"penumbra"

-

(noun) Astronomy. The sight and sound of penumbra evoke mystery and a celestial beauty. A penumbra occurs during an eclipse, it is the partial shadow between the light (the sun) and the dark (the moon); it is a grey area. It is neither dark or light. Therefore, it is the meeting between illumination and umbra, the shadow. Note, the umbra is a shadow, light ceases to exist here; whereas, a penumbra is a half shadow resulting from the obscuration of light. Like all aspects of life, the universe lingers on the truth of humanity: nothing is black or white, a middle ground, a greyness dwells, and beauty is found there, even in astronomical events out of our reach.

❄❄❄❄

"Who's this, Ana?"

I don't dare to look at Zach, meanwhile Miles is staring at him with unhidden interest.

I lose Zach's touch, moving so that his arm isn't around my shoulders anymore. I feel him look at the side of my face, but I don't turn to look at him.

"I'm Zach Crawford," Zach introduces himself before I can do it. He doesn't offer Miles his hand, though, he just rather looks at him and keeps his stare on him.

A lot of testosterones in the air tonight ...

The two males are staring at each other like they're both trying to figure something out. And neither of them is willing to break their gaze first.

Miles is the first to break the stare to give me a look with a raised eyebrow. "You've never mentioned you're hanging out with famous people now," he says sarcastically, almost sardonically.

"Miles," I say in a warning, not liking his tone right now. He doesn't even know Zach, so therefore he's got no reason to be rude in front of him.

Miles looks at Zach and scowls before he looks at me. "I came here to offer you a ride home. If you want to, of course." I notice his eyes flying to Zach once again. Even though it's dark, I can clearly see his eyes and his serious expression.

"If you're going to act like an ass, I'm not going anywhere with you." I can practically feel Zach's body tensing at my words. But Miles and I didn't leave it on the right foot the last time we parted and now that I have a chance to fix that, I want to grab it. Even though Zach was kind enough to offer me a ride home.

It's even better that way so he can get rid of me faster and he doesn't have to drive all the way on the other side of the city because of me.

"You know I can't help myself sometimes." Miles sends me a grin.

I have to smile back at him, thankful that he's not holding the grudge. I turn to Zach, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I'll see you ..."

"Tomorrow," Zach says. He's staring at me with a curious expression, although I don't understand what he's really trying to find out.

"Tomorrow," I confirm with a nod. "Goodnight," I tell him quietly, giving him a small smile.

Zach presses his lips together before uttering a quiet 'Goodnight' back. He doesn't smile.

I keep looking at him because I can't turn my eyes elsewhere, or so it seems. It's hard to look away once you get the chance to unlimitedly stare at his attractive face.

"Ana? It's really late and I know you have to get up early tomorrow," Miles calls out, causing me to shift my focus elsewhere. I see Zach clenches his jaw as he looks at Miles.

I hurry after Miles to his car and before I sit in, I turn around and wave at Zach who's still standing in the same spot, looking at us with the same stoic expression. I don't dwell on it too much, although it brings some questions to me as to why he suddenly started acting so cold and serious.

"So ... Zach ... he's your what, friend?" Miles asks tentatively when we drive away.

I eye him in wonder. "Yes," I say without hesitation. It's funny how easily I can say Zach Crawford is my friend. Because that's what he is, isn't he?

Miles hums. "Are you getting into higher circles now? Hanging out with richer, more known?"

I give Miles a pointed stare. "What's up with you? If you're mad at me, take it out on me, not on someone else," I tell him, tired of how he's been acting since he showed up tonight.

I didn't ask him to come here - although I'm happy to see him - but if he wants to be a prick, I'd rather see he just stayed at home. I really don't want to start yet another fight with him.

"Shit," Miles curses, going through his hair with his hand. "I don't know, Ana Lee, you two looked really close and I had to ask."

