*Kind of swear warning..?*

Hi... So yeah I have a few thing on my mind I'd like to discuss if anyone has the time to actually listen- if you don't care or don't wanna listen to me vent, then just skip this chapter- tbh I don't give a f**k- (Excuse that-)

Anyways- let me get into the venting portion of this-

So let's be honest, we've all became tired of school at some point in our lives, right? Well that point for me is right now!! OMFG SCHOOL IS THE WORST!! One thing you may or may not know about me is that I get really anxious and stressed in huge crowds or groups of people, especially when they're loud and don't give a damn about other people and act like they're the only ones there- that's exactly what it's like at my school!!

I get so uneasy and uncomfortable around huge groups of kids, and that's why I felt better doing virtual school than in person. All the kids just stop in the middle of the hallway, or walk right in front of me like I'm invisible and stuff. Like what the hell!!? It's like they all have something against me!!

And it's hard for me, especially with my anxiety and everything. I always feel like they're judging me. Tbh I'm not near the prettiest or coolest person in that school, and I'm like a burden to the majority of them. And I feel like if at all they talk about me, it's going to be bad.

I always feel like some of my friends are secretly betraying my trust and saying things about me behind my back. But, I'm not sure, maybe I'm just very paranoid...

And everyday in that school, my brain is always telling me that I'm not trying hard enough, or I'm not doing enough for them. I- I just want to get good grades, and be a good student! But, if I do one wrong thing, I feel like everything is over!

Like, if I do one embarrassing thing that EVERYBODY laughs at, I start to break down and cry! And I absolutely HATE crying in public! But yet it's like I can't hold it in or control it!

And I absolutely HATE how when I cry, everyone crowds me a keeps saying "Are you okay" or "Do you need a hug?" Or "What's wrong Skip?" Blah blah! It only makes me feel more embarrassed than I was before!

Everytime I try to talk and tell them I'm fine, I can never manage to squeak out the words, and I know when I cry I look like an idiot- I mean- just come home and ugly cry about all my stress and stuff.

And I try to hold it all in so no one has to worry about me, but it always fails. Whenever they say "Are you okay?" That's the breaking point. That'd when I can't hold it in anymore and I just burst into tears.

I hate how sensitive and anxious I am- I mean- I always feel like people are going to judge me and whatnot, and that's why I was terrified to watch THIH with my dad for the first time.

Yep! How stupid is that!? I mean, he never judges me and accepts me for who I am, but no matter what my brain still thinks this! It's absolutely the worst!!

Also, that's why I get really anxious when talking/drawing about trolls around other people in my school. There is only one girl that actually likes it and can somewhat relate to me on it!!! I feel like all the other kids would be quick to judge if they overheard.

AND THE KIDS THERE ARE SO MEAN OMFG- LIKE FR- there was a kid behind me calling a girls name and she had the same name as me! So, instinctively, I turned around and then the kids yelled at me, "IM NOT TALKING TO YOU!!!"

And then I had to hold back my tears as I turned back around in my seat and rested my head on the table glumly. THEY DIDNT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW I FELT AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY-

And I get scared around them cause they fight each other so often it's not funny! (Well it never was in the first place but THEY think it is-) LIKE I GET SO TERRIFIED LIKE IF I SAY THE WRONG THING IM F**KED-

So yeah... I don't know if this stuff is seriously things I have to worry about, or if it's all in my dumb little head. But yeah...

I'm so done with school...

Thank you for listening to me vent about worthless sh*t, here are some cookies :')

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Okay, well that's all- I'm going to go update more things soon IG- bye

-STZD (17-2-22)