Vicky didn't feel an older woman was the way to go when it came to Tobias' love life, however. Not once Aunt Vee had organised a family meal at her sister's house (Ramona was a much better hostess than she was) in honour of the state of Amy's womb. The interfering Godmother had invited Amy for lunch. "With Xander and our family", she'd told the nursery teacher, but despite speaking no lie, she'd also been misleading, because her family didn't just include her husband and son. Nor even said son's wife and daughter. It included Ramona and Ramona's children; Rafe and Tobias. Where Rafe went, Mattie followed, which meant their children – Sebastian and Isaac – came too, and Tobias; well, he inevitably followed Mattie around like a lost puppy, still pining for an as yet undiscovered great love.

The increase in numbers (to an intimidating twelve people) prompted Amy to ask if she could bring her sister to lunch.

'Of course,' Aunt Vee told her. 'The more the merrier. Xander will have to get to know your family anyway, won't he?' This proclamation caused Xander's face to turn slightly green, but he forced a smile and nod of agreement nonetheless. Hence, he found himself with the extended Paxton family, sitting beside the mother of his unborn child, whom he was not dating, whilst being watched by almost everyone he knew. Opposite him was Amy's younger sister, Darcie. With an "I.E", not a "Y".

'This looks lovely,' Amy said, as Carl set a plate of roast chicken in front of her.

'Carl is an excellent cook,' Aunt Vee agreed. 'Raffey's very good too, but he refuses to cook for anyone but his wife, so Rudy had to help with lunch today, didn't you, love?' Now turning to her son.

'I didn't have to,' he said gently. 'But Mattie and Vicky work all week as well as seeing to the children, so it's only fair that they have a Sunday off.'

'I don't actually "see to the children" as Rudy puts it,' Vicky corrected, as she looked to Amy with a smile. 'He does the bulk of the childcare. He works locally at the GP surgery. I'm in central London; it makes sense for him to do the school run and things. When he's not roping Xander or Vee in to help him, of course,' she finished, a little archly. Amy grimaced, embarrassed by the reference to the accusation of adultery she'd made against Rudy the previous week.

'It's lovely that you're all so close,' Darcie piped up, attempting to alleviate her sister's embarrassment by changing the subject.

'We're not all close,' Rafe grumbled, shooting his brother an irritated look. 'Some of us would prefer it if other people got a life of their own and stopped spending their free time with another man's wife.'

'Shhh!' Mattie scolded, whilst gently rubbing her husband's leg. Tobias shifted awkwardly in his seat. He didn't think an explanation of the animosity between himself and his older brother – a recounting of the four-year affair he'd had with Rafe's first wife – was the best way to introduce Amy to the family, and so he turned to Darice – who was sat beside him – and asked, –

'Are you married? Any children?'

'No.' She shook her head with flushed cheeks. 'Still looking for an independent male adult who's financially solvent without being totally up his own arse.' Then she glanced at the small children at the table – Isla, Sebastian and Isaac – and winced. 'Sorry,' she said. 'Bum. I meant bum. Or rather, bottom.' Earning a smirk from Vicky, a snigger from Mattie, and a roll of the eye from Rafe. 'What about you?' she asked, in an attempt to gloss over her faux pas.

'Me?' Tobias shook his head. 'No. Still single. Not for want of trying. Mattie's been attempting to set me up with people lately, but...' He shook his head. 'Let's just say speed dating is not something I'll be doing again.'

'Oh!' Darcie smiled. 'Amy and I tried that once, didn't we?' Now looking to her sister. 'After Sam...' She trailed off, assuming it best not to reference the intense heartache her older sister had been through when her ex left her due to her apparent fertility problems.

'Perhaps the two of you could go on a date?' Vicky suggested, taking pity on Amy and her mortified expression. 'You're both single, and it'd be convenient, what with Xander and Amy having a baby together.'

'Vicky,' Rudy warned, in a low voice. 'Don't meddle.' But at that very same moment, Aunt Vee chipped in with her fervent agreement.

'What a splendid idea!' she cried. 'I know a lovely restaurant you could try.'

'Vee,' Xander said, with a pleading look.

