Ch.21: I'm Devastated

Julian straightened, leaving Nicholas and Valentino in their spots on the floor. Nicholas's eyes found the wound on Julian's leg; blood oozed through his pants around his ankle.

The fabric wasn't torn, so Julian had changed his clothes. But he hadn't bothered doing something about the injury, and Nicholas couldn't understand why. Surely it was uncomfortable. Surely a raw gash rubbing against clothes was painful. And yet Julian never winced. Never complained. Never even acknowledged it, as if nothing were wrong.

"What are you looking at?" Julian asked, glancing down at his ankle. It took him a concerningly, disturbingly long while to realize what the issue was. "Ohhh." He bent over, rolling the bottom of his pants up above his ankle, revealing the messy, bleeding cut. "I had no idea it was this bad, hahaha..."

The wound wasn't the only thing that stood out. Above Julian's ankle, along his shin, ugly, rough scars were embedded in his skin. Nicholas squirmed at the sight, then he froze. His eyes widened. This was Julian's left leg. The same leg Thomas had a limp in. But as far as Nicholas had seen, Julian walked normally.

Nicholas noticed a pattern here, and he didn't like the conclusion. He desperately tried not to think about it.

Julian wiped the blood off his leg with his hand, then casually lowered his pants again like that solved the problem.

Nicholas gaped at him. "How..." he mumbled before he could think. "Doesn't that hurt?"

Julian shook his head. "No." His lips curved into a grateful smile. "But thanks for caring."

The crackling fire at Nicholas's back started bothering him. Now it was too much heat, the pendulum swinging too far. He shifted, moving slightly away. Valentino did the same.

Julian sat down cross-legged in front of Nicholas. His eyes sprang across Nicholas's face, lingering on the beauty spot, then on his right eye. Nicholas had removed the lens after leaving the captors' little cottage.

Julian tutted. "That's not right." He got up, disappeared into the corridor for a minute or two, then came back with a new, prepared lens, holding it carefully with two fingers as he approached Nicholas. "Lift your head a little."

Nicholas didn't, too busy trying not to hyperventilate at the sight of the lens. How many times was this stupid thing going to get shoved into his eye? Julian didn't even want Nicholas to pretend to be Thomas. He wanted him to pretend to respect him, so he didn't need it.

"Lift your head, Nicholas." Julian's voice sharpened, but his face was still blissful and happy. "Come on."

Julian caught Nicholas's chin. Nicholas tried to keep his neck rigid, refusing to cooperate, but Julian's grip was merciless, and he ended up lifting his head and setting the lens in Nicholas's right eye even as he protested. The burning discomfort returned, and Nicholas's eyes welled.

"Better!" Julian sat back down. "Now we match!" His smile slowly straightened, his expression growing apprehensive instead. "Why did you tell me to stop choking Valentino?"

Nicholas blinked. "Huh?"

"Why did you want me to stop hurting him? Why didn't you want me to kill him?"

"...Why would I want you to kill him?"

Julian shrugged. "Because he was never nice to you. I saw what happened when you left this place the first time. He wanted to throw you down the fence. And when I caught you today, he didn't even stay to help you."

"I literally told him to leave," Nicholas said. "We were all exhausted. I knew I couldn't fight you, even if Valentino stayed with me. I wanted him to run away with Milo." He didn't even understand why Julian would be interested in this stuff. "And even if I hate him, that doesn't mean I'd want him to die. Killing people isn't a joke. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, no matter what they did to me. If my arms weren't tied, I would've even tried to stop you from choking him. And that still wouldn't change the fact that I hate him."

Nicholas felt Valentino's gaze on him. He spared him a glance, but he couldn't decipher the expression on his face. His brows were furrowed, but his blue eyes were conflicted. Confused.

"But you wouldn't believe that, right?" Nicholas asked.

Valentino scoffed and looked away.

Julian cocked his head. "So you wouldn't want me to die either, Nicholas?"

"No, I wouldn't."

Nicholas didn't even need to lie. He really didn't want Julian or Valentino to die; that was too far. He wanted them to go to prison, or a mental hospital - wherever each of them belonged. Wherever they wouldn't be able to bother him.

"If I was dying, you'd help me?"

Nicholas set his jaw. "Yeah."

Julian's eyes might as well have been sparkling.

"Really?" Julian leaned forward, placing his hands on Nicholas's shoulders. Nicholas grimaced and tried moving away. Julian steadied him, refusing to let go. He stared at Nicholas with innocent, delicate hope in his expression, his eyes wide, his lips parted in awe. "You'd really do that for me?"

Nicholas's skin crawled at Julian's touch. "Yeah," he said, still trying to lean away, to slip Julian's hands off.

"Woahhhh, you're so nice! No one's ever said something like that to me!"

Julian took his hands off for a split-second, only to hug Nicholas with all his power instead, just about knocking them both down. Nicholas tightened his core so hard he couldn't breathe anymore to make sure he wouldn't fall back with Julian. If his chest had felt tight before, now it constricted enough to crush his lungs. He squirmed, tensing all over.

Julian straightened a little, keeping one arm around Nicholas as he glanced at Valentino.

"I like Nicholas more than you, Valentino," Julian said.

Valentino looked unimpressed. "I'm devastated."

Julian nodded, the sarcasm flying right over his head. "You should be." He leaned away from Nicholas, returning to his spot. His fingers picked at the threads of the dark carpet. "If you do something nice for me, I'll hug you too, Valentino." His eyes fell upon Nicholas. "You know, with how much your mom hates you, I expected you to be more of an asshole! But you're really sweet, hahaha... Turns out Valentino's the asshole! I had more faith in him at first."

Nicholas's stomach turned at the mention of his mom. At first he wondered how Julian would know about this, but then he remembered that Julian was the one who'd picked him to be Thomas's vessel. So he was the one who did the stalking.

Milo shifted on the couch. Nicholas and Valentino perked up and looked at him, and Julian craned his neck to check. Milo's eyes were still closed, but his legs moved under the blankets, and he started struggling to flip onto his other side.

Julian stood up.

"Leave him alone," Valentino said.

Leaning over Milo, Julian pressed his hand against his forehead, checking for a fever. Milo didn't react to his touch, too busy trying to find a more comfortable sleeping position.

"Hi, Milo!" Julian said. "I'm Lian!" He brushed a strand of Milo's hair out of his face. "Hey. Open your eyes."

"Lian," Milo mumbled.

"Yup!"

Nicholas frowned. Why would Milo grasp Lian's nickname like that? He was half asleep, his brain still teetering between consciousness and subconsciousness.

"I... Read... this name..."

Milo's voice grew lower with each word, until it was a faint whisper. He turned onto his other side, giving everyone his back. His fingers grasped the edge of the blanket and pulled it closer around him.

And he went back to sleep.

Nicholas held back a snort. Well, he thought. Milo's got his priorities straight.

"Read my name... ?" Julian stared down at Milo for a few seconds, then he reached to shake his shoulder. "Where did you read it?" Milo wouldn't answer. Julian prodded his shoulder again, and Milo whined in his sleep and turned away even more. "Um... I need an answer here, hahaha... Gotta wake you up, sorry."

"Let him sleep!" Nicholas said. "I know what he's talking about."

Julian spun around to face Nicholas. "What?"

Nicholas could tell from the creeping horror in Julian's eyes that he was starting to understand what this was about.

• • •

Thank you so much for reading/voting/commenting!! you have no idea how much it means to me❤️Hope you're enjoying the book!