Chapter 13 – Yuri Panganiban's Closeness With My Tutor (Jin)

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"Group projects are the worst."

"You can say that again," I whispered with my head still on my folded arms.

Ethan chuckled and shook my shoulders playfully. "I just did!"

"Say it again."

"I already said it twice, Jin!"

"Make it thrice."

Ethan didn't reply, so I popped one eye open to see him with an annoying, teasing expression on the side. Before I could ask anything, rolled papers smacked my head.

I straightened up and glanced at Shane, one hand on my head. "What was that about?"

"Help Ethan out! Stop sleeping on the job!"

I rolled my eyes but put my hands up as she prepared to hit me again.

"I will, I will," I hissed. "Despite how light papers are, that's still a pretty thick roll of them, you know."

"Did it hurt?"

"A bit."

"Then it served its purpose." She laughed as I shot her a harder squint. Shane leaned close, almost too close, that I could smell the fresh scent of her shampoo, and then she whispered, "Don't forget about the second condition."

"I won't."

She smiled, gaze teasing. "We can't study for finals today if you guys don't finish up."

"Yes, ma'am." I averted my gaze, sighing defeatedly as she hummed, leaned away, and returned to the other table beside mine and Ethan's at the library.

The scent of lavender was supposedly relaxing and calming, and I do see that appeal. But was it ever mentioned they're hypnotizing, too? I'm positive Shane's shampoo has a lavender scent from all these times I've caught a whiff of it, but this was the only time it was this strong. And somewhat hypnotizing.

"You can stop staring now."

I jumped lightly at Ethan's low whisper to my ear. With a hand over my right ear, I raised a brow at him.

"What the heck, man."

He shrugged and scooted back to the farther end of his seat. "How nice does it smell?"

"What?" I pursed my lips when he didn't answer and only took a pencil on the table. I sniffed once and shrugged. "I don't know. Lavender is all I can smell right now."

Again, he only replied with a wide grin, continuing to outline the colored papers. I shook my head and paid my attention back on my part, ignoring his low hums.

It had been a week since we started prep for the theater finals in PL. Alongside it, we would hold group study sessions at the library with just the scriptwriting and smaller props crew or with almost everyone in the classroom. Regarding the latter, I tended to not join in and instead study for my other subjects elsewhere.

The one for extra props like Ethan and I, plus the six members of the scriptwriting crew, were already too much for me to be in. I'm hoping to tell Shane this at some point, but I couldn't exactly find the most private time.

She's often with any of those parts of her crew or with our directors. Mainly Yuri. I hadn't caught her alone this entire week. Even during our weekend meetings, there were always a bunch of other classmates with us to practice their roles and make props and costumes.

I'm not too happy about this entire thing. But there was no way I could make a fuss. Our professor made it a group project, so I had to keep cooperating with everyone. Even as simple as an extra hand on the props, a proofreader for the script, and a minor role in the story.

With Ethan and my roles being together for most of the story, we grew close. So, I'd say it wasn't so bad since I made a friend other than Shane in the class. Except when he's teasing me with Shane.

"Jin," Ethan called after a few minutes of silence between us. "Can you lend me a different pair of scissors?"

"What's wrong with that one?" I pointed at the orange one close to him.

"My fingers are too chubby. I can't cut properly with it." He shook his head when I offered the one I was using. "The holes are too small for me, too. A cutter might be better."

With a suppressed eye-roll, I stood and tapped Shane's shoulder from the seat behind, who turned her head a bit to me with a hum.

"Can I borrow the cutter?"

She called another person I forgot the name of and eventually handed me the cutter. But before letting go of it, she tugged on it.

"Glad to see you're finally doing something." Shane teased.

Other than an eye-roll, I didn't say anything—couldn't. Something about the warm and soft skin of her fingers subtly in contact with mine clogged my brain for anything to retort with.

She sighed and shook the cutter, bringing my gaze back to hers. "Don't suddenly space out after I just said that." Shane pouted and let go of the cutter, and pushed me away with a finger on my forehead. "Now go back to work! Shoo!"

