In honor of my one-year anniversary of completing Lonely Hearts, he's a one-shot that sticks true to how much I love these stupid nerds who just have the weirdest conversations, also, this has allusions to the future-verse one shots I write. This is just fun for me ya'll, because I miss Lonely Hearts.

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PETER AND DIANA WERE SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER THAN USUAL. Ned's only complaint was that he and Peter weren't even spending some quality time in the robotics lab, and Flash had an entire list of complaints that Michelle had to be the one to remind him that the time he spent complaining was time that he could spend studying to actually get answers right in class, and May's only problem was that Peter wasn't telling her what they were doing in his room with the door locked.

"We are not having this conversation!" Peter cried, his face red as he tried to push May out of his room, still trying to get ready for school, "May, please!"

"Peter, I want to have this conversation before Diana comes and you two hole yourselves up in your room again, and I just want to say," she paused, standing her ground from where her much stronger—for reasons she was now aware of—nephew was trying to shove her out the door.

"I just want to say that all I want is for you and Diana to be safe, so I left some condoms in your drawers, because, because—listen to me! Peter, I did a lot of stuff when I was younger, and I hate the way the education system would rather sweep everything under the rug and force you kids to figure things out on your own rather than teach you proper sex education so you can be safe if you do choose to have sex, so if you have any questions, come to me, and we can talk about this together. Don't give me that look, I just want you to feel safe and open with me, you promised no more secrets after the Spider-Man thing."

Peter paused as he looked at his aunt who was giving him the most sincere and fierce look she could muster, and he nodded, relenting. "Thank you, May, and I'll tell you if we do wind up doing something, okay? Because we're not."

"I hear a lot of weird sounds coming from your room, Peter," she whispered, and he sighed, ushering her out, "I'm just saying."

"Thank you, May!" he called, finally shoving her out and closing the door, before promptly dropping onto his bed and groaning.

º º º

"Why are you complaining about your aunt giving you condoms and giving you a safe space to talk about your sexuality in a world that doesn't want you to?" Michelle asked, shoving a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth as she stared down Peter who had just finished ranting to his friends.

"Because I find it weird that she just assumed we were having sex," Peter explained, looking over to Aurora who shrugged.

"My godmothers gave me condoms as soon as Phillip and I started dating, because while they think I'm still way too young to be having sex, they'd rather me be safe than ashamed," she explained, sharing a head nod with Michelle, the smaller girl grinning brightly under the taller girl's approval.

"Flash would cut your penis off if he found out you and Diana were having sex," Ned pointed out, ever the best friend, "You'd wind up being No-Penis Parker."

"Thank you, Ned," Peter said, "I definitely needed that."

"What are you two even doing?" Michelle asked, and Peter faltered, unsure of whether to tell her, as she was the only one whom he hadn't told about his being Spider-Man; Diana was dead set that she knew, but Peter would rather live blissfully unaware.

"Just...stuff," he said, and Michelle rolled her eyes, pointing her spoon at him.

"See?" she said, "This, right there, is exactly why everyone thinks you're screwing. I wouldn't blame Flash if he and his hot head decided to jump to conclusions and make you No-Penis Parker."

"He wouldn't," Peter said, crossing his arms, "We're friends now. And he wouldn't think that in the first place, he thinks too low of me."

º º º

"It took a lot of convincing, but I decided to just accept the fact you're screwing Parker, so here's some condoms and lube, I don't know if straight couples use lube, and have fun."

Diana blinked furiously as she stared at her adoptive brother who was currently pulling out boxes of condoms and packets of lube from his backpack, dumping them out onto the picnic table that they were all sitting at.

"This is awkward," Gwen whispered, glancing over to Phillip who nodded in agreement, his head in Harry's lap.

"Gwen, what happened to 'we shouldn't treat sex as something shameful so we can fight the stigma and fix the dysfunctional sex-ed that plagues our society today?'" Flash demanded, throwing a box of condoms at her, the girl recoiling and pointing out that she had a girlfriend.

"It's awkward, because I'm not having sex with Peter!" Diana cried, throwing the box of condoms back at Flash, pausing when she realized all the others out on the grass had turned to look at her.

