Hunter was right. As soon as I got in the car, Brownie and Stevie stuffed their faces over the console, tails wagging in excitement.

I drove to Hunter's place, my body warm and tingling. I didn't know whether I was disappointed or relieved for my fridge's interruption. But I did need a clear head if I wanted to have a serious conversation with Hunter.

The traffic was heavy, which helped me stay out of my head by focusing on the road. The sun was setting by the time we pulled into the driveway. Seeing the place under the orange glow as a new experience. Grass glimmered with good care all around the house. Brownie and Stevie jumped out of the car and immediately went around to back of the house. Hunter got my overnight bag and my laptop bag and we went inside.

We both froze right inside the door.

Right there on the couch, in the middle of the too big space, sat Tux. He blinked his yellow eyes at us. He was in perfect loaf mode; tail and paws all neatly tucked under his fluff.

"Don't look at him," I whispered and moved as quietly as possible towards the kitchen. Hunter followed close behind. Once in the kitchen, I let out a deep breath and turned with a grin to find Hunter grinning as well.

"He always takes off when I come home," he said, putting my bags on the island stool.

"This is actually pretty good. Does he still eat in the bathroom?" I asked, moving toward the fridge.

"Yeah."

"Why don't you put another food bowl here and see if he eats from it," I said, opening the fridge to see what I had to work with.

"That's a good idea," he said. "I have some leftover pasta from yesterday."

I made a face. "I'm still full from Thalia's lunch. Do you have any fruits?"

"In the freezer," he replied, walking toward the stairs. "I'll be right back."

I got the bag of frozen berries from the freezer. I was in the mood for a smoothie. Fortunately, Hunter had a stock of coconut milk. I recognized the tag from the farmer's market.

I turned to put my findings on the island and frowned. Where were my bags? I went around the island. Nope. Not there.

Hunter skipped down the stairs right then, a slight smile on his lips.

"Where are my bags?" I asked.

"Upstairs," he replied. "As you can see, Tux is on the couch, and that's where he usually sleeps these days. So unless you want to move the cat..."

"No one moves a cat once it's in loaf mode," I grumbled. "You didn't train your cat to sit on the couch to get me to spend the night in your room, did you?"

Hunter laughed, leaning against the island next to me and crossing his arms. He'd ditched his jacket, and his arms bulged with the motion. "Your imagination is running wild, Sapphire. What's wrong with spending the night in my room? I promise I'll keep my paws to myself."

I rolled my eyes and started on the smoothie. I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

I put the frozen berries in the blender and poured a couple of splashes of milk on top. Hunter raised his eyebrows when I closed the milk bottle.

"I like my smoothies thick," I explained. Hunter's lips twitched up, his eyes crinkling with mirth.

I pointed a finger at him. "Don't. Get your mind out of the gutter."

He chuckled and heated up his leftover pasta. I had no idea how he could eat more solid food after Thalia's feast. But then again, my smoothie wasn't exactly lightweight, either.

"Want to go outside?" Hunter asked, sticking a fork in his bowl of pasta. I glanced at the French doors.

"You've bought furniture?" I asked. I hadn't seen any last time.

"Just an outdoor loveseat and a table. Don't know if I'll keep them," he said, rubbing his left ear. "I'm not very good at decorating and stuff."

I bit back a smile. "Decorating and stuff?"

"You know what I mean," I grumbled, picking up my big smoothie glass. I got a spoon and followed him out. He was cute when he was embarrassed.

Brownie and Stevie appeared beside us as soon as we opened the French doors. The loveseat sat in one corner of the back porch, which was more of a terrace. In front of it, a matching low wicker table. They made the big terrace look even more empty.

Hunter and I sank on the white cushions. Brownie immediately tucked herself between the seat and the table and sat on top of Hunter's feet.

"You've got your own feet warmer," I said, pulling my glass away when Stevie stuck his nose towards it. I swiped some with my finger and held it to her nose. She sniffed and immediately licked it. I chuckled. "You're a big foodie, aren't you?"

Stevie sniffed at my hand again. "That's it," I said. "You need to lose weight, young man."

Stevie gave an excited bark.

"She can eat that?" Hunter asked.

"It won't hurt her," I said.

"Good to have a vet around the house," Hunter said. After losing hope of me, Stevie went around the table and wedged himself next to Brownie.

