YiJun's POV

When I open my eyes, a heartbreaking sight greets me. While my soul was dragged to the underworld, someone had hurt Xian. 

 My first thought is to draw blood. I wouldn't spare the one who had dared to lay a hand on what was mine.
I lean in to inspect, but he recoils.

Why? 

He had never done that!

Unless... Unless I was the cause of it. I was the one who had hit him.
Bile rises to my throat. "I did that... I hurt you again." I am not asking him. I am just confirming, admitting the crime I had committed.

He gulps and moves towards me; it exposes his bare shoulders and chest. Bruises line his neck, shoulders, and chest, and I realize that I had not just hit him...I had tried to...

I can't bring myself to complete the thought. I couldn't bring myself to confess it even to myself.

Xian tries to cover himself, cementing my fears that it was, indeed, my doing. I had never hated myself as I do now. I need to fix this.

It dons on me at that point that my superhuman strength was the reason for Xian not being able to protect himself. It had happened because I was stronger than him. I could not let that happen again. I won't.

Even after what I had done to him, he reaches for me. I know what he wants to say. He wants to absolve me of my sins.

How far did I go? I want to know, but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve his answer.

I tell him to leave, and he does so reluctantly. I lock the door as an extra measure. What I want to do... what I am going to do, I can't have Xian barging in on me.

My mind was made up, but my heart was selfish. I missed my family: father, Xuan, Jian. I wanted to return to doing what I was created for: vanquishing evil. 

Even after all the time I have spent away, I still haven't stopped hoping to return to heaven with Xian. I wanted to believe that if father saw how pure and perfect Xian is, he would accept him.
But now I realize that they were just lies I had told myself. And now, because of my desires, I had put my Xian in danger. If I had cut off my ties earlier, I would not have put Xian in this situation.

I am sorry, my prince.

I get dressed in the robes that my father had created for me. Though it doesn't shine like before, it still clings to its celestial charm. I want to feel it against my skin one last time before I become unworthy of it. I pull out my sword and unsheath it. The room fills with light. 
It looks and feels like home.

As I stand in front of the mirror, centuries of leading armies of heaven flutter across my eyes.

I will never be that strong ever again. 
But I didn't need to be, did I? I did not need them anyway. I was not responsible for the mortals. I just had to protect one boy.

I take a deep breath and slit my wrist. Blood soaks into my coat and drips to the floor.

"Jun, open up! Please let me in!" I hear Xian's voice. As expected, he had not left. I guess it's alright if he sees what I really look like. He can't do anything anyway.

I feel a tingling sensation around my shoulder blades. It's familiar but somehow forgotten. I have missed them: my wings.

I recall how they had served me recently in getting rid of The Unclean, and doubt creeps up in my mind. I squish it; I can't second guess myself now. It's too late. I must proceed.

I command my most deadly weapons to reveal themselves, and they do, like always. They have never failed me: my wings. 

 I stretch them and beckon them closer.

'Let me look upon you one last time.' 

They do as they are told, and I feel them against my fingertips. Soft yet deadly, they sway forward.

I look at myself in the mirror, and a tainted, defeated man stares at me. Mocking me, accusing me.

I deserve it. All of it.

I look at the sword with my blood lining its edge and proceed with the plan. I splatter the walls with red, and a moment later, they glow.

"Jun, please let me in," Xian yells and bangs on the door. I know he won't be able to get through even if he breaks down the door. For I had sealed it. Only celestial beings could cross it, and Xian wasn't one, at least, not entirely.

He starts ramming into the door, and I ask him to stop. He doesn't; like always, he does what he wants.

Defiant... Indignant... Mine.

Unexpectedly, the door gives way, and he enters. "Jun, what are you doing? Please, just talk to me!" he pleads.
I tell him that it's the only way that I can think of to protect him, but he doesn't stop pushing at the barrier I had created.

It doesn't matter; he can't cross it till I have finished punishing myself: ridding myself of these things that have made me strong...strong enough to hurt him.

My sword splits in two, and I hear Xian. He is yelling, begging me to stop. I tell him that his voice won't work, I reassure him that I would survive, but he continues to try and breach the barrier.

The twin blades leave my palms as I fling them upwards. They come to a stop mid-flight, waiting for their last command. I crouch down and beg my father's forgiveness for giving up on what connected me to him.

I brace myself for the pain and anguish I would invariably feel when my identity abandons me. Then holding my breath, I command. "I am ready. Do it now."

I second passes, then another.
I feel the warmth spread across my back. Hot breaths caress the side of my face, and a moment later, I am being pulled to my feet and turned around.
I hear the metals clang at a distance, but it doesn't matter. Xian is in my arms; his face is buried in my neck. His body is plastered against mine, shaking.

