"compathy"

— 

(noun) It's when one's feelings, including anything from happiness to grief, is shared with others.

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I push the big doors open and come out on the fresh air, breathing it in, filling my lungs. 

Zach grabs my arm, turning me around so I'm facing him. I'm breathing hard, as if I've been running. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"Why did you come after me?" I ask instead of answering his question. Truthfully, I don't have an answer to it. I don't know where I'm going - or wanted to go. 

"Why are you running out?" he wants to know. I see we're both avoiding answering the questions we ask each other.

"I don't know, I didn't want to interrupt your ... date in there," I grit out, hating myself right afterwards. I have no right to be jealous - absolutely no right. I also don't have any right to be mad at anyone other than myself for reacting in such a ridiculous way.

Zach's eyebrows arch. "I wouldn't have thought you'd be jealous ... you said you wanted to be friends, Analeigh. Did anything change since yesterday?" Although his words shock me, I should have expected them. He can see right through me. 

"Not jealous, no. Considerative more likely. I didn't want to bother you two." Congratulations, Analeigh! You couldn't sound any lamer if you tried.

Zach laughs and throws his hands up. "Sure. Alright. Let's pretend I believe you," Zach says sarcastically. "There's enough space on the ice."

I want to roll my eyes at him. "In all honesty, Zach, what should I think when you came in and didn't even acknowledge me? I thought you're mad or something. And then you went to her and gave her a happy greeting. I got the idea that you want to be alone with her. Was I mistaken?"

Zach, damn him, bites down on his bottom lip, deliciously slowly. I bite the inside of my cheeks to stay in control and focused. "Yes, you were mistaken. She's a friend."

"I thought I was a friend, too ... Look, Zach, if you don't want to be seen with me in public, just tell me, please. I'll understand it, okay? Just ... don't lie."

"Ana, no." I see him lifting his hands towards me like he wants to put them on my arms, but he changes his mind, dropping them down to his sides and squeezing his palms into fists. "It's not that. God, why would that thought even come to you?" he asks as if he really doesn't understand it.

I lift my eyebrow. Do I really have to point it out for you? Zach keeps looking at me indifferently. "Because you're ... you. People wouldn't expect you to hang out with someone like me."

"Someone like you?" Zach asks incredulously, looking at me as if I've gone crazy. Maybe I have. For him. "What does that mean exactly? How are you different from me?"

Does he seriously need to ask this? As if it isn't obvious. "You're rich and well-known. People know about you - they talk about you. And I'm just a girl from the poor street." 

"That's not fair, Analeigh. You can't put labels on us. I can't help that I have money - most of it goes to charity, anyway. And I can't help that I'm recognised in the media. I don't even care about all of that and neither should you. I don't care where you come from and how much money you have, Analeigh."

When he puts it that way, I feel pretty stupid. He must think that I only see him as someone with money and power now. "But isn't it weird that you would be interested in me? You could choose anyone you wanted, a girl that has everything. And I have nothing."

Zach lets out a frustrated sigh, growling afterwards."Yet I want you!" Zach bellows suddenly, losing his patience.

I step back a little at his loud voice and the words he says. He never so bluntly admitted his feelings before and they hit me with full force. "I can't ... I can't do this, Zach," I say weakly.

All my life, I've waited for someone to say those words to me and when someone finally did, I want to run as far away as possible. I don't know why the words scare me so much. Maybe because I've been alone for so long and I know what it feels needing someone. You start depending on them. And that's scary.

"Of course you can't. Why do I even bother?" Zach laughs bitterly.

"Zach ..." I whisper softly. I don't have anything to say.

"You're looking for excuses all the time. You want to convince yourself I'm too good for you, which is not the case - not even close!"

"Why can't be a friendship enough for you?" I cry out weakly.

A car stops just a few metres from us. I'm surprised when I see Miles getting out of the car, wearing a regretful expression.

"Zachary, are you coming back in?" The woman comes out. God, even her voice is beautiful.

"Hey, Ana Lee. Do you have a moment to talk?" Miles eyes me and then Zach with a wondering expression.

"I ..." I'm conflicted.

"Fantastic. Go with him, Analeigh. With your friend."

"Don't be sardonic when your date is just a few metres away," I say lowly. "Maybe you should go to her, you left her hanging for too long already," I offer softly, friendly.

Zach doesn't take it in that way, though. "You know what? Yeah, you're right. Maybe I should. She won't leave me hanging at least."

I gape at him. "Zach," I try softly, but he's already walking away, wrapping his arm around the gorgeous woman and leading her inside. I watch them with tears in my eyes. Not because of jealousy this time, but because I think Zach and I might just have the first fight and I hate it.

"Ana?"

I turn to Miles, blinking away the tears. I follow him to the car, feeling helpless. 

Miles is considerate enough to give me some time and doesn't say anything. We just sit there in silence, driving towards my house. I won't be the one to start talking, anyway. It's not me who has to apologise this time. 

The whole drive to my home, I'm holding back the tears. But once Miles parks in front of my house, I can't hold them in much longer. I burst into tears, letting out a loud sob, filled with pain.

"Ana?" Miles asks unsurely.

"I'm such a terrible person," I sob out. "Maybe that's why I don't have any friends."

"Ana Lee? What's that that you're saying?" 

I feel a physical pain, like something is squeezing the inside of my chest together. It hurts so much. And the worst thing is, I can't do anything else but feel it. 

I break down in front of Miles, everything coming back to hit me with full force. "I'm on bad terms with everyone. You, now Zach ... my mother doesn't even say a word to me when I visit ... Oh, my God."