I shot her a glare before sitting back in my seat and handing the cutter over to Ethan.

He took it almost carefully. "How is it?"

"What?"

"How did it feel like?"

I pursed my lips and stared at the messy colors of papers, sticks for glue, strings of fabrics and yarn, rulers, and plenty of other arts and crafts on the table.

"Soft, I guess," I whispered.

Ethan laughed and waved the cutter between us. "I meant this. This is soft for you, Jin?"

"...Damn you."

He continued to giggle, his broad shoulders shaking while he checked the notes for sizes, holding a steel ruler with one hand.

"You're so densely obvious, man." Ethan leaned in close for a second and said in a low voice, "Bet it'd be softer if it's a hug than a slight hand touch, huh?"

I pushed his head away, but he dodged easily. With only a glare and a groan, I ignored him and his teases. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't think back on Shane's birthday when we hugged.

I've hugged Rianne before. A lot. Especially whenever she needed it. Mainly whenever she did something embarrassing in front of Alex. Heck, Alex would get so jealous because Rianne liked sticking close to me so much. Well, we haven't hugged as much anymore since college started. But it makes me glad that she could rely on Alex more now, too.

So, why did I feel differently when I hugged Shane? She's a girl, sure, but she's my friend, too. Like Rianne. Yet she and Shane don't feel similar to me.

Maybe it's because I've been with Rianne since we could barely walk. Or because Shane is partly my tutor. Maybe.

"Sometimes it hurts just looking at your face," Ethan said out of nowhere. "As rude and weird as that may be for me to say, considering we only knew each other for a short while."

"My friend says that a lot, so I kinda get it." I winced at the image of Alex saying something similar to my face. "But also, you keep saying vague things like that for days now."

"Hm?" he hummed in question.

"Don't play innocent with me. What do you mean with those comments?"

Ethan smiled and shook his head. "Eh. Don't mind it."

As annoying as that was, the same thing kept happening when I was away from Ethan and my classmates in PL, too.

"Don't you have class?" Alex asked, sipping on an energy drink as he leaned on a tree.

Like right now. With this friend of mine who went by the name Alexis.

I stretched my arms out and sat on the table where Rianne typed something on her laptop. "And you guys don't? I'm surprised I found you two hanging around here."

Alex shrugged. "Usually, we do. But we got off the hook early today, so we're sorta working on a two-person project." And naturally, they paired together. No surprises there. "And you? I don't see your tutor around either."

I told them about our subject's group project, and how today escalated to everyone going for a group study session in the classroom with Shane and others helping each other out.

"I don't feel comfortable with that setting."

"And does Shane know that?"

"No."

"Because?"

"I haven't told her." I squinted. Rianne's brow just rose. "I know what you're gonna say."

"So?" Rianne asked.

I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the peeking sunlight from the canopies on my face. "She's always surrounded by people. And when she's not, she's at least with one person or... that guy."

"That guy?" Alex mumbled close to me.

"Yeah... Yuri."

"What's different with him compared to your other classmates being close to Shane?"

"They're close," Rianne probably concluded from somewhere.

"Really?" Alex asked. I popped one eye open, and Alex is magically stuck beside Rianne now.

"Yeah. Remember the picture of that one volleyball match, like, two months ago?" Rianne peeked up at me and I nodded. "The one who posted and most likely captured those images was someone named Yuri Panganiban."

Alex voiced out a wow, glancing over me and fanning his hands over, inviting me to sit with them. So, I did.

On Rianne's screen displayed a Twitter account that was most likely Yuri's with the name and pictures alone. As Rianne clicked and scrolled down Yuri's pinned post, it was a collection of all of Shane's volleyball matches. That he captured with his own camera.

I'm sure my best friends made comments with almost every post and picture we came across. But none of that reached my mind. The collection started with them in middle school, then high school, and college. While it mostly contained Shane's entire team, it still had rare photos of Shane alone or the two of them.

"I think I see what's so different about him, now," Alex commented, which got Rianne humming in agreement.

I raised a brow at them. "What do you mean?

