REVIEWER: royallyethereal

Everything Will Be Alright - ochun_2012

Book Cover/Title - 3/5 

The book cover you currently have on is okay, I suppose. I mean, I love the two hands reaching out to each other; it gives us a small hint of what the book is going to be about. But, I can't exactly say the same about your background nor your text placement. I think it could be better. Plus, I don't see your name on there, either. It's not mandatory, though, so I'm not really too fussed about that. I'm going to give the cover a 1/3. The blurb seems to match well with the title. Reading both, I get a good idea of what the book is going to be about, therefore, I'm giving it a 2/2.

Blurb - 2/5 

Okay, your blurb is sweet, short, and gives us a good idea for what the book is going to be about. Honestly, I wouldn't have any problems with it if it weren't for the small errors I caught here and there. I'll go through it little by little and point out what I mean."Fear, rage, shock. When a child is hit with a trauma that's too big for him, those emotions stay with him, as sweet companions. Eventually driving them crazy. That's what Tutors are for." Okay, first of all, I really think it'd be so much better to replace the commas in the first sentence with periods, instead, as a sort of emphasis to really get your point across: "Fear. Rage. Shock." Sometimes, authors make small sentences or one-word sentences for emphasis. It gives the book that little "hmph!" if you know what I mean. Second of all, I don't believe there's a reason for the comma after "with him". The sentence could do just fine without it. . . "those emotions stay with him as sweet companions." Onto the next sentence, I'm really not sure what you meant by "them". Was that word supposed to be there or was it supposed to be "him", instead?

Moving down to the third paragraph in your blurb: "Sofia, tutor at her first job, will have to protect Alexander, twelve years old figure skater. Alas, she has no idea what exactly is that she have to protect him from." In the first paragraph of your blurb, I noticed you capitalized "Tutor", yet, here you didn't. I suggest you keep your terms consistent. Like for example, in my book, I have these bad villains known as the Twisted Beings, and I always make sure to keep their name capitalized because it's what they're called; it's not just a term, it's a name. So, you have to decide: is [tutor] supposed to be just a simple term/word or is it a name. If it's the former, then, there wouldn't be a reason to capitalize them, but if it was the latter, then you do so. Remember to be consistent. Another suggestion I have for you is to add dashes in between the age of a person's. However, this only occurs when the age is written before the person's name/title (I have no better way to explain this, I'm sorry). But in your case, it should be written as "twelve-year-old figure skater". (And there's no need to add 's' after 'year'). Remember that this is only if the age is written before the person's name/title. For example: 

Alexander is a twelve years old 

Twelve-year-old Alexander. 

Alexander is a twelve-year-old figure skater.

 See, there's a difference between the first example and the other two. Moving on. . . I have to admit, the last sentence sounds kind of awkward. I mean, I understand what you're trying to tell me, but as I say the sentence out loud, it doesn't flow too well. 

Original • She has no idea what exactly is that she have to save him from. 

Edited • She has no idea what exactly she's trying to save him from. 

Overall, I think with editing and maybe more descriptions as to what your book is about (without giving away too much, of course), your blurb would be close to perfect. Right now, it needs some work.

Plot - 7/10

Congratulations! Your plot is actually one of the most original stories I've stumbled upon (at least, for me). Your plot (your blurb, really) also brings up some questions, for example, why are these magical creatures called Tutors. When someone thinks of tutors, they'd be reminded of a person who helps other struggling people become better at school, correct? So, it really makes me wonder.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary - 13/20 

Okay, I'm going to slowly make my way through the three chapters I read. 

Chapter 1 - A Little Ghost was pretty vague, at least, for me. In fact, both chapters 1 & 3 were incredibly vague. I'm not sure if this was done on purpose. If it was, then great job on leaving your readers with many questions, because that's how I was when reading your book. This isn't technically a bad thing only if you intended for it to happen. Leaving your readers wondering makes them want to read more. 

 So, in this chapter, we meet a little ghost, her teddy bear who can talk, a woman (Elizabeth) and a man (Gregory). To be fair, I wasn't exactly completely sure of what was going on. As I said before, the chapters I read were pretty vague and the characters were interacting that way as well. 

 Before I get deeper into the chapter, I would just like to take a second to commend you for the brilliant way you began the chapter. I love the terrifying but amazing visual you created as you introduced the little girl. 

