[011], aera's lost in a maze of her own thoughts

WHEN Aera woke up, the bed was cold. Not that she minded, though. Aera didn't know what she would do if she woke and felt Jake's arm draped around her waist with her back flush against his chest. It would be way too early in the morning — even though it's 11:50 — for Aera to deal with the emotions Jake brought out from the hidden depths of Aera's heart. 

        Aera finds a note on the bedside table, Jake explaining to Aera why he wasn't there when she woke — he had a lab, which is very important and he couldn't miss it — and told Aera to help herself to the food in the pantry, which is certainly something Aera will be doing, and then he told her to have a good day, just in case they don't see each other. Then there was a smiley face at the end. 

         Aera felt a stupid smile creep onto her face as she read the note over. 

         God, why was she like this? 

       Aera stuffs her face into the pillow and screams, hoping no one was home. There was so much to unpack as Aera lay in Jake's bed, his note crumpled up in her hand. Everything smelled like Jake, even as Aera pulled her face away from the pillow. The air in the room smelled like Jake — hell, even the note smelled like Jake, and even the bucket that lay an arm's length away from Aera smelt like him. 

          Laying on her back, Aera stares at the ceiling. She can't really remember last night — it comes to her in patches. She remembers arriving at the party, being introduced to Grace, and then being pulled away by Yena to play some beer pong. Then. . . Jake hauling her into the elevator. Aera puking in a toilet with Jake rubbing her back and holding her hair. Jake gently pulling a top over Aera's bare torso. Jake whispering to Aera. . Something about never leaving. 

          Aera groans and rubs at her eyes harshly. Why does Jake's presence always evoke something unfamiliar, something foreign, from within Aera? It doesn't make sense — it's never made sense. What was it about Jake? Aera's literally tearing her hair out over the boy. She needs a distraction, an excuse to no longer see his face in her dreams. 

        Aera's been in love before. She knows what love feels like. So, with Jake, why was it different? Why didn't she feel the love she easily fell into with the other guys? Love was easy when it was with her past relationships. She asked them out, they said yes, and they went on dates. They cuddled, watched movies together, had sex, went to parties, had even more sex — and everything was done with love. An easy, fulfilling type of love. It wasn't exciting, rather, it was more mellow. A mellow love Aera loved because it was easy and simple. 

          But with Jake. . . . 

         It's exciting. Thrilling. Spine-tingling. She feels high off of ecstasy — a drug she's never tried, but she likes the word. It feels out of the ordinary, it doesn't feel simple or easy. It feels strenuous, yet worth all the effort. Just thinking of Jake gets her heart racing and her toes and fingers tingling. Jake evokes the excitement within Aera, the excitement Aera never felt with her past loves. 

           The smell of Jake was too much, so Aera climbs out of bed, grabs the bucket, and slouches her way into the toilet, then to the bathroom to try and at least look put together, before shuffling out into the kitchen. 

          "Oh, hey Aera." Jay smiles at the hungover girl as she appears in the kitchen, clinging to the bucket tightly. 

          "Jay, whatcha doing here?" 

        "I live here. . ." 

       "Oh. Right." 

      "I have a class at two, if that's what you meant." 

       "Yeah." 

        "Feeling okay?" 

       Aera scoffs and slumps into the chair beside Jay. "No." 

       Jay laughs and slides his glass of water over to Aera. "Drink up, I'll make some food for you." 

       "Oh, it's fine, I plan on leaving in a couple of minutes." Aera does, however, drink up the water Jay had offered her. 

         "Stay, Aera. I don't want you leaving on an empty stomach," Jay insists, sliding over some medicine to help take away her headache. 

          Aera smiles lightly at Jay, "alright." 

       An easy silence fills up the kitchen. After dealing with the texts from Yena, and any other social media problem on her phone, Aera watches Jay as he cooks up some food for her. It's clear to tell he was a natural in the kitchen, and Aera's mouth is watering as Jay brings the food he made for her — and himself — over to the table. 

      "Have you ever been in love, Jay?" Aera asks, so suddenly she's even taken aback herself. Before, there had been content silence as they ate their food, but of course, Aera just had to break the silence. 

      "No," Jay responds. "I haven't." 

      "Ah, okay." 

      "Have you? — wait, that's a silly question to ask." 

      Aera giggles and sips her apple juice. "No, it's fine. And, to answer your question, I don't know anymore." 

       Jay glances over at Aera, clearly both confused and curious. 

      Aera decides to indulge in the look on Jay's face. "I thought I knew what love felt like, but now, I don't." Okay, maybe that was a little vague, but Aera didn't understand her own feelings, so how was she supposed to describe her dilemma to Jay? "I'm not trying to be vague," Aera clarifies, "I just. . .Until I understand my feelings, I can't explain anything." 

        Aera grows frustrated and groans loudly. "I'm beginning to think love isn't as simple as I thought it would be." 

         Jay laughs, "human emotions are rarely simple, Aera. There are different meanings for each emotion." 

         "What do you think love is?" 

        Jay hums thoughtfully. "Love is. . . Hard." 

         "Hard?" 

         "Hard, but worth it." 