The two shared eye contact before shooting me looks reminiscent of Ethan's expression earlier.

"Really, Jin?"

"What?"

Rianne sighed. "And you complained about being the middleman between me and Alex."

"Yeah!"

I squinted. "And? What does that have to do with anything?"

"That confused face of yours is painful to look at, bro." And now Alex was being like Ethan. Or vice versa. And back again.

"Again, what does all that have to do with anything?"

"You mean about you and your tutor." Rianne squinted at me as she took the energy drink from Alex and sipped on it.

"Okay. Enlighten me, then." I stood and raised both hands in defense. "What does this all have to do with me and Shane?"

"You tell us," Alex whispered not-so-quietly. "You're the one being so bothered with this Yuri being close to her."

Rianne hummed and nodded along with his words before saying, "Why are you so bothered, Jin?"

"Because I can't approach her."

"Is that so?" Rianne continued to question.

"Of course!" I hissed. "Why else?"

"Yeah, why else, dude?"

"Why else would I be annoyed whenever I see them together? Every time I find a chance to talk to Shane, Yuri pops out of nowhere! Not only that, he occupies all her remaining time before everyone else flocks back around her." I shook my head and dropped it in one hand. I need to calm down. "And..."

I balled my fist on my side and lowered my voice.

"It's annoying how uneasy I feel when she's far from reach." I bit my lip and turned my head away. "When she's too out of reach."

Silence befell us. And I'm grateful my friends didn't mock me for revealing how I really felt. But part of me couldn't fully acknowledge my feelings of anxiety either.

It's all so annoying.

A pat on my shoulder from Alex got me glancing back up. He had this genuine, patient smile on his face, with a slight playful tug which made me glare.

He tapped me harder. "Just get in there and let her know you don't feel too comfortable studying with a lot of people. I'm sure she'll listen."

"And if there are people around her, try to really excuse her from them," Rianne added. "Else you're going to keep feeling trapped."

"I already feel trapped just looking at so many people blocking my objective."

"Our lives as introverts in a nutshell," they both sighed and said in unison.

I couldn't contain a laugh after that comment. We shared more jokes and laughter together before I finally let them push me back to the library to meet Shane after she texted me to come help her proofread the script.

When I got there, like usual, the tables around had mountains of arts and crafts materials scattered, as if a storm went and left as quickly. And like a fleeting storm, a ray of sunshine sat in the middle of it all.

"Hey," she called as her gaze jumped to mine. She smiled and gestured for me to come over. "What are you standing there for? Come here, come here!"

I missed this.

"I'm surprised you're alone," I teased as I sat in front of her. Like usual.

This quiet space.

"I'm surprised, too." She shrugged, straightening the papers in her hands. Despite the exhaustion deep in her dark eyes, her expression still shone brightly. "I feel like I haven't had much time to just sit down alone, you know?"

With just the two of us.

"Yeah."

She placed the collection of papers on the table and shoved it to me before leaning on the backrest of her seat. "Look over it!"

"It's completed?"

"Yup!"

"As expected from you." I flipped through the pages of the finished script, smiling a bit with the amount of spelling and punctuation errors and side notes. "I'll be sure to finish the proofreading by tomorrow so we can print copies, then, too."

"You don't have to rush it," she quickly answered, her voice almost a whisper with how soft it was. "I have another, rougher copy we can do with in the meantime while you finish the final copy."

I shrugged and leaned close. "It's the least I could do for my tutor. Rather, her highness, the princess, isn't it?"

"Shh!" She laughed, eyes sparkling with the gentle noon highlighting her side from the windows. "They let me have the protagonist role! What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I didn't say there was anything wrong with that."

"You're smiling, though! You're mocking me!"

"Nah. I'm just... kind of wondering about something."

"And? What is it?"

I folded my arms on the table. "You're not pushing yourself too hard, are you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked with a small pout.

Cute.

"You're not just the scriptwriter, you're also the main protagonist of the story and not to mention, the co-director alongside Yuri."

She put up a sly smile. "You forgot I'm also in charge of the study sessions."