'Ah.' She grimaced. 'No. I ought to stay out of it. Focus my attentions on the pair of you and your little one,' now nodding towards Amy's abdomen.

'And that doesn't sound ominous, at all,' Rafe drawled. 'Welcome to the family,' he said, with sadistic pleasure, inclining his head to Amy as he sipped his wine. Then he turned a sharp look upon Amy's sister. 'I'd advise you to stay away from my brother, though. He's the last man I'd recommend any sane female involve herself with.' But was there any bigger incentive to get to know a man, than being warned off him? Vicky thought not. So did Darcie, if the coy look she sent the inferior brother was anything to go by.

'I like her,' Vicky mused, as she stood in the kitchen with Mattie. 'She seems like she has potential, and I think Raffey's little warning only made her more interested in Toby.'

'But she's a bit young for him, isn't she?' Mattie argued. 'I'm pretty sure she said she was only thirty-four.'

'So that's a twelve-year age difference. There's a fifteen-year age difference between you and Raffey, so pot, kettle, black and shut the f*ck up!'

'But our age difference does pose problems. You know Raffey won't agree to another baby because of his age.'

'But who wants three kids?' Vicky scoffed, before looking at her friend compassionately. 'You're still very happy together, even if he is the world's biggest arse. You wouldn't change him, would you?'

'No,' Mattie agreed, with a slightly mushy look, 'but Toby doesn't have the same animal magnetism as Raffey. I don't think he has the charm and... sex appeal... to make up for the age difference.'

'Rudy's eleven years older than me, and although there is sex appeal and although he is a veritable prince charming, he's not got the excitement factor, and I still love him. I still think he's perfect. Why couldn't Darcie feel the same way about Toby?'

'Because Toby isn't perfect. Raffey and Rudy are, but Toby's a Ford Fiesta. No one wants a twelve-year-old Ford Fiesta. Only the proper high-performance cars are still decent when they get that old.' Vicky frowned. She wasn't inclined to agree with Mattie; her logic didn't suit Vicky's argument, and yet, she couldn't honestly disagree, either.

'Well,' she said finally, 'I still say it's worth a try.'

'But he's had a lot of knockbacks. I don't think it's worth setting him up for a fall. And she is too young. It won't work.'

'Who's too young?' Tobias asked, as he sauntered into the kitchen with an empty wine bottle in hand.

'Darcie, for you,' Mattie told him. His face turned cloudy.

'Do you think that as well?' he demanded of Vicky. She shook her head.

'I don't actually.' This seemed to please him. It certainly soothed his ego.

'Neither do I,' he said defiantly. It didn't matter whether he liked the woman; whether he was attracted to her or even vaguely knew her. Mattie had said he was too old for her. Rafe had warned her off him. His back was up, and the only way to make himself feel better about it was to secure a date with the woman as quickly as possible. 'I'm going to ask her out! I'm going to do it right now.'

He did ask her out. Not five minutes later in his mother's orangery. He chose said location for one of two reasons, the first being privacy (in case he was rebuffed, because he was twelve years older than her). The second being the pleasing aspect the room offered; both of the garden, and of his future inheritance. His advanced age playing to his strengths in this instance, because at forty-six years of age, it was inevitable that his widowed mother was in her seventies, at least.

'Did you want to get a drink some time?' he asked, as casually as he could. 'I'd suggest dinner, but I don't know if that's too big a commitment?' For himself, because he didn't yet know if the woman was annoying.

'I know a tapas place,' Darcie mused, with a frown of concentration. 'Small plates... it is a commitment, but not such a big one?' Tobias smiled a broad, dazzling smile; the Tory voter could afford the best dentist, after all.

'You're not put off; after lunch? Meeting everyone in my dysfunctional family?' Darcie shook her head.

'My parents are deeply religious. They can be slightly... disapproving? Bringing a guy home to meet them is really throwing down the gauntlet. Your family are... interesting, but not scary. I think my mum and dad can be scary.'

'Any other siblings?' Tobias asked, wondering what deeply religious people would make of his extra-marital affairs. Wondering if she had any brothers who might be in possession of a decent right hook.

'Yes. I've got a brother. He's a curate.' Christ! Tobias said to himself, surprised that curates existed in real life. He'd thought they were confined to the pages of a Jane Austen novel.

