Song: Say It by Maggie Rogers. Snippet of the lyrics below.

I found myself staring at you
...
I cannot fall in love with you
I cannot feel this way so soon, so soon

Sapphire

December 31, New Year's Eve.

It's okay, Saph. You've got this.

Breathe. One. Two. Three.

I leaned over the faucet and stared at my reflection in the public bathroom mirror. I was at the Sky Bar rooftop nightclub at the top of the Hilton Hotel downtown.

Vera invited me to hang out at the club and celebrate New Year's Eve with her, Ace, Mindy, and some friends.

Of course, Julian was there when I arrived earlier that evening. He was enjoying the open atmosphere with a glass of gin and tonic in one hand, while Jessie whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

"You got this," I told myself, fighting off Wicked Anxiety in the bathroom.

Keep telling yourself that, Saph. You're a twenty-two-year-old virgin who can't get a man to fuck you—Cameron wouldn't even bed you after years of being together, Wicked Anxiety taunted.

Shut up, anxiety. You're a bitch.

Look into the mirror, Saph. What do you see? Lady Hope stepped in, whispering in my ear.

I saw a slender woman with straight, chestnut hair, who swapped her glasses for contact lenses.

What else do you see? Lady Hope led on, pushing Wicked Anxiety away.

I saw an emerging beauty in a lustrous blue satin, backless cocktail dress, featuring a plunging halterneck.

A modelesque woman with dark curls brushed past me and smiled as she headed out the door, back into the club.

The depths of my heart warmed up, and I knew that I was ready to walk out in confidence.

"Saph! Come over here! Let's get a photo together," Vera shouted, waving at me as I walked toward her and the gang.

"So, is the church rat staying in the hotel with us?" Ace laughed, taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, my room is right next to yours and Vera's, so you'd better tone it down because this church rat don't take your shit," I replied, stabbing him with a piercing stare.

I didn't like Ace very much—he reminded me of a young Val Kilmer from Top Gun, but he was an obnoxious guy. Tonight, he was especially bad-mannered, but Vera dismissed his behavior, blaming it on the alcohol.

I glanced at Julian and his girlfriend, who was all over him like a rash. He looked divine and sophisticated in his suit, white shirt, Burberry cufflinks, and black tie.

Julian was a deliciously dominant alpha among the men in the club that night, and my heart felt a tug of pained yearning.

His eyes caught hold of mine, staring at me for a moment before they flickered away like sparks fizzling in the dark. It was as if I didn't matter to him.

With Jessie there, I was a complete stranger.

The she-devil glared at me, before placing her seductive hands on Julian's jaw, bringing him to her lips.

While they kissed, Jessie's cold eyes glowered at me. Her message was clear: he's mine.

"Everything alright?" Vera tapped my arm.

"I left my lipstick on the bathroom counter," I recalled, before walking back to the public restroom.

Luckily enough, my Guerlain rouge lipstick was still on the counter, so I picked it up and tucked it in my handbag.

As I was about to open the door, it swung at me, and a pair of hands shoved me against the wall.

"As you know, Julian and I have an open relationship. I normally don't mind Julian's flings, but you!" Jessie shouted before slowly releasing me.

She shakily pointed her index finger at me. "You're a dangerous cunt. I don't trust him around you because he looks at you with an affection he's never shown me. The man can't take his eyes off you!"

My blood boiled with anger, like bubbling broth about to overflow.

"You know what? You're right," I replied, narrowing my eyes at her.

"I am dangerous, Jessie, and you better watch out. If all it takes is one glance between Julian and me—for him to forget you—then he was never yours, to begin with."

There. I said it. The words weren't pleasant, but I didn't take shit from anyone who pushed me around.

With that, I pushed past Jessie and walked out of the bathroom.

A few hours later, as we chanted the countdown toward midnight, holding sparklers in one hand and champagne in the other, I noticed a cute blond fellow in a dark shirt and a few of his friends cheering near us.

I overheard a drunken version of Auld Lang Syne belted out by a group of partygoers in the background, interrupting the countdown.

At the stroke of midnight, as we sang out "Happy New Year", I grabbed blondie by the collar of his shirt and kissed his soft lips.

After breaking the kiss with the blond mystery man, I gazed at Julian, who pulled away from Jessie and raised one eyebrow at me.

"Way to go, Saph, and Happy New Year!" Vera hugged me, interrupting the hidden exchange between her brother and me.