"We're just occasionally skating together," I mumble. For some reason, I don't want Miles to know about Zach lending me money. I know that Miles wanted to help me but I couldn't ask him to do that. And I don't know how he'd take it that I accepted money from someone else.

I see how Miles grips the steering wheel a little harder. "Are you really okay, Miles?" I ask him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Miles answers quickly. Too quickly.

I give him a suspicious look. "You don't look okay ... I don't know, you're acting a bit strange ..." I trail off, cocking my head to the side. "Look, if this is about the other day - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude, I've just had some rough days. And I know that's not an excuse, but I'm still sorry."

Miles lets out a frustrated sigh. "I already forgot about that," he tells me, his voice tight.

"Well ... alright then ..." I say because I'm unsure of what more should I say. If he says nothing is wrong and doesn't want to tell me, I won't press him into telling me.

I stare out of the front window, resting my face against the glass. I can't help but think that Miles and I are drifting apart and our friendship is starting to get broken. And I don't know what to do to fix it - if I can do anything to fix it.

The rest of the drive goes on in silence until Miles parks the car in front of my house, turning the engine off. I turn to him, expecting he'll say something, but he stays mute.

I sigh and shake my head to myself, ready to exit the car, but Miles stops me. "Analeigh, wait, please." The fact that he called me by my full name, concerns me. "I'm sorry, I ... I didn't want this evening to go like this. It just threw me off a bit, seeing you with a man that you haven't mentioned to me before. I don't know, I thought we tell each other everything, you know?"

Maybe that is a reason enough to be in a pissy mood. Although I can't really say how would I react if I saw Miles with a woman, but I'd probably be happy about him and wish him well. I wouldn't like the fact that he didn't tell me about her, but I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

But I understand that people are different and they feel different about different situations. So I can't really judge Miles's reaction, can I? I don't really know how he truly feels and I'll have to take his word for it.

"I'm sorry," I say. "We weren't hanging out that much and I guess I just forgot to tell you about it."

Miles nods with his lips still pressed up tightly together.

"But, hey, I've got a brand new phone and you can give me your number now," I tell him, trying to cheer him up a bit, taking out my still packed phone.

Miles eyes it as if I'm holding a bomb. "Where did you get the money for that?" he asks sceptically.

I chuckle. "Don't worry, it's not stolen. Well, I hope it isn't," I add thoughtfully.

Miles doesn't find my comment funny. "He's buying you things now? What the fuck, Analeigh, are you sleeping with him or something?"

I look at him, hurt and shocked at his words. I stop taking the phone out of the box and just rest my shaky hands on my lap. "That was really mean, Miles," I tell him softly, quietly.

"What the hell else would I think? How long do you even know him?"

I'm breathing hard, staring at Miles with a hard stare. "What the fuck's up with you?"

Miles completely ignores my question. "Are you or are you not sleeping with him?"

I let out a disbelieving breath, throwing the box with the phone back into the backpack, angrily zipping it. I'm giving myself a few seconds to at least calm down a little before I say something I'd regret tomorrow. "You know what? Even if I were, that doesn't give you the right to be a jackass. And you thinking that I'm like that is a low blow, Miles." I open the door and step out. "Find me when you'll stop being a prick and we can maybe talk."

I shut the door loudly and take angry steps towards my house.

"Analeigh!" I hear him call after me.

I walk even faster, not bothering to turn around. When I insert my key into the keyhole, the first tear falls down my cheek.

I'm angry at Miles for ruining what could have been a really good day for me. God knows I don't have many of them. At least I didn't until I met Zach.

I lock myself in the dark house, breathing hard. I don't want to cry, but Miles's words hurt me. If he meant it or not, he shouldn't have said that.

I go into the kitchen, switching the light on and putting the keys on the kitchen table along with the backpack. I open the fridge and take out pre-prepared salad I bought.

I take out the phone and the money from the backpack, counting if it's still all there.

I take the phone out of the box and trying to find out how it actually works. I haven't had a phone for around three or four years now and the devices changed a lot since then. When I manage to turn the screen on, I see there's a new message waiting for me from Zach.