         "Jay, it's too early for this." 

        Jay smirks and nudges Aera's shoulder. "Love is a hard emotion to put meaning to. It's something different for everyone. People love their pets, people love their plants, people love their plushies —" 

         Aera giggles, "plushies?" 

        "Plushies are made to be loved, Aera." 

        Aera giggles again, but gestures for Jay to continue. 

        "So, love is hard and its meaning is interchangeable for each person. Like, me, for example. If you were to ask me to describe love, I would say, 'home is where the heart is.' That's love to me. It's where Wonie is, it's where Heeseung is. It's with my friends and my family. But, if you were to ask others, they may say love is speeding down the freeway on a motorcycle, wind whipping through their air and screaming their lungs out — do you get what I mean?" 

        "Kind of." 

        "Love is hard, but when you decipher the true meaning of love, then it's easy. Then, realizing what love is, what love means to you, is worth all the effort and fighting it took to reach that conclusion." 

         "So. . .It's okay to not know what love is?" 

         Jay nods his head. "Does anyone ever truly know what love is?" 

       "Depends on the person you ask, I guess," Aera responds, picking at her food.

      Jay grins at Aera. "I've taught you well. Now, it's time to eat well!"

      Aera laughs, but follows Jay's advice -- she savors his food like it's the last time she'll ever eat. Like always, Jay's food was amazing and Aera is honestly glad she's somehow weaned her way into their friend group of seven boys. It didn't take much sucking up to do, she just got Jake wrapped around her finger, and boom. She's sleeping in Jake's bed and eating breakfast with Jay who taught her a little bit about love.

       But, of course, Aera doesn't want to overstay her time at the apartment. She has her own dorm to get back to and grill the heck out of Yena, and maybe spend some time with the three freshmen living across from them.

      "You seriously don't have to drive me back," Aera was telling as she pulls on her shoes, "I can walk."

      "No, Jake would kill me if I let you walk back," Jay says casually as he tugs on his jacket.

      Aera pretends she isn't blushing as she pulls on the hoodie she stole from Jake's closet. Don't worry, Aera will return it. . . . Eventually. When it has lost its smell and Aera pretends she's just found it! Maybe, after giving it back to Jake, she'll make it up to him in more ways than one. Her stomach churns at that thought.

       The door opens and Yena walks into the apartment. Once more, she's acting like she owns the place. "This is my humb-- oh! Aera!"

       "Woah," an unfamiliar voice echoes, "this apartment is so fancy."

      Jake's laughter is familiar, though. "I don't think it is. It's an apartment that keeps me warm, fed, and clean."

      There's an unfamiliar giggle and Jake comes in to view with. . Nicole.

      Aera hopes her face doesn't show signs of disgust as she watches Nicole cling to Jake like he's the IV Fluid she so desperately needs to keep functioning. Aera hopes that's not what she looks like with Jake.

       "Aera!" Jake says, happy as ever when he spots the girl he took care of last night. "You're still here!"

      Aera's smile comes easier than she thought it would. "Yeah, Jay made me some food, and then we talked for hours. It was fun."

      Jake's smile is so infectious it makes Aera feel warm. "I'm glad. Are you feeling any better?" His hand wraps Aera's up into his own. Aera's heart jumps and she quickly has to soothe it back down because, since when did her heart race around Jake?

      It's official; Aera seriously needs to find another boy to distract herself with. Going, and getting feelings for Jake won't do Aera any good, because those feelings usually fizzle out two weeks later, which, in turn, forces Aera to break up with the boy because he's just not doing. . . it for her. 

      So, as Aera walks out of the apartment with Jay, she decides it's time to pick out some lucky guy to fuck around with until she catches feelings for them. 

◾◾◾◾

The library was quiet -- like any other library. But, at the back of the library where the tables are surrounded by tall, looming bookshelves, a group of five find themselves talking above a whisper to each other. Large, frightening textbooks lay about the table as sheets of paper overlapped and multitudes of highlighters, and other assortments that would fill up a pencil case lay on the table as well -- some were even on the ground.

      Aera was slumped low in her chair, the cap of a highlighter poking out of her mouth as she aggressively highlights a passage of text from her reading she received earlier in the day from her tutorial. She had a full day of school, lots of words being shoved in their faces to prepare for the upcoming exam, Aera felt exhausted out of her mind.

      Riki groans loudly and throws down his highlighters. "I give up. I'm going to drop out of college, they can't make me stay. Maybe I should start dealing drugs. Does anybody know how to grow weed?"

      "Selling drugs would be a good way to fund your Bungeoppang addiction," Jungwon says absentmindedly as he skims over his textbook, his nose almost touching the book.

      "It is not an addiction."

      "Riki, baby," Aera glances up from her text, "it's an addiction."

      Riki pouts. "Fine. Maybe it is an addiction. Why aren't any of you doing an intervention, then?"

      "We've tried, Riki," sighs Sunoo, "but you ignore us every time."

      "Yeah, because your interventions are useless."

      "So you admit we've done interventions, then?" Sunoo asks, raising his eyebrows.