"Well, you can't be too safe," Flash said, pushing them back to her, "I already have a stash back home and in my car, so..."

"Like Matty would have sex with you," Gwen snorted, and Flash stuck his tongue out at her, and Diana still had to wonder what their relationship was.

"Why are we so fixated on sex, we were talking about sandwiches two minutes ago, it was so nice," Phillip asked, and Harry smirked down at him; as the only person at the table to actually have had sex, he reveled in the conversation and the leg up he had over his friends.

"Because she," Flash said, pointing a finger towards the blonde who just stared at it, unimpressed, "Has been spending way too much time with Parker, and I get that they're dating, and I've come to terms with everything, even the stupid promise ring, so I'm just trying to be supportive even though I choke every time I think of her having sex on his stupid tiny room or whatever."

"Do not criticize his state of living, you know he's having financial problems, asshole," Diana cried, smacking his arm, "Also, why are you thinking of me and Peter having sex, that's so weird!"

"They're thoughts of fear!" Flash cried, throwing a packet of lube right at her face, "Just take these, I already told mom."

"Why?" she demanded, utterly scandalized.

"Because I used my debit card, I don't carry cash," the boy reasoned, and she groaned, falling back against the table.

"What are you and Peter even doing, you spend all your time together nowadays," Harry asked, and she faltered, because none of them knew about his Spider-Man stuff, and she wasn't sure how realistic her answer would seem considering they didn't know.

"Just...stuff," she said lamely, and a box of condoms hit her square in the face.

º º º

Peter held Diana's hand as the two made their way up to his apartment, Peter almost dragging her along with how fast he was going, ignoring Diana's questions as to why, the condom boxes rustling amongst her books.

Peter whipped out his key and the two entered quickly, Peter barely pausing to lock the door as he and Diana made their way to his room.

"Hey, kids," May greeted, looking up from where she was trying to make dinner in the kitchen, as it was her day off and she wanted to be productive, "Peter, can we—"

"No time, May, we got a lot of work to do," Peter called, pushing Diana in his room before either woman could speak, Peter locking the door immediately.

"What happened?" Diana asked, dropping her bag and flopping down onto his bottom bunk, sprawling out as she watched him clean up his room, reaching into his closet to grab their things.

"God, she just—" he groaned, his face red, "She thinks we're having sex, and it's really weird, so do my friends."

"Mine too!" she gasped, sitting up, "Flash threw all these condoms and lube at me, it's so weird."

"May put some in that drawer," he said, pointing towards it, wincing and shuddering, "I appreciate the gesture, but I really don't think I'm ready for that. Why did I just admit that to you?"

"Because I'm your girlfriend and we're exercising communication?" she offered, and he smiled, stepping over the mess on his floor to kiss her, grinning when she tugged his hair before pulling away and pushing him back to what he was doing.

"Harry called me after he had sex with Johnny, he was so excited about it," Peter said, and Diana choked, unsure whether to laugh or gasp, "Well, not immediately after, but when he was alone. Johnny has control of his powers during then, though, so that's good."

"I really don't need to know this," Diana said, and Peter laughed, finished setting up their project, patting the spot on the floor next to him for her to sit.

She stood and moved to sit next to him, crossing her legs and looking at what had been taking up nearly all their time, forcing them to be together every waking moment; or, more accurately, giving them a more reasonable excuse to.

What had been taking up their time, in fact, was a cute little baby blue robot with wide blinking eyes that Diana constantly referred to as Wall-E despite Peter's insistence to name it something different.

"We should name it after us," she said, watching as Peter worked on it, she simply there to help and offer suggestions as, try as she might, she couldn't understand how to build things.

"Piana. Deter?" he tried, shaking his head, "Okay, so you were Iron Maiden and I'm Spider-Man, so it should be Iron Spider. Like that suit Mr. Stark was gonna give me. But it's not spider themed." He pouted down at the robot. "You disappoint me."

"Don't say that!" she cried, swatting him on the arm, "It's sensitive."

"It's not even working," he countered, but he patted its head, because like it or not, this was his child, and he wanted to be a good father.

