Maybe I deserve it.
Maybe I hurt someone like this in my past life. Maybe I betrayed a country lol
Maybe I do really deserve all this pain and the punishment. Maybe if I havent earned comfort, then maybe I earned the pain. 

Might not be my pain, might not be who I doubt I am. But there's always a possibility right? If its been around me for so long then why not? Maybe I am right. Maybe I really do deserve it.
Yeah I guess I did do something horrible some time.

I think Im gonna go up to the terrace for a while Or maybe down to my friends place for a while but I dont want to interrupt her. She took a drop for neet. Im really proud of her.
She recently wrote a letter for me and gave me two cadburys
She apologized for not giving me enough attention because of studies and told me that even if I cant see it Im not alone, in the letter. I cried because Im not used to that kind of efforts. Normally, Im the one who does that kind of stuff you see

I love her, I really do...

but even as i say that, im still so numb, so so cold

I dont know why she bothers, to be honest. Theres nothing in me just stillness and thoughts that are too heavy, feelings that are too intense. 

Maybe she is to be my god.

Maybe it true what I thought, that sometimes the closest we are to god, is when someone shows up for us.