"And my tutor, yes." I raised a brow at what I said, my smile retaining. "So, that brings me back to what I'm saying."

After furrowing her brows, she groaned and sunk to her seat.

"Shane," I called, more sternly, but still with slight jest. "You're pushing yourself too hard."

"Yes, but-"

"Shane, there you are! Hey, Jin!"

Just then, the one withholding the role of the prince in our group play, as always, came out of nowhere and scooted beside Shane.

"Yuri," Shane mumbled, then she raised a brow. "I thought you're supposed to be helping out the lighting crew and floor members?"

"Yeah, but how could I do that if you have both copies of the main flow of the play?"

"Oh, yeah." She averted her gaze and voiced a tired little, "Oops."

Yuri didn't answer but only ruffled Shane's already quite messy bun, earning a light groan from her as she pushed his hands away. Smiling.

Yuri turned his eyes to my direction. But before he could say anything, I stood from my seat.

"There's a book you, uh, guys want to use as a guide for the historical accuracy of some events in the play, right? I think I saw it on my way here."

"Really?" Yuri's eyes widened.

"Yeah. I'll go get it."

"That'd be great!"

While what I said was true, it didn't take me any time at all to get my hands on it. And now, why the heck am I hiding behind a bookshelf as soon as I see Yuri changing to sit in front of Shane?

They were talking, but I couldn't hear it well. I circled back to the other bookshelf closer there and stopped as soon as Shane's words hit me.

"I missed you so much, Yuri." Her voice was soft, almost too soft that I couldn't hear her words properly.

"I missed you too, Shane."

Huh.

I walked back to the farther bookshelf and stood there, with the thick book in my hands, my senses boring into its rough cover, old scent, and tattered pages.

A slight tinge, no, not just slight, kept tugging inside me every time instances like this forced me to watch Yuri Panganiban's closeness with my tutor. And I don't know what to make of that.

My grip hardened on the book, and my hold shook. The book suddenly felt heavy. I shut my eyes and breathed in and out.

Something strange came over me. A weird tingle I didn't know what—didn't understand what. It's probably nothing. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. If I don't understand it, it must mean it's nothing to fuss over.

The book slipped from my somewhat trembling fingers, and with a thud, the murmurs from where Shane and Yuri were died down.

Shit.

I picked it up and forced all the uncertain feelings and thoughts swirling in my head to the back of my being.

"Hey, sorry." I ought to pat myself on the back for how natural my voice sounded. "It was heavier than I thought."

"Let me help you." Yuri attempted to stand, but I hastened my pace and brought the book onto the table. "Oh, you got it."

"Yeah."

Unsure where I should go next, I internally thanked Shane for scooting to give me a space beside her, so I took it and listened in to the new topic about the contents of the book and how helpful it was going to be.

Throughout that small session, I found it hard to lock gazes with either of them, especially Yuri, long enough before glancing away. The strange feeling kept coming back every time I heard and looked at him. I'm sure it's nothing.

"This matches your role, Yuri!"

"But does it pair well with yours, princess?" Yuri teased, which got Shane chuckling.

"Of course, dear prince." She turned to me with the same bright smile. "What do you think, Jin? Do you think how I designed the prince and princess connect well with this?" She pointed to certain images and passages in the book for me to look at.

I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Why maybe?"

"I don't know. Something feels off about it."

Shane voiced out a long eh, before taking the rough script on Yuri's side and scribbling on a page.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well, you said something feels off. Can you specify which part?" She handed her pen over to me as well as slid the paper to my side.

Whatever that feeling earlier was, something about how Shane looked for and valued my opinions did a thing inside me. It made me feel better.

"Jin?"

"Yeah, wait." I flipped through pages and searched for the passage I knew didn't sit right with the concept of the historical connection she was trying to make. "Somewhere around here, if I remember correctly."

With a contented sensation washing over all the uneasiness of Shane being out of reach, I smiled. She was never out of reach. She was always within reach. I just needed to look closer.

I didn't know it then, but maybe I should've looked closer.