When are you coming to the ice hall tonight?

This is the one I unintentionally ignored. When I open it, I see he actually sent me two messages and I received the last one just 20 minutes ago.

I thought you said you didn't have a boyfriend.

Did Zach actually think Miles is my boyfriend? I answer his message this time.

I don't. Miles is my best friend.

I hold the phone in my hand and wait for Zach's answer while eating the salad. Minutes go by and he still doesn't answer me. But then the phone starts vibrating in my hand and Zach's name is written on the screen.

I can't figure how to answer this thing and the vibrating stops before it starts again. "For fuck's sake," I mumble, swiping on the screen and finally manage to do it. "Sorry, didn't know how to accept the call," I tell Zach, bringing the phone to my ear.

There's a silence on the other end. "Zach?" I ask, concerned that I didn't really accept his call or that our line got disconnected.

"I'm here," he says. Nothing could prepare me to hear Zach Crawford's voice through the phone, his deep, raspy, hoarse voice that screams I'm all man!

"Oh, thank God," I say. "I got afraid that our line got disconnected. Or that I didn't even answer your call." I chuckle.

Zach doesn't laugh back. I can't even hear his breathing, that's how quiet he is.

A frown appears on my face. "So ... why did you call?" I ask nonchalantly when I'm actually wondering what's up with his mood and why is he acting so weird.

"Are you alone?" he asks me instead of answering my question.

I pause with the fork in mid-air, looking around. "Well. Yeah. At least I should be ..."

I hear him exhale and my frown deepens. "Your friend left, then."

"Well ... Obviously? Did you honestly just called to ask me this, Zach?" I sound angry even to my ears. There was one man doubting me tonight, I don't need another.

"No, I -" Zach doesn't finish. I can hear he's frustrated. With me? With himself? "I was a bit confused when your ... friend showed up, you know?" No, I don't, Zach. "And he was acting like ... you know?"

I have to chuckle at his confusing words. "No, I don't know, Zach. What are you saying?"

Zach groans. "Well, I thought he was your boyfriend!"

My eyebrows raise slightly at his loud tone. "And I assured you he's not. Would it make any difference if he was, though?"

"Well ... yeah," Zach answers this time with his voice smaller, quieter.

"Why?"

I can hear that he wasn't ready for this question by the way he inhales sharply. "It just is," he insists. "There was another reason for this call, too. Would you prefer to hang out on Friday night or Saturday night? I know how busy weekdays are for you."

I smile to myself a little. "I'd prefer Saturday," I tell him, appreciating he asked me about it.

"This Saturday, then," he decides.

"Yes, I have time, thanks for asking," I say sarcastically with a smile.

I hear Zach laughs and it makes me smile even bigger. "Why asking when this is easier?"

I shake my head. "I've got to go. You interrupted while I was eating."

"But it was worth it, right?" he asks cutely.

I close my eyes and hang my head as I grin. "Sort of," I respond softly, almost whispering.

I can just hear him smile through the phone. "Goodnight, flower."

I try really hard not to squeal out like a teenager. "Goodnight, Zach."

He hangs up and I stare at the wall for solid 5 minutes, grinning like a lovesick idiot. When I look down at my salad, I notice it all fell out from the box it was in because I was subconsciously circling the fork around in it, causing it to spill out.

Great, now I'm without my dinner. I put everything back inside and throw it away, still smiling to myself.

I've slept for 10 hours straight, I feel like I'm half dead already, I just can't function lol help

Also, can Theo James date me already, I'm getting kind of tired of his hard-to-get game he's playing ...

Wow I'm such an embarrassing mess, no wonder I don't have any friends and my family hates me.

Yowza, I'm leaving. I'm probably going to go back to sleep because ... why not.

Love youuuu

x

Find me on:

radish: bourbonvanilla

twitter: patriciaxbooks

ask.fm: bourbonvanilla