whenever i had good dreams,
i would wake up to a sad reality.
when i met you, the dreams
carried on after waking up.

recap of chapter twenty three: everett reveals what happened to him and malina (his girflfriend, but they're in a complicated stage) and opens up about the car accident. eilish and carson also talk about their christmas presents.

T W E N T Y - F O U R

C H R I S T M A S

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY WE'LL EVER SEE EACH OTHER. For the whole year.

That's because the Dawsons are having a getaway of some sort, and so will Carson's family. We'll see each other again by January. (it's December 20th today.)

But he knew how to do Christmas.

After eating at this coffee shop he couldn't stop talking about, Carson drives us within a dark furr of trees. It leads us to a park with no people, and a playground in the center.

"We're here because?"

"Playgrounds are fun!" he grins, taking my hand in his. "I've always wanted to try the swing again!"

A warm blanket wraps around my heart, bringing a smile to my face. This is not permanent, it is merely a high school distraction bound to be finished after a few years. Yet I want it, every piece of it's entirety. It's like my whole life has been spent digging upon a treasure chest of silver and bronze, and only now have I stumbled upon the gold.

I'm so lucky to have met him.

"I've always loved how you seem to be so childish," I mutter wordlessly, sittimg on the swing set. My knees are nearly touching the edge of my chest, particularly because this is designed for children.

"Shouldn't that be a bad thing?" he asks.

"No. It. . . kinda makes me happy," I respond.

"Well that's good." he chuckles, pushing my back, as the swing rocks back and forth.

"Hey, I wasn't ready yet!" I cling onto the chain that holds up my seat, Carson only pushing me higher.

"Isn't it fun!"

The wind knocks the air right out of me, bringing me back to memories of kindergarten, memories of the past. They don't bring a shiver, only surpassing warmth. My platinum blonde strands fly behind me like that fairy wings as the slurr of the night sky blurrs like a painted canvas.

The cool wind does not stop. After an exhiliarating last fly on the swing, I stand up. Carson steps in front of me, wrapping his fingers around the chain attached to the swing. Effectively caging me.

I resist looking into his eyes. But I fail miserably as a rush of heat and color tints my cheeks.

"Oh look, mistletoe." He points upward, towards the block of wood that carries the swing.

True enough, there stands a perch of the green leaves and red white beads, strung upon for this very moment.

"Clever. I didn't see that earlier," I say, trying to look cool. I only come off as nervous, melting against his gaze.

"You know what that means!" he whispers excitedly, edging closer.

I can trace the faint outline of his face, the brown curls that fall across disheveled. I smell his woodsy scent, his arms snaking around my waist, bringing me closer.

And it almost happens, truly does.

Hus lips land swiftly on my cheek, sweet and adorable. I feel him smile against me, knowing that I've fallen for his trap.

What. A. Tease.

"Okay, you got your kiss, loverboy. Can I go home?"

"Do you really want to, Eilish?" he asks smugly, finally giving me some space. He sits on the swing next to mine.

"I don't know, I'm kinda tired,"

"You'd rather be at home than with me?" he asks, showing a prententious feign of hurt.

I ignore the question. "Do you want to open your present?" I ask.

His eyes light up amusedly. "Yes! Oh, but I might've peeked earlier --"

"What?"

"I looked! It was inside the car, and well, it was hard to ignore," he chuckles. "For an apology, I'll give you your present first,"

He opens the car door, getting a small package I didn't know was there. It is wrapped in a box, red and white candy cane straps affixed with a flashy green bow.

"Well, the gift should be as beautiful as the wrapper,"

Carson smirks. "Oh please, you're gonna love it."

I rip apart the intricately packaged wrapping, then remove the tape stuck upon the white box.

Inside sits a glass box, pristine, shimmering iridescent diamonds in the night. I gasp, and I see Carson smile when he notices my reaction.

Carefully, I take it out of its place and slowly open its knob. Music, soft as a melodic piano begins to play. The beats line one by one, forming a gentle piece of my favorite songs.

"Sunshine," I whisper. You are my sunshine.

"Cool, right? Do you like it?" he asks.

I stand up and wrap my arms around him instead, letting go of unspoken words. He hugs me right back and spins me, lifting me a little off the ground.

I'm tired of saying it again and again, but my heart is running in a somersault. I can barely remember what life had been like without him. And I think it'd be difficult to live one without him.

"How'd you know I liked the song?"

"I'm not as dumb as I seem, remember? Besides, it's your Twitter bio and that's all you ever post about every 11:11."

Heat rises up to my cheeks, a heating reminder of his effect.

"Stalker,"

"I'm only your stalker," he smiles.

I put the fragile chest back into the box, then I notice white paper taped on the bottom of the package.

Carson turns pale, immediately trying to grab it from me. I move aside and open it from the fold.

"No! No, Eilish, you're gonna regret it!"

A folded drawing. Midnight blue under silvery wisps of stars. A thin red string interconnecting two students dressed in uniforms.

"Your name," I whisper. I look at him, and quite frankly it's the first time I've ever seen him look back with so much intensity that it knocks the air right out of me. My eyes dip back to the artwork, and Carson chuckles.

"Why didn't you want me to see it?" I ask. "I've seen it before anyways,"

He averts his gaze towards the paper, taking it away from my hands.

"You didn't. . . like it?"

"I was kidding, silly!" I laugh. "I liked it, I was just hiding my feelings back then,"

Carson smiles, as if knowing he made the right choice.

"Merry Christmas then."

I close my eyes, reassuring myself that this is real. This is happening right now and for the long run, no one will take it away from me. Not for anytime soon.

Carson is here with me. Everything rushes in a technicolor. How I met him. How I hated him. How I never saw it coming.

I love the sun, the moon, and the stars. And love potions, like what my cousin did. But I am the moon. There must be phases of emptiness to feel full again.

a u t h o r ' s
n o t e

what if i told you that this story happened to me?

only, it was the total opposite? ):

i don't know where i draw inspiration to write these scenes. probably just a big crush who gives mixed signals, i guess. help me get over him ):

it's this guy. JK HAHHA I LOVE FIVE BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW ME

and btw, it was really hard to think of what to do in this chap. i could barely get through it and took me two months to finish writing this. ):

oh, and. . . this is the last chapter.

l o v e ,
s t e l l a