She wore a slinky gold sequin number and shone brighter than the fireworks in the sky.

A little while after the festivity of the New Year's Eve celebration, I headed toward the bar to get a Porn Star Martini. I noticed Mindy at the corner of the club, drinking alone.

"Mindy? Is everything okay?" I asked her.

She glanced up at me, wearing a look of desperation.

"I tried..." Her eyes watered with tears.

"I tried to make him fall in love with me. I gave him everything, and he's broken my heart." Her voice was frail.

"Mindy, maybe you gave him too much too soon. Guard your heart," I advised.

"I know, but these feelings. It still hurts," she protested.

"Did he ever tell you that what you had was a relationship? Were you dating, or was it just the sex you were both after?" I asked.

"It was just sex. He never led me on. It's just that I expect more than what he wanted to give," she replied before proceeding to tell me her story.

"I've known Julian for years because Vera and I were in the same class in high school. When he was a senior, we were in grade nine, and he used to walk Vera and me home from school, making sure we were safe."

"That's so sweet," I commented.

"That's Julian. He was quiet, an introvert, and he excelled in his academic work. He was in the student council, and he played some football, but he was never one to brag."

"Of all the girls he could have taken to prom, who do you think he took? The captain of the cheerleading squad?"

"I don't know, Mindy. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who relishes in his own vanity," I responded.

"No, he took Kelly Jane Miles, a girl who had cerebral palsy. He decorated the wheels of her chair with small snowflake lights, and he gave her the most beautiful corsage of roses. That's the kind of guy he is," Mindy stated.

She paused and wiped away a stray tear, then continued to tell me more about Julian.

"He once picked me up from the mall when my parents were out of town. A bunch of girls, who were supposed to be my ride, ditched me, and I was left stranded at ten p.m. with no money for transport. I called him and he drove from the other side of town just to pick me up and take me home."

Mindy took a sip of her vodka and lemonade, sucking what was left in the glass with her straw.

"Things changed when I started college. I had just moved out of home and he helped me move my furniture into the apartment. I offered to make dinner, then we started kissing, and he made love to me for the first time."

"Saph, Julian is an incredible lover. Honestly, he's one of the few guys I know who can give me an amazing orgasm. Whenever we were intimate, he truly made me feel alive," Mindy admitted.

"After years of casual sex, I thought that there was a chance for a real relationship to happen. I always thought he would be the one. That, one day, he'd commit to me. However, he recently told me that it would never happen and that he was done with our hookups."

"Mindy, is he commitment shy?" I queried.

"Vera said that ever since their dad died, he's been hiding his feelings behind a wall. He transformed from being such a happy kid to one who was emotionally withdrawn. The Julian we know today keeps to himself. He's a sexually open guy, but he hides his feelings well," Mindy explained.

"I thought I could change that." Her tears now spilled on the table, and she was frantically wiping them away from her face.

"Honey, you can't change him. He has to want to do that himself. Besides, we have to accept that this is who he is, and you can't make him fall in love with you. When he falls in love, he will choose that for himself. But you can't wait for him because it may never happen," I stressed.

"But I want him so much! I want him to fall in love with me! I've never lost anything to anyone," she cried.

"Mindy, stop. Please, you're hurting yourself. One day, there will be someone you will meet in your life, and you will understand why it didn't work out with Julian or anyone else. And this guy, whoever he may be, will be a helluva lucky guy," I assured her, patting her arm.

"Really?"

"Really."

I took a Kleenex tissue from my clutch and passed it to Mindy, who dabbed her tear-rimmed eyes with it.

It was clear to me that she lacked the emotional strength to get into a relationship with Julian. She was used to getting what she wanted and handled rejection poorly.

Julian never lied to her. Sometimes, people's expectations were higher than what we could offer, even if we were upfront from the start.

This was where I felt that I understood Julian.

"I'm going to the hotel room now. I'm tired and it's time to get some beauty sleep." I got up from the stool, glancing at the elevators.

"I'll join you for the elevator ride. I need to sleep too." Mindy crumpled the Kleenex tissue in her hand.

Just then, I received a text message from Cameron.

Happy New Year, Saph! I still love you. Can I please see you?

A/N: This chapter was originally much longer (nearly 3000 words, and Wattpad's best writers, published authors, recommend to stick to 2000 max), but I split it into two (chapter 8 coming up). I wanted to make it easier and more enjoyable to read.