A beautiful answer by one of my favourite celebrities when asked 'What is worth living for?'

This answer has, in more than one way, helped me.

When we start losing hope, it is our duty to remind ourselves that we are capable of making things better, and someday we definitely will.

---***---

Devika stood in a corner, with her head hung. She could hear the faint whispers of the other occupants of the hall. It wasn't difficult to comprehend from their seething glances in her direction, that they blamed her for the queen's current condition.

They hated her. And yet, it was nothing compared to her immense self-loathing.

'Why did my queen have to go through all this to save my worthless life? I bring misfortune to everyone I love. She gave me a family when I had nothing to live for. And this is how I repay her?' She sank to the ground, unable to bear the weight of her misery. 'I wish I were dead.'

A few moments later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head to see Ganesha. She expected him to shout at her.

"What are you doing here, child? Shouldn't you be getting some rest?"

The kindness in his voice was worse than everyone else's fury. She burst into tears.

"Nothing to cry about. Our queen will be fine. She is a lioness." He helped her up. "I will inform you once she regains consciousness. You need to go now."

Dushyanta joined the conversation. "Sriman, if it is fine with her, I will escort her to her chambers and arrange for a physician to visit her."

Ganesha was slightly bemused by the offer. "Why, yes. Thank you Lord Dushyanta. Glad to see someone focusing on their duty rather than sitting idle." He glanced at the nobility.

Devika, despite not wanting to leave, didn't want to make a scene. She obeyed Ganesha.

No one spoke until the physician exited Mayanshi's chambers. "The queen is conscious. She is fine."

Everyone waiting for the news let out a collective sigh. Vaishali stood up. "May I see her now?"

"Yes, Rajamata." The physician stepped aside.

Vaishali entered the room and closed the doors. Mayanshi titled her head in her direction. "You?" She tried to get up, immediately feeling a sharp pain in her right shoulder.

"Lie down, child" said Vaishali.

"Is Devika fine?"

"Yes."

"Are the civilians safe? Did we arrest all the rebels?"

"Yes. Your army from Rudragiri did that yesterday itself. Remember?"

Mayanshi took several moments to recollect. "My uncle! Did they catch him?" She tried to get up once again.

"Calm down!" Vaishali had to physically restrain her.

"Where is he?" Mayanshi demanded.

"He escaped. But we caught his son."

"Govardhana? He tried to save me."

"We know. Senapati Narendra told me everything. The boy jumped into the river for you. He emerged from the waters carrying you. But the soldiers who weren't sure about his intentions, shot few more arrows at him."

"But--"

"He will live." Vaishali assured her. "Once he has recovered, he will be punished."

Mayanshi's heart sank. Her cousin wasn't evil, unlike his father. But the fact that he assisted Bhairava could not be disregarded.

She stayed silent, with a troubled look on her face. Vaishali waited patiently for the young queen to speak again.

"I need you to answer a question."

"Yes, child. What is it?"

"You must swear on your son that you will be honest."

"I think we had a lengthy conversation in which I revealed that he is not my son, Maharani." The kindness in Vaishali's tone disappeared suddenly.

"Don't expect me to believe that. Not even for a moment. You made that up."

"Maharani, just because you won't believe it doesn't mean it is untrue. Samarjit's mother will be welcomed in the court soon. And she will--"

"My question is," Mayanshi interrupted her. "who killed my father?"

"Who do you think it was?"

"For fifteen years, I believed it was my uncle. Until a few days ago, I was convinced that it was you. But now I am not sure."

"If you think it was me, you should have me arrested." Vaishali looked away. "I believe you have gathered enough proof to convict me."

"You are lying." Mayanshi tried to sit up, ignoring the pain.

"Why would you say that? Isn't that what you wanted to hear? You hate me. You have proof against me. Just arrest me. Why are you looking for answers again when you have the culprit right in front of you?"

Mayanshi let out a tiny laugh. "There it is. The proof I needed. The Vaishali I know will never accept defeat. Not when the opponent is me. You held a courtroom trial for me. You did everything in your power to stop me from becoming the queen. And now you are giving up just like that? Not at all convincing."

Mayanshi waited for an answer, which never came. Controlling an urge to raise her voice, she spoke again. "I am certain of one thing. The fact that I am trying to restart investigation is frightening you to such an extent that you are willing to spend the rest of your life in prison. You are afraid that I might uncover something else. What is it? Who are you protecting?"

"I don't understand what you are trying to say."

"Enough of this! Tell me the truth."

Vaishali stayed silent. Mayanshi sighed. She observed the queen mother keenly. The woman looked exhausted.

"You tried to save me." She stated. "Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"It is no secret that you never liked me. Yesterday you had an opportunity to get rid of me. Virata was safe. Your son won the war. I saved the people. You could have let them take me. No one would have blamed you if you did. Not even Srimukha. You would have finally got what you wanted. And yet you tried to help me. Why?" Mayanshi paused. "I refuse to believe that someone who could murder a king, would try to save his daughter's life. You are not evil. You still have a sense of morality in you. I request you to show it one more time."

Vaishali knew there was no escaping this. She finally opened her mouth. "We tend to categorize people into two sets. Good and evil. Heroes and villains. It shows our inability to understand the human nature. The noblest among the heroes can turn greedy. The cruelest of people can be selfless. The line between right and wrong has always been blur."

Vaishali held Mayanshi's hand. "Your father and uncle loved each other more than anything else. They were ideal brothers who would die for each other. Nothing could separate them. Or so they believed." She continued after a short pause. "Your mother had two miscarriages in a year. She was too weak to conceive. Your parents gave up hope and decided to make Govardhana the heir to the throne."

"My mother too?"

"You have to understand that she was a princess of the rival kingdom. She cannot oppose a decision when she couldn't produce an heir. I know it is unfair. But that's how the society is." Vaishali said bitterly.

