Finn - Family

As I walk through the door, Nan hugs and kisses me on the cheek with a smile, "Finnegan, you're home. We've missed your sweet face. How was your flight home? Have you seen your poppy in the yard yet? He wants you to help him with the BBQ. He can't get the fire light thingy to work again."

And it's like I've never left. Every time I come home, they make me feel welcomed and not like I'm different, like a celebrity. I just feel like.... Finn.

"She's in the car. You have to give her a minute, she's hung over, again!" I wink.

"Your mother's had a rough month Finnegan. Please be gentle on her, even if it's just for today. We don't need any family dramas. Your cousins are coming so we can discuss this mess a bit later," Nan's face cringes a little.

"Sure Nan, but it better be fucking later as it's been a month now and I'm still waiting for answers?" I whinge in response.

I'm tired of waiting for the truth.

"Finnegan! You know better than to swear in my house. People that swear lack education. Swearing is beneath you and not Christian like," she scolds me immediately.

"Thank goodness you don't watch my YouTube channel Nan, you'd be pretty pissed with what I say on it then," I smirk back.

"Finnegan.... go help your poppy before I get mad," and hands me the firelighter then pushes me gently down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Bro, you're home. Thank goodness. Nan woke me up at eight this morning to help with my party preparations. She still refuses to get people in to do this stuff and it's my party. I shouldn't have to participate in my own party planning should I?" Sebastian – Sab my baby Bro laughs as he glances in Nan's direction.

"I heard that Sebastian and we don't need other peoples cooking. Your aunty and I are perfectly capable of making food for your party and it taste better home cooked anyway."

Nan has hearing like an eagle. She doesn't miss a thing and never has.

No wonder mum moved out when she was eighteen.

My mum went overseas when she eighteen years old, straight after high school and that's when she met my dad, in the states. This bit I know.

I also know they fell in love and after two months of dating, mum got pregnant with me, they came back home to announce the news to my family and six months after I was born he left. Details on why has never really been explained beside a constant comment over the years of, ' you and your mother were better off without him.'

It wasn't a secret; it just wasn't discussed, so I figured he must have been an asshole, an asshole that dumped my mum when she needed him most. Left her for dead with a baby, no money, no job so she moved back in with my grandparents until I was five years old then got a job with hours that matched my school hours.

"Hey little Bro. Stop giving Nan shit. Ops sorry Nan. What's new? Happy Birthday. You're getting old dude." I jokingly nudging him on the shoulder as I pull the kitchen sliding door back to walk through to the backyard to find poppy.

"Look who's talking? What are you now, like thirty? You're getting greys in your hair. Don't you have dye for that? Not a good look on stage Bro. Girls don't like grey hair drummers." Sab whacks me in return on the back as I pass. "Mum's going grey as well you know. She blames you for it. I think it's because she single and old."

"Hey, hey.... I heard that," mum joins us now on the porch. "Go get you old mother a coffee and panadol. I have a headache."

"Why has everyone in the house forgotten, IT's MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!" Sab calls still heading towards the bathroom for mums painkillers.

"Go get your sister to help and lay off with the old lady jokes. You'll upset your Nan. If I'm old, what does that make her?" My mum is spectacular at deflection.

"So we need to talk later mum. I'm not letting you get out of our conversation about dad even though you're hung over again." I growl at her. "Where were you last night anyway? I got home after the radio interview and you weren't home?"

"None of your business. I'm the adult not you. You don't see me asking where you are everyday," she mumbles back.

"Well start acting like it mum and cut with bullshit attitude it's Sab birthday so you could at least be present for once."

My mum has always been wild compared to the rest of my family. She rebelled against their religion and has been the only child not to marry a Minister or someone within the same faith. Sunday scripture was encouraged by Nan so I went alone with my grandparents until my brother and sister were born.

I loved church on Sundays. It was full of people with empowering words and of course, music, so when I was twelve I was asked to sing in their choir. This is when I met Connor and his family as they attended the same church.

"Yeah, yeah, it's Sab's birthday. Sorry Finn. We'll talk before you leave I promise. It's time I told you the full story about your dad. I think you're old enough to handle it now," mum exhales slowly and places both hands to cover her face.

"Thank you. That's all I'm asking. I want the fucking truth mum as according to dad, you told him to leave and not the other way round!"

I really should shop swearing so much as Nan says but it kinda of goes with my image now and I'm pissed.

"Hey big bro. How's it going? Long time no speak... so did you like my post about your song? I have a new name, bigbrorockin5sos. Did you know it was me?" Kate, my sister walks onto the porch still in her PJ's.

"Yep, you kinda gave yourself away with the comments," I laugh thinking about what she posted.

"What, you don't like Brussels sprouts, it's true, that's why I said it! Brussels king to the rescue, cat women's gone wild" she giggles and blinks repetitively.

We all have code names and if we get found out by fans, we also have code messages to let each other know the change. We could text, but what would be the fun in that.

"So am I the cat women now, and when did I go wild?" mum retorts.

"You're always wild mum. That's why we love you," Kate plants a big kiss on mums' cheek.

"How's Nick, did he say sorry and is he coming to Sab's birthday today?" Kate questions mum with a smile.

"Who's Nick? What did I miss? Why didn't you put that in your post or even a text?" I question Kate with shock.