'So, a religious family in general...' he said, unsure what else to say.

'Not Amy and me. We're not particularly religious. To be honest, I'm not even sure if my brother is. I have a suspicion he just says his lines for the sake of his job, like acting, y'know?'

'Really?'

'Well, no. I'm not sure. But he did get a girl pregnant a few years ago. They weren't together, let alone married. He convinced her to get a termination. It was all hushed up. My mum doesn't even know.'

'I've never got anyone pregnant, nor been involved in terminations; not even as moral support,' Tobias said defensively.

'Neither have I,' Amy agreed. 'I suppose – now that Amy's pregnant – I'm the only child left who hasn't been, or got someone, in the family way, and as we're all unmarried, I'm probably Mum and Dad's favourite child.'

'Well,' Tobias said, with a self-deprecating snort, 'in case you didn't notice at lunch, I'm not the favourite son, nephew or otherwise. Raffey is the golden boy in this family.'

'He is very good looking,' Darcie mused. 'But then, so is your cousin – in a staid sort of way – and don't get me started on Xander. Amy's child is going to be a looker!' This was all true – there were a lot of attractive men in the extended Paxton family, but Tobias considered himself one of them. Most women did. He was good looking. Just... not as stunningly handsome as the rest of them.

'Well,' he said tightly, because what was he meant to say to that? He wanted to be petulant. He decided to be petulant. 'They're all taken I'm afraid, so you'll have to make do with me,' not even bothering to make his tone playful, because Mattie had said he was too old for Darcie, and she was fangirling over his male relatives.

'Oh, gosh. Sorry!' Darcie said, slapping her palm to her mouth. 'You're attractive too. Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to tapas. Should we invite Amy and Xander, though? He's been very quiet today and I'm not sure that he'll bother to keep in touch with my sister in between now and the next time your aunt summons everyone for a family gathering.' Well, a double date with Xander and a pregnant woman was not Tobias' idea of a promising romantic encounter, but he didn't know Darcie very well at all, so perhaps it was for the best? He certainly didn't want to have to sit through a meal with someone he had nothing in common with.

'Yes,' he agreed. 'You ask Amy and I'll talk Xander into it.'

Thus, Amy readily agreed, and Xander reluctantly found himself obliged to do the same. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with Amy, but he did find the notion of a double date to be a bit too... cookie cutter sweet. Like Angel-f*cking-Delight, he grumbled, whilst pasting a smile to his dashingly handsome visage.

'That smile looks more like a grimace,' Amy laughed, as he drove her back to her place later that afternoon.

'It's fine,' he told her, paying a great deal of attention to the roads. They've cut the grass... he said to himself, as he took in the verge along the road which ran past the school where Amy worked.

'You know it's not a date date, right? It's a friendship thing. I'm not holding you to anything romantic.' This thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He'd assumed romance was off the cards, on account of their not being in a relationship, and their having agreed not to date. If she was talking about date dating, then perhaps things weren't as clear-cut as he'd hoped?

'Of course,' he told her, wondering if that last road sign was new. He wasn't sure he'd seen it before.

'Why do you look... constipated, then? Are you constipated?' And he knew she was a nursery teacher. He knew she wiped infants' arses on a regular basis, but did she really just question his bowel movements? His? Womaniser extraordinaire. Things were suddenly getting very real. Too real. Too intimate.

'My digestion's just fine,' he replied, as evenly as he could. 'I just find the idea of being out with another couple a little bit... coupley.'

'They're not a proper couple, though. It's just a "getting to know you" date.'

'But if they do date, and then it doesn't work out; that could be awkward, no?'

'For us?' she pressed. He nodded. 'Not really,' rubbing her stomach. 'This baby is so much bigger than a potential fling between my brother and your... God-cousin?' Yes. Their baby was so much bigger. So big that it felt like a giant stool one couldn't shift. And thinking that, Xander did feel constipated after all.

*** Author's Note ***

So, what do you think? Are Tobias and Darcie a match made in Heaven? Only their double-date with Xander and Amy will tell!

And talking of Xander and Amy, are things looking positive there, or is Xander just not cut out for nappy changes and lifelong commitment?