"I know." It reminded Mayanshi of her initial days in Virata.

"But everything changed once you were born. The couple finally had a loving daughter. We celebrated for weeks. Years later, when you were first allowed to enter the court and sit in the viewing gallery, everyone was overjoyed and hailed you as the future queen. Everyone except your uncle. He was torn between his devotion to his brother and his love for his son."

"Did he question my father about this?"

"He did. It left your father in an unpleasant situation. He had to choose between the two children. He sought advice of people he trusted, which included me. I supported your claim."

"Really?"

"Hard to believe, I know. But it was not a choice between you and my son like the present situation. Between you and Govardhana, it was easy. I spoke my mind." Vaishali shrugged. "Everyone else supported my view."

"I bet it enraged my uncle."

"Not only did it anger him, but also turned him against his brother. He was determined than ever to change your father's mind. It led to several fights between them. The brotherly bond they once shared was weakened, which led to a monster diguised as human taking advantage of it."

Mayanshi clutched her saree tightly. She knew what was coming. "I gather, the monster you speak of, is responsible for my father's death."

Vaishali nodded.

"Who is it?"

"I will tell you. But you have to understand it was entirely him. Neither me nor my son were involved. I would never have let him do that if I knew--"

"Rajamata! Who is it?" Mayanshi yelled at her.

Vaishali shut her eyes tightly and replied. "My husband. He killed your father and blamed your uncle."

The silence that followed was deafening.

"Maya?" Vaishali said timidly. "Please say something, child."

"You knew." It wasn't a question.

"Not when it happened. I only found out five years later."

"And yet you concealed it from me. From everyone. What happened in a span of five years, that the respect you claim to have for my parents magically disappeared? Why didn't you make sure that the monster who killed them was punished?"

"Because of my son!" Vaishali yelled in reply. "Your father was gone. You had a family that loved you. Nothing would have changed in your life. But Samarjit wasn't so fortunate. He will forever be a traitor's son if the truth was revealed."

"What about justice? Does my father not deserve that?"

"He does. But my son deserved a peaceful life. As a mother, nothing matters to me more than my son's happiness."

"I gathered that much myself considering how much you hurt me since I have returned." Mayanshi spat the words. "And you have the audacity to say that you were loyal to my mother. You were never loyal to anyone but your son."

"Maya, how is this any different from what you did yesterday?"

"What did I do?"

"You were willing to let your uncle go in return for your friend's life. Did you care about justice then?" Vaishali pointed out Mayanshi's hypocrisy. "You even risked your life trying to save her. If you could do this for a handmaiden, why can't I do the same for the boy I gave birth to? If what you did is acceptable, then you have no right to question me about being unjust."

Mayanshi tried to come up with a counter argument. But deep down she knew Vaishali did what she had to do. She had no choice.

"I know what my husband did was wrong. I hate him for that. But I can't let his crimes destroy Samarjit's life." Vaishali never looked so vulnerable to Mayanshi. "I wasn't royalty by birth. I had Samarjit before I sat on the throne. If being a mother conflicts with being a queen, my loyalty always lies with him."

The young queen felt exhausted. A part of her wanted to announce the truth in public. And then there was the part that wanted to protect Samarjit.

Had she been presented with the problem few weeks ago, her decision would have been clear. But now, she felt different. She wasn't the same girl anymore. She had a better understanding of right and wrong.

She finally gave in to Vaishali's plea. "The victim and the murderer are both dead. I guess,..." She composed herself, "What I mean to say is, there is no point trying to convict a dead man."

Vaishali felt relieved after several days of turmoil. "You have my gratitude, Maya."

"I am doing this for him." She said. "I hope you won't give me a reason to regret it."

Vaishali nodded and helped Mayanshi lie down. "Rajamata. I want you to know something. Even before I married your son, I was the princess. If being a queen conflicts with being a wife, my loyalty always lies with Virata. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Maharani."

---***---

"Amma!" Samarjit hastened towards his mother.

"Samarjit! You are back." Vaishali embraced him.

"I heard the queen was taken captive and stabbed by her uncle. How is she?" His voice shook while enquiring.

"She is fine. She spoke to me this morning."

"Take me to her." Samarjit held her hand and attempted to walk quickly. Vaishali let out a shriek. It was then that he noticed, she was walking with a limp. "What's wrong with your leg?"

"A minor injury." She dismissed it and kept walking.

Samarjit understood it was caused during the previous day's attack. The urgency of the situation made him keep going though he was deeply pain to see her like that.

Abhimanyu followed them, not paying attention to their conversation. His only concern was his sister's well-being.

They reached Mayanshi's bedchambers. Samarjit looked at his sleeping wife. Her forearms and right shoulder were bandaged. The scratches on her throat were covered in a paste of medicine.

The physician attempted to remove the bandage on her left ankle. She flinched in her sleep. "It's me, Maharani." The physician spoke gently before resuming the task.

After completing, she talked to the king in a low voice. "The queen has taken the medicine half a prahar ago. She will wake up by morning."

Samarjit didn't reply. His eyes were fixated on Mayanshi.

Abhimanyu thanked the elderly woman for her services. "You don't have to stay awake. We will stay here and call you if she needs you." He offered.

"Thank you, Yuvaraja."

Before Abhimanyu could help her out of the room, he heard Samarjit storm out. He followed him, trying to keep up.

"Where do you think you are going? We are supposed to stay here till she wakes up. You can't expect your mother and the physician to stay awake till morning."

"We have other things to take care of." Samarjit unsheathed his sword.

"Like what?"

"Like killing Govardhana." He forced Abhimanyu out of the way and walked towards the room in which Govardhana was being treated, determined to punish him for the agony he caused his family.

---***---

Thank you.