April 4, 2015

I started chemo today and damn its like opening yourself up to the devil. I hate it so much. It burns and it makes me feel like I am dying.

I really don't want to go through this. Why am I going through chemo if I don't want to do it. I know you want me to stay alive but Abby it hurts and it has only been a day. I feel sick so I may not be able to write too much today.
I wish you were here though. Instead you are at school, which is great, but I want to cuddle with you so bad right now. I wish I was in your arms instead of dying slowly.

I know I won't be with you to graduate. The doctors said I have four months or five at the most, if I am lucky. So if I can't be with you for the start of your senior year I want you to know that I am so proud of you. You are the smartest and prettiest girl I know. Honestly, I could not have made it through my junior year if it weren't for you. I don't know how you managed to do your school work and half of mine as well haha. As a note:  Please stay away from those boys that are constantly flirting with girls. I heard how they treat women and I do not want you near that.

But what I do want is for you to find someone else. Do not be alone and sad for the rest of your life and I am not going to lie I will be jealous as I watch from Heaven, it will not be easy giving you off to another guy. He better be something special too. Don't settle for an abusive or perverted guy. No bad boys either. I do not want someone who will change or mistreat the diamond you are inside. I want a calm and caring guy and definitely one who would take care of you as you deserve to be taken care of. Someone who is funny because you need uplifting joy in your life.

I have to go now but I will write tomorrow.

                                     Love, Wes