"Mums got a new date. I like this one, he owns a boat. It's going to be great this summer up the coast don't you think?"

"We broke up last night so no, he's not coming today and please don't tell your Nan," mum begs and covers her face again with her hands.

Mum's had so many boyfriends over the years and none of them seem to stick. She loves to be loved but we haven't met them all as she'd never bring them home unless they start to get serious.

This one must be serious.

"Why are you still in your pyjamas young lady. Your cousins are here. Get dressed quick smart. Off you go," Nan calls from the kitchen at Kate to get dressed.

"Saved by Nan again. Oh, mum, we have lots to talk about today don't we? I do have a mobile phone you know. Maybe I should check your phone to make sure you have my correct number?" I remark while heading back inside to the kitchen to grab mums phone.

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The day goes by without any dramas, which has to be a first in our family. Sab's showered in gifts, mostly of what he wanted this year. He sent us all a list. Kate confesses she met a boy so this will definitely be added to our list of things to discuss when we get home.

Mum stayed quiet the whole day. I'm not sure if it's because she was so badly hung over or, if she was petrified of questions about dad.

Poppy's marinade on the meat was spectacular so I had two helpings and my cousins didn't ask me a thing about my world including anything about my dad.

We say our goodbyes and start the hour long journey home and then it starts.

"So, what do you want to know about your dad?" mum offers while sipping her water.

"Everything."

Really what else is there to say?

"Well you know the basics I guess but what you don't know is why we asked him to leave," mum sighs.

"Yep."

Again, what could I say to that?

"Your dad is a great guy and I loved him. Actually, I guess I'm still in love with him really but it was never going to work between us," mums face is strained as she speaks.

"Why not," I ask.

"Because he's American, we're Australian. He lived in LA, we live in Sydney. He's Jewish and I'm Anglican," she confesses and looks out of the car window.

"And? I'm still not seeing any issues mum," I question back.

"Well you wouldn't Finn. But it's not that simple," she proclaims raising her voice slightly as she speaks.

"What do you mean mum? If you loved him why couldn't you make it work? I don't understand so explain it to me?" I'm getting madder as this conversations continues.

"Your dad parents' wanted me to covert, naturally.  The Jewish religion is driven from the mothers side I believe.  We weren't married, I was pregnant and essentially his parents wouldn't except me. We started to fight a lot about it and then he hit me, while I was pregnant with you.  Your grandparents step in, the police were involved and.... it all went down hill from there," she speaks so fast that my head starts to spin and I have to pull the car over to the side of the road.

"Ok, so firstly, what do you mean he hit you?" I question.

"He hit me across the face although it was so hard that I fell down."

"What?" I'm stunned.

"He hit me when I was on the stair case at your grandparents old house.  I fell down the stairs and when he came to the bottom of the stairs to help me up and apologise I started bleeding.  An ambulance was called, the police turned up, your grandparents came to the hospital and as I said.... it all went downhill from there."

"Fuck mum.  Why didn't you ever tell me any of this? Why am I only finding out about this now? What the fuck mum?" I'm numb from her confession. My dad was abusive?

Fuck'n bastard.

"It sounds worse than it was Finn. He loved me and he was confused, just as I was.  We were young and he couldn't handle the pressure so he lashed out," mum says now looking directly into my eyes with tears starting to fall down her checks.

"But he hit you mum? He shouldn't of hit you." I'm so pissed I could hit the side car door with my fist.

"Yes Finn you're right, of course, but I didn't see it that way then, so I begged him to stay which he did for six months after you were born. It just wasn't working. We both knew it. He wanted to move back home and I didn't want to convert to Judaism or live in America.  After the hospital he was charged with assault so when he left the country, he couldn't come back and we decided it was best that he wasn't involved in our lives anymore. It was best for everyone," mums now sobbing as she speaks.

"Best for everyone? Are you kidding me? I grew up without a father. How the fuck is that best for everyone mum? Why couldn't you just convert? I know it's a different religion but isn't it the same God we are all praying too? Fuck this mum. I've grown up without a dad and now what the fuck am I suppose to do? He wants to reconnect." I yell back.

I punch the car door several times with my fist. I can't believe my mum or my grandparents for never telling me this. 

What gave them the right to band me from having a father in my life?

"Finn, you're an adult now so I guess the choice is yours.  You're dad sent letters and money every month for the first five years and then it was only on your birthdays.  I never spent the money. It's in the bank so if you want the money, it's yours," she offers while wiping the tears from her face with the sleeve of her t-shirt.

"I still love your dad Finn.  I always will but now it's all too late.  We've lived different lives.  We've both moved on but I won't stop you from having a relationship with your father if that's what you want?" Mum slightly smiles.

What the fuck should I do? I guess I can forgive Nan and Poppy, as they were only protecting mum but what the fuck am I going to say to my Dad next time I see him?

Do I even want a relationship with him now?

I now look at her, "Mum, I don't know what to say! I might go up the coast on my own for the rest of the week so I can think."

"I know you Finn, you'll do what's best and I'll support you no matter what choice you make." She seems relieved as she replies.

I just need to be by myself and figure this out and, I am definitely going to need to drink.

(Hiya readers - thank you so much for reading on. I hope you are enjoying my story so far....lots more conflict and drama to come so please keep reading - littleredsdream)

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