain. But it wasn't enough to make her stop anytime soon. If they can get out of this then Katara can easily heal her later on. As she hung on to that sliver of hope, Lian tried to force herself to ignore the small embers of the fire that still tickled what was left of the hem of her pants.

      You can run away, you know you can, Lian thought to herself. Her eyes darted to multiple places she could sneak out of and possible ways to barricade her exit to prevent anyone from falling her. Perhaps she could direct their attention to something else or may when Katara or Aang makes a big move she could use it as an opportunity to leave.

      All they want is Aang. You can leave and come back another time. He can take care of himself. This isn't your problem. Run. GET OUT OF THERE AND RUN — 

      "And I know you're a good person, no matter how much you try to convince us otherwise." 

      Sokka. 

      Why? Why is that out of all the things that could come to mind right now are his words? Why does she care so much about what one bumbling idiot thinks of her?

      It was easier to push out his words, to pretend that they don't exist and that leaving them wouldn't be a selfish thing to do. She wasn't like them, she wasn't a hero, she was a traitor just like Azula said. The daughter of a general who has killed many, the unwanted daughter who was thought of to be a monster by her mother.

      This is the legacy left for her, the only expectations left for her by the people who were meant to love her.

      She's not a good person, right?

      "LIAN!" Katara shouted, her voice echoing off the walls of the cave. Lian's eyes fell to her friend who stared at her desperately and with fear in her eyes. She wasn't fearful for herself, but she was fearful of the falling archer.

      There's a reason for why Lian cares, why she can't get Sokka's words out of her head no matter how much she tries. She couldn't leave them behind no matter how much she wants to save her own skin. Though she feared the idea of death, the image of her friends meeting a violent end was a thought worse than her demise.

      Before she could meet the ground, Lian quickly forced herself to spin around so her head no longer faced the ground before she braced for impact. Every sane person knows that landing on your feet is clearly asking for your ankles to shatter, but then again Lian wasn't exactly sane.

      No, she's a man-hating bitch who doesn't know how to play nice with others and can't express her emotions well.

      But she's a good fighter and it seems like both Azula and Zuko had forgotten that.

      The archer quickly forced herself to roll into a somersault before she could break her legs from breaking her fall. Katara swiftly placed a bed of water underneath her, the stream managing to catch her and bringing her towards the waterbender and far from the reaches of the two powerful firebenders.

      "What are our chances?" Lian muttered as she pressed herself towards Katara's side, trying to ignore the whiplash she got from her friend's abrupt action.

      Katara darted her eyes around the area, trying to find Aang. "We distract one of them while Aang handles the other. You think you can fight?"

      "I'm out of arrows and they burned my bow and quiver. I got nothing." Katara glanced down to see the burns on her hands and the tatters of her clothes. And despite looking as though she has walked through the underworld and back, Lian still looked as strong as the day Katara first met her.

      "You still got your hands?"

      Lian rolled her neck as she brought her fists up, fixing her stance as she kept her eyes on Zuko. "Slightly concussed, may have lost my mind thanks to the fucking Dai Lee, and I think I got whiplashed. But other than that, I think I'm good to go."

      "Don't kill him, Li," Katara warned lowly, the tone of her voice firm as she glanced at Lian. There was no missing the murderous glint in Lian's eyes, the flurry of rage and hatred that pooled the beautiful dark brown that brought her anger to life.

      "Gee, I'll consider it."

      "I'm serious."

      "So am I."

      The blue-eyed girl could barely argue back before Azula attacked from above. Without a second of hesitation, the Fire Nation princess began to fire her attacks towards the two of them. Breaking from her train of thoughts, Lian moved to the right as Zuko shot a stream of fire their way.

      Good, keep your attention all on me, Lian thought as she continuously dodged Zuko's fire. She could only pray that Katara could handle Azula on her own.

      The only thing Lian could think about was pummeling Zuko, that the only thing that could satisfy her would be to take him down no matter the blood shed. 

      Zuko is not her father, she knew that and tried her best to remind herself of that. But the minute the word 'weak' left his mouth it was as though Eizo was right in front of her. It was though her father was right in front of her berating her from not doing enough, not being enough and that was more than enough to group them together.

      With as much strength as she could muster, Lian dodged Zuko's blows and got closer with each attack. Using her arms she blocked Zuko's directed streams by redirecting the position of his arms with a simple push or defensive block. The minute he tried to use his legs to aim for her feet she was quick and moved back, but not far enough for him to attack as freely as he'd like. 

