Chapter 3: The gods envy us

Mycroft walked into his own office. He took time to look all around, feeling nostalgic, he still remembered the first time he entered this room, when he had just graduated from Oxford. After many interior changes, it seemed that only the picture frames on his desk remained. He had left here a picture of his parents when they were just married, and the other was Sherlock as a naughty three-year-old - this photograph was the first one that he took for him. He had always felt bad that he couldn't leave anything of Eurus here, even though he thought of her all the time, with a mixture of anxiety and worry, he was always afraid of not knowing what her future might hold. Once again, he felt useless, he wouldn't be able to guarantee her future from now on, how he hoped she wouldn't suffer more than what he already put her through. He hoped Sherlock would be able to protect his sister, having one uncaring and lousy brother like him was enough. He really wanted to be able to say goodbye to Eurus, but he was afraid it might raise an alarm bell to Sherlock. And perhaps, Eurus didn't want him to contact her anymore. Reaching up to touch Sherlock's picture frame, he closed his eyes.

To demonstrate his relationship with work, one can say that it was of mutual benefit. The British government could make use of his calculations, while he got himself a purpose for life. Or rather, a place to hide. Since he was a kid, he barely got himself a desired work to look up and become. He got bored easily, even easier than his siblings, he just didn't express the feeling. He did not have friends, not even one; he had never been good at relationship. And which work wouldn't require human-relationship? Being a kid, he didn't find out his career path, not until his youngest sibling got locked up in a government facility, when one Uncle Rudy showed up. He realized the hard way, that if he wanted his sister's death to be fake not real, if he wanted his sister not to be killed because of her maniacal mind, he must be powerful enough. Just as his Uncle Rudy. Even more than his Uncle Rudy. And thus, becoming the man he was today was his own way of showing his family that he cared, he could care.

Eurus had never been closed to him, even when she was just a little toddler. She was always too smart to recognize his fake interest toward everything - and toward her. So, she did not bother to mind him. She had thought of plenty ways to catch Sherlock's attention, then when she could not, it changed to plenty ways to kill Sherlock and hide his body. After the Victor's incidence happened - her most remarkable attempt of catching Sherlock's attention, then the fire in Musgrave - her first attempt of killing him, she was locked away. She did not calculate that Mycroft would be the only family member she got to see for the next 30 years. It was fair to say that Mycroft did look after her the best that he could, provided her learning materials, musical instruments, then government hardest cases to kill her never ending leisure time. But if the adult Eurus was asked, she wouldn't say that she considered Mycroft her family. No, actually she didn't mind to label him, nor she cared enough to define "family", it was just that she did not have any relationship with this biological brother.

During the years, Mycroft always reminded himself to visit or phone his sister occasionally; just as how he always came to 221B personally bringing Sherlock cases just to meet his brother. Eurus never really return the talk, except for the only time she asked for Moriarty as her special Christmas treat, and another time when he asked for her consultation of how to rescue Sherlock from his exile. Yes, of course that was their work: Eurus' idea of bringing Moriarty from the dead, and Mycroft's acceptance to show up the video all over the country. How could Mycroft not save his only brother from his predicted death!? Even though after that, Mycroft felt uneasy to face his sister as another question raised, why didn't he save his only sister from her lonesome fate? There are plenty of ways to get Eurus out of his prison, yes, his prison, though it might cost him his work. She knew his choice, after all, they did not share a normal sibling's relationship and they both understood. Mycroft can risk his work for Sherlock, but never Eurus. She knew that, and another idea popped in her mind. She wanted to see if Mycroft would agree to give up his life for Sherlock. That would be fun to watch. Holmes killing Holmes, oh she could not wait any longer.

He stopped visiting her since, only the obligatory phone call continued.

In contrary, Sherlock had always been closed to him when he was still little - how Mycroft missed his hugs, his laughter, his soft voice asking him to read pirate stories while the little hands wrapping up his neck and the little curls tickling his face. They were close, that was before Sherlock turned six and Eurus turned five. Mycroft still remembered all the afternoon they would spending time together under the oak tree, where Mycroft would be reading to his baby brother, while said brother would lay his head on his lap. And all the night when his curious mind wouldn't let him sleep, so he would sneak into Mycroft's bed asking for another story, or a warm comforting hug. They would tell joke, and laughed heartfully. Life was so much easier then.

Since Victor, Mycroft promised to himself to always look after Sherlock and always checked who he was spending time with. He never wanted harm go in his brother's way, also not wanted another Victor whose death could ruin his brother totally. How he wished his brother could just be like what he'd became, alone and uncaring. Caring is not an advantage, he never stopped reminding Sherlock but his brother never seemed to care enough to agree.

Mycroft reached into his pocket and pulled out two envelopes. One was for Anthea; the other was his letter of taking responsibility and resignation. He had purposely sent Anthea to Brixton today so she wouldn't overhear his conversation with Lady Smallwood. He knew Anthea would do anything to thwart his plan, if only she knew, even using Sherlock to stop him. So, although he really wanted to say goodbye to Anthea personally, he had to write this letter. He put the two letters in the drawer. Anthea will read it while packing up his things.

Closing the drawer, he grabbed the two picture frames, and left the office without looking back.

Goodbye.