Fine Line
"I need a minute." I felt more out of breath dancing so close to him than after the former stream of uptempo songs.
I kept in line with the wall outside of the reception hall that would lead me toward the bathroom, not wanting to call too much attention to the slightly off balance way I walked. I was stopped by the tail end of a line, a trail of women all waiting for the bathroom.
I didn't actually have to use it, just needing some time to let myself fully breathe out of his embrace.
Two minutes later I'd moved on to trudging past the line and further down the hallway with heavy footsteps. The end of the hall split in opposite directions, lined with rooms that were closed and that based on the welcome signs hanging on each door that matched the wedding colors, were reserved as a block of rooms for overnight guests.
At least it was quieter, farther away from the crowd of people. I kept going, choosing the left side and walking all the way to the end where a window covered the siding, giving me a view of the snowfall and slow pace of the city at night.
"There you are." Seokjin called out from the intersection of hallways, taking long strides until he reached the end where I now leaned against the wall.
He stood with his back to the wall on the opposite side, a backdrop of sage that made his umber eyes appear deeper and more enchanting. I looked away from him, tilting my head to the floor with an easy excuse. "I needed some air. I didn't realize how much I've been drinking tonight."
"Seline," he said my name in an exhale, waiting until I met his eyes again before asking the question that changed everything, "are you in love with me?"
I'm sure my eyes widened and all the color drained from my face. My legs felt like they could give in from under me if it weren't for the wall holding me upright. I couldn't speak.
When silence lingers between people there's usually someone who will fill it. Right now it was Seokjin, words fumbling out that revealed everything he felt. It was everything we felt.
"I don't understand it, but I've been in love with you since the second I saw you. I know that sounds really corny." He shook his head, barely taking a breath between ramblings. "I just need to know if you're in love with me too because I feel like you are. I can feel it between us. Unless I'm wrong, but I don't think I am."
If I was going to answer at that point it didn't matter. He was already closing the space between us, taking a few steps so that he stood over me. "Don't let me kiss you if you're not in love with me too."
There was a single moment where I could have stopped him, pushed him away or turned my head so that his lips would land on my cheek. We were already too far gone. I let the second pass without protest and then his lips were on mine with a light, almost delicate touch. His hold was simultaneously firm and gentle, securing me around my waist while another hand caressed my cheek.
Neither of us moved to end the silence once he pulled away, knowing resting behind my glassy eyes. I didn't have to say it but I could no longer put aside the immense amount of love I felt for him since the very beginning.
Seokjin hit me like a mack truck from the second I saw him sitting next to my dad on the day I landed in Rochester. He was a raw and instant love, the epitome of every moment from my favorite fairy tales. Seeing him for the first time and every time after was a parallel to Prince Charming dancing with Cinderella at the ball, Aladdin and Princess Jasmine on the magic carpet ride, Hercules leaving Meg with a hellebore and kiss to the cheek, and the Beast freeing Belle to save her father.
"My song request is playing." He spoke so plainly, as if he hadn't just laid all his feelings on the line.
"Seokjin." I sighed. I'm not sure what was supposed to follow speaking his name.
He pulled my hand to his lips, long fingers wrapped around mine while he kissed my covered knuckles. "Let me have tonight, just one more dance." He sounded hopeless, like there was a fine line holding us together.
We moved back toward the reception hall together, the first few lines to an acoustic version of a soul song growing clearer as we stepped through the open doors. There were less people on the dance floor and mingling, some having departed to their homes or hotel rooms for the night.
His hands rested even lower than before, at the bottom of my back so that I could feel his fingertips at the curve of my bottom and we fell into a rhythm that felt more natural than before. Every now and again he would sing in my ear, a few lines to the song about staying together, loving each other through every moment good and bad.
And I looked at him with honesty, with every bit of love and heartache that came with wanting a full life with him.
There was a final announcement of a song that would wrap the night, expressions of gratitude given from the emcee to the band and host couple. Seokjin and I moved from where the spotlight was being placed on the newlyweds again, still overflowing with affection for each other from the high of their wedding.
"I'm not ready for the night to end." He leaned over, speaking into my ear so that I heard him over the music and spaced cheers of the crowd as the bride was dipped low to the ground in the safe hold of her husband. He pulled her upright, the pair giggling before starting to sway again. "How do you feel about late night breakfast?"
My grumbling stomach would have given me away if it weren't for the final scattered applause that concluded the event. We were interrupted before I could answer, the groom approaching us. He stood sideways, his arm outstretched so that he and the bride's hands stayed connected as she finished speaking to another guest.
Seokjin chuckled when he was ignored, Jaesang extending a hand to me as he introduced himself. "Don't ever let him think he's funny. His head's already big enough from being so handsome." He teased Seokjin without shame.
