Smarty was never good at reasoning with himself. No matter how hard he tried, there would always be a part of him screaming and worrying, about this, and that, whispering things like "what if you fuck up again," and "what if they grow tired of you one day?"

All Smarty did was worry, it seemed. "It's just anxiety, sweetie. It'll pass, one way or another," his mother would say.

When Tom and Galm blew up his phone, questioning over and over Smarty's whereabouts, Smarty felt as if it would never pass.

Tom: Smarty? Class starts soon... Aren't you coming?

Tom: John. Come to class plz

Tom: Smarty, you need education in order to live up to your name.

Tom: are you at least with chilled?

Tom: I hope you realize the lack of replies really isn't helping me out here

Tom: at least tell me if something's wrong?

Glam: smarty where the fuck are you? its twenty mins into history & your not here!!!

Glam: chilled isnt answering his phone either?? where the actual fuck did yall go?

Glam: smarty you shit

Glam: cant you maybe... y'know... tELL ME YOUR OKAY AT LEAST

Glam: i swear smarty, if you fucking died off somewhere im gonna find you and smack you so hard you come back to life

Glam: no but seriously, i miss you plz answer i worried

The last text makes him smile a bit. Chilled laughs from behind, patting Smarty's back. "Galm has weird ways of showing affection."

"What do I even tell him? Or Tom? They're never going to leave me alone if I don't answer them, but if I do, they're just gonna worry more, and I don't want them to-"

"I'll talk to them. Don't worry, okay? I got you."

Smarty relaxes a little, allowing himself to sink into Chilled's couch. There's a few moments of silence as John watches Anthony tap away on his phone, before turning to John with a curious look on his face.

"Hey, Smarty? Is it okay if I invite Steven over? I kinda feel bad for ditching him earlier today. I was thinking we could all stay here and play some games?"

Smarty smiles and nods, doing his best to repress the sudden rush of... something that washes over him. Anger? Hate? No...

Envy, if anything. It wasn't that he didn't like Steven, it was just...

Why can't I have a relationship like that? Some cheesy love at first sight crap, none of this love triangle bull.

._.

Steven is currently sprawled out across Anthony's couch, his legs over Chilled and his head in Smarty's lap.

Despite them hardly knowing each other, Smarty had insisted on Steven using the nickname. It just felt so weird to have people call him John. Yes, the name was completely ironic- Smarty was anything but smart, in his opinion.

But John didn't feel right either, so what was he to do?

It was easy to see why Chilled was so infatuated with Steven, once you spent a bit of time around him. Ze was just really easy to get along with, awkwardness aside.

Steven smiled up at Smarty, twisting himself around as he tried to get comfortable. Smarty rolls his eyes, a smile forming as Steven whines when he stands up, forcing Steven off of him.

"Nooo..." Steven wriggles himself around on the couch, trying to make himself comfortable once again. Smarty laughs in delight, the thought of Ze having to start all over was oddly pleasing.

Thats what you get for using me as a pillow, see?

The only thing he could think about now was food. Smarty's shirt was the same color as a banana, and bananas reminded Smarty of Adam, and Adam was a really nice cook.

"I could totally go for some pizza right now. Just saying."

Anthony's head perks up at the word pizza, making Smarty smile to himself. He looks over at Steven, who nods his head and looks over at Anthony.

"You're our host, Chilled, and your guests want pizza. Should we get going?" Smarty's not even waiting for a response, already halfway to the door. Steven, entirely too eager for some pizza, is quick to follow, leaving Anthony with no choice but to go along with it.

"Okay, you fucks. Because you guys want pizza, we're coming here."

"Wow, Chilled. Taking us here because your uncle owns the place. Some host you are."

Ze looks around, then shrugs, eyes lit up with wonder. "I like this place. Feels homey. Really, uh, brings out the Italian in you, Chilly." He's biting back a laugh, looking Chilled straight in the eyes.

Chilled looks back at him, and suddenly it's as if Smarty and the rest of the entire fucking world didn't exist. It was kind of cute, actually. They looked at each other like they were seeing some kind of god, goofy smiles on their faces and pure happiness in their eyes.

Smarty wished he could find something like that. Then again, he had Tom, and, in a way, Galm too.

"Hey! Chilled! What brings you around here, huh? Thought you said you were too cool for uncle Tony?"

Chilled turns, smile widening into a grin as he sees who's walking out of the kitchen- none other than Ryan- or as they liked to call him, Ohm.

They all shared greetings, introduced Ze and Ohm to each other, then sat themselves at a booth along the windows.

Chilled and Ze spoke to each other as if they were some newlywed couple. It was cute and sweet, but fuck, if Smarty had known this would've turned into him being a third wheel, then maybe he should've brought someone else along.

"You guys are really gay, you know that? Please, at least warn me next time so I can bring my own date."

Ze blushes and turns away from Chilled, who just chuckles and shrugs. "Well, Smarty, buddy, maybe Ze made me succumb to my inner demon."

"Your inner demon is what made you gay for him? Way to be a good boyfriend, Chilled." Ohm laughs as he sets drinks down on their table, then slides into the booth next to Smarty. "Your inner demon is probably what tricked him into liking you."

"Are we talking about me and Stevie or you and Max?" Chilled's question, asked with the kind of sass only Chilled could possess, has Ohm going silent. He's also blushing a bright, bright red.

"Y-you know what? Fuck you, I have a job to do." Ohm stands, blush and all, and begins to walk back towards the kitchen.

Smarty blinks, his hunger only letting him think one thing, "Doesn't he have to come back? You know, to bring us our food?"

Chilled scoffs, staring at the kitchen door. "Not really, he could easily find someone else to bring us the pizza. It's not like him, though, to run like that. I hope he knows he can't outrun the gay."

Ze chokes on his drink in attempt to not laugh and spray soda everywhere. Smarty just rolls his eyes, laughing quietly. "I guess we'll need a bigger closet then. A walk-in closet, maybe."

"But aren't we all out of the closet if we end up in relationships?" Ze has a point, though Chilled speaks before Smarty can.

"Yeah, that's how we end up in the bedroom."

Chilled laughs as Ze coughs, patting his back to calm him down. Smarty laughs along, only to jump slightly as his phone vibrates in his pocket.

Oh. It's just Galm calling me. He can wait, I'll call him back later.

"It's nothing," Smarty announces, turning his phone off and putting it back in his pocket.

Ze and Chilled smile at him, and for the first time in a while, Smarty feels completely relaxed- there's nothing here to bug him or make him nervous, it's him and two of his best friends getting pizza and having fun.

And as Ohm returns, pizza in his hands and a grin on his face, Smarty couldn't help but allow himself to be washed away in the chaos that was his friends, Tom and Galm the last thing on his mind.

(a/n: i think some of this chapter got deleted, if something seems to be missing let me know. also im sorry for kinda straying away from the whole zeroyalchaos thing, it's making a comeback soon i promise this all ties together, albeit a bit messily)