I ate my smoothie, because it couldn't be drank. And Hunter finished his pasta. The backyard looked too empty, too unfinished. It was massive, and it needed more than just the two trees it currently had. The pool was still covered in one side. The pond and the bridge still unfinished.

The grass glinted orange under the sunset, and a soft breeze blew. Hunter finished his food first and leaned his head back, stretching his arms over the back of the seat, and closed his eyes. If I leaned back, I could put my head on his arm.

I took the chance and looked at him. The strong column of his throat, the curve of his lips, the scar on his eyebrow, the slight stubble on his strong jaw. If someone told me a couple of months ago that I would be here, considering a relationship with Hunter Jamison, I would've told them to get off whatever drug they were on.

And yet here I was.

I finished my smoothie and put the glass on the table. The sound had Hunter straightening. He turned to look at me.

"So," he said.

I wiped my hand down my jeans. I wished I'd changed into something more comfortable. "So?"

"What did you want to talk about?"

I chewed on my lip. How did I even start? My heart hammered in my chest, and my guts knotted. Okay. This was not the time for anxiety.

"I don't know how to start," I mumbled.

"How about telling me how you lost Cheddar?" he said. "If you want."

I frowned. "Stefan didn't tell you?"

He shook his head. A lock of hair fell on his forehead, he pushed it back with impatient hands. "To be honest, I don't think he meant to tell me in the first place."

I sighed. "It was a car accident."

Hunter's eyes darkened. He knew my history with car accidents. I crossed my arms, toed off my shoes and tucked my feet under me, angling my body towards him.

"It happened a few weeks after you left the country," I said, looking at the darkening grass. "He usually never goes out, even when we leave the door open. But that day... I don't know what got him. I don't know if he saw a bird or a squirrel or whatever. But I was speaking with Lia in front of the house. And the door was cracked open. The next thing I knew, Cheddar was shooting down the street."

I closed my eyes tightly. The images were blurry in my head. And the usually dull pain turned sharp as I spoke. "I chased him down. But there was a car and... it just him him straight on. He was a mess. There was blood and... Lia and I got him in the car somehow. But he passed before we even reached the vet."

I took a gasping breath, remembering that time. It had felt like I was in a nightmare, and I kept telling myself that I was going to wake up and Cheddar would be fine.

"The worst thing is, I couldn't even hold him during his last breaths because I had to drive."

I'd never hated my inability to ride a car without driving more than I did right then. My cat passed away in someone else's lap.

"I should've paid more attention." I swallowed hard. Hoping the tears wouldn't spill out. I'd thought I cried them all earlier. Apparently not. "I should've closed the door."

Hunter didn't tell me it wasn't my fault. And I was grateful for that.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice rough. "I'm sorry."

It felt like he was saying sorry for more than just Cheddar. I shook my head and opened my eyes, blinking rapidly.

"That's okay," I said. "At least he didn't suffer for long."

Hunter put his hand on my knee and squeezed. I traced the black line on his bracelet.

"Do you still have yours?" he asked.

I glanced up. His eyes were set on my finger tracing the hair tie, but his shoulders seemed tense.

"I do," I mumbled. He sucked in a sharp breath and looked at me. There was so much hope and relief in his expression, it tugged at my heart.

He cleared his throat. "I see."

I hummed. I still didn't tell him what I really needed to.

"Can I ask another question?" he asked.

"Sure," I said.

"You said you didn't grow your hair because you don't want to get attached to it," he said. "Why?"

There it was.

I looked into his eyes and saw it. He already suspected it. "Cancer."

He closed his eyes tightly for a moment. "When?"

"My first year of college," I said. "I had to have chemo and shave my head. That's why I no longer grow my hair. In case I have to again..."

He rubbed his face roughly. "Is there a chance it might come back?"

"There's always a chance."

The sheer fear in his eyes had me adding quickly. "But I'm very conscious of what I eat. I exercise regularly and I never skip my follow up appointments. I've been in remission for eight years now."

The fear was still there, but it receded under a look of determination. "You're not going to get it again."

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Yes, sir."

"I'm not joking, Sapphire."

"Neither am I. If it comes back then... it comes back." I took a shuddering breath. "I'm not going to lie. The thought scares me shitless. But there's nothing I can do about it."

Hunter frowned. He flipped his hand and caught mine, holding tightly onto it. "You've been stressed lately. Because of me."