      Riki scowls and pulls out his Bungeoppang pan, hugging it his chest tightly. Aera shares a look with Sunoo. "Riki, if you want to get rid of that addiction, hand over the pan." Sunoo holds out his hand expectantly, but Riki shakes his head and only hugs the pan tighter to his chest.

      "Riki. Give us the pan," Aera says, "or I will pour water all over your assignments."

      Riki glares at Aera and hands the pan over to Sunoo, who smiles. "Any other day I would've let you pour water over my assignments, but I have to hand in all of them tomorrow and I don't want to spend the entire night rewriting them because I challenged Heeseung to a game of basketball tonight. Hopefully, I win so I can spend his money on lego."

      At the mention of Heeseung, Yena appears wearing a wide grin, coming back from the makeout session she had with a cute guy. "Aera, there's a hottie a couple of shelves away, you could totally score his number!"

      "Really?" Aera sits up in her chair eagerly.

        Yena nods her head, "you said you needed to stop thinking about Jake, so here's your opportunity, go get 'em, tiger!"

       Aera slides off her chair and walks away from her friends. Yena's eyes trail after Aera's figure and once Aera's out of sight, she slides into the chair Aera had just abandoned. "Libraries are so boring," Yena moans, "but the library does have good places to make out, though!"

      Jungwon scoffs and Yena kicks his ankle beneath the table. Looking up, she catches Sunoo's eyes. "What, Sunoo? Why are you looking at me like that?"

      "Why do you and Aera do that?" Sunoo says, his focus sliding from his homework to Yena who plays with the strings on Jungwon's hoodie.

       "Hmm? Do what?"

      "Avoid furthering your relationship with Heeseung and Jake by distracting yourself and making out with random men. Heeseung and Jake clearly like you both."

      Yena's eyes dart away and over to Riki who has his headphones placed out in front of him as he fiddles with his phone, frowning. "For me, I think it has to do with my commitment and abandonment issues, and for Aera, I don't know," Yena shrugs as she glances back over at Sunoo, "I just think Aera gets bored easily. I do think it gets boring looking for a fairytale love and not being able to find it after almost twenty years."

      "Heeseung said he'd wait for you. What's stopping you now?"

      Yena snorts, "he didn't wait long enough."

      "How long were you expecting him to wait, Yena?" Sunoo's voice was soft as he asks the questions everyone else was too afraid to ask.

      Yena shrugs, "I don't know."

      Sunoo smiles lightly. "Yena, I know Heeseung. Long before he even talked to you, he was always talking about you. Before, the ball was in his court to make a move, and he did, but it got him nowhere."

      Yena hates the truth Sunoo is speaking.

      "The ball is in your court now, Yena. What are you going to do with it?" 

   "I. . . Don't know," Yena responds again, feeling dumb beneath the weight of Sunoo's stare.

      "You should do something soon," Jungwon pipes up, "sorry, it was hard to not overhear this conversation."

      Sunoo rolls his eyes but smiles kindly at Yena.

      "I know you probably didn't want to hear that," Jungwon says, "but you're going to miss your chance with Heeseung if you don't act soon. He's the kind of guy who loves with his whole heart, and I don't want to see him heartbroken."

       Aera arrives back before Yena could say anything. "I got his number!" Aera announces, waving her phone, "we're going to meet up soon! Can't wait, maybe I will finally stop thinking about how badly I want to fuck -- sorry, kiss Jake!"

      Aera slides into the seat beside Aera, and finally takes in the tension in the air. "Alright, what happened while I was gone?" She glances at Yena, then Jungwon, then Sunoo, and then at Riki.

      "Do you think Heeseung would want to talk to me, Aera?" Yena's voice was quiet, and fragile, so unlike how she usually spoke.

       Aera reaches for Yena's hand and squeezes it. "He'll always want to talk to you Yena, he loves hearing your voice whether you believe it or not."

       Yena smiles at Aera. "You're a good friend, you know that?"

       Aera grins widely and places her cheek against Yena's. "I know, sweetheart. Now, about Heeseung, when are you going to talk to him?"

      "Soon."

       "Jake's birthday party is coming up," Aera addresses Yena, "you should talk to him then. If I can't get my man, you can get your man."

       Yena nods her head, while Sunoo sighs exasperatedly. It's hard match-making for Heeseung and Jake when the two girls they're smitten with are even harder to talk to about their feelings for the two boys. 

      Riki breaks the silence by ripping off his headphones and groaning loudly. "I just heard a Spotify ad for the first time! My Spotify premium has stopped working! Life sucks! God, what are you doing to me? Why are you punishing me like this? What did I do wrong?!"

      His four friends snicker in amusement as they watch Riki sulk over losing his Spotify premium privileges. "Can I pretty please use someone's Spotify?"

      "You're so cute when you sulk, baby," coos Aera, reaching across the table to ruffle Riki's hair.

       The freshman slaps her hand away with a scowl. "I won't be your baby anymore unless you give me your Spotify premium."

      "I think now will be a good time to stage another Bungeoppang Intervention, don't you think?" Sunoo pipes up with a wicked smile on his face.

      Riki's sulk morphs into a look of horror.