This project of theirs had spurred from a combination of a conversation they had about the egg-baby project their school wasn't doing anymore, much to their disappointment as Peter and Ned had been planning for the project since they learned about it on TV, and a conversation about making a robot the same way that Nicky always did.

Thus, their robot child.

"It's cute and blocky, like Wall-E, and it's going to live with you, but we have joint custody," they had decided during one of their break times when Peter was sucking a mark onto Diana's neck.

"I thought we were having a moment," he had pointed out, and she snickered before moving to turn the robot's head away so it didn't see anything too indecent.

The two were now, however, sitting on the floor as Peter finished up the last of the robot. He had been working on its programming during school and whenever he went over to Diana's, because sometimes it was easier to head over there than to go all the way to Queens, and it had been a labor intensive process as they wanted it to be as cute and functional as possible.

"It's literally going to be like our child. We should make it a friend so it doesn't get lonely while we're at school," Diana said, and Peter gasped, his hands faltering.

"Okay, so this one is blue, we should make the other one pink, but the pink one is a boy," Peter said, and she nodded before countering.

"How about we use different pronouns to differentiate between the two of them, but they both understand that they're gender nonconforming. Can you put that in the programming?" she asked, and he nodded, reaching for his backpack.

"We're already planning for our second baby and the first isn't even here yet," he laughed, and she giggled, resting her chin on his shoulder, watching as he bent over to continue working, his laptop sitting beside them.

"If we did have a baby, I'd want to have a boy, call him Benjamin. Benji for short," she said, and he paused, his hands stilling as he turned to look at her as she continued, "Because, you know, your uncle. If, you know, we did wind up having a baby together."

"You'd be okay with that?" he asked softly, and she nodded.

"Of course, he was really important to you, and I'd want you to be able to have that opportunity," she explained, and he smiled, reaching out to stroke her cheek fondly before going back to work, his gaze lingering on her for longer than he would have liked.

"So, erm, should we call the other one Eve, then?" he asked, and she squealed with delight, because he was finally accepting Wall-E's name.

"Yes, let's do it," she said, and he laughed, ducking his head.

"You know," he continued, after finishing up, now connecting wires to his laptop to start booting up their child, "We're probably gonna have to spend a lot more time together. Now that we're, you know, making another robot."

"That's fine," she said, "I like spending time with you. It's nice."

"Really?" he asked, turning to look at her, "Even though I don't get beat up as easy? I mean, Spider-Man doesn't come to visit as much."

"I like Peter Parker," she said, reaching out to run her hand through his hair, and he groaned, moving to wrap his arms around her waist, burying his face in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply.

"I really like hanging out with you more, the robot's the best excuse I've had so far," he mumbled, and she laughed softly, hugging him.

"I don't see why you need a reason, you are my boyfriend. If you want to spend more time with me, just say so, I like being around you too, you know. That's why I'm dating you," she pointed out, and he laughed, starting to kiss her neck, because he could.

"Since we're on the topic of children, do you want to have sex?" he asked, his face red, and she faltered, pulling away to look at him and he hastily added, "Not now! But for future reference, if you did want to, is there any time you'd feel ready?"

She shrugged. "How about...prom, senior year? It's really cliché and I'd find it funny."

"Wow, sex with me will be funny, great," he snarked, but he was smiling, even if his heart was racing and he was really too uncomfortable for this conversation, "But that sounds good with me. Maybe then, I'll be an Avenger."

She rolled her eyes at the prospect, kissing his cheek. "Well, until then, just focus on raising your child and making our future child. And no more sneaking around when this is over, I'm tired of everyone assuming we have sex. If you want to hang out with me, just ask."

"Okay," he said, holding out his hand, "We won't sneak around our friends so they stop assuming we're having sex."

She laughed, taking his hand, tugging him forward to kiss him, her other hand coming to the back of his neck while Peter wrapping his other arm around her waist. She pulled away, breathless, pressing their foreheads together.

"Deal."

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Their second semester senior year coincides with IW which takes place before prom so...

Anyways, sorry this was such a weird one-shot, ya'll, but I actually really enjoyed writing it, because I missed my kids and them doing strange little things. I thought it should be something more exciting, but them just building a robot together because they like being around each other a lot sounds so on brand in terms of how extra they both are.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!