When spring time came around, I was excited to be able to get back to going on morning jogs. It was just one more thing that I could add to my schedule that made me feel normal again. The mid-March chill in the air was bearable with my thick sweater and leggings, so I got up early one Thursday morning and decided to add it back into my routine.

Ron and his Mrs. Lamb persona had taken a lot of things away from me. My sense of security, independence, and sanity were all on the brink. But he took small things too, like my morning jogs, feeling safe to drive at night, and feeling excited to open the mail I found in my PO box.

It had taken months, and regular meetings with my new therapist, to start to gain those things again. I was finally sleeping through the night in my own bed, I wasn't having a panic attack every time I, or anybody I cared about, had to drive at night, and now, I was able to jog again.

The fresh air breezing against my face made me feel so free, which was something I hadn't felt in a while. Even after that day on the apartment building roof, I wasn't free from the fear instilled in me or the trauma it gave me.

Even after a few months, I still couldn't hear loud bangs, like fireworks, without thinking about the fire at Manny's office. And every once in a while, I thought about Julia and wondered how her family was doing. I still triple checked that my doors were locked and was quick to glance over my shoulder if I noticed a suspicious shadow that would usually turn out to be a tree or an unsuspecting pedestrian.

A lot of the new quirks I'd developed weren't going away any time soon, but I was still happy with the progress I'd made.

The self defense classes I took in October and November must have really helped with my cardio, because I was able to jog a lot longer than I used to. I thought about stopping by Sev's apartment to kiss him good morning, but decided against it since he probably wouldn't wake up for another couple of hours, and I was so sweaty. I would also be seeing him later that night at the Jackroller, so I just followed the planned path to loop back to my apartment building.

Performing at the Jackroller was probably one of the only things that had been consistent in my life throughout this entire journey. I still performed there every Thursday, and it was an added bonus that I got to see Sev there too.

After Manny stopped working with me, I'd been working as my own manager to find myself gigs and make my own connections. He helped me get started, gave me tips on how to book certain venues, but never fully came back to work as my manager. After what he went through and practically saving both of our lives, I really didn't blame him. And the added responsibility was keeping me busy anyway, so it worked out fine.

When I got back to the apartment building and unlocked my little mailbox in the lobby, I couldn't deny the way my breath hitched as I pulled out a white envelope from the pile. I didn't recognize the return address and honestly, my first thought was to just toss it in the trash. I would have to work on that response with my therapist.

Instead, I carried the small stack of mail, including the mysterious envelope, up one flight of stairs to get to my apartment. The door opened easily after I twisted the key in the lock and once inside, I tossed all of the junk mail and apprehensively started opening the envelope.

Dear Maren Heady,

We are pleased to inform you that the Big Bear Record Label has accepted your terms and are excited to invite you to sign a record deal with us.

My vision started blurring after I read the first sentence. This time, not out of fear, but out of pure and unimaginable joy. Other than booking my own gigs, I had also been networking and sending my EP to every record label that I could and Big Bear was one that had already reached out to me. They were in negotiations with my lawyer about the terms of the contract and I wasn't completely confident that an agreement could be made.

I still wanted to wait a couple more months before releasing anything to make sure that the media around my story wasn't so big. If I put music out and it got traction, I wanted it to be because of the music rather than the fact that I was the girl with the stalker. I didn't want Ron to have any part in whatever kind of legacy I could build for myself.

After a quick shower, I spent the rest of my morning calling my parents, my sisters, my brother, and Lina to tell all of them that I was about to become a recording artist. I got to tell them that despite all of the doubts they may have had, I made it. Despite being controlled, harassed, threatened, and literally blown up, I somehow came out on top.

With a beautiful and amazing boyfriend, my best friend back in the city, and my family finally seeing that I was serious about my music career, I was feeling better than I had in so, so long.

Even though I was texting Sev throughout the day, I refrained from telling him the good news. I knew I'd see him at the bar later and I wanted to be able to tell him in person. I could already picture the proud smile that would spread across his handsome features.

To get ready for the bar, I got dressed in a short rusty colored paisley dress and a denim jacket with black boots. Even though the weather was still cold outside, I was already pulling out my summer clothes. I was chilly with my bare legs covered in goose bumps as I walked to my car but once I got the heat going, I was comfortable.