      Zuko wasn't focusing as much as usual, perhaps it was the heat of the moment at and the fact that Lian was without her weapon. But neither was she and he could tell from the different fighting pattern she was using. Though it was slightly more confusing and more rigorous than her usual style it wasn't as perfect. 

      The bow in her hand was like an extension of her body, something that kept her balanced. Yet somehow she was far less kept than normal, she's stronger, faster.

      But she was far more reckless.

      "What do you fight for?" Zuko hissed as he swiped a wave of fire towards her. "You're not a bender. You're nothing."

      Lian threw herself backward and nearly tripped herself from her own feet. She scowled as she brought her fists up once more. The palms of her hands were dirtied from the ground and red from the blood that stained her skin. She tried to ignore the stinging sensation that numbed her hands or the way her head throbbed from moving so quickly.

      Blowing a loose strand of hair away from her face, she narrowed her eyes once more. "You don't know me," she said lowly. "You fight for nothing but your own honor. Your selfishness is what makes you weaker than me. You're just like me, an unwanted bastard that daddy never wanted."

      Annoyance spread throughout Zuko's chest as she glared him down. Perhaps it was her words that had struck a nerve or the menacing look that shattered the gentleness of her face. And though he's heard words like this directed towards him before, something about hearing it from her made it almost worse.

      She knew nothing about him. Who was she to judge him? She doesn't know of all the struggles that he went through.

      "I am NOTHING like you!" Zuko roared as he ran towards her. His arm swung back before releasing the largest stream of fire Lian has seen all day. 

      Just as she ducked to avoid the burning flames, she wasn't quick enough to see how close he was to her. It wasn't until she felt a hand curl around her wrist til she realized.

      Pulling her close, Zuko forced her to look him in the eyes, trying to ignore the fury that burned his chest. His anger only grew once he saw the unbothered look in her eyes, the same crazed glint that made her unrecognizable. There was no denying her hatred for him and no matter how much he threatened her or attacked her, his hatred for her will never match how she feels for him.

      "Even with your so-called honor, you are nothing more than a pawn for your father," Lian taunted, unafraid of Zuko's spare hand that held a threatening ball of fire near her face. She brought herself closer, wanting to see the strength in his eyes break right in front of her. "I fight for myself while you fight for a man who will never care about you. You're right, we are nothing alike. Because I'm not my father's bitch."

      Zuko's firey hand twitched and it didn't go unnoticed by Lian.

      With her other hand, she grabbed his wrist and brought her mouth next to his ear. "The truth is," she began before pausing briefly, "You and I both know that I am stronger because you hesitate and that's what will get you killed by me."

      He didn't even notice her hand pulling out the knife he had tucked in his pocket, too focused on her words to even feel anything. Not even realizing that she is as insane as she said she is, that she's not like him when it comes to thinking things through. And right before Lian could plunge it into his back, she heard the roaring stream of fire in front of her.

      "Katara!" yelled Lian as her friend used her water tentacles to block the blow from Azula. But even that wasn't enough as Katara's back met a pillar of crystal rock and Lian was forced to watch in horror as her friend crumpled to the ground unconscious.

      In that split second of distraction, Zuko grabbed a hold of the knife and threw it aside before he grabbed both her wrists and pushed her back, taking advantage of her wounds and concussed state. Lian, in a dazed effort to fight back, was met with the repeated and rapid attacks from Zuko. The sudden jolt left a headache that made every movement heavy and confusing and Lian slower than before.

      There was no chance that she was going to emerge victorious, not with Zuko and Azula both turning their attention onto her and Katara unconscious. Aang was nowhere to be found and she wouldn't be surprised if Azula pulled a dirty trick to attack him.

      "You're nothing but a pain in the ass," Azula said in annoyance. Her hands were still as poised and positioned perfectly, almost as if this fight was fun for her. "No matter, after this you're General Eizo's problem now — "

      "Watch your dirty mouth," cautioned Lian, lips pulled into a scowl and fists that shook uncontrollably.

      "Touchy subject? I figured," Azula laughed as she ignored Zuko's slight confusion. "But you're right, I should be more reasonable. There's no way we would let a traitor like you live."

      "You haven't won yet."

      Azula arched her perfectly plucked brows. "You're dehydrated, starved, concussed, and on the way to losing your mind. Your baseless confidence is admirable, but stupid."

      Rumbling.

      No, was it her stomach? It couldn't be, she can't be hungry in this state. No, it was definitely rumbling.

      Aang, Lian realized. Her ears perked as she tried her best not to give it away.

      Tightening her fists to stop the shaking, Lian took a deep breath and exhaled before she pulled herself in a stance. With one fist drawn back and the other lowered and pointed towards them, Lian stared at them.