Miles touches my arm in comfort. "I came to apologise for my behaviour, Ana. And your mother is sick, that's not your fault. As for you and your ... friend, I don't know what you two have had, but I'm pretty sure he's going to forgive you soon."

Miles parks in front of my house and I stare at it with teary eyes. "Why can't I just give him what he wants and make him happy?" I mumble to myself, staring straight ahead.

I hear Miles shifting. "And what is that he wants?"

I give Miles a blank look. And I look down at my lap, overwhelmed. "It doesn't matter now, I guess."

"So you two ... got really close, yeah?" Miles murmurs absently.

I shrug. "You could say so," I confirm. Miles nods. "Are you coming in?" I nod towards the darkened house.

Miles looks at it. "No, I don't have ... I have a date." He clears his throat and I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Really? That's great!"

Miles eyes me. "You would think so, wouldn't you?" he comments with an insincere smile.

I look at him, a little confused. "Of course! Where did you meet her?"

"At a bar the other night."

"Well, that's really nice. I hope you'll have a great time." I give him my bright smile. Well, as bright as it can get with my face wet from the tears.

"I just ... I came to apologise only. I was acting like a jerk to you and you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry. It was completely uncalled for and plain wrong to accuse you of such things."

I shrug, other things on my mind now. "It's okay as long as you don't do it again." I give him a pointed look.

Miles gives me a lopsided grin. "I'll refrain from it." 

I offer him a small smile, taking in a huge breath. "Okay, I'll let you leave for that date now. Hey, by the way, I can give you my phone number and we can make plans with each other a little easier now." 

Miles agrees to that and we part after that. I go to my house and just stand in the hall for a few minutes, completely in darkness, suddenly feeling so lost. I have no idea what's going on with me but I've got such mixed feelings about everything. 

Our misunderstanding with Zach is weighing down on me, especially when I know I'm the one that caused it - in some way. 

I make myself something to eat, something light, because I can't really stomach down much. I pick my phone up - yet another reminder of Zach's selfless help. He's such an amazing human, basically saving me and coming into my life when I terribly needed a person to lean on, and I'm now pushing him away.

I cave in, typing Zach a message.

I'm sorry about before. 

Can you call me when you're free, please? I don't want you to be mad at me.

And I realise how true that is. I feel bad knowing he's mad at me, like a piece of me just died with that. It's so scary and so new for me and it also hits me like a train how deep my feelings for him actually run. I'm scared that it might be too late already, that I'm in too deep. 

Instead of waiting by the phone, which is what I want to do, I go take a shower. It's a quick one and I can't say I didn't do it consciously, knowing that Zach might call at any time. There are no new notifications from him and I get disappointed yet again.

I lay down in my bed, just staring at the darkness, knowing I'll have trouble falling asleep. I've got that sick feeling in my stomach that I don't know how to get rid of and it's really disturbing me. It might be guilt. I never thought it was that heavy, though.

But when my phone starts ringing, I jump out from the bed, launching at it as if my life depended on it. "Zach! Hi," I breathe out, barely holding back the tears - from relief. Surely that must be a good sign if he called, right? 

"Hello. You told me to call you. What's up?"

What's up? Really, Zach? And why does his voice sound so casual, meanwhile mine is probably indicating straight away that I've been crying? "Yes. Yes, I did. I wanted to apologise."

Zach gives a long, deep sigh. "Look, we both said some things we shouldn't have and we regret now. I'm sorry for what I said, too. I didn't want to plant any guilt in you for, you know ... refusing to go out with me."

I let out a long breath. "That's really good to know. Are we good now?" I lie back down in bed, closing my eyes as the tears want to spill again. I don't know why I'm being so emotional whenever it comes to him. 

"Yes. We're good."

The stab in my heart reminds me then that he was in some great company before and that was the main reason why I ran out of that ice hall. "Oh! I'm sorry, I must have interrupted your date." I try to play it off coolly, as if the thought doesn't bother me at all. But, in all honesty, a wound would hurt less. 

"You didn't interrupt anything, considering I'm in bed alone," he points out the last word.

I blush to the roof of my hair at the image he painted in my mind with his words. Zach laying in his bed would be a vision to behold. Too bad I am never going to see it. 

"Did I interrupt anything, though? With your ... friend?"

It's starting to get on my nerves how the two males refer to each other with such distaste and a questioning tone on a word friend. "Nope. In fact, Miles has a date tonight."

"That's nice," I hear Zach say and I think I can even hear him grinning through the phone.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you if it's okay if I bring Miles to the game this weekend. I haven't asked him yet, but if he'd be willing to go, would it be possible?" It's just an idea that randomly popped into my head. I'm trying to make things work with Miles and I and that comes with hanging out more often.

"I suppose he could come," Zach says reservedly. "I'll send you the tickets." 

"Thank you, Zach. This means a lot," I admit to him, biting down on my lip.

He chuckles. "You're welcome. So ... Ahh, are you in bed right now?"

I furrow my eyebrows. "Uhm, yeah?"

"What are you wearing?"

My eyes widen. Is he trying to play sex games with me? Because he's going to be very disappointed. "Oh, no. We're not going there."

"Why not? Wouldn't you like to know that I sleep nake-"

"Nope! Ew. Totally hanging up now. Bye, bye!" I squeak out and the coward I am, I end the call, my cheeks so hot it's a wonder why the bed is not on fire yet. 

All good! They can't stay mad at each other *crying in single* 

Just wanted to inform you that I had ice cream for breakfast and I have no regrets. Just don't tell my mum.