"It's not just you..." I mumbled. "My life has been... I've been keeping everyone at an arm's length after my cancer. I actually kept it from my brothers and friends when I was first diagnosed, but they had to know eventually. And after the treatment and the surgery... I just pulled back. I didn't want to deal with relationships. I didn't want to deal with any more heartache. At one point I considered..."

I had never told anyone this. It was my darkest, most shameful secret.

"What?" Hunter asked.

I hesitated. But this was Hunter. I could share anything with him and he wouldn't judge me. "Ending it all."

His hand jerked around mine. I avoided his gaze.

"You know Mom ended her own life. I used to blame her for leaving us. But after I got sick, I learned to forgive her. Maybe because I understood what she went through. Sometimes, when it had gotten difficult, with chemo and later the surgery, with the anxiety and the constant thinking about the future, in my weakest moments, I had thought about ending it all." I smiled a little. "I always thought I was more like Dad. But maybe I was more like her than I thought."

"You're strong, Sapphire," he said, catching my eyes. "You're strong. Don't doubt yourself. What you've been through isn't a walk in the park. Everyone has weak moments, that doesn't make them weak."

I sniffed, tears pricking at my eyes. But my chest felt so light, as if a stone had been lifted off of it. I cleared my throat.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I understand now why you're not my biggest fan."

"What?"

"I left you right after the shelter burned, and then you lost your cat, and then you had cancer," he shook his head, blinking hard. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Hunter. It's not your fault. It's just... life sucks."

He rubbed his eyes. He looked so tired. I felt guilty for springing all this on him. But he needed to know.

"I might not be your biggest fan," I said. "But I don't don't like you."

His lips twitched up. "You don't don't like me?"

I huffed. "You know what I mean."

He turned fully towards me, my knee digging into his thigh. "Does that mean you're open to giving me a chance?"

I cleared my throat. "Well, I can't have kids."

He frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"You've always wanted a big family."

"I don't care about kids, Sapphire," he said, rolling his eyes. "Yes, I want a family. With you. If it means it's going to be just the two of us for the rest of our lives, then that's the family I want."

My throat closed up. "Very romantic."

"Yeah, that's me," he said, framing my face with one hand. "So?"

"So?"

He raised his eyebrows. I took a deep breath, squeezing the life out of his hand. "I'm scared. What if the cancer comes back? You'll have to go through all that pain, and if it-"

"We'll go through it together," he said. "But you'll be fine. Healthy as a horse. We'll grow old and wrinkly together."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't. But I'm not going to spend my life worrying about everything I can't control," he said. "I'd rather spend that time with you, thinking about all the good things we have and the good things we'll have. And if something bad happens- and it will because that's just life- we'll deal with it. We're strong enough. You're strong enough."

I took a deep breath, pushing my hand against my fluttering stomach. He was right. Things would go wrong. That was just how life worked. But worrying about it would serve no purpose but paralyze me.

It was easier said than done, of course. Just thinking about it made my guts tighten. But I'd been running for far too long. It was time I started living.

"So," Hunter said, his eyes warm with a smile. "Can I kiss you now?"

I laughed. "That's what you're thinking about?"

"Oh, I'm thinking about a lot of things. Kissing is just the beginning."

I punched his shoulder. Then I leaned forward and kissed him.

It was like coming home after a long, exhausting trip. Hunter threaded his fingers in my hair and drew impossibly closer. The knot in my guts melted into pleasant warmth, snuffing my anxiety out of existence. Everything but Hunter- his smell, his taste, his skin- faded into the background.

We pulled apart and Hunter pressed his forehead against mine. "God," he said, the word wrenched out of his heart. "I missed you so much."

Stevie chose that moment to poke his head between us and give his input with a bark. I chuckled and rubbed his head. He was basically standing on top of Brownie. The other dog didn't even stir. She must be used to it.

"You got yourself a mom, Stevie," Hunter mumbled, roughly scrubbing the dog's neck. Stevie liked it, tilting his head and closing his eyes in sheer canine bliss.

I smiled. There was still a flicker of anxiety when I thought about what I just agreed to. But beneath it all, there was overwhelming relief and excitement.

--- ---- ---

Thoughts?

I hope you like it. Don't forget to vote and comment. I appreciate it! 

Also, If you follow me on IG you know I'm writing the last chapter of Learning to Live, and when I'm done, the updates will be more frequent. There will be about five or six more chapters maybe? I'll be sure after I edit what I wrote. 

Thank you for all the love!

And keep praying for Gaza <3

Much love <3 <3 <3

M.B.