Isn't he scared that I will hurt him again?

"Xian," I start, but he shakes his head, "Shut up. Just shut up!" He sobs.
 
 I let him do as he pleases, wondering what had happened.

"Xian," I try again, and he looks up.
"Give me a minute, will you. I should punish you after what you tried to pull right now!" He reprimands and steps back.

What happened? 

I look around and find my sword lying at my feet. I roll my shoulders and look over them.

My wings were still intact! How!?

"They are magnificent, Jun. How could you even think about doing it?"

"I..I... " I stutter and go silent.

Xian leaves a shaky breath and walks closer. His hands reach up as if to touch my wings.

I step away. I can't let Xian touch them. He did not know that they could hurt him. After all, my wings were blades created by the Heavenly Father himself. They were especially deadly to those with the blood of the underworld in them.

Xian's face falls. "I just want to feel them. Can't I?" He asks, looking at my wings fondly, and adds, "Just like you, aren't they mine too?"

This, what he had just said, sounded right. My wings sway forward just like they had done earlier when I had called them and reach for Xian's outstretched fingers.

My heart soars at the look of unadulterated joy and happiness that radiates from Xian as he runs first his fingertips, then his palms over the sword-like edges of my wings.
He crouches next to me and leans in, bringing his cheeks close to them.
I stiffen as my wings brush the side of Xian's face. 

How are they not hurting him?

He giggles and presses his face into them. "Jun, they are so soft and smooth." He states and looks up at me. "How dare you harm them? They are mine. How could you forget that?" He demands.

I stare at him. His finger, palms, and face are unharmed. How?

His face darkens as he cups mine. "Talk to me, Jun. Why don't you talk to me? Why do you presume things? We are in this together... We are together, are we not?"

I nod.

Yes, we are together. But... 

"Jun?" He calls, tilting my face up. "I know that it's not going to be easy for us to make this work. But I know that we are meant to be. When I say that you are mine, I mean it."

I nod. Yes, I am Xian's, but... 

Xian smiles and moves closer. His hands wander over my uniform. "It suits you, Jun." his hand comes to rest on my heart, "Is this what you wore when you lead heavens armies?"

I nod. "It was a gift from my father."
He moves closer and rests his face on my chest. "It's cold to touch. Your father has good taste."

What is he saying? Why is he saying such things? Has he forgotten what I did to him? 

He moves away again and lifts up my sword. The two parts had already fused together. His eyes narrow. "I hate it. This sword of yours, it always hurts you." He looks at me, brows creased. "If you ever use it to hurt yourself again, you will not like the consequences, Jun." Xian threatens and returns my sword to its home. When he turns to face me, his eyes are steel. "Jun, do you understand what I am saying?"

I nod. "I won't," I promise myself, and Xian smiles and throws his arms around my neck. "Hold me." He demands, and I indulge him.

"Jun, I know that it wasn't you...you did not hurt me." He pauses and presses himself closer. "I wanted you so much. But I resisted. I think it was the man from my nightmares. He called me-" Xian trails off, and a moment later, I feel wetness at the base of my neck.

He is crying.

"Xian," I try to pry him off of me, but he refuses. "Just a few more minutes, please. I missed you." He pleads.
 
 "You missed me?" I question, for I hadn't left his side in days. How can he miss me?

"When you..." Xian stops and starts again. "The one who tried to force himself on me, he smelled like cinnamon. It was affecting me, the fragrance. It was urging me to accept you."

My mind reels. I had never heard about Hei Chi leaving the underworld and roaming the mortal realm, leave alone dragging a soul to the underworld without a written agreement: a deal.

"Jun... Jun? Did you hear what I just said?" He asks, letting me go and gazing at me questioningly. "What are you thinking about?"

"Why... " My mind is a murky puddle of contradicting reasons. My heart is a sea of love and regret. For here stands a boy... a boy whose kind was created to hurt me, bending me at his every whim.

Why? 

Why did my sword not do my bidding? 

Why did my wings not draw his blood? 

Why, despite everything telling me that what we want is wrong, does this... This...US, feel right. 

Who are you, Xian? 

"Jun, you are not thinking about letting me go, are you?" He asks hesitation and doubt line his words; I shake my head. I would rather die than let him go.
Relief floods his countenance. "Good. Because I have figured something out."

"What?"

"I know what I am."

"What are you?" I ask. He purses his lips and narrows his eyes. "I am a weapon."

"A weapon?"

Xian nods. "I will tell you all about it, but first, I need you to undo something."

"What?"

"I want you to undo what he did."

{Note:- That's it for this update. I will update next in the first week of January.

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