      "That stupidity makes me all the more deadly," Lian stated calmly, voice firm.

      Azula couldn't get another word in, not when she finally picked up on the rumbling that grew louder and louder by each second. Both siblings turned around, trying to detect the source of the noise, but was met with the sight of Aang emerging out of the ground and bursting to the surface, riding a wave of rocks directed right towards them.

      Lian's face paled once she saw the Dai Lee agent that jumped in front of Aang and stopped his tide, jousting the young boy off and sent him flying in the air before he fell and rolled to the side. 

      She could barely keep up as more Dai Lee agents jumped from the sides of the caves and down around them. Lian quickly placed herself in front of Katara, fists raised and eyes that darted from left to right. There were too many of them to count, too many to focus on, too many scenarios in which things can go south. But too little possibilities on how to get out of this sticky situation.

      Just do it, she could hear the Old Bat's voice say.

      No, no I'm not going to do it.

      You're selfish.

      I don't care if I am.

     You and I both know you could end this all.

      I'm never going to do it again.

      Even if it means at the risk of your friend's life?

      Even . . . Yes. I'm not going to do it.

      "Don't strain yourself," Lian ordered Katara once she heard her friend stir. She felt Katara place her back against her, the bender quickly reaching for the stream of water next to them before the two girls got ready for an inevitable standoff with the Dai Lee.

      "Lian, you should go," she heard Katara murmur weakly.

      "I can handle it."

      "Lian, you're not a bender and I can't — "

      "I can handle it," Lian interrupted harshly.

      Katara said nothing before creating a barrier of tentacles around them, the water arms moving to keep the Dai Lee in check and to ensure there is no possible way for them to attack without getting caught up.

      From the corner of her eye, Lian kept watch on Aang. He had the Dai Lee and both the royal siblings to handle and the only possible way for him to take care of them all is if he went to the Avatar State. But he didn't finish his training with the Guru and there was no guarantee that he had mastered the Avatar State just yet.

      "Father loves you, Lian," the Dai Lee repeated in a monotone voice. 

      The archer faltered. No, please. Not again.

      "Father loves you, Li — "

      "SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" Lian shrieked as her fists turned white from how hard she was clenching.

      "Father loves you — "

      "Lian, no!" Katara shouted as one of her tentacles swiped up the running archer. She struggled to keep Lian in her grip all while trying to keep watch of the Dai Lee agents.

      It was as though Lian could care less that she was running to her death, that killing them is worth sacrificing her own life. Somehow they had gotten to her head, made her believe that she needed to kill in order to free herself from the chains that weighed her down. She wasn't collected or calm as before, not like she usually is because the Lian that Katara knows would never rush without a plan, an inkling of what to do. But the older girl in her grasp wanted nothing more than to shed blood, didn't care that it was a horrific act she wanted to commit. All Lian cared about was ending them all.

      The sound of shattering crystal rocks caught their attention, all except Lian who still struggled to free herself from Katara's grasp. Oblivious to Aang's sheltered self, all the archer could focus on was the thought that her father was near, that he was going to kill her, that death is going to inevitable for her if she doesn't make the first move.

      There were a million voices in her head, too many to count and too many to focus on. But the one that stood out the most was that of her father, the same father who taught her that force is what makes love true. That a man needs to take down anything and everything to get what he wants, that a woman is second to a man's strength and that a woman will never win over a man in any situation.

      Even from birth Lian never had a chance against her dear old father.

      Finally freeing herself from Katara's grasp, she was on her path to the first Dai Lee in sight. But before she could even strike, the sound of thunder echoed in the cave, the blinding white light capturing her attention.

      Aang.

      Lian watched as her friend fell from the sky, watched as his unconscious body fell. With his glowing eyes and tattoos, he resembled a falling angel almost. But all she could do is stare and wonder if they ever had a chance of winning, if their orthodox ways limited them from succeeding for once. If they had played dirty like Azula and Zuko, would they have a chance of winning at least once? Would they be able to taste victory? Would winning be as satisfactory if they played by the rules?

      Yet all these questions may remained unanswered.

      Suddenly Lian felt herself get swiped away in Katara's waves that shielded them both before her friend caught her by the waist and surged forward to where Aang was falling to. The water washed away the enemy that surrounded the Avatar as Katara's unforgiving bending left them with nothing. Her only focus was to save Aang, to help Lian no matter how broken her mind may be, to find her brother and Toph, and to save them all.

      Even when everything washed away, even as the water stilled and pooled around them, there was nothing left for them.

      All Lian could do is stare at Aang who laid motionless in Katara's arms. 

