Diary Entry #36

This is Bad

This is bad! This is bad! I can't believe it! I went to the restaurant and I actually enjoyed his company. Me? Why me? He was sweet and kind. He even gave me the other drumstick after Petty was telling him how much I love the Croonix. I couldn't find one single flaw in this perfect man. Petty had this crazy idea that this would be the beginning of our love story. How we'd met at a concert after we both caught the drumsticks. As if it was fate or something of the sort. I love Petty to death but she was acting crazy. Sure he was nice and paid for my meal, complimented my outfit, asked me about, well me and actually sounded interested in what I had to say.  But that doesn't mean it was fate. Sure we had common interests, in music, dancing and architecture and he actually knew who some of the Youtubers I watch were but I will not fall for his trickery. He was perfect; a little too perfect. And I know better than to fall for perfect. So when he asked for my number, I did what most girls standing in front of a handsome gentleman would do; I said no. I told him straight up that I'm not looking for anything or anyone or that I'm interested in finding love. Then he did something that most men in Jamaica would never do. He offered for us to be friends. I mean, most times they'd say "I have enough friends already, I want you". But he actually wants to be friends? What?! I thought my acting as if I wasn't interested all night was working. Now this dude wants to get to know me. So I did it. I gave him my number. I know, call me crazy. But I'm going to make a promise to myself, no matter how nice he is, or sweet or charming or attractive. No man is going to ruin my single life.

The next week came and disappeared in a puff of smoke. One minute it was there and the next it was the weekend again. Drumstick man tried texting me a few times to hang out, just him and I. I wasn't going to let that happen. Not so quickly, or at least wait until I get over how gorgeous he is. However his persistence intrigued me, he wasn't over bearing and annoying but dropped subtle hints in cute messages. I remember the last thing he said as I boarded the bus to go home. We were talking about how I enjoy live acoustic music

Drumstick Man: I love it too, especially when it's small and intimate. It's a great way to relax over the weekend, especially for hard working women like you.

I knew what he was doing but I couldn't stop the smile from creeping onto my face. I looked out the window at the setting sun as the bus drove smoothly over the Portmore Causeway. The seagulls were diving into the bay water making small splashes as they caught their prey. For some reason the sight relaxes me every evening, and I did the unthinkable.

Me: I don't know about you but I could use a bit of relaxing tonight.

I sent the text quickly before I changed my mind. Seconds later he replied.

Drumstick Man: Good, I will see you tonight.

Butterflies were having a party in my stomach, and I had to remind myself that I would not let myself flirt or be attracted to this guy. It might have been too a late for the latter.

I got home at around 6:30 pm. After walking through our tiny two bedroom house, I discovered that my mother wasn't home as yet. Even before changing out of my work clothes, I decided to skim through my closet to find a decent outfit to wear. Definitely not the blue dress or pink tank top I thought as I remembered the bet Petty and Teddy made. I skipped passed those items and landed on a black spaghetti strapped dress with a flowing skirt line. Ah this will do. Not too sexy but still good enough to... I stopped when I realized where my mind was going.

"No Lisa. Do not go there. You will not be thinking of such things. He will only be a friend. That's it" I reminded myself.

I stepped out of my 2 inch work heels and shimmied out of my pants. I was about to do my evening ritual of lying in bed and checking Instagram posts when I was interrupted by a bang on the front door.

I got up without hesitation and unlatched the door without checking who was outside.

"Hey mami girl" my mother said as she walked into the house.

"Hey girl mami" I replied.

"I brought home some of my left over lunch for your dinner" she said as she rested her bags on the table and proceeded to the kitchen. I followed her like a new duckling to its mother.

"It's ok. I'm probably going to go out" I said leaning against the counter. I watched her unpack the groceries she had bought.

"Oh, where're you, Teddy and Petrina going?" she asked.

"Actually it's not with Teddy or Petrina."

"So you going out by yourself?" she laughed. Wow! It must be bad that my mother thinks I only have two friends to go out with. It was sad but true through.

I was more of an anti-social butterfly that never came out of her cocoon. The only exceptions were for work events or when Teddy and Petty dragged me out.

"No not by myself. With Donovan"

"Who is Donovan?" she asked puzzled.

"A new friend I met, through Petty and Teddy." I said as coolly as possible ignoring those stupid butterflies.

"Oh ok. Where you going?"

"I don't even know. I just need to bathe and be ready by 8:00". I said remembering that Drumstick Man said he wanted to surprise me. That night I was ready by 7:45 sitting in the living room waiting.

My artificially coloured red hair was made tame with a flat iron, and some light amateur makeup to cover those spots that have become a permanent scar from my teenage acne years. I passed the time by watching a Hallmark movie that mother was watching.

I never understood why she was so interested in them. They all end the same way, the man and woman end up together no matter who lied, or betrayed the other.  Not a true reflection of how relationships work, certainly not the ones I've had.

At 8 o'clock, I checked to see if Drumstick had driven up. He hadn't. I had texted him earlier the directions to the house.

Portmore could be a maze to persons who didn't live there. He lived in Mona Heights a good hour away from Portmore, but he did say he knew a few of the landmarks in the area. At five past the hour, I checked my phone, no message.

I decided to give him more time and I wouldn't send him until a quarter past. At 8:30 I had already sent two messages asking if he was on his way or lost. No reply. I now I knew how Petty feels when I don't respond to her messages. I decided not to be upset about it and sent another message.

Me: Hey, just checking to see if you were lost. Remember it's the first right turn at the stop light.

No response. It was now 9 pm and I was tired of texting so I tried to call. It rang without an answer.

"What's wrong your friend not coming" mommy asked concerned.

"I don't know. He isn't answering any messages or calls, so I guess not" I sighed. My first time going out with a person other than Teddy or Petty and this happens?

"Story of my life", I mumbled. I tried to call one last time. There was no answer. I decided to give up and changed into a shorts and a loose white t-shirt. I crawled into bed after washing off the make-up and turned on an episode of 12 Monkeys. Before retreating into aloneness I sent him one last message so he'd know I'm not upset.

Me: Whatever you were doing tonight, I hope it was a lot of fun.

I added a sarcastic smiley just so he'd definitely know that I am not upset at all.

"What a fun night Lisa. A fun night".