I was speeding as quickly as I could to get to the bar because I just could not wait to tell him the news.

At first, I didn't see him in the main area of the building, so I placed all of my things on the stage where I normally did and started looking for him.

Finally, he emerged from the storage closet with a new bottle of Patron to stock the bar. "Hey, you're here kind of early," he said as he noticed me and then placed the bottle on the counter.

With a wide grin on my face, I told him, "I got it."

"You did not."

"I fucking got it," I repeated, full of excitement and I knew that he knew what I was talking about because I'd talked to him about it, stressing about whether or not it would work out.

"Maren, that's amazing," he gave me that wide, proud grin that I was expecting before he ran toward me and swiftly wrapped his arms around my torso, lifting me into the air and off of the short stage I was standing on. I wrapped my legs around his waist like a monkey, fully aware that the few patrons of the bar might get a glimpse at my underwear, as the dress was short and not meant for this kind of maneuvering. I didn't care though.

"Are you pregnant?" Henri asked when she noticed the big reaction from behind the bar where she was pouring somebody a beer.

"She got a record deal," Sev answered her as I planted my feet back on the ground.

"Maren, that's huge, congratulations!" she responded with an excited smile. "I knew you'd make it big some day."

Sev returned to work and began making my mojito, which he had perfected for me by then, and started explaining to Henri how much work I'd put in to get the deal to happen. He didn't realize how I watched him from where I sat across the bar, just looking at his face as he worked. He really was so beautiful, and such a supportive, caring boyfriend. Maybe we would have found each other regardless of the Mrs. Lamb situation, but I'd like to think that our relationship was the one good thing to come out of all of it.

"Are you going to sing that song tonight?" Sev asked me as he made somebody else's drink and I sipped on my mojito. "The one where you talk about how I'm so sexy that you see God?"

"No," I said with a laugh. "It boosts your ego too much."

Right before it was time to go on stage, Lina and a couple of our other friends showed up at the bar to watch me perform and celebrate the record deal. I didn't really have any time to socialize with them, but did greet them before heading up onto the stage.

"Is everybody having a good night tonight?" I asked into the microphone, inciting an excited cheer from the busy crowd as I made some last adjustments to my guitar. "Before I get started, I just wanted to give a major shout out to some people who got me where I am today. You guys have literally gotten hit by cars and shot for me, and I'm so incredibly grateful to have you both in my life. Lina has protected me and pushed me to be better than I ever thought I could. And I want to thank my boyfriend, Sev, for always being an ear to listen and calm me down when I needed it. I truly love him so much."

There was a short pause before I realized what I said and glanced over at Sev, who was staring at me from the bar with wide eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights. "And I'm just now realizing," I said into the microphone. "That that was the first time I ever told him that I loved him, which is kind of embarrassing. But fuck it, right? I'm going to say it on this stage, I'm going to say it on every stage because I can. I don't have to hide it from anybody. I've talked a lot now, let's get the music going."

I had no idea where that came from, and I was pretty embarrassed that I just told this whole place that I loved Sev when I didn't even tell him to his face yet. It was true though, I did love him and I knew for a little bit now, but wanted to wait for the right time. I guess I blew that in a moment of feeling too sentimental and rambling on stage.

Finally after all of that rambling though, I was able to begin strumming my guitar to one of the songs I'd written during the Mrs. Lamb era called My House In a Jar.

Will you keep me forever,
In this little jar?
Up high on your shelf,
But I can't see far.

I can't see your bitter face,
But I know you're there.
Watching through the glass,
I can feel your stare.

Will you let me out,
Or will I die here?
Will anybody know,
or will I just disappear?

You've done all of this
For a reason
So I'm just asking will you please
Answer me.

Just answer me.

I don't know what you want,
I don't know what I can give you.
But if you give me a sign,
Tell me what I did to you.

Just tell me

Will you keep me forever,
In this little jar?
Up high on your shelf,
But I can't see far.

My soul is now haunted.
You said we were friends.
Is this what you wanted?
Is this how it ends?

Please, at least tell me,
Is this how it ends?

The whole show goes well and after saying goodbye and promoting my socials, I placed my guitar in its case and joined Lina and the three other woman that were sitting at a table near the stage.