      Why couldn't she cry for him? Why couldn't she cry at the idea that her friend may be dead, that the world's last hope for peace is gone?

      Why couldn't she bring herself to care?

      He's not like her father. No, Aang is far from the horrible man that she is half of. He's better than most men.

      No, he is better than all men. He was kindhearted, he was nice to her, patient even when she didn't deserve his niceness.

      So why couldn't she cry for him?

      Lian lifted her eyes once she caught something moving. She met Zuko's eyes as he and his sister walked towards them like predators stalking their prey. He looked emotionless, almost as though he could careless that this was all happening. He was nothing like the good guy Katara said he was. All she could see is an unforgiving, useless man with no potential, an impotent and weak individual who doesn't have a spine of his own.

      Before she could walk towards them she was stopped with a wall of fire erupting that separated the two groups. Jumping in front of them was none other than Iroh, his hands in front as he faced his nephew and niece.

      Glancing over his shoulder he spoke to the three kids, "You've got to get out of here! I'll hold them off as long as I can!"

      Wordlessly Katara obeyed and forced Aang up before she used her own shoulder to support his weight. Lian took the other side, trying her best not to grimace under Aang's weight and forcing herself to remember that he is her friend, that he is different.

      Every fiber within her wanted to stay, to fight and to take Azula and Zuko down. Walking away was never something she did well in, she was the type to see matters to the end. Because walking away meant giving up and the thought of doing so made her feel as though she wasn't enough.

      If only she was stronger then maybe they wouldn't have to walk off.

      If only she was enough then maybe she could've saved them all.

      If only she was smart enough then maybe she would've never met them and she would've been better off alone.

      If only things were different.

      But they weren't.

      As they walked towards the waterfall and Katara lifted them out, all Lian could think about were all the missed chances she had. Her goals didn't align with theirs. Saving the world wasn't something she had wanted to do, she was selfish with her only goal being strong enough to one day confront the big bad monster. She never intended to join the fight against the Fire Nation, but now she was more than just stuck in the crossfire.

      She was one of them now, no matter how much she tried to fight it.

      The higher they got the louder the voices in her head grew. Some voices were easier to tune out than most, but Eizo's voice stuck out like a sore thumb as his condescending words replayed in her head.

      You're never going to be strong enough, Eizo spat.

      I know. And that's what I'm afraid of.

━━━━

      EVERYTHING AFTER WAS A BLUR FOR HER. Lian doesn't remember getting on Appa or flying away with the others. She couldn't feel Toph's concerned hand on her shoulder or the continuous glances Sokka sent her way as the archer hid in the back. Even the bright light from Katara's healing did little to take her mind off of it. The best way to describe it was feeling as though she was having an out of body experience. Her skin felt like an uncomfortable layer that she wanted nothing more than to remove, to rid herself from the feeling of her father's hand on her shoulder or Zuko's warm touch on her wrist. She wanted to get rid of the hollowed feeling of Yuwei's kisses on the side of her neck or all the forgotten marks her past lovers had left.

      The cold air felt like nothing to her warm skin, did little to rid the burns she felt across her body. 

      All this baseless confidence was all she could remember from her interaction with Azula. The princess was right, what did she have to back up for her cocky attitude? What did she have to stand by her claims of being victorious? She had nothing to her name, no victories under her belt, and she wasn't strong enough because if she was then Aang would've been okay right now.

      Lian hugged her knees closer against her chest, ignoring the way her kneecaps stung from the cuts or the way her hands were crusted with dried blood and dirt. She focused on all the external pain in hopes of forgetting the empty feeling that settled inside her chest as she numbly watched the clouds pass by them.

      "It wasn't your fault." Sokka. The older boy hesitantly stood behind her, unsure of what to say or what to do to comfort Lian. "You couldn't have done much — "

      "Shut up," Lian told him. "You don't know anything."

      "I know that you did everything you can to survive," Sokka interjected as he took a seat behind her. "Lian, what the Dai Lee did to you . . . you couldn't have stopped it. You weren't in your right mind and that's not your fault — "

      "I'm fine, nothing happened. They didn't do anything," Lian argued as her nails dug into the bare skin of her knees. "I'm fine."

      "You're not alone. We're here for you — " He only touched her shoulder for a second, probably less. But it was long enough for Lian to whip around and shove him away from her. 

      She towered over him as he stared in shock. Even the Earth King was silent and befuddled by what was going on. Lian breathed heavily as her body ran numb from a mere, measly touch. Her body ran cold as everyone's eyes fell on her, almost as though they don't know what to do.

