I'm suicidal for a few reasons... before my anxiety of my grades and the voice came up...

I have... a past that I only have myself to blame for...

I've been in toxic friendships... and those friendships... really hurt me... I knew what they're doing was unintentional... and I really cared about them... but they made me choose friends, they made me choose friends or passions, they made me trust no one, they made me think I couldn't be happy, I was so bitter and angry, that I became violent!

And still... I love them to this very day. Why? I deserved the pain. I caused them pain! I wasn't able to spend time with the two groups of friends equally! I hurt them! I bet if I never existed, no one would get hurt!

They're my happy pills! I use them, clubs, my phone, as a drug!! A drug to make me feel 'h a p p y'! 

And then there were the bullies who would constantly threaten me or call me a sin! I blame myself for that too!

Maybe that's why I was so relieved when I left 5th grade! But it's all in the past! So why am I so affected? Why am I like this?

I can't forgive myself! But they made me so scared of hurting people and I cannot even trust myself!

......

Heh... look at me, pouring out all of my problems onto you... I'm sorry... forget what I said...