"We already got you another drink," Lina slid a full mojito toward me the second I sat down. "And was that real, you confessing your love for Sev?"

"Um, yeah. Wasn't exactly planned," I admitted sheepishly. Glancing over at the bar, he seemed really busy, so I wouldn't be able to talk to him for a while.

"So romantic," she sighed softly before raising her glass into the sky and saying, "To Maren and her wild success! Both in finding a hot boyfriend and in her career."

Everybody at the table raised their glasses as well and I took a dramatic bow before joining the toast and taking a drink. "Thank you, thank you. All in a day's work."

We had a good night at the bar, but I didn't drink too much due to the fact that I wanted to hang out with Sev after his shift and we would probably have to talk about the whole 'I love you' thing, which I should be sober for.

So before my friends left, we planned another outing where we would all get very drunk to celebrate the record deal another night. Once the bar started to die down, they headed out and I thanked them for coming before I took an empty spot at the bar across from where Sev was working.

"That was an interesting show," he commented with a sideways smile on his face.

"I think I'm realizing that I'm not that good at improv," I responded with a chuckle. "I overshared a little bit too much."

"I liked it," he assured me as he continued wiping down some of the clean glasses to dry them off. "I've been trying to find the right time to say it to you, so I'm kind of bitter that you beat me to it though."

"Say what?" I cocked my head to the side in mock confusion, just because I wanted to hear him say those words.

"I'm sweaty and I'm working. Doing dishes is not romantic, so this isn't the right time," he informed me with a small shrug. "Unlike some people, I have restraint. So I'm not going to say it."

"You two are so cute that it's almost nauseating," Henri interrupts us as she pat Sev on the shoulder. "Just get out of here before I barf. Nick is in the back, he'll help me close up."

"You sure?" Sev asked her apprehensively.

"Yes, go," she nudged him toward the exit.

"Thanks, Henri," he responded, not needing any more confirmation as he tossed the dish rag onto the counter and walked around the bar to where I was sitting.

"Thanks, Henri," I repeated, excited to get back to my place for some time to ourselves. However, since we both drove to the bar, we had to drive separately back to my apartment. Just like the drive there, the drive back was full of excitement and anticipation because I knew what was coming. I sped all the way back and beat Sev into the parking lot by a couple of minutes.

"So when, exactly, would be the right time?" I prodded Sev as we walked up the stairs of the building. Once I unlocked the door, I rested my guitar and purse near the entrance and we walked further inside.

"Not right now, since you're expecting it. It's too obvious," he said with a shrug. "And technically, you haven't told me anything yet either. You told the whole bar, but not me personally."

"Well, I love you, Sev," I told him without even a slight bit of hesitation. "Maybe it's not the perfect moment to say it, because you're sweaty, you've been at work all day, and we're both tired because it's late. But I love you, even when things aren't perfect."

It felt good to finally say it out loud, even though the ways I rehearsed it in my head were way more romantic than standing in my living room at 2am after getting home from the bar. I really loved Sev. He was fearless when it mattered, sensitive, thoughtful, and dedicated. I knew that I didn't need him in my life, and that I would be okay on my own. I could fight my own battles, I could breathe in my own silence. But I sure really loved having him around, knowing that if I was having a bad day where I just didn't want to carry my baggage alone, he was there to help me with the weight.

Slowly, Sev stepped closer to me and ducked his head down to kiss me. He did smell sweaty with a hint of lemons and tequila, but it didn't bother me. I leaned into him, deepening the kiss as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Maybe I wouldn't have made it out of this story alive if it weren't for Sev, or maybe I would have. I didn't know. I would never know, but I was so grateful that no matter how it happened, we found each other. He was my silver lining in all of the shit that was thrown at me.

Sev waited until we were undressing in the bedroom to pull his mouth away from my neck. He leaned away far enough to look into my eyes and finally, he said, "I love you, Maren."

Remembering the times where I would look at him and want to kiss him, but knew that it was putting both of our lives at risk, made every single one of our kisses taste so much sweeter. I imagine it was how somebody would appreciate water more after they almost died from dehydration in a desert. I was so grateful for every kiss, every touch, and now, every 'I love you' because I knew what it felt like to have those things taken away.

And with every kiss, I was reminded that Mrs. Lamb was dead, and I would never have to hide again.

THE END