Me: Daaaad, can I have this fake bow and arrow?
Dad: No.
Me: Why?
Dad: WELL BUY YOU A REAL ONE
Me: YAY

•••
Me: Hey MK
MK: What
Me: Which boy has the best butt?
MK: I'm not answering that

•••
Teacher: What is called when the civilians run the government?
Me: Communism
Friend: Communism?

•••
Me: So I have 10 cookies. Someone asks for 2. How much do I have?
MK: Still 10. No one is idiot enough to ask for cookies from you.
Me: Ok, how about I have 10 cookies and someone forcibly takes away 2. How much do I have?
MK: 10 cookies and one dead body.
Me: You know me so well.

•••
Me: I'm doing Dionysus, the God of wine for this project. In fact, I have brought some wine! Want some?
Class: NO
Me: C'mon, you're not going to wine about it! Take one!
Class: NO
Me: Fine. *takes out water bottle and drinks*

•••
Me, talking with my friend group: Guys... I've known you for a long time, so I need to confess...
Friend group:??
Me: I'm gay...
Friend group: WHAT
Friend group: WILL OUR GAY SHIP SAIL
Friend group: AHHHHHH
Me: April Fools!

•••
Me & my friend: ... it's April Fools... *looks at each other* Prank
A few hours later
Me & my friend, going up to our friend group: Everyone... we're dating
Friend group: WHAT. OMGGGGG THE SHIP IS SAILING. WE'VE BEEN SHIPPING YOU TWO FOR THE LONGEST TIME
Me & friend: April fools!

•••
Mom: ... why are you crying?
Me: PERCABETH JUST FELL IN TARTARUS

•••
Friend: BB-Chan, stay alive!
Me: I can't, I'm dead inside

•••
Me, taking off my sweater cuz it's hot
Friend: THATS DRESS CODE
Me: ITS HOT

•••
Me: *sobbing, hugging MK* You grow up too fast!
MK: Uhhhhh
Me: Soon, you'll have a boyfriend, get married, have kids—
MK: ATE I AM ONLY EIGHT

•••
(probably in an alternate universe...)
Guy friend: *comes out, wearing a dress*
Guy me: *also comes out wearing a dress*
Guy friend: Why do we have to do this...
Guy me: *OWNING IT* Because we're fabulous
Guy friend: I dont like this...
Guy me: NOW HUSH RIGHT THERE
Guy me: DONT YOU SHAME YOUR OWN BEAUTY
Guy me: NOW SHUT UP
Guy me: AND LOOK PRETTY *strikes a pose*