Chapter 8: Mother! You gave me life, short as that life will be

No one liked a phone call in the middle of the night.

A midnight phone call was always bad news.

They said that when one was young and had not experienced much loss, one would have more fear and anxiety about the future. That was true. As a mother of three children, Marie had experienced all kinds of worries, most of which revolve around her children. She still remembered the feeling when she had her first child - Mycroft, she was still a PhD student in mechanical engineering. Looking at a production line she could understand every little details, but as a new mother, only a sudden fever of Mycroft was enough to make her so confused and not know of how to handle. Was it a teething fever or an infection? Was it necessary to take antibiotics? Mycroft had always been a crybaby, he was sensitive to sound and light, and had always needed more cradling and comforting than others. Marie remembered how difficult it was for her to balance motherhood and her passion for research, to the point where she eventually forced herself to choose one. Of course, she chose family, but because of that, she always had an obsession with Mycroft that it was him the reason why she had to give up her passion. More than anyone else, she understood that it was not Mycroft's fault that her life took a different turn, it was never the boy's fault that he cried a lot or got sick frequently, but she still couldn't give up the desire to look at Mycroft as a reason to blame. So, it wasn't until Mycroft was six that she dared to decide to have another child. And then, Sherlock and Eurus were born.

To Marie, Mycroft had always been a source of pride as well as a place to vent. Unlike Sherlock, Mycroft's position in the government was enough for any parent to be proud of. Mycroft always made time for his parents, with frequent phone calls and self-visiting, despite his horribly busy schedule which Marie was always aware of. Marie knew she wasn't a good mother, especially to Mycroft. The boy had grown up mostly on his own: he had always struggled with controlling his weight, being laughed at and shunned by his classmates, because of his oversized appearance for his age as well as his unusual intelligence. Mycroft had always been self-taught, self-discovery and self-responsible for everything. Marie never tried to help Mycroft with his problems, nor did she teach him how to deal with relationships. In Marie's memory, Mycroft had never had friends, nor did he know how to show concern for his siblings. Mycroft was a good son and a responsible brother, but also a poor child.

For several months she had not stopped thinking about what had happened to Eurus and Mycroft. Mycroft thought she was still mad at him, but rather, Marie felt angry at Rudoph. Rudoph was her younger brother, but instead of discussing everything with her sister, Rudoph took out Mycroft to take responsibility. Marie was pissed off that her own brother believed that she couldn't handle her own daughter's future, and even more furious that he had contributed to further ruining Mycroft's childhood. One cold mother alone was enough to destroy the poor boy, now knowing the truth, Marie felt even worse. Thirteen-year-old Mycroft didn't deserve to be treated like that. But Rudoph was long gone, and once again she vented her anger at Rudoph and herself on Mycroft, who should not have to bear this responsibility since the start. She couldn't control herself when she said those words to Mycroft.

Marie avoided Mycroft because she felt guilty, not because she was angry. Maybe Mycroft didn't understand that.

In the years since Mycroft had grown up, he always took responsible for everything. Whatever concerning Eurus - she did not know. All problems related to Sherlock - were taken care of by Mycroft. And every other matters in which decisions were needed to be made would still come to Mycroft. He would only tell his parents after everything was already resolved. Marie remembered how furious she was toward Mycroft that even when Sherlock was shot at, he still didn't let them know right away. She only found out about it after Sherlock was already discharged; and even though every time she would scold Mycroft, the next time Sherlock was hospitalized, Mycroft still wouldn't tell her. Looking back at the time, it was Mycroft's condition that she never heard about. Was that he'd never been hospitalized, or she wasn't informed, she could never know. So, for many years, Marie had never experienced this feeling of hearing the phone ring in the middle of the night. Somehow, she knew this bad news would be about Mycroft.

And a mother's hunch, even though she was a cold and terrible mother, was always right.

Siger felt like the world was falling apart when he heard Sherlock's phone call.

Siger was 73 years old. He would be 74 years old in just a few months. This year he felt very happy, because suddenly he had his all three children again. Even though Eurus couldn't be with his family, and every time he saw her, she didn't appear to be aware of her parents' presence, he was still glad to know that Eurus was still alive. Father and daughter had always been a special relationship. Nearly three decades ago, when Rudoph announced that Eurus had died in a fire, he and Marie decided they would not have any more children. He and his wife were both afraid that if they had a new daughter, she might take Eurus' place, and that would be unbearable. Over the past few decades, he and his wife have brooded over the pain of losing Eurus. The pain was so great that, sometimes when he saw Mycroft and Sherlock alone, he didn't want to come near them. He felt sorry for the dead child. He also had a bad thought, that Mycroft and Sherlock shouldn't be given much attention, they also needed to understand pain, must face hardship, in order to grow.

It seemed that he was hard-hearted toward his own children. Sherlock had always been the more pampered one, Marie was more biased towards Sherlock. Mycroft also never let any child touch his brother. But when it came to himself, Mycroft did not know how to stand up for his own. Siger remembered many times that Mycroft came home from school with obvious bruises on his face, once his head was even bleeding. He never told a word, but that didn't mean Siger could not see, and also didn't mean Mycroft not knowing his father already saw his pain. If he was the right parent, he would have to find out the reason of his bully and solve it for Mycroft. Instead, he let Mycroft pass on his own. At the time he didn't think it was a big deal, it was just boys fighting, only later did he learn why Mycroft was always bullied and had no friends. Rumor has it that Mycroft killed Victor Trevor and hid the baby's body, so that no one could find it. The whole school there only Mycroft was smart enough to hide a body that not even adults could find. Mycroft had always been the bigger kid than his peers. Mycroft suffered silently, he did not protest, did not explain. He took the responsibility of his sister.

So Siger wasn't surprised when Sherlock called him in the middle of the night, and told him that Mycroft was in critical condition from his suicide. He didn't ask Sherlock why or how. He just asked, when. He wanted to know when Mycroft called him this noon, would he still be able to prevent his son from committing suicide? But truthfully, deep down he knew this was not a matter of today, that if he really wanted to stop Mycroft, he should have acted thirty years ago. He was late, he was an irresponsible father, so he knew. Mycroft had always had thoughts of ending his own life, it was just the responsibility was too great that he felt he couldn't leave Sherlock and Eurus alone. Now the curtain was lifted, he was not surprised that Mycroft finally decided to leave.

Siger looked at his wife, he saw her face turned pale, but she did not cry. He was also startled to find that he himself did not shed a tear. He did not understand why.

As a father and mother, they should have cried when they heard the news.

Perhaps, Eurus' mentality was inherited from Marie and Siger Holmes themselves.