We'd only been laughing for a few seconds when Seokjin chimed in, gripping his friend's shoulder with his quip. "He's always been jealous that I got the looks and the humor."
Their banter spoke of a close friendship, Jaesang keeping his attention on me. "I'm glad you could come celebrate with us." He nodded as he talked.
"I am too. Everything was beautiful." I responded.
It was a quick exchange. He was quickly summoned by another guest looking to say goodnight and send them well wishes. He took my hand again and pulled Seokjin in for a brotherly hug to say his goodbyes.
"Amazing as long as there's waffles." I turned to Seokjin almost immediately to answer his previous question.
He weaved his fingers through mine, his thumb rubbing at the soft material of my gloves. "Lets get your coat." He gave me a moment to grab my clutch from the chair I spent the beginning of the night in and became impatient with the slow moving line of people all leaving at the same time.
Once I was covered in a fleece lining that would provide a little protection from the bite of air waiting outside, we started the walk to the restaurant on the next block over.
The Waffle Hall was a hole in the wall that as Seokjin put it, wasn't known for having great service or an outstanding cleanliness score, but provided the best breakfast for those nights when you're at least a little tipsy.
We sat in the booth farthest from the door to avoid the draft that creeped inside every time someone entered. Our shoes made a thwacking sound every other step, the floor slightly sticky and the staff barely looked up despite us being the only customers.
It was much warmer at the back of the building so I slipped off my coat, stretching it across my lap like a blanket. He handed me a laminated menu that was so extensive the plastic stretched two inches above my head from where it was propped on the table.
Every item was a slightly different variety of the one before with quirky names that made it sound completely new. My stomach felt completely hollow, the sound of a breakfast platter calling my name from the page.
When I set my menu back down Seokjin looked as if he'd been staring at the back of it, the one I thought he'd been looking over still tucked behind the napkin holder.
"Did you decide?" He asked when I flipped it over for a quick scan of the back.
"The problem is that I want everything." I pondered over the list of waffle toppings again, a waitress paying attention once another few guests chimed through the door.
She pulled a pen from where it stuck from the top of her bun, requesting our order through the piece of gum she waxed.
"I'll have water and the sampler, with scrambled eggs and a plain waffle." I confirmed, replacing my menu so that it didn't crowd the table.
"Just water for me." Seokjin nodded, sitting back nonchalantly while I shook my head at him.
There was a small chuckle behind my tone. "There's no way you're about to sit back and watch me eat an entire breakfast platter."
He shrugged, tapping a straw on the table so that it was pushed out of the paper covering and leaning forward as he dropped it into the glass of water the waitress placed in front of him. "I haven't had much of an appetite this week."
The sizzle and smell of bacon frying made my stomach growl even harder. "You'll have to taste my food so I don't feel so bad and keep in mind that I didn't eat much at the wedding when I destroy the plate." I affirmed.
It was a quickly made meal, a trail of steam rising from nearly every classic breakfast item one could think of, strategically placed on a plate double the size of one I'd typically use. I removed my gloves by tugging at each fingertip before letting the soft material slide down my arms, discarding them on the pleather seat beside me.
I took a bite of sausage before ever picking up my fork and jabbed the other piece with a knife, holding it out for Seokjin. "At least have this."
He took the speared meat, downing it in two bites before I could even get my waffle cut. He laughed at the disapproving way I eyed him as he chewed, reaching out to steal a piece of bacon to satisfy me.
"I don't know what to talk about. There's so much." He leaned forward, watching me drizzle syrup so that it seeped through the waffle's indentations. "What happens after tonight?" He landed on a question I didn't have an answer to.
It was easier to split focus between him and my food. I wished we could talk about the weather or sports, mundane topics that didn't carry so much weight or meaning.
"I can't answer that yet." I replied after a few more bites.
"Okay, so I have tonight to convince you to be with me despite my projected life span." He picked up on the increased tension in my shoulders and aggressive way I chewed.
My plate clinked as I stabbed another forkful of eggs, shoving them into my mouth with a huff. "You make me sound horrible."
"You're not." He clarified immediately. "I've been thinking about the same thing. You and this situation are all I've talked about in therapy lately."
"You talk to your therapist about me?" Me reponse was just as quick. I was too intriqued, setting my silverware down to indicate I was finished eating with only a bite left.
When I let my walls down with him, actually listened to him, I realized how open he was. He had few problems with sharing himself or being vulnerable.
"I do, mostly about whether or not it'd be selfish to tell you how I feel when I know the way things could turn out," he explained, "and constantly trying to figure out how I can love you like this, this quickly I mean."
He was so transparent that it fueled me to echo his easy disclosure. He seemed to be pondering the question, looking at me with an awed perplexion that made me blush and give him an answer I wasn't sure he'd yet believe.
"It's because we're soulmates."
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