      Lian could lie as much as she want, but even she couldn't lie to her that something was wrong. Every little bit of progress she made with Aang and Sokka was down the drain. Every little memory of training, traveling, and flying together were all gone and forgotten. The importance of every moment spent together was lost as she stared at him with unfamiliarity pooled in her once warm eyes.

      They were as dead and cold as when they first met her.

      "Don't touch me," Lian told Sokka gravely. "Don't you ever touch me again, do you understand?"

      "Lian," Toph began cautiously. "It's Sokka, he's not going to hurt — "

      "Do you understand?" Lian interrupted the younger girl as she stared at Sokka.

      "I . . . You got it," Sokka whispered in reply. "I won't ever touch you again, I'm sorry. It was my fault."

      Ignoring Katara's questioning gaze, Lian turned around and forced herself away from the others and settled near Appa's tail. She gripped onto his fur, careful not to hurt the flying bison as she tried to steady herself. She counted the amount of clouds that they flew by, she tried to count backwards from fifty, she even went as far as to take deep breaths to calm her racing heartbeat.

      There was nothing she could do that was enough to settle the nerves that burned her chest or the various thoughts that flew her head.

      She was hurt, but what scared her the most was her own mind. Because she thought about hurting Sokka, to strike him back for even daring to touch her. Deep down she knew she wasn't being rational, that it wasn't his fault and he was just concerned for her wellbeing. He's her friend, not some enemy of the state out to hurt her.

      But for some reason she couldn't separate him from her own father.

      Burying her head in her hands, her fingers pulled roughly at the roots of her hair as she tried to stabilize herself. The thundering taunts of her father never faltered, the burning touch of Sokka's hand wouldn't go away no matter how much she tried to forget.

      "Little An Mei has lost her sheep and can't tell where to find them," Lian sang shakily under her breath as she tried to focus in order to remember her mother's fading face. Even the beauty of Yanmei couldn't deter the horrible image of Eizo. 

      Swallowing the uncomfortable lump in her throat she continued as tears ran down her dirty cheeks. "Leave them alone, and they will come home. And bring their tails behind. Then . . ."

      How did the song go again? What did her mother sing after that part?

      "Remember, just fucking remember," Lian whimpered as she slapped her forehead with an open palm. "Remember. Why can't you remember the stupid song? Just remember — "

      Before Lian could strike herself once more, Katara caught her wrist and forced her friend to stop. Lian looked up as she inhaled and exhaled shakily and did little to hide her tearstreaked face. Katara stared at her in return, unsure of what to say or how to comfort her.

      The archer in front of her wasn't the girl with them a few days ago, this was an entirely different person that was presented right in front of them.

      "I can't remember the song anymore," Lian breathed out as the words tumbled out hoarsly.

      Slowly, Katara removed the extra sack of water that Toph and Sokka had carried along. She opened it and carefully bended the water out for Lian to see. "I know," Katara said softly. "It's okay. Don't worry."

      Lian closed her eyes tightly in an effort to stop the tears that flowed. "I messed up."

      Katara said nothing as she pressed her water covered hands on the sides of Lian's head. The rest of the group watched quietly as the familiar glowing light illuminated around them. But this wasn't going to save Lian, not like it did Aang and there wasn't enough to help the older girl after using it all to help treat the Avatar.

      No amount of healing can fix the trauma that the Dai Lee had resurfaced for the once brave fighter.

━━━━

A/N;

Ah, after a long time an update is finally up! So truth be told this was at like 900 words yesterday, but I forced myself to stay up really late and now it's at 5200! I'm so sorry I haven't been updating as consistently as I said I would, but I've been emotionally burnt out and quite honestly the one thing really getting me through this quarantine is Haikyuu hence why I'm focusing more on my Haikyuu fics than anything else.

Anyways, this is my birthday gift to you all! I turn 19 today and I wanted to celebrate it by giving you guys an update as I know right now this is my most popular story out of them all!

Thank you all so much for the continuous love and support you've all showered me with. I am truly blessed with all that I've received and I cannot thank you enough for giving me a chance and for reading my books.

Right now the world is in a dark place and if you'd like to help contribute, I've left the links to different websites for you to show your support. It'd mean a lot to me if you guys directed even a bit of your time by visiting these sites and helping in whatever way you guys can.

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

https://indigenousblacklivesmatter.carrd.co/

https://trans--rights.carrd.co/

https://www.supportlrc.app/donate/
( this link is where you can help donate to Lebanon )

https://petitionstosignnow.carrd.co/

Much Love Guys.

( written: august 5, 2020 )
( published: august 5, 2020 )