Okay, I understand writers have different writing styles, but I'm not exactly sure if writing your dialogues the way you did is the best thing to do. I would understand if this was a texting story or a play, but it's not. It's a novel, and in novels, you'd want more descriptions. The only problem I've got with the way you write your dialogues is how it could easily confuse your readers with which one of the characters is speaking. There aren't any dialogue tags/actions either, so we don't really know how a certain character said a certain dialogue. Did they whisper it? Did they scream it? Did they say the words while smiling or before smiling?

Okay, so now, I'm going to list down a couple errors you made and their corrections. 

Original • The girl didn't get the joke. She didn't even gave sign to have heard it at all.

Edited • The girl didn't get the joke. She didn't even give a sign to have heard it at all. 

Original • She kneeled in front of the girl, who held her teddy tighter, against her chest. 

Edited • She kneeled in front of the girl who held her teddy tighter against her chest. (There's no reason for the two commas there). 

Original • . . . as soon as it was free, he talked with the shrill voice years later children would have associated with Mickey Mouse. 

Edited • . . . as soon as it was free, he talked with a shrill voice children would have associated with Mickey Mouse years later. (By adding the  'years later' where you did, it makes it seem as if the teddy started speaking years later. By adding the words at the end, readers get a better understanding of the association children would make.) 

Original • The child's eyes filled with horrified tears, as she lifted her stare on the woman. 

Edited • The child's horrified eyes filled with tears as she shifted her stare to the woman (Again, there's no need for the comma. Second of all, tears can't be horrified; they've got no feelings. The way you wrote it made it seem as if it were the tears that were horrified, however, if you put the word 'horrified' before the 'eyes', it's made clearer to the readers that it's the child that's horrified. Third of all, I believe 'shifted' is a better word to use instead of 'lifted') I'm going to move to chapter 2 now since I'm getting way too carried away.

Chapter 2 - I think this chapter, Frost, was the best of them all, so far. It gave us an introduction to Alexander and kind of explained his life, as well. Again, the dialogues are throwing me off a bit, since it's kind of difficult to understand who's speaking. Reading about Alexander's life and the way the other boys are treating him, I understand why Sofia would become his Tutor. And once again, I would love to commend you on some of your descriptions (the descriptions of the settings, for example) because they're really well written. However, maybe, work on your characters' emotions now, along with describing your characters' physical appearances (don't worry, a lot of people struggle with this part, as do I).

Chapter 3 - I think this is where some of my questions began to get their answers. I never realized until I read the third chapter that the little ghost from chapter one was Sofia, the same Tutor who's going to be looking after Alexander. So now, I'm assuming that the first chapter was a flashback and third chapter, she's all grown up? Sorry, I'm not really sure because you never mentioned any ages of the girl nor did you add any dates, so I was left guessing (along with the rest of your readers). The reason I didn't write as much for chapters 2&3 as I did for chapter 1 was because I realized the review was getting too long (I'm nearing 2k words and I haven't even gone through the rest of the review yet). But regardless, edit through the chapters of your book (maybe, get someone else to help you, if you want). I did catch a couple of errors in the three chapters I read. So, overall, /punctuation/ and /grammar/ was where you really slipped up at. You often add too many commas even when it's not needed, and sometimes, you word your sentences a certain way that makes them sound too awkward. I didn't notice any spelling errors, and your vocabulary was mostly on point, so the marks I took off was because of your punctuation and grammar. 

Flow - 10/10 

Honestly, I see no problem with the flow of your book. It's going great so far. I love how you went from Sofia to Alexander, then Sofia again, giving us details about their lives before they meet each other.

Creativity/Originality - 14/20 

Again, as I mentioned earlier, this is one of the most original books I've ever come across on Wattpad, however, I really do hope you add more creativity to the plot. 

Enjoyment - 7/10 

Yes, it was a good short read. Regardless, I'm not really as hooked into the story yet since I've only read the first three chapters. The reason why I say this is because the chapters didn't have any ending hooks to them (such as cliffhangers, I mean). There was nothing about the chapters that made me want to read further besides the desire to see how the story progresses. I enjoyed what the author has put out so far, though. 

Overall Impression - 6/10 

I think there could be a better way to end the chapters, a way to make your readers eager to read more. I'm not exactly saying that all your chapters have to end at a cliffhanger, but there's got to be something there that makes your readers jump with excitement/intrigue (not literally). I do love the way you write, though, so (once again for the billionth time) I'll commend you for that. 

 Total - 62/100