july 23rd, 1993

Dear Alex,

Yesterday they gave terrible news, I am still not believing any of those words they said.

You died.

All because of food poising.

You died.

I haven't been able to cry, maybe I am still in the shock state. Of course I am, getting the news that the person you loved has died? Well who could be any different.

I can't believe it, just last night I had gone to the Orpheum, I saw you and we talked, I gave you the bracelet and told you how I was still in love with you. That was last night.

Last night you told me you wanted to try it out. How after the show we could go out and celebrate, you invited me to the after party, you invited me.

Last night we had held hands, last night we had taken a picture, now I can't imagine that this is the last picture I have with you. This can't be it.

There's a funeral happening in a week for you guys, I don't want to go, I don't want to believe it but I also want to give my last goodbye if it's real. There's a part of me that's expecting that you three guys will jump out off the casket and say, surprise or something like that.

You died Alex.

Last night you invited me to go with you and eat hot dogs, I stayed behind because I had gotten a call. I should've gone with you. Or I should've made you guys stay. I should've done something, but I didn't. I stayed.

It had passed an hour into the show when they told us the news. No one believed it, no one. I remember that everything had gone silent and I sat down. Bobby sat down with me, we were both quiet, we couldn't believe it, he had lost his friends and I had lost them too.

I have been staring at our picture, I haven't gone out of bed, I don't want to move. I really hope this is all a dream and that you're alive, playing music, helping the guys rehearse, but you guys are not here. I don't want to believe it just yet.

Alex Mercer. I love you.

Brandon